


The Avengers' Not-So-PG Discord Servers

by silentwhisper002



Series: Avengers on the Interwebs [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers Chatroom, Avengers Family, Avengers Movie Night, Discord - Freeform, Disney Movies, Domestic Avengers, Domestic Fluff, Domestic villains, Endgame who?, Everyone Is Alive, F/F, F/M, Gen, Lots of Cats, Lots of Food, M/M, Memes, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Precious Peter Parker, Thanos starts an ESC club, The Avengers Are Good Bros, The Avengers are little shits, The Marvel Villains love Peter, Tony Stark's A+ parenting, carol gets drunk, i just like cats, loki has cats, natasha gets a cat, peter parker is everyone's child, shuri is the meme queen, steve and carol don't get along, utter chaos ensues, vision is a good boyfriend, vision is a savage nugget, wanda gets a cat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2020-09-23 10:04:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 58
Words: 60,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20338330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentwhisper002/pseuds/silentwhisper002
Summary: Jumping on the Chatroom Bandwagon. Basically if the Avengers and Co. had discord/chatrooms.What Do you get when you give the Avengers Discord? Total ChaosIf you recognize this book from Wattpad it's because I posted it there first





	1. Avengers Assemble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Tony created a Server_

_Tony named the Server: **Avengers Assemble**_

_Tony Invited Everyone_

**Tony:** Avengers! Assemble!

**Tony:** In the kitchen!

**Steve:** That's my line

**Peter:** Why do we need to assemble in the kitchen?

**Tony:** Because I'm hungry

**Steve:** I don't see why that requires us all to be in the kitchen

**Nat:** FUCK OFF ASSHOLES ITS 2 AM.

**Tony:** We woke the beast

**Bruce:** Why are we going to the kitchen at 2 in the morning?

**Steve:** Because Tony is hungry

**Carol:** On Another planet. Can't help you. Lol sorry not sorry

**Rhodey:** Tony go get food and leave us alone

**Tony:** I would but I don't want to move

**Nat:** TONY STOP BEING LAZY AND GET IT YOURSELF. IM TRYING TO SLEEP

**Peter:** yOu'Ve aNgErEd NaTaShA

**Tony:** Be quiet Peter it's past your bed time

**Wanda:** Why are we all awake at this ungodly hour?

**Vision:** Wanda my dear, according to my data the required amount of sleep for a human is at least eight hours. Therefore I request you turn off your phone and come back to sleep.

**Tony:** Gags

**Tony: @Vision** Please save your disgusting cuteness for another server

**Sam: @Tony** Please Save your annoying antics for another Server

**Tony:** Shut up Bird Brain

**Sam: @Tony** caw caw motherfucker

**Tony:** LANGUAGE!

**Wanda:** LANGUAGE!

**Bruce:** LANGUAGE!

**Steve:** Really guys?

**Steve:** Seriously though. Stop fighting. There are children here

**Bucky:** No no. Please continue

**Sam: @Bucky** No one likes you. Go to bed

**Bucky:** Steve likes me right?

**Steve:** Of course I like you Bucky, you're my best friend. Why wouldn't I?

**Bucky: @Sam** Suck it Wilson

**Sam:** Cap you're officially out of the bird squad

**Clint:** Cap is in our squad?

**Sam:** NOT ANYMORE

**Sam:** ITS JUST YOU AND ME BARTON

**Clint:** Why was Cap in our squad tho?

**Sam:** Because he WAS my best friend

**Clint:** Wow. I thought I was your best friend

**Nat:** You're MY best friend

**Clint:** I'm your ONLY friend

**Nat:** Rude

**Clint:** ily

**Nat:** ily2

**Nat:** AS FOR THE REST OF YOU

**Nat:** GO. TO. SLEEP.

**Tony:** Easy tiger

**Scott:** T'Challa is the tiger

**T'Challa:** I'm a panther

**Scott:** Same thing

**Strange:** No it's really not

**Tony:** Hello Better Steve

**Strange:** Hello Stark

**Steve: @Tony** Hello Coke Can

**Scott:** DAAAAAMN! Who knew Cap had it in him?

**Peter:** Tony just got recycled

**Tony:** Peter you're grounded. Scott be quiet

**Peter:** RIP

**Vision:** Why are we ripping things?

**Wanda:** It's an acronym Vis

**Vision:** For What?

**Wanda:** Rest In Peace

**Nat:** Which is what we ALL should be doing right now

**Nat:** I see you with your phone Bruce! I'm not blind, I'm literally right next to you!

**Bruce:** I've been thwarted

**Loki:** "The Downsides to having Natasha as a girlfriend"

**Loki:** A memoir by Bruce Banner

**Clint:** I'd read

**Nat: @Loki @Clint** Fuck you

**Clint:** Love you too

**Vision:** lAnGuAgE

**Steve:** Oh My God let it go

**Vision:** My apologies Captain, Wanda stole my phone

**Steve:** It's all good😊. Wanda go to sleep.

**Wanda:** No

**Bucky: @Nat** we don't use that speak around children

**Peter:** What children?

**Bucky: @Peter **You

**Peter:** I go to high school. I USE that word

**Bruce:** Help! Natasha's trying to take my phohshsnsjsk

**Thor:** The Mighty Hulk has been defeated

**Loki: @Thor** Your irrelevance is giving me a headache

**Thor: @Loki **My deepest condolences brother

**Thor:** Now I bid you all a good night

**Nat:** Finally. Someone with some sense

**Thor: @Nat** Thank you

**Wanda:** I'm out. Night losers

**Vision:** Be nice. But Sleep well. I love you❤️

**Peter:** Vision=Cinnamon Roll

**Peter: **Anyway, I've got a test tomorrow. Peace!

**T'Challa:** I have a country to run. I don't have time for this

**Scott:** Goodnight

**Scott:** Actually, more like good morning for some of you but whatever

**Sam: @Bucky** Goodnight loser

**Bucky: @Sam** Goodnight bird brain

**Steve: @everyone** Goodnight Friends

**Tony:** Guys?

**Tony:** GUYS?!

**Tony:** Is no one going to acknowledge the fact that I'm still hungry?


	2. 1234 I Declare a Meme War

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Peter Created A Server  
Peter named the Server: **1234 I declare a meme war**_

_Peter invited Everyone_

**Peter: **1234 I declare a meme war

**Peter: **It's THORsday my dudes

**Carol: **How** @Thor **be feeling****

**Bucky: **lololol

**Bucky: @Carol** Your memes are out of this world

**Carol: **

**Loki: **

**Thor: **Loki you have a cat?

**Loki: **Correction brother, I have TWO cats

**Wanda: @Loki **giveme your cats

**Loki: **No

**Wanda: @Vision** Vision I want cat

**Vision: **I will acquire cat

**Sam: **Whipped

******Vision: **Anything for my beautiful Girlfriend

**Sam: **I thought we were having a meme war?

**Peter: **We are

**Sam: **

  
**Nat: **lol

**Bucky: **

**Sam: **Asshole

**Sam: **

  
**Steve: **Oh it's on bird boy

**Wanda: **FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

**Steve: **

**Nat: **

**Sam: **

**Nat: **I love how this has turned into Sam and Steve insulting each other with memes

**Tony: **#friendshipgoals

**Nat: @Peter**

**Tony: **MY SON

**Bruce: **

  
**Wanda: **AWWW KITTY!!!!

**Vision: **Why is Wanda only 97%?

**Vision: **I am offended

**Wanda: **It's just a meme Vis

**Scott: **Baby T'Challa

**T'Challa: **Wrong Cat

**Nat: **It's okay Vision. Technically Wanda IS the 100% because she's basically a soft kitty.

**Vision: Y**es yes I agree. My Wanda is adorable

**Wanda: **I AM CUTENESS 100

**Scott: @Strange**

**Strange: **I can't tell if that's a compliment or an insult?

**Tony: **

  
**Strange: **

**Clint: **lololol

**Clint: **

**Loki: **I'll let you have that

**Loki: **

  
**Thor: **

  
**Loki: **..........

**Nat: **and i oop-

**Bucky: **Wow...That's just....wow

**Peter: **Thor has delivered the killing blow.

**Peter: **I declare** @God of Thunder **the Champion

**Peter: **This concludes our war of memes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All Image Sources: 
> 
> https://cheezburger.com/6504965/18-dank-marvel-memes-thatll-bring-the-laughs  
https://comicsandmemes.com/captain-marvel-memes/captain-marvel-meme-004-captain-triggered/  
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/525162006529225148/?lp=true  
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/460915343105152624/?lp=true  
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/103442122676814835/?lp=true  
https://www.facebook.com/MarvelAvengersAllianceMemes/photos/d41d8cd9/1870531969657052/  
https://me.me/i/avengers-twitter-hood-365082  
https://me.me/i/who-wanttowin-super-bowl-dovou-mig-marvel-truefacts-falcons-patriots-9180148  
https://me.me/i/murderess-viking-playboy-ogre-killer-virgin-9309705  
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/602004675170390021/  
https://178.128.133.214.dsl.dyn.forthnet.gr/marvel.offiicial  
https://www.reddit.com/r/marvelmemes/comments/adhb48/the_real_sorcerer_supreme/  
https://memebase.cheezburger.com/tag/headphones  
https://me.me/i/knock-knock-whos-there-doctor-doctor-who-no-doctor-strange-94844b5e274f4cf6a293dad94fde1c0d  
https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/infintywar  
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/373024781628607649/?lp=true  
https://weheartit.com/entry/314123461


	3. Wanda is Gr8 (Cuteness overload)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Wanda Created a Server_  
_Wanda Named the Server: _ ** _Wanda is Gr8_ **

_Wanda Invited Everyone_

**Wanda: **It's my birthday. Appreciate me.

**Nat: **HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEST FRIEND

**Wanda: **THANKS BEST FRIEND

**Peter: **Happy Birth

**Vision: @Peter** She's 24?

**T'Challa: @Vision** It's a meme. Shuri is a bad influence on Peter

**Peter: @T'Challa** Shuri is awesome stfu

**Vision: **I see

**Vision: **Also

**Vision: @Wanda **Happy birthday love❤️

**Wanda: **💖💖💖

**Tony: **Affection****

**Tony: **Gross

**Clint: @Wanda** Are you having a good birthday so far?

**Wanda: **YESSSS!

**Wanda: **Vision got me a cat!

**Wanda: **Her name is Muffin

**Nat: **I wanna see!

**Wanda: **

**Nat: **BABY!

**Nat: L**il' muffy is going to have the best aunt in the world. I will spoil that cat to death!

**Nat: L**ook at that face!

**Peter: **So precious💖

**Peter: **She can have play dates Ansel And Harald!

**Vision: **Who are Ansel and Harald?

**Peter: **Loki's cats

**Thor: **You've seen Loki's cats?

**Peter: **He lets me play with them

**Thor: **YOU GET TO PLAY WITH THOSE SNUGGLY CREATURES?! BROTHER WHY DON'T I GET TO TO PLAY WITH YOUR CATS?!?!

**Loki: **Because out of all of you Peter is the only one I actually tolerate

**Vision: **I don't know if I want Muffin to be playing with Loki's cats

**Wanda: **They could be a bad influence

**Loki: **DON'T INSULT MY SONS YOU DULL CREATURES

**Peter: **

**Steve: @Loki** They kind of look like you and Thor a bit 

**Loki: **Shut up

**Steve: @Wanda** Did you like the cupcakes Bucky and I made?

**Wanda: @Bucky** **@Steve** They were amazing! Thank you!

**Vision: **My gift was obviously superior

**Tony: **Obviously you haven't seen what Bruce and I got her

**Vision: **Was it a cat?

**Bruce: **No?

**Vision: **Then it will clearly be inferior

**Nat: **I'm giving you my gift later tonight.

**Wanda: A**m much excite

**T'Challa: **Did you get the new Jacket Shuri and I sent you?

**Wanda: **Yep! I've yet to try it out.

**Vision: **My gift is still better

**Wanda: **Lol Vision Stop

**Sam: **Don't forget that the Bird Squad is taking you for lunch later

**Wanda: **Where?

**Clint: **Wherever you want

**Wanda: **I love my dads

**Clint: **We love you too❤️

**Tony: **What about me?

**Sam: **Fuck off Coke Can

**Bucky: **lol

**Peter: **I love you Mr Stark

**Tony: **My loyal son. I always knew I could trust you

**Nat: **lol although no one can love Tony as much as Tony

**Rhodey: **This is a true statement

**Tony: **Well you know what they say, self love is the key to success

**Loki: **I don't think Narcissism falls under that category

**Clint: **Hypocrite

**Peter: **Uncle Clint be nice to Uncle Loki

**Nat: **My Boy. So soft. So pure💖

**Wanda: **Look at Muffin!

**Wanda: **

**Nat: **My Heart💖💖

**Thor: **So Pure

**Peter: **Cuteness Overload

**Nat: @Bruce** We need a cat

**Bruce: **Dogs are better

**Nat: @Bruce** There's the door

**Tony: @Bruce** I'll get you a puppy

**Clint: **We already have a Loki. We don't need anymore pets causing trouble around here

**Loki: @Clint** Rude

**Scott: **I have ants as pets

**Thor: **I had a horse****

**Tony: **Pets for all?

**Steve: **NO!

**Nat: **But cats.....

**Tony: **But dogs....

**Scott: **But ants....

**Bucky: **We already have a cat AND A Loki.

**Carol: **Fury likes cats

**Strange: **We have a cat? Since when?

**Bucky: **Yes. T'Challa is the family cat

**Tony: ** _screms_ ****

**T'Challa: **I......

**T'Challa: **These chats make me question my friendships

**Peter: **Okay but can I still get a puppy?

**Bucky: **No

**Steve: **No

**Tony: **Yes

**Wanda: **But then Muffin would have friends

**Steve: **You heard the kid. She can just play with Ansel and Harald

**Loki: **No

******Nat: **But see, If I got a cat then she would have a friend

**Bruce: **Or a dog....

**Nat: **Out of the question

**Steve: **No

**Steve: **No more pets.

**Bruce: Y**eah, about that...

**Steve: **What did you do?

**Bruce: **well, see, I'm out and about right now....

**Steve: **Go on...

**Bruce: **And I passed this shelter....

**Bruce****: **And there was this little ginger kitten....

**Bruce: **And I may or may not have just gotten Natasha a cat

**Nat: **REALLY?! I LOVE YOU!

**Wanda: **Send Pics

**Bruce:**

**Nat: **OMGSHSHJFTDQTWGJ

**Nat: **BRUCE I LOVE YOU

**Sam: **Take notes Cap

**Steve: **WHAT DID I JUST SAY?! DOES NOBODY LISTEN TO A THING I SAY?!

**Carol: **Don't worry Cap. They heard you. They just don't care

**Steve: **Cap it Carol

**Carol: **Well I am a captain.

**Tony: **So does this mean I can get everyone pets?

**Carol: **Yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Image Sorces
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4M6WILDaSck  
https://www.lovemeow.com/kitten-shelter-happiness-rescue-foster-2638150125.html  
https://prettylittercats.com/blogs/prettylitter-blog/a-tale-of-two-cats-how-age-affects-our-feline-friends


	4. So Last Night......

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credits to my sibling for the rollerskating dragons idea
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

**A/N: Credit to my Sibling for giving me the Dragons on Roller Skates idea.**  
  
  


_Scott created a server_

_Scott named the Server: **So last night....**_

_Scott invited Everyone_

**Scott:** **@everyone** I just had the weirdest dream

**Nat:** You created a server solely to tell us about your strange dreams?

**Scott:** Yes

**Scott:** So anyway, In the dream I got invited to this top notch party

**Sam:** Who would invite you to a party?

**Bucky:** Quiet Wilson, the man is trying to talk

**Bucky: @Scott** Carry on

**Scott:** Okay, So I go to the party right? And I get there and It turns out the party is at Stark Tower

**Steve:** Oh boy

**Nat:** Do I want to know anymore?

**Scott:** Yes. It gets better

**Scott: **So we go in and up to the top floor. But It ain't stark tower. It's a roller rink. Filled with DRAGONS

**Scott:** Out of everything I could have dreamt up, Fucking DRAGONS ON ROLLER SKATES

**Nat:** LMAOOOOOO

**Wanda: @Scott** What are you on?

**Tony:** And where can I get some?

**Rhodey:** Not gonna lie though, that honestly sounds like Tony's kind of party

**Tony: **;P

**Carol:** Scott why are you like this?

**Carol:** Stop watching Game of Thrones before bed

**Nat:** lol Carol that sounds more like an anime plot than GOT

**Clint **NATASHA WATCHES ANIME!! QUICK QUICK SPREAD THE WORD!!!!!!!!!

**Nat: @Clint** No I don't. stfu you instigator

**Sam:** You heard it here first folks

**Peter: @Nat** Please tell me it's not Naruto

**Nat:** I DON'T WATCH ANIME

**Nat: @Wanda** help me out here

**Peter:** There's nothing to be ashamed about. Some anime is good

**Vision: **Anime? Is it anything like Disney

**Tony:** Yes. You should watch it. Especially Citrus

**Peter:** MR.STARK NO! HE'S TOO PURE FOR THAT!!

**Tony: **Peter I am both extremely disappointed and extremely proud that you know what Citrus is

**Peter: @Vision** Watch Pokemon instead. That's more your style.

**Vision: **I See.

**Peter:** XY is the best generation to watch

**Vision:** Okay.

**Vision:** Wanda would you like to watch Pokemon with me?

**Wanda:** No Vision. I don't want to watch Pokemon with you.

**Vision** Why not?

**Wanda:** Because Pokemon is for kids

**Vision: **So is disney

**Wanda:** ......

**Wanda:** Okay fine. Move over

**Thor:** I wish to see these roller skating dragons Scott

**Thor:** And Stark, why wasn't I invited to your party?

**Tony:** No no Thor, it was just a dream. The party wasn't real

**Scott:** There were no Dragons...I was just dreaming

**Loki:** He's adopted

**Thor:** YOU'RE adopted

**Loki:** CLEARLY

**Bucky: **Ouch, Thor you need some Ice for that burn?

**Thor:** What do you mean? Loki is in a different room. How could he have burned me?

**Bucky:** .......

**Bucky:** I'm 100 years old and even I know what that is

**Loki:** Like I said. Adopted.

**Bruce: @Nat **How do I get Sasha to stop crying

**Nat:** Why is she crying

**Bruce:** I don't know

**Bruce:** I think she wants you. Cats don't like me too much

**Carol:** lol

**Clint:** Natasha stop texting and go take care of your cat

**Nat:** You're not the boss of me

**Clint:** What are we five?

**Nat: **You are

**Sam: @Clint** I think the real question we should be asking it what kind of plant Scott's been smoking. I mean last week it was Unicorns, now we've moved on to roller skating

dragons?

**Steve: @Scott **I demand you give up your stash

**Tony:** And I demand that you share it

**Carol:** lol I always knew you smoked something Stark

**Tony:** Not me. Scott

**Scott:** I swear, I'm not smoking anything. I just have weird dreams

**Vision: **Only I will know the glories of not needing sleep

**Tony:** lol Vision go back to watching Pokemon

**Vision: **It's a very strategic show actually. You should watch it Mr. Stark

**Wanda:** Yes. Lot's of Technology and Explosions

**Vision:** You would like it too Dr. Banner. It's very Scientific

**Nat:** OMG Bruce watching Pokemon. I love it

**Bruce:** I'm gonna take a hard pass

**Clint: **What? You don't like watching anime with Nat?

**Nat:** OH MY GOD CLINT I DON'T WATCH ANIME

**Nat: **FUCKING LET IT GO

**Steve:** LANGUAGE

**Clint:** LANGUAGE

**Bruce:** LANGUAGE

**Tony: **LANGUAGE

**Carol:** LANGUAGE

**Steve: **Shut Up Carol, you weren't even there for that

**Bucky:** FUCK OFF CAROL! IM NOT GOING TO YOUR FUCKIN BABY SHOWER

**Peter:** The correct quote is Fuck off JANET

**Bucky:** But her name's Carol

**Peter:** Why do I even try?

**T'Challa:** .......

**T'Challa:** What did i just walk in on?

**Wanda: **Scott's High

**Peter:** Vision's watching Pokemon with Wanda

**Carol: **Tony Smokes

**Clint:** Natasha watches Anime

**Nat:** Clint's a child

**Tony:** Peter knows what Citrus is

**Steve:** Nobody likes Carol

**Loki:** Thor's Adopted

**T'Challa:** ......

**T'Challa: **I'm sorry I asked  
  


**A/N: My dearest Children, Please never watch Citrus. My friend was mean and tricked me into it. She told me it was a sweet High School Romance Anime. It was not**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that in the last few chapters the pictures didn't work out for anyone using a phone. Working on fixing that. For now though I'm just going to lay off images and stick strictly to text until I can figure it out :)


	5. Movie Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Steve Created a Server_

_Steve named the Server: **Movie Night**_

_Steve Invited Everyone_

**Steve: **So have we all decided on a movie for Family night?

**Wanda:** Nope

**Nat: **No

**Clint:** N O

**Vision:** Disney

**Loki:** Disney is for Children

**Nat:** Well in that case Loki can join Peter and Vision for Disney movie while the adults watch something else

**Loki:** Why must you insult me this way?

**Sam:** I suggested IT but no one else agreed.

**Clint:** Because clowns are fucking scary

**Nat:** So you can battle otherworldly beings to the death but you can't watch a horror movie?

**Nat:** Does not compute

**Carol:** My vote is on Men in Black

**Peter:** That's a wondrous movie

**Bucky:** Never seen it

**Peter:** It's a Sci-Fi Comedy about these two agents who are a part of a corporation that get rid of aliens

**Bucky:** Sounds too realistic

**Vision:** We can watch the Lion King with all our cats

**Wanda:** Vis we've watched that movie at least 100 times now

******Vision:** That's because it's a good movie that involves cats

**Wanda:** Ever since Muffin he's been obsessed with cats. I swear he loves that cat more than me.

**Vision:** LIES

**Nat:** How is my little Muffy baby?

**Vision:** Still almost as adorable as Wanda

**Peter:** Vision=Cinnamon Roll

**Steve:** Guys! Focus! Movie!

**Peter:** Well I saw this movie on Netflix about this incompetent ten year old kid who discovers time travel and he builds a time machine inside his stuffed bear

**Strange:** ......

**Bruce:** Well, That sounds good! Let's watch that!

**Tony:** So basically if Steve built a time machine

**Loki:** **@Tony** Yes

**Thor:** I side with vision in this dispute. Disney is good for the heart and soul

**Sam:** I guess that means we can add Thor to the kiddy room

**Thor:** Kiddy room? Hah! I am older than all of you!

**Carol:** MIB

**Strange:** Peter's movie sounds the best to me. Disney puts me to sleep

**Peter:** YES

**Carol:** But Men In Black....

**Rhodey: **if you hadn't noticed already we basically are the men in black

**Tony:** _HERE COME THE MEN IN BLACK!_

**Clint:** _MR. M. I. B!_

**Steve:** Since most people agree on Peter's movie we'll watch that.

**Carol:** Laaaaame

**Nat:** Its okay Carol, I'll come watch Men In Black with you.

**Carol:** YES BITCH

**Carol:** BRING THE WINE

**Nat:** AND THE CAT

**Wanda:** Room for one more?

**Carol:** GIRLS NIGHT!

**Nat:** NO BOYS ALLOWED

**Steve:** This was supposed to be a family night?

**Nat:** And sometimes families have to compromise

**Steve:** Whatever, go have your girls night

**Wanda: **YAAASSSS

**Wanda:** I'll bring the snacks

**Vision: @Thor** Do you want to have a Disney night with me?

**Thor:** Can we watch Alice in Wonderland?

**Vision:** Yes of course. And the Lion King as well

**Thor** I'm in

**Scott:** Can I get in on this too? I've got 101 Dalmatians on DVD

**Thor:** What are Dalmatians?

**Scott:** **@Thor** big spotted dogs

**Thor:** I NEED IT

**Vision**: You are Very Welcome to join our Disney night

**Steve:** I guess the rest of us are watching Peter's movie

**Bucky:** I'm down

**Sam:** As long as I don't have to sit next to tin can 2.0

**Bucky:** Rude

**Tony:** We're coke cans Wilson. Get it right

**Peter:** I'll set it up

** _LATER.........._ **

**Tony: **Peter that movie was so unrealistic and dumb

**Strange:** I thought it was decent

**Tony: @Strange** They put a radioactive "Time Core" inside a stuffed bear and handed it off to a fourth grader

**Bruce:** It's Hollywood bro. Chill.

**Peter:** I enjoyed it

**Sam:** Of course you did Peter. You enjoy everything

**Bucky:** lol who else thought the ugly sidekick looked like Wilson

**Sam:** Kindly Fuck Off

**Peter:** tHeRe aRe cHiLdReN iN tHiS cHaT

**Tony:** Yeah Wilson. Don't say "Kindly"

**Peter:** lol **@Nat **how's girl's night going

**Nat: **Carol is an intergalactic dumbass

**Wanda:** lol She's sooo drunk

**Carol:** Wendy lej mer loooooov uuu

**Wanda:** lolol

**Carol:** the rom id spernign

**Clint:** Someone put her to bed

**Carol:** Hiiiiii Clipp!...!

**Nat:** She's gonna have a massive hangover

**Wanda:** The movie was good tho. I thoroughly enjoyed my MIB experience 

**Vision:** Mr.Lang, Thor, and I are in the middle of 101 Dalmatians Loki and his sons have joined us

**Thor:** ANSEL LOVES ME!!

**Thor:** LOKI LET ME CUDDLE ONE OF HIS CATS BECAUSE HE ONLY HAD ROOM FOR ONE ON HIS LAP AND VISION STOLE MUFFIN FROM WANDA!

**Thor:** I MUST AQUIRE ONE OF THESE FLUFFY ANGLES

**Loki:** Thor shut up and watch the movie

**Thor**: Of Course, Of course, My apologies everyone.

**Scott:** Did you know there's an animated movie about Ants?

**Vision:** We're watching that next

**Scott: @Wanda** I'm stealing your boyfriend

**Wanda:** As long as you give him back 

**Scott:** Okay 😊 

**Wanda:** 😊😊😊

**Steve:** Unpopular opinion, Peter's time travel movie was good

**Steve: **Alright, I'm off to bed

**Tony:** Why? Because the movie secretly bored you to death?

**Steve:** No

**Steve:** Because I don't feel like staying up to ungodly hours with you lot

**Tony:** Whatever happened to "I could do this all day?"

**Steve:** Yeah, all day. Not all NIGHT

**Tony:** Loser

**Tony:** Last one to bed is not a loser

**Steve:** I'm okay with being a loser if it means getting a good night's sleep

**Tony:** Okay

**Sam:** Night Loser

**Bucky:** Night Loser

**Vision:** Good night Captain Loser

**Clint:** Vision!

**Wanda:** I'm dying lol

**Tony:** That's my boy

**Vision:** Mr. Stark, you do realize that I will be the winner of this little game because I am the only being with in this household that does not require sleep?

**Tony:** New rule. Vision, you don't count

**Vision:** Scared of defeat?

**Tony: @Vision** Kindly shut up please

**Vision:** As I thought

**Wanda:** lol Vis you're killing me

**Vision:** 😁

**Tony:** I just want to make it clear though

**Tony:** Next time we watch a movie, I'm choosing


	6. Squad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Sam Created a Server_

_Sam Named The Server: _ ** _Bird Squad_ **

_Sam Invited Steve, Clint_

**Sam:** Bird Squad Assemble!

**Clint:** _SQUAWK_

**Steve:** Can I invite Bucky?

**Sam:** N O

**Clint:** What's on the agenda Bird Boss?

**Sam:** We need to figure out what we're doing for dinner tonight

**Clint:** We having a Bird's Night only!

**Sam:** Caw Caw

**Tony:** lol so this is where you hold your bird cult meetings

**Sam: @Tony** Stop hacking my servers

_Tony Invited Bucky_

_Tony Invited Wanda_

_Tony Invited Nat_

**Tony:** Guys they're planning a Bird Night

**Nat:** lmao that's so lame

_Nat Invited Carol_

**Carol:** iM hEre iM qUeEr gEt oVeR iT

**Steve:** We're over it

**Carol:** 😒

**Sam:** Yo, Can a bird get some privacy here?

**Clint:** Yes, get out you ungodly creatures!

_Tony Invited Thor_

******Thor:** I'm a God. Can I stay?

**Clint:** N O

**Wanda: @Clint** I'm your daughter. Can I stay?

**Sam:** wAnDa uR aDoPtEd

**Clint: **Yes Wanda you can stay

**Bucky:** I'm confused though. Why is Cap in the bird Squad? He's not even a bird

**Sam:** Caw Caw Motherfucker that's why!

**Bucky:** I feel attacked

**Steve:** Be nice to Bucky guys

**Clint**: cAw CaW

_Tony invited Peter_

**Peter:** screeeeEEEE

**Peter:** Bug Bois Assemble!

_Peter Invited Scott_

**Scott:** Assembled!

**Peter: @Nat** Where u at?

**Nat:** I want no part in this

**Peter:** jOiN uS

**Scott:** JOIN US

_Thor Invited Loki_

_Thor Invited Vision_

**Thor: @Loki @Vision** We hang out right? Do we have a squad name?

**Loki:** I would rather burn in Hel than be in a squad with you brother

**Vision:** CAT CREW

**Loki:** ......

**Loki:** I have reconsidered

**Thor:** CAT CREW FOREVER

_Thor Invited T'Challa_

**Thor: @T'Challa** CAT CREW FOREVER

**T'Challa:** No

_T'Challa has left the server_

**Wanda:** Can me and Natasha join?

**Thor**: No. You make fun of our Disney movies

**Vision:** Wanda and Nat can join

**Thor: @Vision** Push over

**Sam:** WHIPPED

**Clint:** _CRACK_

**Tony:** lol

**Carol: @Wanda @Nat** Whatever happened to the Girl Gang?

**Sam:** Whatever happened to BIRDS ONLY!

**Steve: @Sam** Tony

**Nat: @Carol** That was never a thing?

**Wanda:** And you're always in space whenever we want to hang out

**Carol:** Wow guys. I'm really feeling the love

_Carol Invited Gamora_

**Carol:** Gamora do you want to start a Girl Gang with me and terrorize the Intergalactic Forces of Evil?

**Gamora:** HELL YES

**Carol:** GET IN LOSERS WE'RE GOING SHOPPING

**Tony:** Where are my science bros?

_Tony Invited Bruce_

_Tony Invited Strange_

**Bruce:** Why are we here?

**Sam:** Yes, why are you here?

**Strange:** What is this server?

**Peter:** DADS!

**Strange:** Hello Science Son

**Sam: @Strange** This Server is SUPPOSED to be a PRIVATE server for the BIRD SQUAD

**Sam:** BUT TONY WON'T STOP HACKING MY SERVERS

**Strange:** Put a lock on it

**Clint:** This is discord not a diary

**Steve: @Bucky** Wanna go get Coffee?

**Bucky: **Sure

**Sam: @Steve:** Traitor

**Gamora: @Carol** we need more members

**Carol:** Well I asked Natasha and Wanda but they wanted to join the cat crew instead

**Gamora:** Wait wait wait

**Gamora:** There's a cat crew?

**Carol:** Yes

**Gamora:** SIGN ME THE FUCK UP

**Tony: @Gamora** is no longer a badass

**Vision:** Gamora you are very welcome to join our crew

**Carol:** But the Gang...GAMORA DON'T ABANDON MEEEE

**Gamora:** Don't worry Carol, I would never. I just have duel membership

**Carol:** Oh Okie

**Carol:** We could ask Nebula to join

**Gamora:** YES! AND MANTIS!

**Carol:** I think Mantis might be better suited for the Cat Crew

**Gamora:** What are you talking about Mantis is terrifying

_Gamora Invited Nebula_

_Gamora Invited Mantis_

**Gamora**: Guys, wanna join our Girl Gang of intergalactic terror?

**Nebula:** YES

**Mantis:** Sure

**Peter:** MANTIS JOIN THE BUG BOIS

**Mantis:** OKAY!

**Nat: @Gamora** On second thought I'll join the Girl Gang

**Wanda** Me too. DUEL MEMBERSHIP!

**Nebula:** LET US INFLICT TERROR AND CHAOS UPON THE UNIVERSE

**Carol: **lol Nebula 😂

**Gamora: **Only on the bad guys tho

**Nebula:** Yes yes only on the bad guys

**Sam: @Loki** you better run

**Sam:** Now can you all please leave?

**Tony:** N O

_Sam removed Tony_

**Tony:** Rude

**Sam:** TONY GET OUT

**Clint:** TONY STAHP

**Sam:** I'll just make a Private Group Chat

**Clint:** He's gonna hack that too

**Sam:** FUCK OFF STARK

**Tony:** N O O O

**Clint:** Y E S

**Sam:** G E T L O S T

**Clint:** B I R D S O N L Y

**Carol:** _ I'M A BIRD MOTHAF! IM A BIRD!_

**Peter:** _LOOK AT ME MOTHAF! IM A BIRD!_

**Nat:** Proud Spider Mom

**Tony:** Peter! Watch your language! Don't Say "Bird"

**Peter:** lol

**Scott**: Parenting at it's finest

**Tony:** You would know

**Scott:** Cuff it asshole

**Sam:** Adulting 101

**Sam:** A Shit Parenting Manual by Tony Stark and Scott Lang

**Loki:** lol

**Thor:** CAT CREW LETS LEAVE THESE FIENDS TO THEIR BICKERING AND GO WATCH A DISNEY MOVIE

**Nat****:** LAME

**Thor:** BANNED

**Thor:** Go Hang out with your girl Gang

**Wanda:** Guys who wants to watch horror movies with me

**Nat:** Be there in 5

**Carol:** BRING THE WINE

**Wanda:** lol

**Nat:** NOT AFTER LAST TIME CAROL

**Gamora:** lol

**Gamora:** Mantis Nebula and I are coming to join

**Carol:** You guys are on earth?

**Gamora:** YE! We came to visit!

**Wanda:** BRING GROOT

**Gamora:** OKAY!

**Nebula:** On our way

**Sam: @Clint @Steve** I made another Bird Server. Come Join

**Tony: **Please excuse me while I go hack that one too :)


	7. The Space Girlz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Carol Created a Server_

_Carol named the server: **The Space Girlz**_

_Carol Invited Nat, Wanda, Gamora, Nebula, Mantis_

**Carol:** My Fellow Space Girls UNITE

**Nat:** Hello from Earth

**Wanda:** Hi

**Carol:** Where are the others?

**Wanda:** Probably out doing Guardian stuff

**Carol:** Laaaaaaame

**Nebula:** I'm not lame. You're lame

**Gamora:** lol tell 'em Nebula

**Carol:** wHeRe aRe yOu?

**Gamora:** iN sPaCe

**Nebula:** wiTh mE

**Carol:** cOoL

**Mantis:** wHy aRe wE tAlKiNg LiKe tHiS?

**Nebula:** iDk

**Nat:** lol what're you all up to?

**Nebula:** Kicking Gamora's ass in cards

**Gamora:** Seriously! How did she get so good at Cards?

**Nebula:** Life is a gamble sister

**Wanda:** lol Gamora, let her have it

**Mantis:** I was napping but now I'm awake

**Wanda:** How was your nap?

**Mantis:** It was very nice thank you

**Gamora: **What are you guys doing?

**Wanda:** Suffering

**Nebula:** lol why?

**Nat:** Vision and Thor are having a Pokemon Marathon and Wanda was forced to join

**Carol:** lmaooo

**Gamora:** What's pokemon?

**Wanda:** It's a CHILDREN'S SHOW

**Gamora:** I'm so sorry

**Wanda:** Come save me!

**Nebula:** Sorry, we're like 17 jumps away from Earth rn

**Nat:** Why don't you just leave?

**Wanda:** Because Vision was so excited about it

**Carol:** WHIPPED

**Wanda:** SAVE ME

**Mantis: @Carol** I have a question

**Carol:** Ye

**Mantis:** Why are we the space girls if half of us are on earth?

**Carol:** Because we're like the spice girls, but the Space Girls

**Mantis:** What are the Spice Girls?

**Gamora:** that girl group Peter listens to

**Mantis:** ohhh

**Mantis:** I like them

**Nat:** lol our Peter listens to them too

**Mantis:** Can we add your Peter? I like him. He's nice

**Nat:** lol let's convert Peter to the dark side

_Carol Invited Peter_

**Carol: @Peter** You wanna be a Space Girl?

**Peter: **What's a Space Girl?

**Wanda:** Like the Spice Girls only better because we sometimes go into space

**Peter:** HELL YEAH!

**Peter:** Shuri says she wants to be a Space Girl too

_Peter Invited Shuri_

**Shuri:** Did you know that if you took Loki's face and put it on the Mona Lisa it would literally look the same?

**Peter**: Shuri Why?

**Carol:** lol a true masterpiece

**Nat:** I fell over laughing and Bruce looked at me like I'm insane

**Wanda:** Thats because you are

**Shuri:** You're welcome

**Peter:** Hi Shuri

**Shuri:** Hi Peter

**Shuri:** I'm surprised Tony hasn't hacked this yet

**Carol:** He's probably to scared to

**Nat:** lololol

**Nat:** I'M DYING

**Gamora:** Why?

**Nat:** Cap just texted me asking if I could hold down the fort tonight because he's got a date.

**Nat**: And I just fucking realized Cap is probably a 99 year old virgin some one save me I'm dying of laughter

**Carol:** LOL SAVED

**Carol:** BUT DON'T SHOW STEVE!!!!!

**Nat:** I had to go into the other room because Bruce kept asking me what I was looking at

**Nebula:** lmao don't tell him

**Carol: **I just memed that

**Carol:** Literally making it my wallpaper rn

**Nat:** That's amazing

**Peter:** lol Mr. Stark just saw my phone and asked why he didn't get invited to be a Space Girl

**Shuri:** lol he is offensed

**Peter:** Much offense

**Nebula:** lmmao

**Gamora:** **@Nebula** Typo

**Nebula:** no

**Gamora:** wut?

**Nebula:** lmmao

**Nebula:** Laughing my metal ass off

**Gamora:** Ohhhh

**Gamora:** I get it now lol

**Nat: **lol self deprecation jokes

**Wanda:** FINALLY

**Carol:** WHAT

**Wanda:** ITS OVER

**Wanda:** I'M FREE

**Carol:** RUN FAR RUN FAST

**Nat:** QUICKLY! BEFORE THEY ROPE YOU IN AGAIN

**Wanda:** IT WAS AWFUL

**Carol:** Did Thor at least enjoy it?

**Wanda:** OMG he got so into it

**Wanda:** The only thing that kept me sane was Thor screaming at the tv

**Gamora:** I love

**Gamora:** Well now Vision can watch it with Thor instead of you

**Mantis:** I just watched the first episode

**Mantis:** The little animals are so cute

**Carol:** lol Wanda run

**Peter:** _AND I KEEP RUNNIN RUNNING RUNNING RUNNING!_

**Shuri:** _RUNNING RUNNING RUNNING RUNNING!_

**Carol:** _RUNNING FROM MY HEART!_

**Wanda:** _WHAT IS LOVE?_

**Nat:** _BABY DON'T HURT ME!_

**Shuri:** _DON'__T HURT ME! DON'T HURT ME!_

**Peter:** _NO MOOOORRRREEEE!_

**Shuri:** screeeEEEE

**Peter:** reeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEE

**Carol:** _SHOT THROUGH THE HEART_

**Wanda:** _AND YOU'RE TO BLAME_

**Gamora:** _HONEY YOU GIVE LOVE_

**Nebula:** _A BAD NAME!_

**Nat:** lol what's wrong with us?

**Shuri: **Well

**Shuri: **Nobody's perfect

**Shuri: **Except Carol

**Carol:** 💖💖💖

**Nat: **Wanda How you feeling after like 10 hours of Pokemon?

**Wanda:** Like death

**Carol: **Honestly, Steve is like a fully evolved pokemon 😂

**Nat:** LMAOOO

**Shuri:** I LOVE THIS

**Gamora:** SO ACCURATE

**Wanda:** THIS GIVES ME LIFE

**Tony:** It's about to give you death after I show these to Steve :)

**Gamora:** ......

**Nebula:** We're safe in space right?

**Shuri:** Called it

**Wanda:** .......

**Nat:** .......

**Carol:** ..........

**Carol:** Fuck


	8. Sheer Boredom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exactly as it sounds lol
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Nat Created a Server_

_Nat named the Server: **Sheer Boredom **_

_Nat Invited _ _Everyone_

**Nat:** I'm bored

**Nat:** Entertain me

**Clint:** You have a Cat

**Clint:** You have a boyfriend

**Clint:** You have a whole ass Ninja Girl Squad

**Clint:** Go bother them

**Nat:** Why bother them, when I could bother you instead?

**Wanda:** Hi :)

**Wanda:** I'm bored too

**Wanda: @Nat** Wanna do something?

**Vision:** I'm right here?

**Nat:** Whats there to do? It's raining.

**Steve:** If you're really that bored Natasha you can go run errands for us

**Nat:** Okay

**Nat:** Wanda wanna come?

**Wanda:** Sure

**Wanda:** What do y'all need?

**Peter:** A new notebook for school

**Bucky:** We're out of plums

**Steve****:** I just bought some?

**Bucky:** Yes

**Bucky:** That was BEFORE Wilson ate them all

**Sam:** Get over it

**Bucky:** Those were MY plums

**Wanda:** I'll buy you more plums Bucky don't worry

**Carol:** Peanut butter

**Carol:** And bread

**Bruce:** Cat food

**Tony:** Coffee

**Strange:** Vegan Ice Cream

**Tony:** Gross

**Strange:** It's good

**Vision:** If it's ice cream? Then how is it vegan?

**Strange:** Magic

**Steve:** And whatever else you guys want I guess

**Nat:** Got it

**Nat: @Wanda** GET IN LOSER WE'RE GOING SHOPPING!

**Wanda:** Coming

**Clint:** Natasha's driving?

**Clint:** RIP

**Clint:** Come on Sam! Time to plan a funeral

**Sam:** Why?

**Clint:** Have you seen Natasha drive?

**Clint:** Plus it's raining which makes it even worse

**Sam:** RIP

**Wanda:** Natasha says "Tell Clint and Sam to fuck off"

**Clint:** Classy

**Wanda:** She also says to ask Loki if he needs more food for his cats

**Steve: @Loki** Do you need anything from the store? Specifically cat food?

**Loki:** A new brother

**Wanda:** Sorry, can't get that at a Supermarket

**Loki:** Tell Natasha I don't require any cat food as I was a responsible parent and got it myself last week

**Wanda:** Natasha says "Get Out"

**Clint:** Are you guys still in the car?

**Wanda:** Yep

**Clint:** Has she crashed yet?

**Wanda:** Nope

**Wanda:** Don't worry. she's only going 80

**Wanda:** In a 65

**Vision:** NATASHA

**Clint:** I swear to God Natasha if you kill my honorary kid....

**Wanda:** Okay we're here

**Nat:** Unscathed

**Clint:** Thank God

**Sam:** lol you guys should see Vision 

**Wanda:** what

**Wanda:** teLL mE

**Sam:** He got so pissed at Nat for speeding with you in the car

**Sam: @Nat** I hope you know a good lawyer

**Vision:** She could have been hurt!

**Nat:** But was she?

**Wanda:** lol Vis I'm fine

**Vision:** Wanda I forbid you from ever getting in a vehicle with her again

**Wanda:** Then how am I supposed to get home?

**Nat:** lol

**Nat:** Walk

**Vision:** I'll fly over and come get you

**Wanda:** Aww thanks

**Wanda:** If it makes you feel better, I'll drive back

**Nat:** Okay Wanda help me find the cat food

**Wanda:** On it

**Sam:** Don't get lost

**Bucky:** Inevitable

_Nat named the Server: **Natasha and Wanda's Grocery Store Adventures**_

**Wanda: @Nat** Found the cat food. Where are you?

**Nat:** Produce

**Wanda:** Where's that?

**Nat:** Near the entrance

**Wanda:** ......

**Wanda:** Where's that?

**Bucky:** Told you

**Bucky: @Nat** Did you get my plums?

**Nat:** Yes. I got enough for you and Sam to SHARE

**Bucky:** Thank you

**Wanda:** Found Produce

**Wanda:** Still don't see you

**Wanda:** lol wait there you are

**Nat:** Off to find peanut butter and bread

**Wanda:** MUST AQUIRE FOR CAROL

**Carol:** Thank

**Nat:** Also **@Peter** we got your notebook

**Wanda:** It has puppies on it

**Tony:** lol

**Nat:** Blame Wanda

**Peter: @Wanda** I LOVE YOU

**Wanda: **I LOVE YOU TOO

**Nat:** Okay peanut butter and bread have been acquired 

**Carol:** You're the best

**Nat:** I know

**Strange:** What about the Vegan Ice Cream?

**Wanda:** Yep. I Think all that's left is the coffee 

**Nat:** Anything else guys?

**Peter:** Can you get some more cereal before you go?

**Thor:** The sugary kind with the Disney characters on it

**Nat:** Lol you and Disney

**Wanda:** Wait a second

**Wanda:** Hold up

**Clint:** Yes child?

**Wanda:** I lost Natasha

**Bucky:** Again?

**Wanda:** I looked down to respond and when I looked up she was gone

**Wanda:** The cart's gone too

**Vision:** Irresponsible 

**Scott:** The Mysterious Black Widow strikes again

**Wanda:** She probably went to get the cereal

**Scott:** Please get extra cereal. My ants enjoy it very much

**Tony: **Gross

**Tony:** We don't need more ants in the house

**Scott: **:(

**Wanda:** HOLY SHITDJNKJJSHLSKHV

**Clint:** I think Wanda malfunctioned

**Wanda:** FUCKING HELL NATASHA!

**Nat:** LOLOLOLOLOLOL

**Nat:** I SHOULDN'T BE LAUGHING BUT I AM!

**Peter: @Nat @Wanda** What happened?

**Wanda:** NATASHA LEFT ME TO GET THE CEREAL AND CHECK OUT AND THE PROCEEDED TO THINK IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO COME UP BEHIND ME AND SCARE ME!

**Steve:** .......Dare I ask what happened next?

**Wanda:** I accidentally threw her into a Mac 'N Cheese display

**Nat:** It was righteous 

**Wanda:** IN MY DEFENSE IT WAS SELF DEFENSE!

**Wanda:** I WAS ATTACKED!

**Nat:** Long story short we got kicked out of the store

**Carol:** Did you at least get your items?

**Wanda:** That's about the only successful part of this trip

**Nat:** Don't worry Carol we got everything since it was already paid for

**Bucky:** Good. Because I was having withdrawal

**Loki:** From plumbs?

**Bucky: **THEY'RE VERY ADDICTING LOKI LET ME LIVVVVE!

**Loki: **No

**Steve: **You two can't go anywhere unsupervised

**Carol:** I'll go with them next time

**Steve:** You'll only make it worse

**Wanda:** We're leaving the store now

**Wanda:** You're welcome by the way

**Clint:** For what? Getting us banned from Shoprite?

**Wanda:** Natasha says "Fuck you"

**Clint: **Clint says don't die

**Nat:** Don't ruffle your feathers Clint, Wanda's driving

**Clint:** For some reason that scares me even more

**Nat:** lol we're almost home

**Steve:** Please make it back in one piece

**Tony:** Yes, I don't want to spend the night making extra body parts for you to because of your idiocy

**Nat:** _LIFE IS A HIGHWAY_

**Nat:** _I'M GONNA DRIVE IT_

**Peter****:** _ALL NIGHT LOOONNNGGG!_

**Nat:** _THEY SEE ME ROLLIN'_

**Peter:** _THEY HATING_

**Shuri:** _PATROLLIN' AND TRYIN' TO CATCH ME RIDING DIRTY!_

**Peter:** Hi Shuri :)

**Shuri:** What up Peter? :)

**Peter:** Nat and Wanda got kicked out of Shoprite

**Shuri:** Doesn't surprise me

**Peter:** But they got me a puppy note book

**Shuri:** BLESS

**Nat:** We're back

**Wanda: @Clint** Did you miss me?

**Clint:** Wanda?

**Wanda:** Yes?

**Clint:** You're grounded

**Wanda:** 8>0

**Wanda:** What about Nat? She started it!

**Nat:** IT WAS UNINTENTIONAL

**Steve:** Natasha you're also grounded

**Scott:** RIP


	9. The Super Secret Secret Solvers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Peter created a server_

_Peter named the server: _ ** _The Super Secret Secret Solvers_ **

_Peter Invited Everyone_  
  
  


**Wanda:** Peter what is this?

**Peter:** Today we are not the Avengers

**Steve:** ???

**Steve:** Tony? Translate? I don't understand your science son

**Peter:** TODAY WE ARE DETECTIVES

**Shuri:** What are we detecting?!

**Peter:** Loki is hiding something

**Peter:** MUST DETECT

**Loki: @Peter** MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS

**Tony:** I smell trouble

**Nat:** I smell tea

**Wanda:** Quick! Get the popcorn!

**Clint:** _Munch Munch_

**Peter:** Who wants to help me detect his secret?

**Shuri:** ME

**Thor:** ME

**Peter:** YAY

**Peter:** SUPER SECRET SECRET SOLVERS

**Shuri:** SSSS UNITE

**Sam:** Why do I get the feeling that this isn't gonna end well?

**Bucky:** Should we join them or relish in their failure?

**Sam:** ......

**Sam:** Wanda pass the popcorn

**Thor:** LOKI

**Loki:** WHAT

**Thor:** I DEMAND YOU TELL US WHAT MISCHIEF YOU ARE PLOTTING SO I CAN THWART IT!

**Loki:** I REFUSE!

**T'Challa:** I have extra forces if you need them

**Shuri:** Brother! Join our detective team!

**Shuri:** Then we'll have MAXIMUM STEALTH!

**T'Challa:** I'm to old for this

**Shuri:** Oh yes, you've totally got one foot in the grave at 32

**Peter:** lol omg Shuri I love you

**Shuri: @Peter** #bestfriendsquad

**Steve:** Loki, whatever you're planning, does it involve explosives?

**Loki:** No

**Carol:** Death?

**Loki:** No

**Tony:** Will it destroy the compound in any way?

**Loki:** .........

**Loki:** Yes

**Steve:** LOKI

**Thor:** BROTHER YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS TO COME OUT OF YOUR ROOM AND HAND YOURSELF OVER BEFORE I BREAK DOWN THE DOOR AND STOP YOU MYSELF

**Loki:** LEAVE ME BE!

**Loki:** I'LL NEVER SURRENDER TO THE LIKES OF YOU

**Clint** Please no more mind control

**Loki:** No

**Clint:** Okay thank god

**Carol:** _Sips tea_

**Peter:** I'm going to go INVESTIGATE

**Shuri:** Wait for ME!

**Peter:** hUrRy

**Tony: ****@Shuri** Aren't you in Wakanda?

**Vision:** No Mr.Stark. She came over for the afternoon

**Shuri:** Nakia is visiting family so we came to New York to cover for her. My brother gave me the day off, he's running the New York Facility today so I could hang out with Peter.

**Steve:** You wouldn't know because you and Banner have been holed up in the lab for the past two days

**Strange:** Such Anti-Social Beings

**Tony:** **@Strange** Says you

**Peter:** **@Shuri** You go right, I'll go left

**Shuri:** Much sneak

**Loki:** You know I can see the chat right?

**Scott:** Hush Loki, Let the children have their fun

**Loki:** _rolls eyes into the next realm_

******Thor:** Are you two in position?

**Peter:** 👍🏻

**Shuri:**👌🏾

**Nat:** Shit's about to go down

**Tony:** Steve, Natasha said a bad language word

**Steve:** LET IT GO

**Shuri:** _CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE_

**Thor:** My hammer is ready. I'm going in

**Loki:** Surely you're not serious

**Bucky:** I'm watching him right now Loki, he's standing outside your door with Peter and Shuri

**Sam:** Hammer's at the ready

**Vision** Might I suggest running?

**Wanda:** lol Vis

**Vision:** 🙃

**Loki:** ALRIGHT ALRIGHT I'LL TELL YOU!

**Loki:** IT'S NOTHING BAD I PROMISE!

**Tony:** Then why were you hiding?

**Loki:** Because it was supposed to be a...how do you call it...Spontaneous Surprise

**Peter:** I'm not buying it

**Wanda:** HOLY SHIT PETER JUST KICKED THE FUCKING DOOR IN!

**Thor:** Quick! Man of Spiders! Go in and stop him! I'll block his escape!

**Nat:** THAT'S MY BOY!

**Clint:** Natasha=Proud Spider Mom

**Shuri:** Omg

**Peter:** IT’S A PUPPY!!

**Thor:** WHAT?! WHERE?!

**Steve:** I SWEAR TO GOD

**Steve:** LOKI WHY DO YOU HAVE A PUPPY?!

**Steve:** I THOUGHT I MADE IT _VERY_ CLEAR! NO. MORE. PETS!

**Carol:** lol this is too good

**Wanda:** _shoves popcorn into mouth_

**Vision:** Don't choke please

**Wanda:** _appreciates vision for being a soft protective boyfriend_

**Loki:** Thor keeps trying to steal my cats. So I got him a dog to make him stop

**Thor:** YOU GOT ME A DOG?

**Loki:** Yes?

**Thor:** I ALWAYS KNEW YOU LOVED ME BROTHER!

**Loki:** I DIDN'T DO IT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! I DID IT BECAUSE I LOVE MY _CATS_!

**Loki:** HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME THIS WAY?!

**Tony:** Proof that Loki has a heart

**Peter:** Loki may seem like a villain, but deep down he's secretly a softie

**Shuri:** Yes yes. That's why he hangs out with Thor, Scott and Vision

**Bruce:** What type of dog?

**Loki: **A Golden Retriever they call it

**Bruce:** DOG!

**Nat:** BABY!

**Wanda:** What's it's name?

**Thor:** I SHALL CALL HIM MELVIN AND HE SHALL BE MINE

**Loki:** Now that Thor has a dog, can we kick him out of the cat crew?

**Vision:** No

**Vision:** He has duel Membership

**Bruce: @Thor** I like dogs. You have a dog.

**Thor:** I think I see where this is going...

**Thor:** Dog Squad?

**Bruce:** Dog Squad.

**Peter:** This concludes the Super Secret Secret Solvers's first official mission

**Shuri:** lol Good work team

**Peter: **You know what this calls for?

**Shuri: **Celebratory Ice Cream?

**Peter:** And Sandwiches?

**Shuri:** YES

**Peter:** YOU READ MY MIND

**Shuri:** Vine compilations after

******Peter:** Only if it's quality content

**Shuri:** Only the dankest memes for you Peter

**Wanda:** #friendshipgoals

**Shuri:** LETS GO GET ICE CREAM

**Peter:** AND SANDWICHES

**Thor:** Can I come?

**Peter:** Only if pupper joins us

**Thor:** MELVIN MY SON, WE'RE GOING ON AN ADVENTURE!

**Peter:** ULTIMATE BEST FRIENDS

**Nat:** lol Thor has reverted into an excitable child

**Steve:** Loki what have you done?


	10. Prank Wars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Thor Created a Server_

_Thor Named the Server: **LOKI!!!!**_

_Thor invited Everyone_

**Thor:** LOKI!!!

**Loki:** Yes brother?

**Thor:** YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!

**Loki:** 🙃🙃🙃

**Thor:** DO NOT MOCK ME BROTHER

**Nat:** lol Loki what did you do?

**Thor:** HE CONVINCED STEVE AND VISION TO HIDE MY HAMMER AND MY CAPE IN DIFFERENT PLACES!

**Thor:** IT TOOK ME HOURS TO FINALLY FIND THEM!

**Steve:** Thor, chill it was joke

**Thor:** I DID NOT FIND IT FUNNY!

**Vision:** I did

**Thor:** THIS MEANS WAR BROTHER!

**Nat: @Thor** Don't worry I'll help you get him back

** _IN A PRIVATE CHAT WITH NATASHA, WANDA, AND CAROL_ **

**Natasha:** Help me get them back

**Natasha:** They really upset Thor

**Carol:** I know, I feel bad

**Wanda:** I'm actually kinda mad at Vis for it. Thor is like a puppy. You can't do stuff like that to him

**Carol:** So what do we do?

**Natasha:** idk but it has to be something good

**Wanda:** I have an idea....

** _BACK IN THE DISCORD SERVER_ **

**Tony: @Vision **Proud dad

**Clint:** I have a feeling that Vision is going through the Rebellious Teenage Stage

**Thor: @Loki @Vision** You two are banned from the Cat Crew

**Sam:** RIIIIIIIP

**Bucky:** Dude, the look on Thor's face right now is priceless

**Sam:** lol he's texting so aggressively, I can't

**Thor:** DO NOT MOCK ME YOU SMALL HUMANS!

**Peter:** Uncle Thor are you okay?

**Scott:** Loki, Vision, and Steve were being mean to him

**Steve:** IT WAS A _JOKE!_

**Clint: **They hid his hammer

**Peter:** Don't take other people's things with out asking. That's mean

**Thor: @Peter** Thank you Tiny human. I appreciate you

**Peter:** I appreciate you too

**Thor:** 😊

**Peter:** 😊

**Nat: @Peter** We've raised you well

**Clint: @Loki** Natasha has returned, you'd better run

**Loki:** I am a God, I do not fear the spy

**Wanda: **Vis?

**Vision:** Yes?

**Wanda:** I have bad news

**Vision:** What is it?

**Wanda:** Muffin's missing

**Vision: **........

**Vision:** .................

**Vision:** .......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Clint: ** _vision.exe has stopped working_

**Peter:** Mr. Stark, I think Vision is malfunctioning

**Tony:** ???

**Tony:** What's he doing?

**Peter:** He's just standing there staring at his phone.

**Peter:** He's not moving

**Peter:** He's not even blinking

**Tony: @Peter** Give it a minute

**Vision: **HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!

**Wanda:** Idk, I went into our room and she wasn't there

**Nat:** Muffin is MISSING?

**Nat:** HOW?

**Wanda:** I don't know, but I guess the door got left open and she snuck out.

**Vision:** DON'T WORRY! I WILL FIND HER!

**Wanda:** Okay

** **

** _IN A PRIVATE CHAT WITH NATASHA, WANDA, AND CAROL_ **

**Wanda:** lol 

**Wanda:** Guys he bought it

**Carol:** The Space Girlz strike again

**Wanda: **He'll be searching for hours

**Wanda:** I can't

**Natasha: **And I'm literally in Cat Heaven right now omg

**Carol:** Time to get Loki

** _BACK IN THE DISCORD SERVER_ **

**Loki:** HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN?!

**Loki:** MY DOOR WAS CLOSED!

**Loki:** I DON'T UNDERSTAND!

**Steve:** What happened?

**Loki:** ANSEL AND HARALD HAVE GONE MISSING AS WELL!

**Loki:** WHO TOOK MY SONS?!

**Carol:** Nobody?

**Vision:** I still haven't located Muffin either

**Loki:** I swear whoever took my sons shall feel the wrath of Loki!

**Steve:** I'll help you look

** **

** _IN A PRIVATE CHAT WITH NATASHA, WANDA, AND CAROL_ **

**Natasha:** I'm surrounded by cats

**Natasha:** How can we make this last all day? I'm in heaven

**Wanda: **lol

**Carol: **I just got Steve

**Natasha:** Now we wait

** **

** _BACK IN THE DISCORD_ **

**Steve: @Loki @Vision** The door to my room is open, maybe they ran in there

**Steve:** I'm going to check

**Vision:** Please do

**Vision: **I've searched half the compound

**Steve: **..........

**Vision: **What is it?

**Loki:** Did you find them?

**Steve:** CAROL!!!!!!!!!

**Carol:** How may I be of assistance?

**Steve:** WHY?!!

**Sam:** lol what did she do?

**Carol:** 😉🙃😁

**Steve: **She spray-painted FUCK YOU, LOVE CAROL on my shield!

**Steve:** IN BLACK SPRAY-PAINT

**Tony:** lololol

**Clint: **That's amazing

**Carol:** _bows dramatically_

**Loki:** The cats have yet to be located

**Vision:** I'll keep searching. We'll find them

**Loki:** What if they ran outside?!

**Bruce:** You mean your guys' cats?

**Loki:** YES! MY SONS ARE MISSING!

**Vision: **So is muffin

**Bruce:** They're with Natasha and Sasha

**Vision:** ?

**Bruce:** Yeah, I walked into our room and she was cuddling with all four of them on the bed

**Loki:** WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!

**Nat:** 🙃

**Carol:** 🙃🙃

**Wanda:** 🙃🙃🙃

**Vision: **Wanda, why did you tell me Muffin was missing?

**Wanda: @Vision** idk, why did you take Thor's hammer?

**Vision:** ......

**Vision: **Lesson learned

**Loki:** NATASHA I WILL _DESTROY _ YOU FOR THIS!

**Nat: **I'm not too worried

**Clint:** No wonder the girls were so quiet

**Scott:** Yeah, I was like "Where did they go?"

**Thor:** HAHA! KARMA HAS STRUCK IT'S FATAL BLOW BROTHER!

**Nat: @Thor** I told you I'd help you get them back

**Thor: **Thank you my good lady

**Thor:** Your assistance is much appreciated

**Nat: @Wanda @Carol** Good work ladies

**Tony:** As entertaining as this whole thing has been, I'm hungry

**Tony: **Who wants shawarma? 


	11. Ice Cream and Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very wholesome chapter
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Peter created a server_

_Peter named the Server: **Hey Everyone**_

_Peter invited Everyone_

**Peter:** Hi hi

**Tony:** Peter where are you right now?

**Peter:** Dr. Strange and Clint took me and Wanda out for ice cream

**Peter:** Didn't I tell you?

**Tony:** No, you failed to mention it

**Steve:** Or maybe you just failed to hear it Tony

**Tony: @Steve** Cap it Cap

**Peter:** Oh yeah, and Thor came with us too

**Peter: **He brought Melvin

**Clint: **The kids needed a break

**Clint:** Sorry, I thought Peter told you

**Peter: **I got strawberry swirl

**Peter:** It's really good

**Steve:** Which place did you go to?

**Clint:** The new Vegan Ice cream place down the road

**Tony:** You're eating vegan Ice cream?

**Tony:** It's not real ice cream then

**Clint:** It's actually pretty good

**Strange:** Tony it all tastes the same, give it a rest

**Wanda:** He's not lying, It's the best ice cream I've ever had!

**Thor:** MELVIN HAS ICE CREAM ON HIS NOSE

**Nat:** Awweee So cute

**Nat:** Also

**Nat: @Clint** 1\. Why wasn't I invited? and 2. Why would you willingly give Thor and Peter sugar?

**Clint: **1\. Because you weren't

**Clint: **2\. Because it's hot and Peter wanted ice cream

**Tony:** You know what happens when you give Peter sugar

**Clint: @Tony **Yeah, but you can't say no to that face

**Strange:** We'll just walk around for a while until the sugar wears off

**Thor: **Melvin needs a walk anyway

**Loki:** I am cuddling with my sons and you all are disturbing me

**Peter:** Kitties!

**Peter:** Harald taking a nap is wholesome. He's so cute when he sleeps

**Loki:** My Sons are the best

**Vision: **My cat is obviously superior

**Wanda: **Lil' baby 💖💖💖

**Nat: **Muffin is adorable 

**Vision:** I rest my case

**Wanda:** lol Peter don't eat so fast, you'll get a brain freeze

**Peter:** BUT IT'S SO GOOD!

**Peter**: IT'S VANILLA AND STRAWBERRIES! MUST CONSUME!

**Carol: **That sounds really good

**Carol: @Wanda** What did you get?

**Wanda:** It's cinnamon crunch

**Wanda:** The most glorious thing I have ever tasted in my life

**Carol:** Ice cream is good for the soul

**Peter:** A wholesome meal indeed

**Tony:** We all know that chocolate is the best flavor

**Steve:** That's a lie

**Steve:** It's vanilla

**Tony: **........

**Steve:** .........

**Carol:** lol

**Nat:** My cat is being adorable

**Wanda:** Aww

**Peter:** BABY CAT

**Vision: **I have something even more adorable

**Carol:** Not Possible

**Vision: <Inserts Wanda Here>**

**Wanda:** _hides_

**Nat: **THAT'S MY BEST FRIEND!!!!!!!

**Carol:** I stand corrected

******Wanda:** lol, we just left the ice cream place and Thor and Peter are skipping down the side walk with Melvin like maniacs 

**Peter:** wAndA

**Peter:** Come join our fun!

**Clint: **DON'T TEXT AND SKIP AT THE SAME TIME!

**Strange: **You're going to fall

**Scott:** Such wholesome parents 

**Clint:** Wanda joined in

**Clint:** They're skipping through the park singing "We Didn't Start the Fire"

**Strange:** What bunch of five year olds

**Steve:** Kids will be kids

**Wanda:** we aRe NoT cHiLdReN

**Peter:** i aM a sPiDeR-MAN

**Thor:** yOu aRe A sPiDeYbOi

**Clint:** PETER GET OFF THE FOUNTAIN!

**Tony:** lol, ten bucks says he'll fall in

**Strange:** Well, he didn't fall in

**Wanda: **But he did fall off

**Peter:** MMM WHATCHA SAY

**Thor: **What else is there to do in New York?

**Peter:** Me and Shuri normally go for sandwiches whenever we hang out

**Wanda:** We just had ice cream tho

**Peter:** I think there's some sort of carnival nearby, like a block from here

**Wanda: **WE SHOULD GO THERE

**Thor:** I AGREE

**Peter:** DADS LET'S GO TO THE CARNIVAL!

**Wanda:** WE'LL BE GOOD I PROMISE!

**Clint:** .......

**Nat:** lol, regretting your decision there?

**Bruce: @Birb @Strange** Don't worry, next time Nat and I'll take 'em

**Nat: @Bruce** Don't rope me into this

**Strange:** We might as well, they can burn off their sugar highs

**Peter: **YAY

**Peter:** IM GONNA RIDE ALL THE RIDES

**Wanda:** AND PLAY ALL THE GAMES

**Thor:** AND WIN ALL THE PRIZES

**Sam:** This is such a wholesome conversation

**Bucky:** I for one am glad they're gone. It's much quieter 

**Sam:** Agreed

**Bucky: **Wait...

**Bucky: @Sam** Did we just agree on something?

**Sam:** I believe we did

**Scott:** Yay Progress!

**Wanda:** WE'RE HEEEERRREEEEE

**Wanda:** Peter come with me on the ferris wheel!

**Thor:** I'm going to walk around with Melvin

**Clint: @Strange** what do we do?

**Strange:** Lurk

**Clint:** Okay, I can do that

**Wanda:** RIP

**Wanda:** Line's too long

**Peter:** Thor where you at?

**Thor:** One of the ring toss games

**Wanda:** I see you!

**Wanda: @Thor **Move over loser, I wanna play!

**Peter:** lol, Wanda's using her powers to win a giant stuffed cat

**Wanda:** Peter don't expose me

**Thor:** yOu'Ve bEeN eXpOsEd

**Wanda:** Got it tho

**Wanda: **Giant cat is acquired 

**Tony:** Good work

**Steve:** **@Tony** Don't encourage it

**Tony:** Well you know what they say capsicle, If you can't win fair, cheat

**Steve:** No one says that Tony

**Bruce:** Apparently Tony does

**Clint: @Wanda @Peter @Thor** Where are you three?

**Wanda:** Peter found a cotton candy stand

**Thor:** THIS FLUFFY MIDDGARDIAN SUBSTANCE IS NOW MY NEW FAVORITE FOOD!

**Carol:** lol you kids have fun

**Nat: @Clint** Just when you thought it was over :)

**Clint: **......

**Strange: **......

**Strange:** Clint?

**Clint:** Strange?

**Strange:** Never taking the kids for ice cream again


	12. Cat Crew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Thor Created a Server _  
_Thor Named the Server: _ ** _Cat Crew_ **  
_Thor Invited Vision, Loki_

**Thor: **GUYS GUYS GUYS

**Vision: **Yes?

**Loki: **You don't have to shout.

**Thor: **I'VE JUST HAD THE BEST IDEA

**Vision: **Do tell

**Thor: **WE SHOULD GET CAT CREW SWEATERS

**Loki: **NO

**Loki: **ABSOLUTELY NOT

**Loki: **IDEA REJECTED!

**Vision: **I'm indifferent

**Thor: **HA HA THAT'S TWO TO ONE!

**Vision: **Majority wins

**Loki: **I hate these middgardian rules

**Thor: **YAY SWEATERS!

**Tony: **lol you guys have a server too?

**Vision: **Hello Mr. Stark

**Thor: **Welcome Stark

**Loki: **Get out

**Tony: **Wow. So much nicer than the others.

**Thor: **Stark help me convince Loki to let me get him a cat crew sweater. Vision already agreed but my brother is being stubborn about it.

**Tony: **Loki

**Tony: **In a club sweater

**Tony: **Now this I must see.

**Thor: **SEE BROTHER! EVEN STARK AGREES!

**Tony: **I think it's a great idea. In fact we should add the others to help you design it.

**Thor: **Yes Yes!

_Tony Invited Everyone_

**Bruce: **What is this?

**Nat: **I'm so confused

**Sam: **?

**Wanda: **Hi Vis❤️

**Vision: **Hello Wanda❤️

**Bruce: @Nat** how come you're never that happy to see me Natasha?

**Nat: **What are you talking about? I'm always happy to see you. I'm just awful at expressing any sort of emotion ever

**Strange: **Why do I keep getting added to these random chats?

**T'Challa: **You and me both

**Peter: **Hey everyone

**Thor: **Ah good! Spider child is here. Peter help me design a sweater for Loki.

**Nat: **Did I read that right?

**Steve: **A sweater? For Loki?

**Thor: **Yes! We're making Cat Crew sweaters.

**Wanda: **OMG THATS ADORABLE

**Carol: **Make Loki's pink

**Nat: **lol yes

**Nat: **It'll bring out the green in his eyes

**Loki: **You're an evil woman Carol Danvers

**Carol: **What can I say?🙃

**Clint: **lol****

**Clint: **Put a pun on it too

**Peter: **Ooh Ooh I got one!

**Tony: **Hit me

**Peter: **Keep It LOKI

**Tony: **Yes

**Scott: **lol just read this, that's perfect

**Wanda: **You should definitely do that

**Loki: **.......

**Loki: **I hate you all

**Peter: **Even me?

**Loki: **No

**Thor: **LOKI I'M GETTING YOU A SWEATER AND THAT IS FINAL!!!

**Loki: **NO!

**Vision: **Too late. They've just been ordered.

**Loki: **I can't even....

**Loki: **This is so humiliating

**Wanda: **Lol** @Thor** What did you get for Vision

**Wanda: **Dare I ask

**Thor: **It says "Property of Wanda" on it

**Wanda: **A true work of art

**Vision: **Yes you are

**Wanda: ** _hides_

**Thor: **Now onto more pressing matters

**Loki: **Which are?

**Thor: **What Disney film are we watching tonight.

**Thor: **My vote is on Hercules

**Vision: **We watched that last week

**Thor: **It's a good movie

**Visio: **So's the Lion King

**Thor: **Hercules is history of the Gods

**Vision: **The Lion King is Shakespeare with cats

**Thor: **Hercules is more epic

**Vision: **Lion King has the better plot

**Thor: **Says who?

**Vision: **Says me

**Nat: **lol****

**Nat: **You guys and your Disney

**Loki: **Disney is wholesome, don't judge

**Bucky: **Never thought I'd hear that from Loki

**Thor: **Hercules

**Vision: **Lion King

**Thor: **Hercules!

**Vision: **Lion King!

**Thor: **HERCULES****

**Vision: **LION KING

**Loki: **ENOUGH!

**Loki: **YOU HAVE TORTURED ME ENOUGH TODAY!

**Loki: **It's my turn to pick the movie tonight and I say we are watching the Aristocats because we've seen Hercules and The Lion King at least 10,000 times

**Thor: **......

**Vision: **.......

**Tony: **lol Thor and Vision have been told.

**Vision: **I'll start the TV

**Thor: **I'll get the snacks

**Loki: **I'll get the cats

**Wanda: **lol, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em

**Vision: **You are always welcome to join us Wanda.

**Wanda: **That's not what I was saying.....

**Wanda: **But I'm down

**Vision: **😊

**Tony: **Well, my work here is done

**Tony: **Another day, another server hacked

**Loki: @Tony**

**Loki: **Piss off


	13. Space Girlz Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Carol Created a Server_

_Carol Named the Server: _ ** _Space Girls Reunion_ **

_Carol Invited Gamora, Nebula, Mantis, Wanda, Nat, Shuri, Peter_

**Carol: @Gamora** Are you guys here yet?

**Camora: **15 min away :)

**Wanda: **Am much excite

**Nat: **Thor's been so excited about seeing Groot and Rocket again.

**Carol: **lol he can't contain himself

**Gamora: **lol

**Gamora: **Gotta be sure to thank Stark for letting us crash at the compound

**Wanda: **We need to have a girl's night while you're here

**Peter: **Since I'm a Space Girl, can I get in on this?

**Nat: **Of course

**Nebula: **Does this mean we have to watch a pg rated movie?

**Nat: **Fuck no

**Nat: **We just don't tell Tony

**Peter: @Shuri** Are you still in New York?

**Shuri: **Yes

**Peter: **What are the chances you can convince T'Challa to let you leave the facility and come hang?

**Shuri: **0 to none

**Peter: **What are the chances that you're going to ignore that and come hang anyway?

**Shuri: **101%

**Peter: **See you soon!

**Mantis: **Hi Peter

**Peter: **Hi Mantis

**Carol: **You Guardians need to hurry up and save me

**Carol: **The Capsicle is being an annoying piece of shit

**Nebula: **Well you know....

**Nebula: **We did form to terrorize universal forces of evil

**Carol: **🙃

**Shuri: **I smell mischief

**Mantis: **We're here!!!

**Carol: **Coming to greet you guys now!

**Peter: @Shuri** When are you coming over?

**Shuri: **idk when do you want me over?

**Peter: **How long does it take you to get here?

**Shuri: **Like 10 minutes

**Peter: **Then I'll see you in 10

**Shuri: **👌🏾

**Carol: **SOS

**Carol: **Cap's still being a jerk to me

**Gamora: **I noticed that. Why?

**Carol: **He's pissed that I let Thor eat the last of his pasta🙄

**Wanda: **That's what it was?

**Wanda: **lol Vision just asked me why I'm texting you all if we're all in the same room together

**Gamora: "**Because we're plotting world domination." - Wanda 2019

**Nebula: **The look on his face was priceless

**Mantis: **Who's at the door?

**Peter: **Probably Shuri

**Shuri: **Steve sounds very protective of his pasta.

**Nat: **I don't blame him. Wanda's Mac 'N Cheese is bomb.

**Wanda: **Aww Thanks Nat❤️

**Nat: **You're welcome love💖

**Nebula: **Vision better watch out, Natasha's coming for his girl

**Wanda: **lmao

**Wanda: **Vision would like to ask Natasha to kindly back the fuck up

**Nat: **lol it's okay. I only want you for your Mac 'N Cheese

**Wanda: **Gee thanks

**Mantis: **I must try this Mac 'N Cheese.

**Nebula: **Though I do love a good bowl of Mac 'N Cheese. Gamora's Bacon Ravioli is far superior to any kind of pasta

**Gamora: **💙

**Gamora: **Nebula is my favorite sister

**Nebula: **I am your _only_ sister

**Carol: **My dudes, I love you both, but spaghetti and meatballs is always the way to go

**Gamora: @Carol** You can spagooter your way out of this chatroom

**Carol: @Gamora** I _made_ this chatroom?

**Gamora: **😂

**Carol: **😂

**Carol: **Anyway, back to the task at hand

**Nat: **Which is?

**Carol: **A counter attack to Steve's jerkiness

**Peter: **Orrrrr.....

**Peter: **We could have some fun and just prank EVERYONE

**Nat: **EXCEPT THOR

**Wanda: **Yes yes. You know what happened last time

**Wanda: **Besides, he's having fun with Groot. Let's not ruin their night.

**Mantis: **What happened the last time?

**Nat: **Loki, Steve, And Vision stole his cape and his hammer and hid them. It took him hours to find them

**Wanda: **He was so upset 😢

**Gamora: **We should DEFINITELY prank the boys then

**Nebula: **Isincerely hope that revenge was taken on them for hurting that soft man

**Wanda: **Don't worry

**Wanda: **Natasha hid with their cats and we pretended they were missing

**Nebula: **Good

**Nebula: **Sowhat's our play?

**Shuri: **Never fear, for Shuri is here!

**Peter: **Listen to Captain Shuri!

**Shuri: **Thank you Co-Captain

**Shuri: **I propose we play personalized pranks on each one, or on groups of them

**Carol: **I like the way you think princess

**Gamora: **lol, we could get Rocket to steal Bucky's arm

**Nebula: **And switch Quill's tape with heavy metal

**Gamora: **YES!

**Carol: **I can vandalize Cap's shield again

**Wanda: **lol no you already did that

**Nat: **WAIT WAIT WAIT

**Nat: **Carol, please turn the star on his uniform into a pentagram

**Carol: **lmao will do

**Peter: @Shuri** Help me lock Bruce and Tony in the lab?

**Shuri: **Wouldn't miss it

**Nat: **We can switch Clint and Sam's costumes 🤣

**Carol: **That leaves Loki And Vision

**Gamora: **Do we have to prank Vision? He's such a bean. I feel bad

**Wanda: **.....

**Gamora: **......

**Nat: **..........

**Wanda: **Vision is also excused

**Nebula: **WHIPPED

**Wanda: **Last time I pranked him he deprived me of cuddles for a week.

**Nat: **lol

**Wanda: **I barely survived

**Mantis: **What if we hid Loki's helmet?

**Nebula: **Good thinking Mantis

**Peter: **lol they're gonna hate us

**Shuri: **But it's so worth it

**Nat: **Too bad Scott's not here

**Carol: **Yeah, that would have been fun

**Carol: **Remind me to recruit Hope to the Space Girlz

**Wanda: **Lets go girls

**Wanda: **And Peter

**Nat: **And then Wanda's Mac 'N Cheese after

** _IN ANOTHER CHAT_ **

_Carol created a Server_

_Carol Named the Server: _ ** _BOW DOWN B*TCHES_ **

_Carol Invited Everyone_

_Carol Invited Gamora_

_Carol Invited Nebula_

_Carol Invited Mantis_

_Carol Invited Quill_

**Clint: **Why does Sam have my stuff?

**Sam: **Clint give me back my wings

**Clint: **Give me back my bow

**Sam: **Okay

**Clint: **Okay

**Quill: **Whoever is responsible for giving me a headache I will find you

**Gamora: **Love you❤️

**Quill: **........

**Steve: **CAROL!!!!!

**Carol: **😊

**Bruce: **What did she do?

**Steve: **She spray painted the star on my uniform into a pentagram. The little shit

**Tony: **LANGUAGE

**Bruce: **I've got a solution for that hang on

**Shuri: **Wait for it.....

**Peter: **😉😉😉

**Bruce: **PETER! SHURI!

**Tony: **What's wrong?

**Bruce: **The darn kids hacked into FRIDAY's system and locked us in

**Tony: **Peter you're grounded.

**Tony: **No cartoons for a week

**Peter: **I'm cry🥺 

**Tony: **Fine, no cartoons for a day

**Loki: **YOU MEWLING QWIMS!!!!

**Loki: **WHICH ONE OF YOU STOLE MY HELMET!

**Bucky: **My arm's off

**Bucky: **Get the rat to give it back

**Mantis: **He says no

**Steve: **I'll get it for you

**Bucky: **Thanks bro

**Steve: **You're welcome bud

**Nat: **BROMANCE

**Carol: **Well ladies

**Carol: **Our work here is done

**Wanda: **Pasta?

**Nat: **Pasta.


	14. The Babysitters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Tony Created a Server_

_Tony Named the Server: _ ** _Please tell me Peter and Shuri aren't dead_ **

_Tony invited Everyone _  
  
  
  


**Wanda:** They're not dead

**Peter:** I'm not dead

**Carol:** Tony, this is like the third server in thirty minutes

**Carol:** STAHP!

**T'Challa:** Yes, how are the children?

**Carol:** Currently watching a movie with Loki

**Carol:** They've introduced him to Harry Potter

**Peter: @Tony** We being good bois

**Shuri:** Yes, don't worry brother. I haven't caused any explosions

**Shuri:** Yet.

**T'Challa:** 👀

**Shuri:** 👀

**Wanda:** Go back to watching your movie

**Peter:** It finished

**Loki:** I quite enjoyed that actually

**Peter:** SEE?

**Shuri: **THEY ARE GOOD MOVIES

**Nat:** I hope you kids are behaving yourselves while we're gone

**Peter:** We haven't gotten into too much trouble

**Vision: @Tony @T'Challa** Don't worry, I have provided them with all the necessary requirements for keeping a child occupied

**Tony:** At least there's one responsible one in the house

**Tony:** And don't forget we have Strange as back up

**Strange:** They haven't called me yet so I assume they're doing a fine job Tony

**Peter: @Vision** wE aRe nOt cHiLdReN

**Vision:** I brought coloring books

**Shuri:** ...!

**Peter:** ....

**Shuri:** wE aRe cHiLdReN

**Wanda:** I’m dying

**Wanda:** Vision got them Avengers coloring books

**Sam:** This is going to end very badly

**Tony:** I take back what I said

**Tony:** There are no responsible people in the house

**Nat:** All the adults have left

**Steve: **Seriously? Do we need a babysitter for all of you?

**Clint: **Probably

**Bruce:** It seems we can't leave the house for five minutes without something going wrong

**Thor:** Relax my friends. I'm sure they will be just fine while we're gone. They're under my brother's supervision as well.

**Nat: @Thor **Think about what you just said

**Clint:** Oh God, That's even worse

**Tony:** Barton you hid your arrows right?

**Clint: @Tony** Of course I did

**Peter:** UNCLE LOKI COME COLOR WITH US!

**Shuri:** ITS FUN!

**Loki:** As much as I would love to vandalize the others with you, my sons are in need of attention

**Peter: **Rip

**Shuri: **I love your sons

**Thor:** HE LETS YOU PLAY WITH HIS CATS TOO?

**God of Thunder:** BROTHER WHY DO YOU NEVER LET ME PLAY WITH YOUR CATS?

**Loki:** BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF THEIR PRESENCE

**Loki:** Besides, you have a dog

**Thor: **This is true

**Thor: **But howdo I become worthy?

**Loki:** Only my sons decide who is worthy of their presence

**Peter:** yes yes

**Shuri:** My brother won't let me get a cat

**T'Challa:** Shuri you don't need a cat

**Vision:** Everyone needs a cat

**Shuri:** Peter stop taking all the blue crayons

**Peter:** I'm not

**Shuri: **Yes you are, they're all in a pile right next to you

**Shuri:** I need the dank blue

**Peter:** It's too dank for your clutches

**Shuri:** Give me the dank Peter

**Peter:** No

**Shuri:** I WILL BLAST YOU

**Peter:** I WILL WEB YOU

**Tony: **YOU BREAK ONE THING IN THAT COMPOUND AND I WILL END YOU

**Bucky:** Hey no fighting.

**Sam:** We all have to be nice to each other

**Peter:** You insult Bucky all the time?

**Shuri:** Bucky throws things at Sam?

**Bucky:** .....

**Sam:** We're adults. We don't count

**Nat:** Have the children eaten yet?

**Carol:** Wanda and I are making them Mac 'N Cheese

**Peter:** _claps hands excitedly_

**Nat:** .....

**Nat: @Wanda** YOU'RE MAKING MAC 'N CHEESE WITHOUT ME?

**Wanda:** The kids wanted noodles

**Shuri:** Careful chirren that's a lot of sodium

**Peter: **lol

**Steve:** What did we say about excessive memeing?

**Shuri: **👀

**T'Challa:** I'm just glad I don't have to deal with Shuri this week

**T'Challa:** It’s always a relief when she comes to stay with you

**Shuri:** _FUCK YOU_

**Peter:** _FUCK YOU VERY VERY MUCH!_

**Shuri:** _CAUSE WE HATE WHAT YOU DO_

**Peter:** _AND WE HATE YOUR WHOLE CREW_

**Shuri:** _SO PLEASE DON'T KEEP IN TOUCH!_

**Steve:** PETER!

**T'Challa:** SHURI!

**Carol:** lol I'm loving this. They're running around the foyer screaming the lyrics

**Carol:** We've taught them well

**Nat:** _shakes head_

**Bruce:** _is slightly disappointed_

**Clint:** _is slightly proud at the same time_

**Wanda: @Shuri @Peter** Your Mac 'N Cheese is done. Get in here!

**Peter: **Okay we're coming

**Wanda: @everyone** Dinner is served, get your asses in here

**Steve:** Language

**Scott:** What have I just walked into?

**Bruce:** The OGs are out and about right now so well left the others to babysit the kids

**Steve: **Why didn't we just call Scott? He's a responsible adult

**Clint:** No

**Scott:** Thanks

**Clint:** You're welcome

**Strange: **Am I still not needed?

**Wanda:** No. We good here

**Peter:** Hi Magic Dad

**Strange: **Hi Science son

**Peter:** I'm eating Mac 'N Cheese

**Strange:** Good for you

**Peter:** Are you coming over?

**Strange:** Only if things start blowing up

**Shuri: @Peter** You have so many dads

**Peter:** I know.

**Shuri:** How many dads have you got?

**Peter:** Iron Dad, American Dad, Magic Dad, Mad Dad, Bird Dad, and Spider Mom

**Nat:** 🖤🖤🖤

**Shuri:** Careful chirren, that's a lot of dads

**Peter:** Careful chirren, that's a lot of memes

**Peter: **They're your dads too

**Thor:** Yes, **@T'Challa** We're adopting Shuri

**T'Challa:** Gladly

**T'Challa: **She's all yours

**Wanda:** PETER! NO WEBBING IN THE HOUSE!

**Tony:** What did he do?

**Peter:** Shuri tazed me! I got scared!

**T'Challa: **Shuri!

**Wanda: **Oh shit. Now he's on the ceiling

**Steve:** PETER GET DOWN! YOU'LL FALL

**Peter: **No! She's gonna taze me again!

**Tony: **Don't make me call Strange

**Strange:** Yes, please don't make him call me. I don't want to deal with children tonight.

**Vision: **Peter, Get down from the ceiling and come finish your Mac 'N Cheese before it gets cold

**Shuri:** Otherwise I'll eat it

**Peter:** NOOOOO

**Peter:** I'm coming!

**Wanda: **Thank you

**Steve:** Where are Sam and Bucky in all this?

**Carol:** I don't know. Probably off doing bro stuff

**Wanda:** They don't really like each other?

**Carol:** Nah, they’re bros

**Wanda:** Welp, I think we're gonna need to call in back up

**Wanda: **It's become a food war

**Wanda:** PETER I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU FLING THAT AT ME I WILL END YOU!

**Vision:** Peter, please do not throw your pasta on Wanda

**Strange:** Alright, alright I'm coming

**Tony: **Gotta put those kids to bed Strange

**Wanda:** Oh shit

**Carol:** Loki has decided to join in the fun

**Wanda:** We're fucked

**Wanda: **Strange, save us

**Tony:** Is he there?

**Wanda:** Yeah, he's making them clean it up and then they have to go to bed

**Clint:** Shoulda done that hours ago

**Peter:** We've been thwarted

**Shuri:** Worth it

**Loki:** I still don't understand why I have to go to bed too

**Clint:** Because you're one of the children

**Loki:** Why must you insult me this way?

**Peter: @Strange** Will you come read us a bedtime story?

**Strange:** No

**Shuri: **Peter is the big sad  
  
**Strange:** .....

**Strange:** Fine

**Peter: @Strange **My favorite Dad

**Tony: **I will read you bedtime stories every night

******Steve: **I will make you milk and cookies

**Bruce:** I'll let you get away with blowing stuff up

**Clint: **I’ll let you meme excessively

**Nat:** I'll let you watch R rated movies

**Peter: ****@Nat** Really?

**Nat:** No

**Shuri:** lol

**Shuri:** Look at all those chickens!

**Shuri:** They’re all competing for Peter’s favoritism

**Strange:** I'm obviously the superior dad

**Peter:** Can we have our story now?

**Strange:** Yes

**Sam:** lol, look at Strange being a domestic dad

**Wanda:** SHOW

**Sam:** Come see for yourself

**Wanda:** OML THAT'S ADORABLE

**Strange: @Tony** They're Asleep. Can I go now?

**Tony:** Yes

**Steve:** Thank you Strange

**Clint:** Next time just have Strange watch them

**Strange:** I would prefer to remain a last resort

**Strange:** Anyway, goodnight everyone. Try not to die

**Nat:** Thanks Strange

**Nat: @Wanda** We're on our way back from the meeting now

**Wanda:** 👍🏻

**Tony:** Those kids better be asleep when I get back

**Peter:** hehehe

**Tony:** Otherwise I'm gonna have to WHOOP THEIR ASSES INTO BED

**Shuri:** 👀

**Peter:** zzzzzzZZZZZZ

**Thor: **We're good parents right?

**Nat:** Yeah. Definitely.

**Scott:** No


	15. Shitposts and Shenanigans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Tony created a Server_

_Tony Named the Server: _ ** _Have at you!_ **

_Tony Invited Everyone_

**Tony: **I'm in a meeting

**Wanda: **I'm in my room

**Shuri: **I'm in Wakanda

**Peter: **I'm also in Wakanda

**T'Challa: @Tony** Take them back

**Tony: @T'Challa** No

**Tony: **Now you know how I feel whenever you send Shuri over for the week

**Carol: **lol co-parenting.

**T'Challa: **Just for that I'm sending Shuri back with Peter for another week.

**Steve: **Do they at least have a suitable babysitter?

**T'Challa: **Okoye is watching them.

_Nat added Pepper_

**Pepper: **Tony Why are you on your phone during a meeting?

**Tony: **Natasha why?

**Nat: **😉

**Bruce: **Yeah Tony get off your phone

**Tony: **Why is everyone bullying me?

**Pepper: **Tony I am the CEO of this company and if I ask you to come to a meeting I expect you to be present and alert.

_Tony has left the server _

**Wanda: **Good day sir!

**Nat: **Pepper is salty lmao

**Scott: **lol Tony has just been recycled

**Tony: **I will step on you Scott

**Carol: **👀

**Thor: **Are there anymore pop tarts left in the kitchen?

**Loki: **No brother you ate them all

**Peter: **Wait Thor, you ate _all_ the pop tarts?

**Thor: **It appears so

**Peter: **Even the strawberry ones?

**Thor: **......Yes?

**Peter: 😟😟😟**

****Shuri: ****No Peter! Don't cry! It's gonna okay!

**Loki: **You've done it now Brother.

**Nat: **THOR YOU OAF HOW DARE YOU EAT MY SPIDERSON'S STRAWBERRY POP TARTS?!!!

**Nat: **I BOUGHT THOSE SPECIFICALLY FOR PETER!

**Thor: **IM SORRY!! PETER I WILL GET YOU MORE POP TARTS!

**Peter: **And let me cuddle with Melvin whenever I want?

**Thor: **YES

**Peter: **You are forgiven

**Shuri: **lol I actually thought he was gonna cry for a good moment there

**Peter: **It’s very hot in Wakanda

**Peter: **Halp I am melting

**Shuri: ** _dumps ice on peter_

**Shuri: **There. Now stop complaining

**Peter: **And now I'm cold

**Shuri: **SCREEEEEEE

**Peter: **REEEEEET

**Clint: ** _SQWAK_

**Sam: **The Bird Squad has arrived

**Steve: **I was already here?

**Bucky: **Sam ur late to the party smh

**Sam: **Caw Caw mf

**Tony: **For gosh sakes, watch your language!

**Clint: **THE BIRD SQUAD DEMANDS A SACRIFICE

**Scott: **Not it

**Bruce: **Also not it

**Peter: **I'm in another country. Does this mean I'm safe?

**ImABird: **Are circles square?

**Clint**: Does chocolate belong on bacon?

**Steve**: Is Carol sane?

**Peter: **No?

**Sam: **Then there's your answer

**Carol**: You’re not wrong tho

**Thor: **What do you desire oh mighty Bird Squad?

**Clint: **......

**Clint: **Pizza

**Scott: **Yes pizza is good

**Wanda: **I could go for a pizza

**Vision: **I just asked you if you wanted that and you said no

**Wanda: **I changed my mind

**Vision: **In a matter of two minutes?

**Wanda: **Yes

**Carol: **Since Tony's in a meeting I can grab it. What do y'all want?

**Steve: **I'll eat anything that doesn't include anchovies

**Carol: **Extra anchovies. Got it.

**Steve: **🙄🙄🙄

**Tony: **I'll eat anything

**Bruce: **Same

**Wanda: **Get veggie 

**Nat: **And cheese 

**Thor: **Don't forget pepperoni and bacon 

**Sam: **The Bird Squad demands a margarita pizza

**Steve: **Margarita sounds good.

**Carol:** You want anchovies on that?

**Steve:** No Carol, I do not.

**Captain:** Okay so cheese, pepperoni and bacon, veggie, And margarita. On it

**Peter:** Shuri and I are getting pizza too.

**Shuri: **Yes, after Peter introduced me to pizza in New York, I established a pizza joint here in Wakanda.

**Peter:** We should get ice cream too

**Strange:** I'd advise against that after last time

**Bucky:** Strange being a good dad

**Wanda:** Domestic dad Strange

**Nat:** Papa Strange being Papa Strange

**Strange:** Really?

**Peter:** Please Magic Dad?

**T'Challa:** They're under the warrior supervision of Okoye and myself. We will make sure nothing happens. I always take Shuri for ice cream in Fridays

**Shuri:** A forced sibling tradition established by yours truly

**Strange: @T'Challa** It's your funeral

**Peter:** ICE CREAM

**Tony:** Peter is such a wholesome son

**Peter:** I love my dads

**Steve:** I find it amusing that you only love us when we give you things

**Peter: **Sorry if it puts you in a pickle stove, but you're just gonna have to dill with it

**Shuri:** Peter with a pinch of salt

**Loki:** That actually made me laugh

**Scott:** Hold up

**Scott:** PETER MADE _LOKI_ LAUGH?

**Peter:** Magic

**Bucky:** That's Strange's thing

**Tony:** He can share

**Carol:** I'm back and I have the goods

**Clint:** PIZZA

**Thor:** FOOD

**Carol:** And I got more pop tarts too.

**Carol: @Peter** I refilled your stash

**Peter:** Thanks

**Shuri:** Peter we gotta go get our pizza now

**Peter:** Okay

**Tony: **Be good!

**Nat:** We love you!

**Strange:** Don't make them call me

**Clint: @Strange** We having pizza over here, you want some?

**Tony:** He's VEGAN

**Strange: 🙄**

**Strange:** I'm actually a bit busy right now

**Clint:** Maybe next time

**Strange:** Probably not

**Wanda: @Nat ** Are the Guardian girls in town?

**Nat: **No 😢

**Carol:** Come get ur pizza before Thor and I consume it all

**Bucky: **😟

**Tony:** Meeting's over, comin' to get my food

**Peter:** lol **@Shuri **WHAT ARE THOSE!

**Shuri: **THOSE ARE MY T'CHANCLAS

**Shuri: **Hakuna T'Challa

**Peter: **What does it mean?

**Shuri: **I DON'T CARE!

**T'Challa:** Why?

**Tony:** Yeah kid, respect your elders

**Peter:** T'Challa's not that old?

**Shuri:** Therefore we can meme him

**Clint:** This pizza is some good shit.

**Wanda:** I can confirm that Vision likes pepperoni and bacon pizza 

**Vision:** Whoever thought of this is a god in my eyes

**Thor:** Why yes. Yes I am.

**Loki:** This is why the Cat Crew is superior

**Clint:** lol Sam just dropped his pizza. 

**Sam: **That's a bold statement Loki

**Loki:** _bites pizza aggressively_

**Sam:** _glares intensively_

**Nat:** _ assumes role of referee_

**Bruce:** _watches suspiciously from the sidelines_

**Bucky:** _ places bet on Loki_

**Carol:** _goes to break up a fight_ "Hold my beer"

**Tony:** _sits back and lets potential fight happen_

**Loki:** _aggressive chewing_

**Nat:** _sips tea_

**Wanda:** _spills tea_

**Vision:** _refills tea_

**Wanda:** lol Vis

**Peter:** _watches discord server from the shadows of shuri's room_

**Tony:** You're in a girl's room?

**Tony:** Use protection

**Shuri:** ......

**Peter: **........

**Carol:** _makes mental note to spread rumor that tony encourages incest_

**Tony:** _ends carol_

**Peter:** Dad I can assure you that my relationship with Shuri is strictly platonic

**Shuri:** I'm offended that your dad thinks my standards are so low.

**Peter:** ......wow

**Shuri:** kidding

**Nat:** You’d better be

**T'Challa: @Nat** If you come to assassinate my sister I won't stop you

**Nat:** 👍🏻

**Shuri:** 👌🏿

**Peter:** Natasha If you assassinate Shuri then you will be at the receiving end of all my antics

**Nat: @T'Challa** Never mind

**T'Challa:** Damn

**Shuri: **You can't get rid of me that easily

**T'Challa:** Be quiet and eat your ice cream children

**Scott:** Speaking of ice cream, Ben and Jerry's anyone? I'm literally 5 min from the compound.

**Carol:** What kind?

**Scott:** Half baked

**Wanda:** BRING

**Scott:** Hope's with me

**Carol:** BRING

_Scott Invited Hope_

**Hope: **So this is where you hide yourselves?

**Wanda:** Hi Hope

**Steve:** Welcome

**Peter:** Hope's coming over?

**Peter:** Rip Peter, I'm in Wakanda rn

**Hope:** Next time Pete

**Peter:** 😊

**Hope:** We're driving over now

**Tony:** The door's open, just come on up

**Hope:** Okay

**Shuri: **Did y'all know cap has an ice cream flavor?

**Shuri: **Peter and I found a bunch of it stored in his freezer

**Steve: **Shuri why?

**Peter: @Shuri **Why can't you be nOrMaL

**Shuri:** lmao

**Loki:** If you'll please excuse me I have cats to attend to now

**Thor:** Loki let me play with your cats

**Loki:** You are not worthy

**Thor: **My hammer thinks I'm worthy

**Nat: **.........

**Clint:** lol 

**Sam:** SAVED

**Sam: @Carol** Where did you get that pizza? It was some good shit

**Carol:** That new place down the street. Jerry's I think it was called

**Sam:** Noted

**Sam:** BIRD SQUAD

**Sam:** JERRY'S IS OUR NEW NESTING PLACE

**Clint:** _SQWAK_

**Tony:** Big sqwak

**Tony: **Pepper's threatening to take my phone because I was "bad" in the meeting today

**Wanda:** Oof

_Tony has been disconnected _

**Shuri:** Big Oof


	16. Civil War

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Peter created a Server_

_Peter Named the Server: _ ** _Food_ **

_Peter Invited Everyone_  
  


**Peter:** I would just like take this time to say that the current love of my life is Wonder Bread.

**Sam:** Peter wtf?

**Bucky:** Gosh Sam, watch your language!

**Sam: @Bucky **I'll have you know that I'm not amused  
****

**Wanda:** But my Mac n' Cheese....

**Wanda:** How could you betray me like this?

**Shuri: **lol

**Wanda:** _ excuse me_

**Wanda:** _ screams_

**Thor: **wOnDeR

**Peter: 👀**

**Shuri:** _plays careless whisper in the back ground_

**Nat:** Get yourself a man that looks at you the way Thor looks at pop tarts

**Tony: **You will never find such a thing in this world

**Carol: **Thor is the greatest hunter in all of Asgard, yet he only eats pop tarts

**Thor:** DO NOT MOCK ME FOR MY LOVE OF POP TARTS!

**Sam:** lol. But while we're at it, is nobody gonna mention Natasha's committed relationship with peanut butter sandwiches?

**Nat: @Sam** I see no shame in my appreciation for peanut butter and bread

**Peter: **👀

**Peter:** The Wonder Bread is MINE

**Nat:** I DON'T EVEN LIKE WONDER BREAD PETER!

**Peter:** HOW DARE YOU INSULT IT!

**Carol:** Hello, yes. Welcome to our discord server. We have food fights.

**Steve:** You're not innocent Carol. Just yesterday you were arguing with Clint over what shape of pasta was superior.

**Steve:** THE _SHAPE!!!_

**Carol:** THE SHAPE MATTERS!

**Clint:** PENNE!

**Carol:** SPAGHETTI!

**Clint:** I SQWAK AT YOUR SPAGHETTI!

**Carol:** I BLAST MY PHOTON BLASTERS AT YOUR PENNE VODKA!!!!

**Wanda: **MY MAC N CHEESE IS THE BEST, YALL CAN FITE ME!

**Shuri:** Peter What have you started?

**Loki: **A Civil War it seems

**Peter: ** _screms_

**Bucky: **Steve? Nah. Plumbs? Yaaaaaaa

**Carol:** Hdhsjjddj IM DYING! SAAAAAAVED!

**Steve:** I have no words

**Scott:** Bucky you can't deny that Oranges are the best fruit.

**Bucky:** Denied

**Scott: **And to think I called you my friend.....

**Bucky:** I didn't.

**Scott:** ......

**Scott:** Fair enough.

**Rhodey:** This reminds me of Tony and Strange going at it about Strange's damn ice cream

**Tony:** IF IT DOESN'T HAVE **CREAM**, THEN HOW THE FUCK IS IT ICE **CREAM**?!

**Strange:** OH MY GOD TONY ITS A _SUBSTITUTE!_ GIVE IT A FUCKING REST!

**Nat:** _gasp_

**Nat:** Oooh Steve! Strange said a big boy word!

**Steve:** Watch your language!

**Shuri: **But how can you watch language?

**Steve:** .......

**Vision:** Since I don't have to eat I have no idea where I stand in this server....

**Wanda:** My cooking has been insulted

**Vision:** WHO

**Vision:** Appreciate Wanda's cooking! Although I don't really eat I'm sure its delightful.

**Vision:** Peter Wonder Bread is in no way superior to Wanda's Mac N Cheese.

**Nat:** I second

**Peter:** _activates instant kill_

**Tony:** _deactivates instant kill because we can all have our own opinions, but makes it known that cheeseburgers are superior_

**Loki:** _insults cheeseburgers_

**Tony:** _reactivates instant kill. _Never mind

**Bruce:** _happily munches on dried blueberries while staying away from the chaos_

**Nat:** _tries to steal said blueberries_

**Bruce:** _hides blueberries_

**Nat:** _natasha used puppy eyes_

**Bruce:** _it_ _was super effective_

**Nat:** _happily munches on blueberries with bruce_

**Clint:** This is random but I kinda want fried chicken

**Carol:** Make it two

**Clint:** Bring the drinks and I will

**Carol:** You’ve got yourself a deal

**Shuri: @Peter** I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but I've been secretly cheating on you with pizza

**Peter:** _gasps dramatically_

**Peter**: I always knew you were a two timing grease lover!

**Shuri:** I'm sorry! It was just too tempting! I couldn't help myself!

**Peter: **lol** @Shuri** Why is the pizza box square if the pizza is a circle?

**Shuri: **If tomatoes are a fruit is ketchup a smoothie?

**Peter: **If I weigh 99 pounds and i eat a pound of nachos, does that make me 1% nacho?

**Carol:** Oh my god kids, stop smokin crack

**Scott:** Stay in school, don't do drugs

**Strange: @Carol** It's not crack, it's ice cream.

**Tony:** Damn it Strange! I always knew that vegan ice cream had crack in it!

**Steve:** I doubt Strange would give your kid crack Tony.

**Carol:** Just like anyone else would doubt your undying love of hotdogs. Yet here we are.

**Steve:** I can't tell if that's a food joke or a grown up joke

**Tony:** It's whatever you perceive it to be

**Steve:** I swear to God you two.

**Peter:** Cap: _yeets himself off a cliff_

**Shuri:** _plays titanic theme on a recorder in the background_

**Carol:** _celebrates_

**Steve:** _comes back from the dead and ends carol_

**Strange:** _uses the time stone to bring you both back so I can lecture you about getting along_

**T'Challa:** _walks into server_

**T'Challa:** _leaves server_

**T'Challa**: This is no place for a King


	17. Field Trip...To Walmart?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off of true events :)
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Clint Created a Server_

_Clint Named the Server: _ ** _Wal-Martians_ **

_Clint invited everyone_  
  
  


**Sam:** Clint tf is that server name?

**Clint:** Don't insult my creativity Sam

**Bucky:** But why?

**Clint:** Because I'm going to Walmart. What do y'all need?

**Nat:** A ride. I'm coming

**Tony:** Is that really a good idea?

**Steve:** I love you Nat, but you did manage to get kicked out of Shoprite.

**Nat:** Hey, that wasn't just me. Wanda was the one who threw a human into a pasta display

**Wanda:** Don't bring me into this

**Peter:** I wanna come!

**Strange:** No

**Peter:** Why?

**Strange:** I do not trust you and Barton alone in a Walmart of all places

**Bruce:** I swear, we call Strange once a week for back up

**Strange:** And I'd like a week off

**Nat:** All the more reason for me to go

**Clint: **Field Trip!

**Thor:** Get Pop Tarts!

**Clint:** What kind?

**Thor:** All of them!

**Bucky:** Chocolate chips. Sam wants more cookies.

**Carol:** I thought you two don't like each other?

**Vision: **Mr. Wilson only seems to like Mr. Barnes when he's giving him food

**Carol:** That's classic

**Clint:** To the Bird Bus!

**Sam****:** NO!

**Sam:** YOU ARE NOT TAKING THE BIRD BUS BARTON!

**Clint:** Too late

**Peter:** Gotta Go fast!

**Nat:** I've really got my hands full haven't I?

**Strange:** ......

**Steve:** So are we seriously just letting Barton, Nat, and Peter go to Walmart unsupervised?

**Wanda:** Yes

**Carol: @Tony** you know how to hack security footage right?

**Tony:** Yes?

**Vision:** Why would you require security footage from Walmart?

**Carol:** Because I wanna see this shit go down 

**Scott:** Am I the only responsible parent in this chat?

**T'Challa:** Yes

**Hope:** Tony why would you allow this?

**Tony:** It's okay Hope. we have Strange on Speed Dial

**Strange:** Why do you hate me this way?

_Clint Named the Server: _ ** _Clint Goes To Walmart_ **

**Clint: **We have arrived on the premises

**Clint:** TO THE VENTS!!

**Wanda:** That's not how Walmart works

**Nat:** Clint I swear to God if you go in those vents-

**Nat:** And he’s gone

**Peter:** My turn!

**Nat:** No Peter. We will enter like civilized humans

**Peter: **Are we though?

**Nat: **.....

**Nat: **To the vents

**Strange:** Oh God

**Carol:** Quick! Wanda! Get the popcorn!

**Peter:** Dad guess where I am!

**Tony:** If you say the vents I'm selling your Star Wars movies

**Peter:** Have I ever mentioned that Cap is my favorite Avenger?

**Tony: **I take it back

**Wanda:** Don't text and crawl

**Clint:** SQWAK!

**Shuri: **Whatever it is I have just walked into...

**Shuri:** I LOVE IT!

**T'Challa:** Don't encourage them sister

**Nat:** Clint how do we get out?

**Clint: **With style

**Peter:** HE FUCKIN KICKED THE VENT SCREEN OUT I'M DYING

**Tony:** Rhodey get my wallet

**Rhodey:** I'm so sorry

**Peter:** Clint let us slide down one of his wire arrows

**Peter:** I'M A REAL SPY NOW!

**Clint:** Hell Yeah

**Shuri:** You're a super secret spider spy

**Peter:** _plays mission impossible theme_

**Clint: **We have safely landed in the snack isle

**Nat: **The looks on these people's faces are priceless

**Peter:** Can we get stuffed puffs for my hot chocolate?

**Clint:** Y E S

**Nat: **We need a cart first

**Clint: **Cart first. Then snacks.

**Tony: **At least Nat has a brain

**Bucky:** Does she though?

**Clint:** We have acquired a cart.

**Peter:** TO THE SNACKS!

**Clint:** They have peanut butter crackers

**Nat:** G I V E

**Peter: @Bucky** We got your chocolate chips

**Clint:** And a shit ton of junk food

**Nat:** What else?

**Thor:** Don't forget my Pop Tarts!

**Peter:** I'll get them!

**Nat:** PETER NO WEBBING!

**Nat:** CLINT!

**Nat: **They're having a fucking swinging race to see who can get there first

**Carol:** lol

**Scott:** I need this documented

**Hope:** Remind me to NEVER let Scott go anywhere with those two

**Scott:** Don't spoil my fun!

**Hope:** Consider it spoiled

**Tony:** We need a bird cage for Barton and the kid

**Sam:** Or a leash

_Clint Named the Server: _ ** _Oh Shit_ **

**Clint:** Nat......

**Nat:** What did you do?

**Clint:** I lost Peter

**Wanda: **Oh no

**Wanda:** Prepare to be banned

**Tony:** YOU LOST MY KID?!

**Clint:** I tried texting him but he won't answer!

**Tony:** BARTON YOU BIRD BRAIN THAT'S MY KID!

**Tony: **I'm calling Strange

**Strange:** Please don't

**Tony: **Strange this is no time for dramatics! Our son could be in danger!

**Strange:** Our son? He's _your_ son!

**Bruce:** He's _everybody's_ son

**Nat:** Found Clint but Pete's still missing

**Peter:** Tee hee hee

**Peter:** You'll never find me!

**Nat:** Peter I'm not playing hide and seek in fucking Walmart!

**Clint: **But I am!

**Nat:** Bruce we're never getting kids

**Bruce:** We already have one

**Nat:** Sasha doesn't count. She's a cat. Cats are wonderful

**Bruce:** I was talking about Barton

**Nat:** lol

**Clint:** I SQWAK IN YOUR DIRECTION!

**Nat:** Hold up. Clint crash landed in Isle 20

**Steve:** This is why we don't text and fly

**Clint:** I thought I saw him, but he's gone now. I found the Pop Tarts though!

**T'Challa: **How have you not been kicked out yet?

**Clint:** Magic

**Strange:** That's not how magic works

**Clint:** It is now!

**Nat:** Peter seriously, where are you?

**Peter:** I'll never tell

**Nat:** Hold on, I think I see him

**Peter:** I'm a super secret spidey spy now! You'll never catch me!

**Clint:** Oh this is wonderful

**Carol:** T E L L

**Clint:** Natasha found him

**Clint:** Now she's chasing him through all the isles

**Wanda:** Carol would reply, but she can't contain her laughter. The Mighty Captain Marvel is actually crying

**Carol:** Fuck off Wanda, don't expose me

**Vision: **Be nice to Wanda

**Wanda: **Yes, be nice to Wanda

**Clint: **AAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**Tony: **Dare I ask?

**Clint: **Peter webbed Nat to the floor and scampered off

**Nat:** When I get my hands on that little boy, I'm going to Ginger Snap him in half

**Tony: **Please don't kill my kid

**Bruce:** Nat we've been over this. You can't kill children

**Nat:** I'm gonna kill Barton too

**Bruce: **Correction: You can't kill children that aren't your own. It's illegal

**Nat:** _rolls eyes into the next dimension_

**Nat:** Nothing's illegal if you don't get caught

**Scott:** No, I'm pretty sure it's still illegal

**Clint:** I got him!

**Nat: **Good

**Clint:** Strange showed up and dropped him through a portal. He face planted into a cheeze-it display

**Strange:** Why is it always me that gets stuck babysitting?

**Shuri:** Please tell me you have video of that

**Clint:** No, But about 20 other people do

**Peter:** I've been thwarted

**Clint:** And now we're gonna feed you to Natasha

**Steve:** Well....This has certainly been an eventful day...

**Loki:** BARTON!

**Clint: **Oh shit, what now?

**Loki:** THE NEXT TIME YOU'RE GOING TO WRECK A STORE WITH MY FAVORITE NEPHEW, YOU'D BETTER TAKE ME WITH YOU!

**Tony: **And here I thought Loki was a responsible adult who was going to yell at him

**Bucky: **I don't think we'll ever be _that_ lucky

**Steve: **Thanks for the reminder Buck

**Strange: @Tony** Tony come collect your children

**Tony:** Why?

**Clint:** To make a long story short

**Nat: **We're banned

**Peter: **From like every grocery store ever

**Rhodey:** Figured

**Tony:** Barton?

**Tony:** No more field trips

**Steve:** And Peter, you're grounded

**Peter: **No!

**Tony:** No Star Wars for a month

**Peter:** How could you do this to me Dad?

**Tony:** Because now I have to fucking buy a Walmart

**Steve:** Language!


	18. Blind Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Steve Created a server_  
_Steve Named the Server: _ ** _Movie Night 2.0?_ **  
_Steve Invited Everyone_

**Steve: **Anyone up for another movie night?

**Peter: **Y E S

**Sam: **Can't

**Steve: **Why?

**Clint: **He's got a date tonight😏

**Nat: **😉😉😉

**Bucky: **With who? Redwing?

**Sam: **Very funny Barnes

**Carol: **Imean...he’s not wrong

**Carol: **You _do_ have a very committed relationship with that thing

**Bucky: **I also will not be there for the same reasons.

**Sam: **Ew who would want a date with you?

**Carol: ** _whispers_

**Carol: ** _wanda get the popcorn_

**Bucky: **Plenty of people

**Sam: **Oh yeah? What's your imaginary friend's name?

**Bucky: **Not sure. Carol set me up on a blind date. I guess we'll find out.

**Clint: @Sam** Didn’t Carol do the same thing to you?

**Tony: @Clint** Why do you know all this?

**Clint: **I have my resources 😏😏😏

**Scott: **Natasha?

**Wanda: **Natasha

**Steve: **Natasha

**Rhodey: **Natasha

**Peter: **nAtAsHa

**Nat: **Fuck you

**Wanda: **lol when

**Nat: **🙃

**Vision: @Nat** I'm sorry to inform you, but she's busy tonight and every night after.

**Carol: **😂

**Shuri: **Vision is salty

**Peter: **Careful children that's a lot of sodium

**Shuri: **🤣🤣🤣🤣

**Sam: **Y'all are fuckin weird

**Bucky: **You're telling me

**Carol: **lol stop insulting us and LeAvE

**Nat: **Yeah don't keep 'em waiting.

**Sam: **Anything to get away from you weirdos

**Strange: **This is why I thank the gods everyday that I don't live with you lot

**Loki: **You're welcome

**Thor: **I don't think he meant you brother

**Sam: **Okay. I'm leaving****

**Bucky: **And on that note, we’re out.

**Peter**: Have a nice time!

**Carol: @Loki** How long do you think it will take them to notice?

**Loki: **We shall see.

**Scott: **👀

**Tony: **What are you two planning?

**Steve: **And why am I not surprised that Carol teamed up with Loki?

**Peter: **Because they're slippery slither noodles.

**Tony: **Peter nobody understands your pop culture references.

**Shuri: **I do

**Scott: **I do

**Thor: **I do

**T'Challa: **I do

**T'Challa: **Unfortunately

**Strange: **Correction. _Tony_ doesn't understand your pop culture references.

**Peter: **That's because you never let me show you my memes

**Tony: **Because I've got important shit going on

**Peter: **More important than me?🥺🥺

**Tony: **......

**Tony: **Alright fine you can show me the memes

**Carol: **lol Domestic Tony being a Domestic Dad

**Tony: **Shut up Carol

**Loki: @Carol** Wait for it.....

**Sam: **CAROLLLL!!!!!!!!

**Carol: **There it is

**Bucky: **Carol you asshole

**Bucky: **Fuck You

**Carol: **Request denied

**Steve: **What did she do this time?

**Sam: **The fucker set us up on blind dates with each other!

**Clint: **......

**Clint: **HAHAHAHAHA

**Wanda: **THATS AMAZING

**Nat: **FUCKING COMEDY GOLD

**Scott: **lol

**Steve: **Carol why?

**Loki: **The lovely Captain's exact words were "Because they need to get over whatever fucking sexual tension they've got going on and get their asses together already."

**Wanda: **PREACH

**Sam: **WHY TF WOULD YOU THINK I HAVE A THING FOR BARNES?!

**Bucky: **SEXUAL TENSION? BITCH WHERE?

**Wanda: @Sam** lol don't we all?

**Vision**: 👀

**Steve: **My best friend with my other best friend

**Steve: **Strangely I'm okay with that

**Sam: **Why is everyone okay with this?

**Bucky: **Why is everyone insisting we have a thing for each other?

**Peter: **You don't?

**Sam: **N O!

**Carol: **I think you mean *N O?

**Bucky: **.......

**Bucky: **Actually**, **I will neither confirm nor deny these allegations

**Scott: **👀👀👀👀👀

**T'Challa: **And I oop-

**Shuri: ** _whispers_

**Shuri: **_did_ _my brother just make a meme reference?_

**Peter: ** _also whispers_

**Peter: ** _yes_

**T'Challa: **I regret it already

**Nat: **Is nobody going to acknowledge the fact Barnes just declared his love for Wilson?

**Bucky: **Idon't think that's what happened

**Wanda: **So far in denial he can't think straight

**Carol: **Could he ever?

**Tony: **You know Barnes, the first step to acceptance is acceptance

**Sam: **...............................

**Sam: **.......................................

**Sam: **............................................

**Carol: ** _falcon.exe has stopped working_

**Sam: ** _Flattery Accepted_

**Carol: ** _falcon.exe is rebooting_

**Sam: ** _acceptance accepted_

**Carol: ** _falcon.exe is now functional_

**Carol: **I KNEW ITT

**Carol: @Clint** You owe me $20

**Clint: ** _sighs_

**Clint: **Okay

**Tony: **On a scale of 1-Steve how awkward is the atmosphere right now?

**Bucky: **<Steve

**Steve: **Thanks Tony

**Tony: **You're welcome.

**Bucky: **Welp. Imma go

**Sam: **Imma join you on that

**Wanda: **Have a nice night🙃😉

**Bucky: **😒

**Bucky: **Oh and Carol?

**Carol: ** _bats eyelashes innocently_

**Carol: **Yes?

**Sam: **You're still an asshole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my Finest work, but it needed to happen. I promise the next one will be significantly better


	19. Field Trip! But it ain't to Walmart.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all know what it is... :))))))
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Tony Created a Server_

_Tony named the Server: **Responsible Adults are NOT allowed**_

_Tony Invited everyone_

**Tony:** So Peter….

**Tony: **Anything you want to tell us?

**Peter:** Nope! Nothing!

**Strange:** Peter

**Strange:** What did you do?

**Carol: @Strange** Get out you’re too responsible for this chat

**Strange:** Clearly 🙄

**Nat:** He has a school trip to the compound today

**Peter:** NAT

**Peter:** WHY

**Clint:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**Clint:** Prepare for trouble 

**Wanda:** And make it double

**Peter:** I was afraid of this….

**Peter:** Steve, tell them not to embarrass me

**Steve:** ……

**Peter:** I have lost all faith in my family

**Shuri:** F

**Wanda:** F

**Thor:** F

**Vision:** ?

**Carol:** lol

**Carol:** We are going to embarrass the shit outta you

**Peter:** Please end me

**Wanda:** Oh don’t worry. We will

**Peter:** Fuck

———————————————————————

**Peter:** Dad please tell me you turned off Friday

**Tony:** Why would I turn of my AI that happens to be all of my security system?

**Peter:** Because I don’t want her to announce my clearance level

**Tony:** Bruce, please make sure Friday is functioning at maximum volume

**Bruce:** 👍🏻

**Peter:** I’m surrounded by idiots

**Peter:** Damn it Bruce! Now my entire class is staring at me

**Shuri:** I would come and save you

**Shuri:** But I have better things to do

———————————————————————

**Peter:** Anyone want to explain why Clint just fell out of the vents with an Iron Man lunch box?

**Clint:** You forgot your lunch?

**Peter:** Bullshit

**Carol:** No, that’s what Steve eats

**Steve:** You know what?

**Steve:** Fuck you Carol

**Tony:** WHOA WHOA WHOA STEVE

**Nat:** You gotta watch your big boy words Steve

**Carol:** Request denied

**Bucky:** Tony put him up to it

**Clint:** Wow, way to expose me 

**Peter:** That’s it, Thor is now my favorite uncle

**Clint:** How could you hurt me this way?

**Peter:** BECAUSE YOU FELL OUT OF THE FUCKING VENT AND HANDED ME A FUCKING IRON MAN LUNCH BOX FOR FOURTH GRADERS YOU DUMB FUCK! 

**Steve:** And you all jump on me about my language

**Peter:** WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THAT THING?!

**Clint:** It was in your room

**Clint:** In a box labeled “Dad’s Trash”

**Tony:** I’m offended

__________________________________________________________________________

**Sam:** **@Peter** On your left

**Peter:** You’ve got to be shitting me

**Peter:** You are literally the worst

**Sam:** Don’t be ungrateful

**Bucky:** Yeah we made you cookies

**Peter:** But did you have to parade through the lunch hall with them?

**Sam:** Y E S

**Peter:** I swear to god if you two sit down...

**Sam:** What was that? I can’t hear you from across the table

**Peter:** Do you not see the forty people whispering behind me?

**Carol:** lol, Bucky fuckin pulled a smile ’n wave on Peter’s classmates

**Peter:** Oh? And How would you know?

**Wanda:** Because Tony’s live-streaming it on the TV

**Peter:** sjdghsdnfwehgn

**Shuri:** F

**Loki:** F

**Nat:** F

**Nat**: But also, this shit’s amazing

——————————————————————————————

**Peter:** If I see any of you, ANY OF YOU, at our next stop, I will personally ban you from Star Wars night

**Nat:** That almost stopped me

**Nat:** _Almost_

**Peter:** Not you too

**Carol:** lol make it three

**Wanda:** Correction, _four_

**Peter:** _hides_

**Wanda:** **@Carol**, you got the goods?

**Carol:** I gots the goods

**Peter:** …..

**Peter:** I can’t believe this

**Scott:** What are they doing?

**Peter:** They’re in the training room 

**Peter:** And they brought the wine

**Peter:** Why?

**Sam:** lol that’s fucking gold

**Strange:** What?

**Sam:** Carol just threw a bottle of apple juice at Peter and said to his teacher “Don’t worry, he only has vodka on the weekends”

**Peter:** I hate my life

**Tony:** You love your life

**Tony:** You get to wake up everyday to our smiling faces

**Peter:** WANDA

**Peter:** STOP TELLING STORIES ABOUT ME AND THE CATS

**Peter:** ITS NOT FUNNY

**Nat:** It’s very funny

**Peter:** Dr. Strange, please help

**Strange:** F

—————————————————————————————

**Steve: @Tony** We are in position

**Bruce:** Guns at the ready

**Peter:** 😟

**Bruce:** Actually no guns, no guns

**Steve:** Just a metaphor

**Bruce:** Come see what we have for you in the lab

**Peter:** RIP

**Peter:** My life has been thwarted

**Peter:** Bruce be asking me to make stuff explode while Steve tells them about the time I threw his shield and it came back and hit me in the face

**Peter:** I’m cry

**Peter:** I’m now covered in foam

**Peter:** Why?

**Bruce:** Consider it payback for infesting my lab with children

—————————————————————————————

**Peter:** Oof

**Peter:** The museum 

**Peter:** What could be hiding there?

**Loki:** I’ll never tell

**Peter:** I have entered

**Peter:** ……..

**Peter:** Alright. Now I’m just confused

**Peter:** Why is Thor carrying a shit ton of pop tart boxes?

**Loki:** For the cats

**Bucky:** I’m crying

**Sam:** This is too good

**Clint:** HAHAHAHAHA

**Tony:** The answer is no

**Carol:** Thor

**Carol:** Did you just fucking invite Peter’s class to Disney night?

**Thor:** Well why not?

**Vision:** Disney is good for the soul

**Peter:** lol

**Peter:** Now they want to meet Loki’s cats

**Loki:** _hissss_

**Loki:** They are not worthy

———————————————————————————

**Peter:** No

**Strange:** Yes

**Peter:** No

**Strange:** Yes

**Peter:** Dr. Strange we do not throw children in portals, Flash included

**Strange:** That is not a child. That is a _vermin_

**Tony:** I’m getting the suit

**Steve:** I’ve got my shield

**Clint:** I’m in the vents

**Clint:** The Pest shall hear my battle Sqwak and be afraid

**Nat:** Avengers are assembling

**Loki:** Cats at the ready

**Peter:** Fuck me

**Shuri:** No

———————————————————————————

**Peter:** Well, I hope you all had your fun because my life is officially over

**Peter:** And to put a cherry on top, Dad fucking came all the way down to the lobby with Pepper to inform my teacher that I won’t be going back with the school because they are “taking their little boy out for ice cream”

**Shuri:** F

**T’Challa:** F

**Pepper:** F

**Tony:** F

**Scott: **F

**Peter:** I hate you all with a burning passion

**Vision:** I had no part in this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably also going to write this an an actual fanfic told in peter's perspective of the legendary field trip trope, but I hope this sufficed. Now please excuse me while I go finish my essays, because I'm an english major 🙃


	20. The Adventures of Peter Parker and The Space Girlz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Peter Created a Server_

_Peter named the Server: **The Adventures of Peter Parker and The Space Girlz**_

_Peter invited Everyone_

**Steve:** No

**Steve:** You are not going ANYWHERE with those madwomen

**Carol:** Too late :)

**Steve:** Peter where are you?

**Peter:** hee hee

**Peter:** In a spaceship

**Tony:** CAROL

**Tony:** BRING HIM BACK

**Peter:** NOOO

**Peter:** I’m floating around

**Peter:** On ecstasy 

**Carol:** SO DON’T STOP ME NOW

**Steve:** You’re doing DRUGS? WITH THE KID?!

**Steve:** CAROL ARE YOU INSANE?!

**Nat:** Steve chill, it’s just a song

**Nat:** We’re not snorting crack in here

**Wanda:** Yeah, we wouldn’t sink that low

**Carol:** Yes. We are being responsible adults. No drugs. Just Vodka

**Tony:** that’s not any better

_Peter invited Gamora_

_Peter invited Nebula_

_Peter invited Mantis_

_Peter invited Shuri_

**Peter:** Tell my Dad that I’m fine and we most definitely are not in space right now

**Gamora:** Peter is fine

**Nebula:** And we are most definitely in space right now

**Peter:** Nebula!

**Shuri:** wtf

**Peter:** You weren't supposed to tell him!

**Shuri:** We’re so dead now

**Gamora:** F

**Nat:** F

**Wanda:** F

**Carol:** lol

**Tony:** …….

**Tony:** ……..!

**Clint: @Nebula** You broke Tony

**Tony:** _inhales_

**Tony: **CAROL WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU TAKE ME KID INTO SPACE?!?!?!?!!!!!!!

**Carol:** Official Space Girlz business

**Nat:** AKA The Guardians were in town and Peter wanted to experience zero gravity

**Gamora:** We couldn’t say no to that face

**Nebula:** I could

**Tony:** Why didn’t you?

**Nebula:** I was overridden

**Tony:** Damn it Peter

**Steve:** Are the rest of the Guardians there at least?

**Wanda:** nO

**Peter:** It’s Nebula’s ship

**Tony:** Fuck

**Rhodey:** **@Tony** It’s time….

**Tony:** Time to pull out the big guns

**Peter:** There are no guns that could reach me in SPACE!

_Tony added Pepper_

**Peter:** Oh shit never mind

**Pepper:** PETER BENJAMIN PARKER!

**Pepper:** YOU ARE VERY _VERY_ GROUNDED!

**Peter:** Run

**Carol:** HOH

**Nat:** lol Peter’s done for

**Pepper:** Oh no. 

**Pepper:** YOU ARE _ALL_ IN TROUBLE

**Nat:** Hey Nebula

**Nat:** Does this ship go any faster?

**Nebula:** Why

**Nat:** Because Pepper Potts is fuckin terrifying 

**Nebula:** Reaching Speed 100

**Shuri:** Gotta go fast

**T’Challa:** I’m sorry

**T’Challa:** But did I just hear that my little sister is in space under the supervision of _Carol?_

**Tony:** Yes

_T’Challa added Okoye_

**T’Challa:** Ready the troops

**Okoye:** Troops have been readied

**Okoye:** But really 

**Okoye:** This is the third time this week

**Peter:** lol

**Peter:** **@Shuri** He’s a comin’

**Shuri:** Rip

**Peter:** F

**Nebula:** F

**Peter:** But….

**Peter:** _WE’RE GOING ON A TRIP IN OUR FAVORITE ROCKET SHIP!_

**Shuri:** _ZOOMIN THROUGH THE SKY!_

**Thor:** _LITTLE EINSTEINS!_

**Wanda:** _CLIMB ABOARD, GET READY TO EXPLORE!_

**Nat:** _THERE’S SO MUCH TO FIND!_

**Carol:** _LITTLE EINSTEINS!_

**Peter:** See? Think of it as a scientific experience

**Tony:** NO

**Tony:** Carol, bring him back. Final warning

**Peter:** Dad don’t ruin my fun

**Pepper:** Peter, it’s dangerous

**Steve:** Yes, especially if you’re unsupervised

**Nebula:** Rude

**Peter:** But Dad does dangerous and stupid stuff all the time? Why does he get to and I don’t?

**Tony:** Because I’m an adult

**Strange:** ……

**Strange: **Are you though?

**T’Challa: **F

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that this one's kinda short. Hopefully the next one will be longer. i've just been so busy writing essays that i haven't had time to sit down and write a really long one. But I promise I will as soon as I can
> 
> ^^
> 
> xxAngiexx


	21. Dino Nuggets (Must I Say Any More?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The server you never knew you needed  
I died of laughter while making this  
Now my roommate probably thinks I'm insane  
You're Welcome
> 
> \- Angie ^^

_Wanda Created a Server_

_Wanda Named the Server: **I’m Hungry**_

_Wanda invited Everyone_

**Wanda:** When is food?

**Wanda:** I’m hungry

**Peter:** I also honger

**Shuri:** We are growing children

**Peter:** Who require a fEaSt

**Clint:** Pizza

**Sam:** We had pizza last night

**Clint:** Your point?

**Wanda:** I require food. I don’t care what form it’s in

**Tony:** If you’re that hungry Wanda go make yourself some mac and cheese or something

**Wanda:** That requires effort

**Nat:** Simply existing requires effort

**Carol:** Oof

**Carol:** Now we’re getting philosophical

**Peter:** I hate philosophy

**Shuri:** It’s so boring

**Peter:** But you know what I do like?

**Shuri:** _whispers_

**Shuri:** _what_

**Peter:** _whispers_

**Peter:** _dino nuggets_

**Wanda:** DINO NUGGETS

**Bruce:** If you think about it, any chicken nugget is a dino nugget because chicken are related to dinosaurs

**Peter:** My mind has been expanded today

**Shuri:** Bless

**Thor:** Pardon me but did someone say DINO NUGGETS?

**Wanda: @Steve** The cult has spoken. we want dino nuggets tonight

**Peter:** Please?

**Steve:** Sure, I’ll make you your dino nuggets

**Bucky:** You cooked last week. It’s my turn

**Steve:** And?

**Bucky:** And my cooking is hella better than yours

**Tony:** and i oop-

**Peter:** …….

**Nat:** ………

**T’Challa:** I don’t have time for this

**Sam: @Bucky** Get ‘em soldier

**Steve:** Did you just insult my cooking?

**Bucky:** No

**Bucky:** I simply stated that your skills were inferior to mine.

**Steve:** ………

**Steve:** I never thought I’d see the day that you would betray me like this

**Peter:** F

**Tony:** F

**Carol:** Ha

**Scott:** All I know is that if there are dino nuggets, I’m there

**Bucky:** **@Scott** I would be happy to make you some homemade Dino Nuggets

**Scott:** …..

**Scott:** I love you Cap

**Scott:** But I’m not saying no to that

**Steve:** So

**Steve:** You think your cooking is better than mine?

**Steve:** I require proof

**Bucky:** I will give you proof

**Clint:** We should have a cook off

**Sam:** For once I agree with you Clint

**Clint:** It’s twice the food

**Peter:** Twice the feast

**Rhodey:** Twice the nuggets

**Nat:** Rhodey likes dino nuggets?

**Rhodey:** The question isn’t “Rhodey likes Dino nuggets?”

**Rhodey:** The question is: “If you don’t like Dino nuggets then what are you doing?”

**Rhodey:** One does not simply “like” Dino Nuggets

**Rhodey:** One _worships _the dino nugget

**Carol:** #RespectTheNug

**Thor:** I respect a man with good taste

**Thor:** Especially if that man has good tastebuds

**Bucky: @Steve** I accept your challenge

**Steve:** Homemade Dino nuggets

**Steve:** The others will be the judges

**Bucky:** May the best nugget win

**Vision:** Does this mean I win?

**Tony:** ?

**Vision:** Wanda calls me a nugget sometimes

**Vision:** Assuming there is no nugget that is superior to me, I win right?

**Wanda:** Omg Vis

**Wanda:** You’re such a nugget

**Tony:** I think I just threw up

**Strange:** Why? Did you look in a mirror?

**Tony:** …….

**Strange:** ……..

**Peter:** 👀

**Strange:** 🙃

**Tony:** Actually no, I looked at a picture of you

**Carol:** lol

**Carol:** I fully support all this roasting

**T’Challa:** Of course you do

**Wanda:** Speaking of roasting

**Wanda:** Let the baking of the nuggets begin!

**Loki:** I heard Peter screaming about dino nuggets👀

**Loki:** I am intrigued

**Thor:** I am hungry

**Peter:** I am also hungry

**Tony:** Hi hungry, I’m Dad

**Peter:** Hi Dad, I’m “Not Amused”

**Tony:** Nice to meet you

**Tony:** You’re grounded

**Peter:** ….

**Peter:** You can’t ground me…

**Peter:** If I’m on the cEiLiNg!

**Shuri:** _inhales_

**Steve:** Bucky give me the paprika

**Bucky:** nO

**Steve:** wHy

**Bucky:** Because I’m using it

**Steve:** The whole fucking thing?

**Tony:** LANGUAGE!

**Sam:** Yeah Cap, don’t break your own rules here

**Steve:** In war there are no rules

**Steve:** Only victory

**Clint:** lol

**Clint:** We got a real World War Chew going on here

——— A Little While Later————

**Steve:** The nugs are complete

**Bucky:** It is time to decide the winner

**Carol:** lol #RespectTheNug is trending on twitter

**Steve:** Carol put your phone down, I’m about to win a very important battle that will go down as a moment in history

**Bucky:** Quick Carol, make sure you record his look of despair when he loses

**Carol:** 👍🏻

**Rhodey:** Are the nugs done?

**Bucky:** Yes, come grab a plate, we warmed up the left over mac and cheese too

**Rhodey:** Dino Nuggets and mac n’ cheese

**Rhodey:** This is art

**Peter:** I like the spicy nuggets

**Peter:** And I like the honey mustard nuggets

**Peter:** I can’t pick

**Thor:** I just like nuggets

**Tony:** I will be honest.

**Tony:** These are good

**Nat:** I have never tasted something more glorious in my life

**Bruce:** The dinosaurs would be proud

**Nat:** lol Bruce just really likes dinosaurs

**Bruce:** Don’t expose me like that

**Sam:** We need Dino Nuggets more often

**Scott:** These nuggets are welcome in my life anytime

**Steve:** So

**Bucky:** What is the verdict?

**Wanda:** The verdict is nobody wins and we 100% encouraged this just so we could have quality nuggets

**Wanda:** Because now Wanda is fed and everyone is happy

**Thor:** You are both worthy

**Peter:** Alright! We’ll call it a draw!

**Rhodey:** Peter, pass the nuggets

**Rhodey:** I need more substance

**Carol:** lol

**Bucky: @Steve** What have we created?

**Tony:** Crack


	22. Handcuffs and Hallmark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Peter Created a Server_

_Peter Named the Server: **I am in need of entertainment**_

_Peter invited Loki, Clint, Shuri_

**Peter:** hmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMM

**Peter:** ASSEMBOL

**Shuri:** We are assemboled

**Clint:** SQWAK

**Loki:** I’m so confused

**Peter:** I’m feeling adventurous

**Peter:** I’m feeling MISCHEVIOUS

**Peter:** I wanna do something BAD

**Clint:** You have come to the right place

**Shuri:** What are we doin?

**Peter:** Shuri

**Shuri:** Yes

**Peter:** Do you still have those vibranium handcuffs?

**Shuri:** Yes

**Loki:** Do I want to know where this is going?

**Peter:** yEs

**Peter:** I have a plan

**Clint:** What is said plan?

**Peter:** Steve kept getting on my case about training today. He said I had to train or he’d take my legos.

**Shuri:** Oh no

**Loki:** ?

**Peter:** Naturally I refused because legos are more important, but he took them anyway and when I went down to find them they were disassembled all over the table

**Clint: ** _gasp_

**Clint:** How dare he!

**Peter:** A whole three hours of work…..gone….  
  
**Peter: **I cried

**Loki:** ……

**Loki:** HE CAUSED YOU TO WEEP?!

**Loki:** YOUR HAPPINESS SHALL BE AVENGED!

**Shuri:** I second. He shall not get away with this horrible deed!

**Clint:** Tell us what we have to do

**Peter:** I knew I could count on my friends😊

**Peter:** Welp, Steve and Carol both fell asleep on the couch with the other Avengers. I say as punishment for breaking my Legos, we break his sanity

**Peter:** BY HANDCUFFING THEM TOGETHER

**Peter:** AND HIDING THE KEY

**Shuri:** Y E S

**Clint:** I always knew you had it in you Peter

**Loki:** Where do we start

**Peter:** In the vents…

**Clint:** At your service

**Peter:** But we need to be quiet or else everyone will wake up

**Clint:** 👍🏻

**Clint:** I’ll keep it real LOKI

**Loki:** Fuck off bird brain

**Clint:** With pleasure

**Clint:** Shuri

**Clint: **The handcuffs

**Shuri:** Here you are

**Peter:** Oh this is gonna be good

—————————————————————————

_Steve Created a Server_

_Steve Named the Server: **You [REDACTED]**_

_Steve invited Everyone_

**Steve:** YOU BASTARDS

**Steve:** WHICH ONE OF YOU HANDCUFFED ME TO CAROL

**Clint:** I’ll never tell

**Steve:** WELL IT WAS FUCKIN ONE OF YOU!

**Wanda:** Steve watch your big boy words

**Tony:** There are children in this chat

**Carol:** Hey Captain Americrap do you have to scream in my ear?

**Steve:** Fuck off Carol

**Carol:** If you hadn’t noticed wise guy, kinda can’t

**Peter:** AHEM

**Peter:** Let this be a lesson Steve

**Peter:** That this is what happens when you mess with my legos

**Steve:** This is what this is about?

**Loki:** You have committed the unforgivable act of making Peter cry

**Clint:** This is your personal hell

**Nat:** …..

**Nat:** Does this mean Steve is joining us for Four O’Clock Wine Club?

**Carol:** ……

**Carol:** Y E S

**Steve:** N O

**Wanda:** Butwe’re fun Steve

**Steve:** I refuse to join your drunken film club Carl

**Carol:** You have no choice in the matter Stove

**Nat:** Don’t worry Steve, you’ll love it. It’s Hallmark Night

**Bucky:** Cap?

**Sam:** Watching a Hallmark movie?

**Bruce:** Can we live stream this?

**Tony:** On it

**Thor:** What is a Hallmark Movie? Why are they so bad?

**Rhodey:** They’resappy ass movies about love where everyone shits rainbows and butterflies

**Thor:** Why is that bad? Love is a beautiful thing

**Peter:** Because it is

**Thor: @Carol** I would like to experience these Hallmark movies for myself

**Carol:** You are always welcome to our movie nights

**Thor:** How come you never let me come on Fridays then?

**Nat:** Because you are too innocent for that.

**Steve:** Is anyone going to further acknowledge the fact that I am currently handcuffed to the Terror of the Galaxy?

**Peter:** No

**Steve:** Where did you even find vibranium hand cuffs?

**Peter:** Shuri

**Shuri:** You’re welcome

**T’Challa:** **@Shuri** I leave you alone for FIVE MINUTES

**Carol:** lol

**Carol:** This is gonna be a fun night

**Tony:** Quick! Friday! Set up the Live stream! I wanna watch this.

**Wanda:** I’ll grab the popcorn

**Carol:** I’ll grab the wine

**Nat:** I’ll grab the cats

**Steve:** Gag me with a spoon

**Nat:** 👀😉😏

**Carol:** _whispers_

**Carol:** _wanda get a spoon_

**Bucky:** lol Steve you dug yourself a hole today

**Steve:** I didn’t know he’d get this mad over me taking his legos

**Steve:** Honestly, they’re just legos

**Peter:** They are my JOY IN THIS WORLD

**Shuri:** What are we then?

**Peter:** Also my joy

**Loki:** ☺️

**Thor:** Everyone stop talking the movie is starting

**Wanda:** lol Thor you’re so excited

**Thor:** I love happymovies

**Thor:** Especially when they have happy endings

**Tony:** I just love live streaming shit around the house

**Rhodey:** lmao Cap’s face

**Rhodey:** I’m dead

**Nat:** We get the up close experience

**Carol:** We just need a documentary that consists of a compilation of Steve’s face in uncomfortable or unpleasant situations

**Carol:** Call it: Steve’s Discomfort

**Wanda:** A documentary by Carl Danvers

**Thor:** I do not understand why you don’t like these movies

**Thor:** This is very sweet

**Thor:** Look, he’s giving her flowers

**Nat:** It’s so unrealistic tho

**Nat:** That’s why we make fun of it

**Thor:** How is giving someone flowers unrealistic?

**Nat:** Bruce never gives me flowers

**Clint:** Oof Bruce, you’ve been called out

**Bruce:** Nat you’re allergic to like every plant possible

**Bruce:** WHY WOULD I PUT YOU IN THAT SORT OF PAIN

**Nat:** See what I mean? Unrealistic

**Peter:** The unrealistic movies are the ones where the guy hates the girl because he secretly likes her

**Peter:** That’s not how love works at all right?

**Clint:** 👀

**Nat:** 👀

**Wanda:👀**

**Shuri: 👀**

**Tony: 👀**

**Carol: 👀👀👀👀👀**

**Tony:** I mean….Steve would know about that

**Steve:** No

**Steve:** Someone pass me a bucket so I can vomit at the thought

**Carol:** Rude

**Steve:** Someone end me

**Clint:** lol we already have

**Rhodey:** Okay Peter, I think you’ve tortured the poor man enough

**Steve:** Yes, I promise I will not take your legos again

**Rhodey:** I assume you have they key?

**Peter:** That’s the thing

**Peter:** I lost it

**Clint:** ……

**Clint:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**Tony:** Someone call Strange

**Strange:** Well fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what this I'm so sorry  
I ran low on ideas and we got this abomination  
I'm doin me an idea reiteration so hopefully we'll have something good real soon. But this must suffice for now  
What do y'all wanna see happen in the next ones?  
Let me know, I love to hear from you!
> 
> \- Angie ^^


	23. The Villainous Environmental Savers Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The activists you never knew you needed
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Thanos Created a Server_

_Thanos Named The Server: **J****oin Me or the Universe Dies**_

_Thanos invited Ronan, Ultron, Red Skull, Dormammu, Hela, Doom_

**Thanos:** I have gathered you today because the fate of all life is in our hands

**Hela:** ?

**Thanos:** That’s why I’m inviting you all to join my Environmental Saver’s Club

**Ronan:** …………

**Ronan:** This is what you called me in for?

**Thanos:** Yes

**Ronan:** I can get behind that

**Red Skull:** What does an ‘Environmental Savers Club’ do?

**Doom:** Yes we’re villains, we destroy things not save them

**Dormammu:** But if there’s no universe left, then we can’t destroy stuff anymore

**Dormammu:** And then I couldn’t collect anymore worlds

**Thanos:** Exactly!

**Hela:** okay but what does our club do?

**Thanos:** We raise environmental awareness, raise money for campaigns with bake sales and stuff, try and help make the universe a cleaner place

**Ultron:** Bake sales?

**Ultron:** _whispers_

**Ultron:** _i_ _get to make cookies?_

**Thanos:** _y e s_

**Doom:** We can have coffee and donuts at our meetings

**Ronan:** Y E S

**Doom:** I can supply

**Hela:** When do we meet?

**Thanos:** We’ll have to work out the details I suppose

_Tony Joined the Chat_

**Doom:** Fuck

**Doom:** I forgot he can hack shit

**Tony:** lol what even is this server?

**Ultron:** It’s our Environmental Savers Club

**Ultron:** Now fuck off Stark

**Tony:** That’s no way to speak to your father

**Doom:** RIP

_Tony Invited Everyone_

**Steve:** what?

**Red Skull:** Steve you son of a bitch, you’re still alive

**Steve:** You’ve gotta be shitting me

**Carol:** lol

**Peter:** _REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOD!_

**Thanos:** STARK

**Thanos:** STOP HACKING SERVERS

**Ronan:** Maybe if we just ignore their presence they’ll go away

**Nat:** You have an Environmental Saver’s Club?

**Nat:** Like do you just sit around and talk about trees?

**Ultron:** No

**Dormammu:** We occasionally hug them too

**Peter:** Be nice to the trees

**Peter:** I support this

**Thanos:** At long last

**Thanos:** A sensible Avenger

**Peter:** I like trees

**Peter:** Can I join your club?

**Tony:** PETER NO

**Steve:** YOU CANNOT JOIN A CLUB FULL OF VILLAINS

**Tony:** Strange help us out here

**Strange:** What do you want me to do?

**Tony:** Magic some sense into Peter

**Ronan:** Rip Dormammu

**Ronan:** He’s a comin to bargain

**Dormammu:** Stop you fiend!

**Dormammu:** I can still hear it in my dreams

**Thanos:** Yes Peter you can join our club

**Peter:** YAY!

**Clint:** Peter why?

**Peter:** Because helping trees is nice

**Peter:** We don’t want a realistic version of The Lorax

**Wanda:** Peter you’re too pure for this universe

**Doom:** My cat can be our mascot

**Peter:** yOu hAvE a cAt?

**Doom:** I have many cats

**Doom:** They were all strays that I took in off the streets

**Loki:** This man is a respectable villain

**Peter:** Can I pet your cats?

**Doom:** Yes

**Doom:** Stark I’m converting your son

**Ronan:** To the dark side

**Peter:** Wait you watch Star Wars?

**Red Skull:** Of course

**Ronan:** They’re only the best movies in the galaxy

**Peter:** huuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH

**Peter:** I have finally found my people!

**Shuri:** Peter no, don’t leave me here!

**Peter:** Shuri come join the Environmental Saver’s Club

**Shuri:** Okay!

**Tony:** Shit

**T’Challa:** Honestly, I’m kinda okay with this

**Bruce:** No

**Bruce:** They cannot have Peter

**Steve:** Strange make it stop

**Strange:** Dormammu I’ve come to bargain

**Dormammu:** ……..

**Thanos:** ……….

**Ultron:** ……….

**Red Skull:** ……..

**Hela:** And I oop-

**Doom:** _he said the words_

**Thor:** I don’t see what’s so wrong about helping trees?

**Tony:** With your sister?

**Thor:** Oh

**Thor:** Now I see something wrong with that

**Ultron:** Okay

**Ultron:** I'm banning all of you from this server

**Peter:** Except Peter!

**Ultron:** Right. Except Peter

_Ultron has Blocked the Avengers_

_Ultron Invited Peter_

**Peter:** What is our first plan of action to help the trees and the bees?

_Tony Joined the Server_

_Tony Invited Everyone_

**Ronan:** FUCK OFF STARK!

**Tony: @Peter** There is no plan of action because you’re not joining their super secret boy band

**Hela:** AHEM

**Tony:** *Super secret death metal band

**Hela:** Thank you

**Ultron:** Stop hacking the server Stark

**Doom:** We’re just trying to save the trees over here!

**Red Skull:** Yes. Let us drink our apple juice in peace

**Peter:** Apple juice?

**Thanos:** It’s space apple juice.

**Ronan:** Made from space apples

**Nat:** Rip

**Carol:** Welp

**Sam:** We’re never getting him back now

**Bucky:** The lure of space apples was just too great

**Thanos:** F

**Ronan:** F

**Doom:** F

**Ultron: @Thanos** We should make posters

**Peter:** I have a bunch of coloring supplies

**Peter:** I can bring them

**Thanos:** I guess we’re going to Earth boys

**Thanos:** And girl

**Peter:** Maybe I can convince MJ to join. She likes plants

**Hela:** Another girl

**Hela:** Please do

**Hela:** I’m surrounded by idiots

**Ultron:** Can I still bake cookies though?

**Thanos:** Yes

**Thanos:** Food is always welcome

**Peter:** Uncle Bucky will you bake cookies for my first Environment Club meeting?

**Bucky:** I…..

**Tony:** Think wisely Barnes

**Bucky:** I can’t say no to that face

**Tony:** …….

**Steve:** that’s fair

**Strange:** Peter do you realize what you’ve done?

**Peter:** Made new friends?

**Strange: **....

**Strange:** Stark your son is too pure for my stern words

**Strange:** I can’t

**Bruce:** Peter you just invited a hoard of villains to earth

**Peter:** Yes

**Peter:** To bake cookies and color

**Doom:** And play with cats

**Ronan:** And talk about trees

**Thanos:** What else did you think we were going to do?

**Tony:** Kill half the population?

**Ultron:** That’s not on the agenda at all

**Carol:** 👀

**Dormammu:** Sometimes you need a break from being a villain

**Doom:** Yeah, it gets exhausting after a while. Always getting your ass handed to you by the good guys

**Hela:** Sometimes you just need a bottle of space apple juice and a coloring book

**Ultron:** Otherwise you'll burn out completely

**Peter:** Even superheroes need mental health days

**Tony:** ……

**Tony:** I don’t even….I can’t

**Tony:** I have no idea how to react to this

**Clint:** Domestic Villains?

**Tony:** Wh….what even is this

**Clint:** So next time villains come to destroy earth we just introduce them to Peter right?

**Carol:** He has a secret domestication power

**Nat:** Yeah. Look what he did to them

**Bucky:** lol look what he’s done to _us_

**Wanda:** He’s actually packing his crayons and markers right now

**Wanda:** This is beautiful yet terrifying at the same time

**Peter:** I need go get more apple juice

**Thanos:** We’re bringing you apple juice

**Peter:** But you haven’t tried earth apple juice

**Red Skull:** This is true

**Red Skull:** They have not

**Peter:** We need to introduce them

**Red Skull:** Yes

**Peter:** NOW LETS GO SAVE SOME TREES!

**Thanos:** YEAH!

**Steve:** I……

**Steve:** We’re fucked

**Thanos:** _whispers_

**Thanos:** _language_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would ya look at that? The ideas are comin back!  
lol I've wanted to write something like this for a while  
I hope you enjoyed!  
\- Angie ^^


	24. Requests (Please See!)

Hey everyone. Just a quick thing before I get on with the next chapter, I wanted to be a nice author. I've gotten so much positive feedback on this story which makes me really really happy, and to keep on sustaining you wonderful people I wanted to ask if anyone had any specific requests of anything they want to happen. Literally anything at all. Let me know!

(And don't be shy, I credit everyone for their ideas. WE DO NOT SUPPORT IDEA THEFT IN THIS WHOLESOME SERVER!)

\- Angie ^^


	25. Peter Parker Pranks The People (Field Trip Revenge)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by Some random weirdo 
> 
> (Yes, that was the account name, no, I do not call people random weirdos. I am too wholesome of a bean)
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Peter Created a Server_

_Peter named the Server: **Peter Parker Pranks the People**_

_Peter invited Shuri_

**Peter:** My friend 

**Peter:** I am in dire need of assistance

**Shuri:** What do you require assistance for?

**Peter:** I went on the field trip to the Avengers Compound last week and the Avengers embarrassed me in front of everyone

**Shuri:** lol, that’s amazing

**Peter:** No

**Peter:** No it was not

**Shuri:** I’m still confused as to why you need me though?

**Peter:** Because

**Peter:** I’m plotting to take my Revenge

**Peter:** But I am in need of assissTANCE

**Shuri:** Will there be pizza?

**Peter:** …..

**Peter:** Yes

**Shuri:** I’m in

**Peter:** There’s a bunch of really important official people coming to the compound today. I fully intend to take advantage of this

**Shuri:** Y E S

* * *

_  
Peter Cleared the Chat_

_Peter Named the Server: **Peter Parker Informs the People**_

_Peter invited Everyone_

**Tony:** wut

**Peter:** Dearly Beloved

**Peter:** I have gathered you here today to announce that I am having a friend over

**Steve:** Who?

**Shuri:** Me

**Strange:** Peter no

**Peter:** Peter yes

**Nat:** Peter we have important people coming today, I don’t think it’s a good idea to have the world’s biggest science nerds running around as well

**Peter:** Rood

**Shuri:** Don’t worry. We’ll stay out of your way

**Peter:** You won’t even know we’re there

**Sam:** I have a bad feeling about this

**Bucky:** You have a bad feeling about everything 

* * *

_  
Peter Created A Server_

_Peter named the Server: **Peter Parker Strikes Back**_

_Peter Invited Shuri_

**Peter:** It is time

**Shuri:** Let the pranking commence

**Peter:** Apple juice at the ready

**Shuri:** Buckle up kids

**Peter: **Let’s go girls 

* * *

_  
Peter Created A Server_

_Peter named the Server: **Get Rekt**_

_Peter Invited Everyone_

**Tony:** Peter I hate you

**Peter:** hee hee

**Steve:** Why are we hating Peter?

**Tony:** He reprogrammed FRIDAY to call me Stank Dad

**Tony:** In front of all the officials

**Tony:** I AM TRYING TO DO A TOUR HERE!

**Shuri:** And I helped!

**Sam:** That’s glorious

**Tony:** Only to you Wilson.

**Nat:** OMG that’s gonna be everywhere tomorrow

**Tony:** Don’t fucking remind me Natasha

* * *

**  
Steve:** I….

**Steve:** I have no words

**Clint:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

**Carol:** Bitch I’m dyin

**Carol:** W H E E Z E

**Tony:** lol Peter I don't hate you anymore, I take it back, this is too good

**Steve:** Where did you even find these videos?

**Peter:** School archives

**Bucky:** Steve why are all your PSA videos playing on loop on our kitchen TV?

**Peter:** Not just there

**Peter:** It’s eVeRyWhErE

**Tony:** Literally on every screen

**Steve:** …..For everyone to see

**Carol:** This is an important moment in American history

**Natasha:** Rest In Peace Cap’s dignity

**Bruce:** F

**Shuri:** F

**Loki: **lol

* * *

**Nat:** Bruce how did your informational presentation for all the interns go?

**Bruce:** It lacked information

**Tony:** Why?

**Bruce:** BECAUSE SOMEBODY SWITCHED ALL MY SLIDE WITH MEMES I DON’T UNDERSTAND

**Shuri:** _bows_

**Peter:** _thank you, thank you very much_

**Bruce:** ………

**Bruce:** Peter what did I ever do to you?

**Peter:** You foamed me

**Peter:** In front of my entire class

**Peter:** And my teacher

**Bruce:** …..

**Bruce:** Touché

* * *

**  
Tony:** Okay, this one’s actually brilliant

**Clint:** PETER

**Clint:** WOULD YOU LIKE TO EXPLAIN WHY THERE IS CANOLA OIL IN THE VENTS?

**Steve:** lol whatever keeps you out of ‘em

**Wanda:** I’m actually dying

**Wanda:** He fell out of the vents

**Wanda:** And fuckin slid down the hallway like a slip n’ slide

**Wanda:** RIGHT INTO THE VISITING SCIENTISTS

**Nat:** It was beautiful

**Nat:** They fell like dominos

**Clint:** I SWEAR TO GOD YOU TWO WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOUR SOULS THEY’RE G O N E

**Shuri: **lol

**Peter:** You’re too slow old man

**Clint:** I SQWAK IN FURY

* * *

**Bucky:** I have a new mission

**Bucky:** I’m sorry to tell you this Stark

**Bucky:** But Peter’s got to go

**Tony:** Eh, after today….I’m kind of okay with that

**Tony:** I'm sure we could find a good buyer somewhere

**Peter:** _gasp_

**Peter:** You wouldn’t

**Sam:** Would anyone like to tell me why Bucky is stuck to the wall?

**Peter:** Nope

**Shuri:** We totally didn’t implant magnetic devices in it or anything like that.

**Bucky:** This is so embarrassing

**Peter:** gOoD

**Clint:** lol he just ripped the wall panels off trying to get unstuck

**Tony:** Nice going Barnes

**Sam:** RIIIIIIP

**Sam:** And he’s stuck again

**Bucky:** I hate you guys

* * *

**Peter: @Shuri** You got the goods?

**Shuri:** I got the goods

**Tony:** What are you doing now?

**Peter:** Something that required all three of your printers

**Shuri:** And a vast amount of tape

**Tony:** Why?

**Loki:** ……………………………………

**Loki:** jdfgniefinvlshgi

**Loki:** HOW DARE YOU SPIDER BOY???

**Loki:** AND I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS

**Thor:** Brother why are you yelling?

**Loki:** Because Peter has put posters of me watching Disney with my cats all over the hallways

**Thor:** Come now brother, it’s endearing

**Loki:** It’s demoting is what it is!

**Loki:** One of these days Peter

**Loki:** You’re going to wake up and find a million spiders all over your room

**Loki:** AND NOBODY WILL BE COMING TO SAVE YOU

**Peter:** Bug Spray

**Loki:** ………

**Loki:** Don’t think this is the end Peter

**Loki:** You have yet to see the last of me!

**Vision:** Well, considering what’s on these posters

**Vision:** I believe we just did

* * *

**  
Sam:** MOVE!

**Steve:** wut

**Sam:** GET OUT OF MY WAY BITCH

**Steve:** Why are you yelling at me?

**Steve:** And why are you texting and running?

**Sam:** BECAUSE MY DRONE HAS BEEN HIJACKED

**Wanda:** Peter hijacked Red Wing?

**Sam:** YES

**Nat:** Is that why you’ve been running through the halls screaming like a maniac

**Sam:** Y E S

**Carol:** Oh, so that’s what broke Tony’s sound system. I was wondering what that was.

**Tony:** It did what?

**Bucky: @Sam** You’d better go catch it before Tony does

**Sam:** YEAH, NO SHIT HONEY!

**Shuri:** Did Sam just yell at Bucky in vine?

**Peter:** I believe he did

**Shuri:** _cries_

**Shuri:** I’m so proud

**Sam:** PETER YOU ARE SO DEAD!

* * *

**Nat:** Let the manhunt for Peter commence

**Bucky:** So he finally got you

**Carol:** We're going to kill that little boy

**Wanda:** With our bare hands

**Steve:** Isn’t that how you usually do it?

**Nat:** Shut up Steve!

**Nat:** I’m sweating

**Nat:** I’m tired

**Nat:** And I’m covered in fucking molasses!

**Carol:** We are never showing another child _The Parent Trap _ever again

**Wanda:** He hid bowls of molasses on all the equipment so when we turned it on it spilled all over us

**Nat:** And then who has to conveniently show up?

**Carol:** Nick Fucking Fury

**Steve:** LANGUAGE

**Tony:** ……………

**Tony:** I’m sorry

**Tony:** But I can’t not laugh at that

**Nat:** I have been lots of things in my life time

**Nat:** But humiliated was never one of them

**Bucky:** Fuck

**Bucky:** He took all the molasses

**Bucky:** You know what this means?

**Steve:** We buy more molasses?

**Bucky:** No cookies tonight

**Sam:** ……

**Sam:** Let the manhunt for Peter commence

* * *

**  
Peter:** Well

**Peter:** I think this has been a productive day

**Peter:** Even though I’ve been grounded, banned from just about every computer, and threatened in more than one way

**Peter:** I see this as a success

**Shuri:** You know what time it is?

**Peter:** Pizza Time

_Peter has left the Server_

_Shuri has left the Server_

**Bucky:** Sam?

**Sam:** What?

**Bucky:** We’re never getting kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this sustained you all for now.  
Never prank Peter Parker  
It won't end well for you
> 
> -Angie^^


	26. The Avengers Storm Area 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested By Britishdancer12
> 
> In honor of this weekend's failed event  
You all know what time it is👀👽
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Shuri created a Server_

_Shuri Named the Server: **It’s time...**_

_Shuri invited Everyone_

**Peter:** Pizza time

**Shuri**: nO

**Shuri:** My friends

**Shuri:** The time has come

**Shuri:** To storm area 51

**Steve:** ……

**Steve:** Why?

**Bruce:** We’ve already confirmed that aliens are real

**Bucky:** Thor is Exhibit A

**Peter:** I think it’s a great idea

**Tony:** Of course you do Peter

**Sam:** You thought sticking Bucky to a wall was a great idea too

**Carol:** I fully support this storming Area 51

**Strange:** You’re most likely going to get caught

**Carol:** Which is exactly why we should do it

**Steve:** It’s ludicrous

**Carol:** I know

**Wanda:** lol, round up the crew, we goin to Nevada

**Tony:** No, no one is going to Nevada. We are not storming Area 51

**Clint:** 👀

**Clint:** _whispers_

**Clint:** _i’ll get the supplies_

**Peter:** We will need apple juice

**Peter:** Lot’s of apple juice

**Carol:** And vodka

**Clint:** And Fruit Loops

**Carol:** Y E S

**Nat:** Clint you’re such a child

**Bruce:** Hey, leave the man alone, he can be five if he wants to

**Clint:** What he said^^^

**Bucky:** Are we really storming Area 51?

**Wanda:** Y E S

**Wanda:** Gotta see them Aliens

**T’Challa:** And maybe they’ll abduct my sister and leave me in peace while you’re at it

**Shuri:** Not a chance brother

**Shuri:** I would outsmart them in seconds

**Peter:** lol

**Scott:** I want to come

**Scott:** But Hope threatened to tie me to a chair and leave me in the basement

**Hope:** I will do it

**Hope:** Don't think I won't

**Scott:** You never let me have any fun

**Tony:** Rip Scott

**Peter:** Rest in Spaghetti

**Shuri:** Never Forgetti

**Sam:** Area 51? The Fuck?

**Bucky:** 👀👀👀

**Bucky:** Who’s driving

**Wanda:** mE bItCh

**Vision:** You can’t actually be serious

**Wanda:** I’m dead serious

**Vision:** You’ll get arrested

**Wanda:** Wouldn’t be the first time

**Vison:** ……

**Vision:** I do not condone these 'Get Togethers' with Carol

**Vision:** She seems to bea bad influence

**Nat:** lol

**Nat:** Rip Carol

**Sam: @Bucky** You’re actually going with them?

**Bucky:** Yes

**Sam:** No

**Bucky:** You never let me do anything fun

**Sam:** …….

**Sam:** Fine we can storm Area 51

**Bucky:** YAY 💕👽

**Steve:** Domestic Bucky...

**Steve:** My heart

**Steve:** I can't

**Clint:** TO THE BIRD BUS

**Tony:** Are we going to try and stop them?

**Steve:** No

**Steve:** We have Strange on speed dial

**Strange:** Fuck you all, I’m going with them just for that

**Steve:** I stand corrected, they are royally screwed

**Tony:** We are the only responsible adults left in this household

**Steve:** Even you don’t qualify for that

**Tony:** rood

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Clint:** Peter pass the sour patch children

**Peter:** nO

**Clint:** I need sustenance

**Peter:** Get your own

**Clint:** I ate them all

**Peter:** Well that’s not my fault

**Strange:** We’re nearly there.

**Shuri:** The aliens await us

**Tony:** Vision! Quick! Turn on the News! I want to see if they get arrested!

**Clint:** We’re pulling up to the club

**Nat:** How do you even plan on getting in there?

**Clint:** tHe vEnTs

**Carol:** My dudes we’re still like a half an hour out

**Peter:** Rip

**Peter:** We should sing a song

**Wanda:** ……..

**Wanda:** _THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND_

**Carol:** Rip

**Strange:** Press F to pay respects to my ear drums

**Tony:** F

**Shuri:** F

**Steve:** You have brought this upon yourself

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Peter:** _inhales_

**Peter:** _whispers_

**Peter:** _we’re here_

**Clint:** Okay

**Clint:** We gotta be super sneaky

**Shuri:** Like Spy kids

**Wanda:** lmao spy kids

**Shuri:** Are 51 is hiding Thumb-Thumbs

**Peter:** Confirmed

**Carol:** Someone play the_ Mission Impossible_ theme

**Clint:** We need to get over the fence first

**Nat:** I swear if he tries to jump that thing...

**Bucky:** He’s such an idiot

**Sam:** LMFAO HE FUCKING WENT FOR IT

**Tony:** Did he make it?

**Strange:** No

**Clint: @Strange** I hate you

**Steve:** Why?

**Clint:** Because he waited until after I’d jumped to use a portal to bring everyone else over

**Tony:** lol

**Strange:** I would do no such thing👀

**Tony:** Ya’ll gotta watch your backs

**Tony:** Strange ain’t bargaining today

**Clint:** _whispers_

**Clint:** _ to the vents_

**Strange:** Why?

**Clint:** Because that’s the fun way to do things

**Tony:** Yeah, he doesn’t speak pop culture Barton

**Clint:** ??

**Tony:** Strange wouldn’t know the definition of fun even if you hit him with a dictionary

**Strange:** That’s not true

**Strange:** I sort my fruit loops by color every morning with Bucky and Carol

**Strange:** That’s fun

**Bucky:** …….

**Sam:** ………👀

**Bucky:** Why you gotta do us like that?

**Sam:** I can’t contain myself rn jsboshbkgbogjk

**Strange:** What? I thought that was common knowledge

**Clint:** Rip

**Peter:** Okay team

**Peter:** It’s time

**Clint:** To the Vents!

**Peter:** To the vents!

**Strange:** Portal time

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Clint:** I am upset

**Steve:** Why?

**Clint:** Because Strange would’t let me climb through the vents

**Strange:** I am NOT letting you roam around an Air Force base by yourself

**Clint:** I wouldn’t be

**Clint:** Peter was going to come

**Tony:** Do you honestly think that’s any better?

**Peter:** 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

**Peter:** I hear something

**Shuri:** What do you hear

**Peter:** Voices

**Wanda:** We must hide

**Carol:** We need to find them aliens before we can get caught

**Peter:** I think we’ve been discovered.

**Peter:** OH SHIT

**Carol:** RUN

**Tony:** Aliens?

**Sam:** Worse!

**Tony:** wHo

Peter: Uncle Rhodey!

**Bruce:** ....

**Tony:** HAHAHAHAHAHA

**Tony:** I'm WHEEZING

**Rhodey:** You Assholes!

**Rhodey:** I didn’t think you were actually going to do it!

**Peter:** RUN FASTER! RUN FASTER!

**Rhodey:** Strange don’t you dare portal me or I’m eating all your vegan ice cream

**Strange:** Are you willing to in turn lose your dino nuggets?

**Rhodey:** Y E S

**Strange:** Oh wow, he’s not playing around

**Rhodey:** You can run, but you can’t hide!

**Rhodey:** I have eyes everywhere 👀👀👀

**Tony:** 👀

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Peter:** I think we lost him

**Carol:** That was actually the most terrifying thing I have ever experienced

**Wanda:** I have to agree

**Wanda:** Colonel Rhodes chasing after you with a banana is fucking terrifying

**Steve:** Rest in Peace

**Tony:** You are all so royally fucked now

**Nat:** Don’t remind me

**Nat:** Also

**Nat:** Quick question

**Nat:** Does anyone else smell cookies?

**Sam:** ……

**Sam:** Actually yes

**Peter:** It’s time to investigate

**Strange:** Peter no

**Peter:** Peter yes

**Clint:** Peter we just got chased after by Stark’s best friend with a banana

**Clint:** How much more trauma do you expect us to take?

**Bucky:** Oh rip

**Carol:** We’re dead now folks

**Peter:** I’m going In

**T’Challa:** F

**Tony:** F

**Vision:** I’ll write your eulogy

**Peter:** I……….

**Peter:** My eyes

**Shuri:** What do you see?

_Peter invited Thanos_

_Peter Invited Ronan_

_Peter invited Ultron_

_Peter invited Hela_

_Peter Invited Red Skull_

_Peter Invited Dormammu_

_Peter Invited Doom_

**Carol:** Peter why is this necessary?

**Peter:** Come in and you’ll see

**Sam:** And I oop-

**Strange:** Oh God

**Strange:** My worst fear has come true

**Steve:** What is it?

**Strange:** I’m surrounded by idiots

**Thanos:** Rood

**Wanda:** What are you even doing here?

**Ronan:** Having our first ESC meeting

**Red Skull:** Plotting world domination

**Thanos: **No, no. We are not doing that

**Dormammu:** Eating cookies

**Doom: **Moral support

**Thanos:** Saving some trees

**Hela:** Suffering

**Ronan:** We brought your apple juice by the way Peter

**Peter:** YAY

**Ultron:** Want a cookie?

**Strange:** Why are you having your meeting here?

**Thanos:** Because it’s area 51

**Ronan:** Yeah, where else is an alien to go when they visit earth?

**Shuri:** So all this time…..

**Wanda:** Area 51 was not hiding Thumb-Thumbs

**Hela:** No

**Peter:** How did you even get in here?

**Doom:** Oh that’s easy

**Ronan:** We stormed Area 51

**Peter:** …….

**Ultron:** What are you guys doing here?

**Carol:** Same as you

**Dormammu:** Eating cookies?

**Carol:** No

**Shuri:** Storming Area 51

**Bucky:** To see them Aliens

**Hela:** Well sorry to disappoint

**Hela:** Wait

**Hela:** My brothers didn’t come?

**Peter:** No

**Hela:** How unlike them. I would have thought this childish nonsense was right up their playing field

**Wanda:** They’re back at the compound watching Disney

**Thanos:** What’s Disney?

**Shuri:** _gasp_

**Clint:** I am _shook_

**Vision:** I am offended

**Clint:** Well

**Clint:** You know what that means

**Carol:** What?

**Peter:** What does it mean?

**Clint:** We gotta introduce them to the Lion King

**Red Skull:** Where can we see this Disney?

**Peter:** You can come over and watch them with me and Shuri!

**Ronan:** Will there be apple juice?

**Peter: **yEs

**Doom:** ………..

**Thanos: **Get ready bois

**Thanos: **We storming the Avengers Compound next

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol I can't even with myself right now this was a glorious request and I stayed up way too late writing it XD
> 
> Anyway, as always,Thabk you for reading, I hope you all enjoyed, and be sure to stay tuned for the next chapter, we're diving a little bit into the multiverse ;)
> 
> Don't forget to let me know what you want to see next!
> 
> \- Angie^^


	27. Death By Exposure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a filler, kind of not, also we needed more Clint because he's wonderful and one of my favorites to write It's also anintroo to this story's newest pairing...👀
> 
> Based of a rp/many a conversation from the discord (you're gonna be getting a lot of those now because the shenanigans we come up with are great)
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Clint created a Server_

_Clint Named the server: **I have a theory….**_

_Clint invited Peter, Sam, Bucky, Tony, Nat, Wanda,_

**Clint:** Alright Frems

**Clint:** Here’s the thing

**Peter:** What’s the thing?

**Clint:** Quiet child!

**Nat:** Be nice to Peter or I’m adding Pepper

**Clint:** 👀

**Sam:** Can we just appreciate how that’s a threat in this house?

**Wanda:** What is the theory?

**Clint:** I have been doing some venting

**Clint:** And by venting I mean vent-watching

**Clint:** And by vent watching I mean I’ve been looking with my lookers from the vents

**Nat:** Ew. That’s gross

**Clint:** NOT LIKE THAT

**Tony:** Really? Because that’s what it sounds like

**Clint:** I have been observing someone

**Clint:** More like someoneS

**Clint:** But they don’t know about it because I am a sneaky spy

**Peter:** sNeAk

**Sam:** Are you going to get on with telling us what this is about?

**Clint:** Y E S

**Clint:** So as I was saying….

**Clint:** I’ve been watching all of you

**Clint:** Like a hawk :)

**Clint:** But mostly Steve and Carol

**Bucky:** I hate to break it to you Pal, but I don’t think they’re interested

**Clint:** NOT LIKE THAT EITHER

**Clint:** I SQWAK AT YOUR STUPIDITY BARNES

**Clint:** I KNOW THEY’RE NOT INTERESTED BECAUSE I THINK I KNOW WHO THEY’RE INTERESTED _IN_

**Tony:** Alright Cupid, slow down there

**Nat:** But do tell

**Wanda:** Yes, so then I can tell Carol who Steve’s been looking at

**Sam:** Oh, she’d give him so much shit for it

**Tony:** I know this sounds awful, but I live for that

**Bucky:** Wow, now we know where your friendships lie

**Tony:** You know what Barnes? Look me in they eyes and tell me it’s not funny

**Bucky:** …

**Bucky:** Okay, It’s funny

**Clint:** NO

**Clint:** THERE IS NO TELLING CAROL OR STEVE ABOUT MY THEORY

**Peter:** lol why? They’d go after each other so much about it. It would be great.

**Clint:** WE CANNOT TELL CAROL OR STEVE BECAUSE IT _IS_ CAROL AND STEVE

**Peter: **Carol and Steve like themselves?

**Peter:** I’m confused

**Peter:** Are you saying they’re narcissists?

**Sam:** Dear god we only need one of those in this house

**Tony:** …..

**Tony:** I’m going to allow that

**Clint:** YOU’RE ALL BLIND

**Nat:** Why are we blind?

**Clint:** I mean….

**Clint:** Have you seen the way those two look at each other? And how Steve always yells at her for doing stupid stuff? And how Carol messes with him for no reason?

**Nat:** 👀

**Wanda:** 👀👀👀

**Bucky:** Yes, with complete hatred

**Sam:** Dude, they fucking _hate_ each other

**Tony:** Yeah, I don’t think any attraction between those two is possible in any way

**Peter:** ………

**Peter:** It’s like those unrealistic Hallmark movies!

**Nat:** All Hallmark movies are unrealistic Peter

**Peter:** No no! The ones where the two people hate each other but they secretly don’t, they just act like they do because way deep down they have feelings for each other

**Nat:** Again, they hate each other

**Peter:** Have you met Sam and Bucky?

**Sam:** …..

**Sam:** I’ll give him that

**Tony:** I’m sorry to burst your bubble Clint, but Carol has the emotional span of a rock

**Wanda:** ….

**Nat:** Wanda

**Nat:** You can’t seriously think…

**Wanda:** I mean

**Wanda:** Now that he says it

**Wanda:** It kind of makes sense

**Peter:** See? _Some_ Hallmark movies are realistic

**Nat:** No Peter

**Nat:** No they’re not

**Clint:** I know it to be true

**Clint:** You must observe

**Clint:** Like me

**Wanda:** Rip

**Tony:** ?

**Peter:** Why are we ripping?

**Wanda:** Because Clint is fucked

**Clint:** ….why?

**Wanda:** Because a Captain in question has looked over my shoulder and seen my phone

**Sam:** F

**Bucky:** F

**Tony:** F

**Peter:** Here Lies Clint Barton….

**Wanda:** Carol would like me to inform you that we are having roasted hawk for dinner tonight right after she finishes vomiting

**Clint:** _hides_

**Sam:** More like roasted Steve

**Bucky:** Lmao

**Bucky:** The amount of reds he’s turning right now is amazing

**Nat:** oml why?

**Sam:** Do you not hear Carol screaming at Clint about his conclusion?

**Peter:** Exposed

**Natasha:** This is infuriatingly funny

**Sam:** lol we should handcuff them again

**Sam:** Find out if Barton’s theory was right

**Peter:** Welp, If they way they’re acting right now doesn’t confirm it, then I don’t know what does

**Tony:** I’m with Sam on the handcuffing though

**Nat:** Why

**Tony:** Friday night entertainment

**Nat:** This is true

**Bucky:** What is it with you too and feeding off the pain of others?

**Nat:** What can I say? We’re horrible people

**Peter:** I’ll call Shuri

**Wanda:** You realize we’re all dead right?

**Tony:** That’s why you gotta go out with a bang

**Tony:** If I’m dying, I’m dying from embarrassing Steve

**Nat:** There are worse ways to die

**Clint:** She’ll never find me

**Clint:** I’m too sneaky

**Nat:** Don’t worry Barton

**Nat:** I’ll save you

**Clint:** Really?

**Nat:** No, you’re on your own bitch

**Peter:** Here lies Clint Barton. Brutally slain for exposing Carol and Steve. May he rest in many pieces

**Sam:** F

**Bucky:** F

**Nat:** F

**Wanda:** She also says that Pepper is now her favorite Stark

**Tony:** F

**Peter:** F

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? You didn't see that coming?
> 
> lol, there we go.  
And Quick Update: I know I said the next one would be about the multiverse, but I'm having a bit of trouble coming up with a good running commentary for it, so as soon as my brain starts functioning again, it will be added.  
Also I've kind of been debating if I was going to add this ship for a while, but I kind of wanted to see what would happen if I did. But don't worry, even in romance, Stove and Carl will still be a salty as ever with each other. That will not be changing. Pinky promise.
> 
> Another reminder that it is also fall writing season so if you all like cuddly fall themed hallmark tropes you can find 'em on my latest story: Cuddly Fall Fanfics of Our Favorite Marvel Friends
> 
> Anyway, Thanks for reading! I hope this sufficed. If not then let me know what will. Feedback/requests are much appreciated :)  
-Angie^^


	28. I...I Don't Even Know...(Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god….where do I even begin…..this one is a meme turned server story on our Avengers discord server (which y’all should drop in and say hello its a good time) also kind of a follow up to the last chapter, just with a lot more chaos  
Credits to SlippingOnVelcro, grandcrack3r (spastic Vocalist), and advancinginreverse for helping me create the existential terror that is this dialogue 😂  
Also: this whole thing was like almost 10 pages so IT’S SPLIT INTO 2 PARTS
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Tony Created A Server_

_ Tony named the Server: **Someone talk to me I’m bored** _

_ Tony invited Everyone _

**Steve:** Hello

**Tony:** Hello Steve

**Steve:** How’s your day

**Tony:** Eh

**Steve:** Same

**Carol:** Stove you wanna know a secret?

**Steve:** what Carl? 

**Carol:** _whispers_

**Carol:** _no one cares_

**Nat:** lol

**Nat:** No One:

**Nat:** Not One Fucking Person

Nat: Steve: _breaths_

**Nat:** Carol: SOMEONE TURN THAT DAMN STOVE OFF!

**Carol:** Damn straight 

**Rhodey: @Carol** Seeing as you’re so focused on him, why don’t you do it yourself?

**Scott:** The only way to turn of his breathing is by covering his lips

**Tony:** What ever could you use to cover his lips😉

**Carol:** Tape

**Carol:** DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY TAPE?

**Steve:** Super Soldier Serum means tape doesn’t work

**Steve:** Not that I’m suggesting any alternatives

**Peter:** Captain and Captain, sitting in a tree…

**Carol:** Peter Parker sitting in a grave if he finishes that sentence👀

**Peter:** You lay in graves captain

**Carol:** How would you know where I sleep?

**Carol:** I could live in your air vent and you’d never know

**T’Challa:** You glow brighter than the north star…

**Carol:** 👀

**Steve:** hah

**Carol:** Silence Stove!

**Carol:** _grabs tape_

**Steve:** I already told you it won’t work Danvers

**Carol:** Science cannot defeat the likes of tape!

**Steve:** My shield can cut through the toughest metals on earth. 

**Steve:** And I know you don’t have anything more than packing tape in your office 

**Carol:** 👀👀👀👀👀

**Carol:** How would you know whats in my office Stove?

**Peter:** You poking around Auntie Carol’s Office?

**Steve:** Quiet Peter

**Steve:** I read over the supply delivery manifests

**Steve:** The strongest tape in the facility is in the laboratories and it’s glorified duct tape

**Steve:** No offense Bruce

**Bruce:** ….

**Bruce:** I am offend

**Carol:** But if it’s vibranium tape…👀

**Peter: @Shuri**

**Shuri:** I’ll get right on it

**Tony:** Here we go

**T’Challa:** Sister I beg of you, do not encourage this

**Bruce: @Shuri** Send some my way if you can please

**Shuri:** It’ll be on Amazon within the month

**Carol:** We can tape Steve’s shield to the ceiling

**Steve:** Parker wanna make fifty bucks?

**Peter:** To crawl around your bedroom? You’d better have a better starting bid than that

**Tony:** My son takes after me. I’m so proud

**Wanda:** **@Peter** I am disturbed by that statement

**Carol:** I don’t think I want to know

**Steve:** You all are disgusting

**Nat:** Are we?

**Steve:** Don’t get me started on you Romanov

**Carol: @Steve** It’s already common knowledge that she has a bigass Backstreet Boys poster on her wall.

**Nat:** You’ve got nothing on me Rogers

**Steve:** Actually 

**Steve:** After you dumped all of the S.H.I.E.L.D files a few years back, you’d be surprised

**Steve:** Reddit made a list

**Wanda:** Rip Nat

**Wanda:** You’ve been played

**Nat:** Well

**Nat:** If you’re gonna play that card then I guess I’ll tell Carol about that time you ate her pasta👀

**Carol:** _inhales_

**Steve:** There wasn’t a name on it

**Steve:** Therefore I am not responsible

**Tony:** Funny, I swore it was in Carol’s Tupperware that I saw you throwing out after eating

**Carol:** YOU WERE THE ONE WHO ATE IT?!

**Carol:** THIS IS TREASON!

**Steve:** I am locking the door to my office

**Carol: **NO DOOR CAN STOP ME!

**Tony:** Captain Danvers, you are authorized to destroy whatever parts of my facility are required to enact revenge for your linguine

**Clint:** lol he thinks locking the door is going to do anything

**Steve:** I guess I’m going on vacation then

**Carol:** I will find you

**Steve:** I spent years in Western Europe during the war. Good Luck 

**Carol:** I won’t be needing it

**Steve:** P.S. Hitler’s bunker is not where the internet claims it is

**Peter:** Oh! Oh! I remember learning that in school last year!

**Peter:** It’s actually in Southern Italy!

**Steve:** …..

**Carol:** ……

**Carol:** Parker is now my favorite

**Steve:** You suck Parker

**Nat:** Don't insult my spiderson you heathen

**Carol:** You are so in for it Steve

**Steve:** Come out and get me night light, I’ve knocked out Hitler over two hundred times

**Carol:** Is that a challenge?

**T’Challa:** American courting procedures are so…

**T’Challa:** Violent

**Wanda:** I know right?

**Thor:** What ever happened to giving people flowers and telling them they look pretty?

**Wanda:** Is that what they do on Asgard?

**Thor:** Oh no, we too are quite barbaric when it comes to courting. I just think everyone is pretty and flowers are nice.

**Nat:** Thor…

**Nat:** You are too pure for this world

**Steve:** I could also come take refuge in the royal Wakandan Palace

**Carol:** There is nowhere you can hide from me

**T’Challa:** …… 

**T’Challa:** No you most certainly will not

**Steve:** Guess I’m on my own then

**Steve:** ……

**Steve:** Okay who took the handle bars from my bike?

**Natasha:** I’ll never tell👀

**Tony:** Oh you know those old Harleys are always breaking down Cap

**Carol:** HAH

**Carol:** THERE IS NOWHERE FOR YOU TO RUN ROGERS!

**Carol:** YOU’RE MINE NOW!

**Nat:** Yes

**Nat:** Yes he is

**Bucky:** He’s trying to take the quinjet

**Steve:** Really Buck?

**Carol:** YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE ME ROGERS!

**Tony:** I’ve remotely disabled his voice recognition access

**Steve:** You gotta be shitting me

**Nat:** Language!

**Wanda:** Oh Steve

**Nat:** You are so, so, _very_ screwed

**Carol:** _breaks down garage door_

**Carol:** You can run but you won’t get far!

**Steve:** I’ve been running a long time Danvers

**Clint:** Can I have Steve’s leftovers when he’s dead?

**Carol:** Only because I’m in a sharing mood

**Clint:** I mean…

**Clint:** I was gonna eat them anyway, but I want dibs

**Sam:** On your left

**Sam:** I tripped him on the bridge

**Sam:** He fell in the water

**Bucky:** ‘atta boy

**Nat:** lol Sam

**Nat:** He can run but it’s only a matter of time until he comes back

**Nat:** If ya know what I mean…👀😉

**Clint:** 👀👀👀

**Clint:** This is such a great team bonding experience

**Wanda: @Nat** Correction. If Steve leaves it’s only a matter of time before he dies alone

**Nat:** …….👀

**Nat:** Who put your mind in the shadows?

**Clint:** lmao

**Wanda:** I’m simply stating the facts

**Clint:** Savage

**Carol:** I’m so confused

**Carol:** Wanda stop being cryptic

**Wanda:** Carol stop being oblivious

**Tony:** Ms. Maximoff is simply stating that Steve will need someone to help him dry off Danvers. Those cosmic fists of yours sure do look mighty warm

**Sam:** This man is soaked

**Bucky:** The one thing his shield can’t solve

**Bucky:** Being wet

**Carol:** He can freeze

**Carol:** It won’t be the first time

**Clint:** He need some milk for that burn, damn

**Carol:** It’s what he deserves for eating my pasta

**Steve:** It was fairly bland pasta all things considered

**Peter:** Here lies Captain Rogers….

**Peter:** Murdered in Cold Blood by Captain Marvel

**Bucky:** lol

**Carol:** How dare you insult my pasta?

**Clint:** Does he have a death wish or is he just too sexually frustrated?

**Nat:** I think it might be both

**Carol: **We're gonna fight Steve 

**Nat: **And she's gonna win

**Steve:** I could do this all day

**Tony:** I thought that saying was only for when you’re getting profusely beaten

**Tony:** Which happens quite a lot on just about every mission might I say

**Clint:** At the very least he obviously has a thing for getting beaten up

**Nat:** They’re perfect for each other

**Clint:** They really are

**Nat:** Steve needs someone to boss him around

**Clint:** Now if they would stop focusing on each other enough to notice their feelings

**Loki:** I’d take a bet that Captain Rogers has a secret thing for women ordering him around. He tends to find the bossiest of them and chases after them like an errant school boy

**Wanda:** lol

**Clint:** I wouldn’t take that bet because I agree with you

**Nat:** Should we tell them?

**Nat:** Or should we just let this destruction play out?

**Clint:** Would they listen to us if we told them?

**Nat:** Maybe?

**Carol:** I answer to nobody 

**Carol:** Except for Fury

**Carol:** And occasionally Nat

**Carol:** But only because she lets me play with her cat

**Bucky:** Carol, when you are moving forward with murdering Steve please be careful

**Bucky:** I’m helping him find dry clothes and I don’t want to be baked alive

**Carol:** Don’t worry Bucky

**Carol:** No harm shall come to you

**Sam:** Don’t hurt my metal man

**Steve:** I’m taking you both down with me

**Carol:** No harm shall come to the bird bois

**Carol:** Only Steve shall perish

**Peter: @Steve** I will put your handle bars back on your motorcycle if you take a selfie with my best friend Ned

**Steve:** Deal

**Tony:** Wait a minute

**Tony:** ….The kid took the handle bars

**Tony:** He really is my son


	29. I...I Don't Even Know...(Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But Wait....There's MORE!!!!
> 
> Credits are all the same, this mess is a creation of SlippingOnVelcro, grandcrack3r (spastic Vocalist), advancinginreverse, and myself
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_** Previously in the same Server: Steve's trying to run far far away after eating Carol's pasta and Peter offers his help.....👀** _

**Nat:** Alright well now we gotta tell them

**Clint:** _cackles from the vents at what’s about to go down_

**Nat:** And Peter, I swear to God if you sink our ship I will throw out all your Star Wars movies

**Peter:** I digitalized them all Auntie Nat, so go ahead

**Nat:** Welp

**Peter:** Your bike is ready Captain America 🇺🇸

**Nat:** The kid leaves me no choice

**Clint:** Oh no

**Wanda:** Idk if Carol can handle it…

**Nat:** We’re about to find out

**Nat:** _inhales_

**Nat:** CAROL STEVE LIKES YOU

**Clint:** What are we, five?

**Nat: **Yes

**Clint:** That’s fair

**Steve:** I do not

**Carol:** …….

**Sam: @Steve** yes you do

**Clint:** He does

**Bucky:** C’mon man you totally do

**Wanda:** I can confirm that Carol.exe has stopped working

**Wanda:** Nat you broke carol

**Steve:** You are all delusional

**Wanda:** I’m pretty sure that’s you

**Clint:** Should we tell him too?

**Nat:** Yes

**Nat:** Because we are awful people

**Clint:** Of course

**Clint:** I got this one

**Nat:** 👀

**Steve:** I don’t want to know…

**Clint:** _inhales_

**Clint:** STEVE CAROL LIKES YOU

**Wanda:** Vis come help me get Carol back online

**Vision:** I don't think that's how that works

**Carol:** _inhales intensely_

**Wanda:** Oh wait

**Wanda:** I think I got it

**Clint:** _chuckles_

**Clint:** I’m in danger

**Carol:** HJJKJDJDKFBDJWSKSKWKS WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT WHAT THE FUCK CLINT I SWEAR TO GOD WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU I'M GONNA FRY THE BRAINS YOU DON’T HAVE JDSJDFJDFJDJ

**Clint:** fuckfuckshitfuckshit NAT MADE ME DO IT

**Clint:** NAT HELP

**Carol:** I’M SURROUNDED BY ASSHOLES

**Nat: @Clint** You’re on your own bird boy

**Clint:** Nooooo

**Clint:** Betrayal

**Steve:** Why is the sky glowing?

**Clint:** That’s death coming for me

**Carol:** SAY GOODNIGHT FUCKERS!

**Steve:** Language

**Carol:** Don’t tell me what to do you heathen

**Clint:** Tell my leftovers I love them

**Wanda: @Carol** You know if you destroy the compound I can’t make you pasta anymore

**Carol:** I…….

**Carol:** _sighs_

**Carol:** You live to see another day Barton

**Clint:** Oh yay!

**Carol:** For now….

**Tony:** Shit

**Nat:** What?

**Tony:** FRIDAY has confirmed, Steve is off the premises 

**Clint:** ….

**Clint:** Not so yay

**Nat:** Find him

**Nat:** This ship ain’t going down before it’s sailed

**Nat:** Not while I’m still the Captain

**Wanda:** lol

**Nat:** lmao

**Nat:** I’m the Captain now

**Wanda:** STEVEN

**Wanda:** ACCEPT HER LOVE

**Steve:** I can see her glowing above the compound behind me. I don’t want to accept anything she’s offering right now

**Nat:** Nah Nah Fam

**Nat:** We got her under control

**Nat:** Its all good

**Steve:** Oh wait that’s Tony

**Clint:** _climbs up onto the roof_

**Clint:** Spotted the runner. Heading East towards the treeline

**Rhodey:** moving in from the South to intercept

**Tony:** Live-streaming all of this to the home TV

**Peter:** _AND I KEEP RUNNIN RUNNIN RUNNIN RUNNIN_

**Shuri:** _RUNNIN FROM MY HEART!_

**Rhodey:** Just like in Romania

**Bucky:** Please don’t remind me

**Clint:** Rip dude

**Carol:** I think….

**Carol:** I think I need a nap

**Carol:** This is a lot to process

**Carol:** All this being angry has made me a bit tired

**Wanda:** Have a good nap

**Nat: @Steve** The first step to acceptance is acceptance

**Steve:** All this over some damn linguine

**Carol:** It’s sacred!

**Carol:** Also

**Carol: @Nat** Can I cuddle with your cat?

**Nat:** Sure

**Nat:** Now Steve

**Steve:** No

**Nat:** Get back here before I hunt you down myself

**Steve:** See above

**Nat:** I did

**Nat:** And I’ve elected to ignore it

**Steve:** Then I hope that cat suit of yours has hiking boot add ons

**Nat:** Oh it does

**Rhodey**: I can confirm, he's ditched the bike

**Rhodey:** He just rode his shield down a hillside

**Rhodey:** I recorded the noise he made as he went down

**Steve:** With all due respect Colonel, your rank won’t stop me from knocking your ass out of the sky

**Nat:** lmao Steve used a big boy word

**Tony:** Wow Rhodey, he nearly hit you just then

**Rhoday:** Shut up Tony

**Wanda:** Peter pass the popcorn

**Wanda:** And Nat you gotta come see this sksksjhsfj 

**Nat:** What?

**Wanda:** Tony is live steaming this shit

**Loki:** Wanda pass the popcorn

**Wanda:** _complies_

**Loki:** _thank_

**Tony:** Steve I’m only an onlooker, please refrain from throwing that at me

**Clint:** _pops out of the vents to join wanda peter and loki_

**Steve:** All is fair in love and war Tony…

**Tony:** Wow, those should be your vows to Carol

**Wanda:** She’s sleeping rn but I’m pretty sure Carol would hit you for that

**Rhodey:** lol excellent aim Captain

**Steve:** Thank you Colonel

**Clint:** _sneaks some popcorn_

**Wanda:** You know you could have just asked right?

**Clint:** Sure, but I’m a spy

**Clint:** It’s what I do

**Clint:** Also Loki’s holding it and he’s territorial

**Loki:** He isn’t coming anywhere near the popcorn. He’ll eat it all

**Clint:** See?!

**Carol:** I smelled popcorn and woke up

**Carol:** G i v e 

**Loki:** hANDS oFF

**Tony:** Hello again Carol

**Tony:** Steve is shopping for your engagement ring

**Carol:** Fuck off Stark

**Steve:** Fuck Off Tony

**Clint:** lmao

**Tony:** awwwwwww

**Nat:** Did they just agree on something?

**Steve:** ……Shit

**Clint:** They did and it was adorable

**Wanda:** My heart, I can’t 

**Loki:** Isn’t this sweet

**Rhodey:** His aim is more ad more off the angrier he gets

**Bruce:** I can recommend a good therapist Steve

**Nat:** lmao Bruce no, he's gonna need more than that

**Wanda:** Did you get him yet?

**Wanda:** The feed cut out

**Tony:** I can’t see

**Loki:** Oh dear, my amusement :(

**Clint:** Oh shit

**Rhodey:** He knocked out my foot repulsers, I have to hover after him with my auxiliary jets

**Peter:** The suspense….

**Nat:** Welp

**Nat:** Time to pull out the big guns

**Loki:** _munches on popcorn_

**Loki:** Oh this is getting _good_

_ Nat invited Fury _

**Fury:** Who rang?

**Steve:** What the hell

**Nat:** Steve’s on the loose

**Rhodey:** Oh shit y’all 

**Fury:** This party’s over

**Clint:** _inconspicuously scoots behind loki_

**Clint:** Carol go get your mans

**Loki:** I think not mortal

**Rhodey:** Fury has apprehended the Captain

**Nat:** Okay guys, engagement party’s over

**Clint:** _scrambles over to wanda_

**Rhodey:** Mofo came out of nowhere

**Steve:** Damn it

**Wanda:** Nat has been attacked by Carol for her “engagement party” comment 

**Wanda:** lol it’s like watching two cats fight 

**Clint:** This turned into a train wreck real quick

**Nat:** Love makes you do strange things Barton 

**Loki:** How dare he ruin my entertainment, that pathetic excuse of a pirate

**Loki:** Unhand the Captain at once

**Carol:** No no

**Carol:** He’s much easier to hit if he’s not moving

**Fury:** Listen Captain Glowstick, I’m bringing back your man, which is a very painful task might I add, so ease up off my ass

**Clint:** ooooOOOOO

**Carol:** Whatever you say Furry

**Fury:** You owe me a drink for this one Carl

**Steve:** I am not her man

**Fury:** Uh huh

**Nat:** Yes you are

**Clint:** You totally are

**Loki:** Of course you are

**Wanda:** 100%

**Clint:** I like how Carol didn’t comment on Steve being called her man

**Nat:** Because what is there to comment on?

**Clint:** You right. 

**Clint:** I just expected her to stay in denial longer

**Nat:** I think her nap helped

**Wanda:** She just needed to sleep on it

**Clint:** That’s fair

**Carol:** _carol has declined to comment_

**Steve:** Fury where did you even get these hand cuffs

**Fury:** The Skrulls

**Steve:** The what now?

**Fury:** Don’t you two Captains discuss anything on dates?

**Steve:** …..

**Carol:** …. 

**Nat:** They will now

**Carol:** Nat why?

**Nat:** Its for your own good

**Peter:** Yeah, sexual tension makes me anxious

**Clint:** _agrees_

**Nat:** It’s for the good of the team as well

**Tony:** Peter please don’t ever utter the words “sexual tension” ever again

**Peter:** 👀

**Nat:** How sweet

**Nat:** Tony your son has been corrupted

**Tony:** That’s not sweet 

**Tony:** That’s terrifying

**Fury:** Not as terrifying as I'm gonna be if y’all can’t work your shit out

**Peter:** Just handcuff them together agin until they admit they like each other

**Nat:** Or lock them in a closet

**Nat:** Either works

**Fury:** I vote closet

**Steve:** You have to be kidding me

**Steve:** Stuck in a small space?

**Steve:** With Carol?

**Steve:** I’ll be dead in seconds

**Wanda:** Well at least you won’t be dying alone

_ **An hour later after being locked in a closet against their will….** _

**Nat:** Did it work?

**Wanda:** Idk but they finally stopped yelling at each other

**Peter:** Thank God

**Peter:** It was giving me a headache

**Tony:** If this didn’t work then they can sleep outside until they get their stubborn asses together

**Sam:** I second

**Bucky:** I third

**Wanda: @Carol** what’s the verdict?

**Wanda:** Carol?

**Wanda:** CAAAARROOLLLL

**Steve:** FUCK OFF SHE’S SLEEPING

**Nat:** 👀

**Clint:** _opens closet door_

**Nat:** _dies from cuteness overload _

**Wanda:** _can confirm that fury is a genius_

**Tony:** HAHAHA

**Tony:** Success!

**Thor:** ……

**Thor:** I love happy endings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funny Story...The ending is based off of a true event that happened to me...👀  
Anyway...this was terrifying  
but I hope y'all liked it!  
Alright  
Angie Out!
> 
> ^^


	30. The Loops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit....Here we go again....  
Who's ready for more discord chaos?  
Presented to you by SlippingOnVelcro, kikoavin, and Myself  
Enjoy!  
\- Angie^^
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Bucky Created a Server_

_Bucky Named the Server: **Caution, Froot Loop Sorting in session**_

_Bucky Invited Everyone_

**Bucky:** I would just like to make it known that the Froot Loop sorting is in session and to take caution when walking through the sitting area

**Peter:** This has been your PSA

**Steve:** Then what did I just step on?

**Steve:** It’s green

**Peter:** Rip Steve

**Peter:** You have committed the ultimate crime

**Steve:** Do I even want to know

**Peter:** You have crushed Carol’s loops

**Bucky:** Oh shit

**Bucky:** Dude, you’re so dead

**Peter:** She spent like an hour sorting those

**Steve:** I stepped on like 1 or 2

**Steve:** What’s the worst that can happen

**Bucky:** …...

**Peter:** ……

**Strange:** ......

**Steve:** ……

**Steve:** Oh…

**Steve:** That’s right…it’s Carol

**Carol:** _inhales_

**Steve:** Doctor, may I borrow a portal?

**Carol:** STEVE YOU ASSHOLE

**Carol:** THOSE WERE MY L O O P S

**Steve:** Strange, please…

**Peter:** Here lies Captain Rogers…

**Steve:** Carol…you have another box of loops in the pantry

**Carol:** I spent an hour sorting those

**Steve:** But you only left my office forty minutes ago?

**Steve:** I mean

**Steve:** Shit

**Bucky:** Language

**Nat:** I heard an abundance of screaming

**Nat:** But now I’m not sure I want to know

**Tony:** No, no

**Tony:** Please continue

**Steve:** Strange I need that damn portal right now

**Strange:** Captain, I’m afraid I’m about to give a lecture at NYU and cannot assist

**Strange:** It’s as we’ve said

**Strange:** Run

**Steve:** I am so sick of running away from this compound

**Peter:**a d d d r e s s y o u r w o m a n S t e v e

**Shuri:** Why are you runnin?

**Peter:** WHY ARE YOU RUNNIN?

**Wanda:** Probably because it’s Carol

**Steve:** She’s yelled at me enough this last week

**Steve:** And she broke my TV

**Nat:** Yep

**Nat:** Sounds like Carol

**Carol:** Okay, that was a misfire and you know it

**Steve:** Just because Tony owns a company that makes TVs doesn’t mean….

**Carol:** Choose your words wisely Captain👀

**Sam:** Are they arguing again?

**Bucky:** Yep

**Sam:** Wow

**Sam:** They’re worse than us

**Steve:** You two never fight

**Steve:** And neither of you have explosives in your blood

**Sam:** My point exactly

**Bucky:** Yeah man

**Bucky:** What is it with you and getting beat up?

**Sam:** Or stealing Carol’s food

**Steve:** Well now she smirks at me whenever I take her pasta so...

**Steve:** I see that as a win of sorts

**Carol:** Listen here capsicle 

**Steve:** I’m listening glowstick

**Carol:** There is a difference in the sacredness of pasta and froot loops

**Steve:** Why do you spell it like that…?

**Carol:** Because

**Carol:** That’s what it says on the box

**Nat:** And the box never lies

**Steve:** Plenty of boxes have lied to me

**Carol:** Well that sounds like a you problem

**Steve:** According to the team, my problems are now our problems

**Steve:** So I defer to to your good judgement c a p t a i n

**Steve:** Is that how one memes?

**Carol:** I….

**Carol:** I blame you peter

**Peter:** How is this my problem now

**Carol:** You have corrupted him

**Steve:** Peter is this the point when I dab?

**Carol:** I swear to God Steve, if you start dabbing it’ll be the last thing you ever do

**Carol:** And quite possibly the last time I let you eat my pasta too

**Steve:** Fourth time you’ve said that today

**Bruce:** I swear you two argue like an old married couple

**Bruce:** About literally everything

**Steve:** Well we are the oldest on the team

**Steve:** ….

**Steve:** I regret what I’ve just written

**Tony:** hwbdfhjvdh

**Tony:** Cap just called himself old

**Carol:** He’s insufferable

**Carol:** I rest my case

**Wanda:** Then why do you put up with him?

**Carol:** Don’t question my emotions Wanda

**Steve:** Carol the day you rest a case on anything, I will toss my shield into the Hudson

**Carol:** Well I just did

**Carol:** So ya better start walking

**Nat:** It’s like a sitcom with these two

**Nat:** I love it

**Clint:** I’m still intrigued about the office

**Steve:** Carol watches it

**Steve:** She said something about a Jim and a Pam

**Clint:** Not that office

**Steve:** I don’t quite get it

**Nat:** lol Yes Steve

**Nat:** Tell us

**Nat:** What happened in the office?

**Steve:** She said someone named Michael reminded her of Tony on his bad days

**Steve:** I don’t presume that was a compliment

**Wanda:** Wow

**Wanda:** Either he is very skilled at dodging questions

**Wanda:** Or he is even more oblivious than Carol

**Steve:** Maximoff, the first time I took you for a real american cheeseburger you proceeded to eat the vegetables off it first, then the meat and the bread

**Wanda:** I have a system, sue me

**Peter:** So I’m guessing it’s the first

**Steve: **I’ve negotiated to go buy more fruit loops for Carol. Does anyone else need anything?

**Tony:** I think blackmailed would be a better word captain

**Sam:** lol what’d she do?

**Carol:** I have threatened to spray paint his shield again if he fails to compensate for the property that was destroyed

**Bucky:** Carol

**Bucky:** It’s only froot loops

**Nat:** Yeah but we all know he probably would have done it anyway

**Nat:** He’s literally infatuated with that woman

**Steve:** Did I just hear a whipping noise?

**Steve:** Shut up Natasha

**Nat:** Never

**Vision:** Has the Captain been whipped?

**Wanda:** I hate to say it Vis

**Wanda:** But he’s worse than you

**Steve:** Tony your tech is blocking my bike

**Tony:** I’m busy

**Tony:**I’m sure Carol can move it for you

**Carol:** You make the mess Stark

**Carol:** You clean it up

**Tony:** Captain, get ahold of your woman’s attitude

**Tony:** It’s rivaling mine and it has me shook

**Steve:** I still don’t know what shook means so i’m ignoring that

**Peter:** lol Steve

**Sam:** He means contain your woman

**Carol:** I am uncontainable

**Sam:** We’ve noticed

**Bucky:** He sure is trying to though

**Bucky:** Poor guy

**Loki:** He has brought this wrath upon himself

**Clint:** You gotta admit though

**Clint:** It’s fuckin funny watching them bitch about useless shit

**Steve:** I did not start this fruit loop nonsense Clint

**Steve:** But I’m sure as hell paying for it

**Carol:** You were the one that stepped on my pile

**Steve:** I stepped on three

**Carol:** And now you pay the price

**Carol:** Or I will not be _paying you_ any more trips to the office

**Clint:** 👀

**Nat:** 👀👀👀

**Steve:** Last call for groceries

**Nat:** Don’t get kicked out

**Clint:** The Avengers don’t really have the best shopping record

**Tony:** I am not buying another Walmart

**Steve:** Someone just asked me to follow them on instant gram

**Steve:** What does that mean

**Peter:** You’re not ready for that yet

**Sam:** Peter if you allow him to to experience the terrors of teenage girls on the internet I will murder you

**Nat:** Don’t threaten my spider child

_Steve attempting (and failing) to message Carol directly_

**Steve:** Carol what’s instant gram?

**Steve:** Ah fuck

**Peter:** Cap if you can’t manage discord…you can’t handle…instant gram 😂

**Carol:** For the record Stove

**Carol:** Never letting you hear the end of that one

**Steve:** When do you ever

**Carol:** Once

**Steve:** Alright I’m back

_Steve failing yet again at another attempt to DM Carol_

**Steve:** Your cereal is in the special place

**Carol:** STEVE

**Carol:** Fuckin STOP

**Carol:** You’re shit at this

**Nat:** Now I really want to know

**Steve:** Please don’t invade our relationship Romanov

**Nat:** Wanda get the cats

**Nat:** And the cider

**Nat:** We are so getting this out of her

**Carol:** My lips are sealed

**Carol:** ….

**Carol:** Wait cats?

**Steve:** No no no

**Wanda:** And cider

**Steve:** No no

**Carol:** 👀

**Steve:** I’m putting a stop to this

**Carol:** But Cats…..

**Steve:** NO

**Wanda:** But Muffin loves Carol

**Steve:** Muffin loves everyone Wanda

**Carol:** BRING ME CAT PEASANT

**Wanda:** Alright Nat

**Wanda:** We got detective work to do

**Steve:** FRIDAY Please deny all access to West Wing, Subsection 13A

**Peter:** Wtf that’s my room!

**Steve:** Oops

**Steve:** West Wing, Subsection 3A

**Carol:** Joke’s on you Stove

**Carol:** I’m not currently in my room

**Steve:** Shit

**Carol:** Nothing can stop me from obtaining cuddles from cats

**Nat:** Cider and Cats

**Wanda:** At your service

**Steve:** Please no

**Steve:** Don't tell them Carol

**Peter:** lol Cap you’re so screwed

**Carol:** Cats are worth it

**Shuri:** Peter and I are watching the Captain debate leaving his room on camera

**Peter:** It is glorious

**Shuri:** Awwww he disabled it

**Peter:** I got you fam

**Peter:** SpiderCam!

**Peter:** I choose you!

**Steve:** Parker don’t you dare

**Nat:** Now

**Wanda:** Spill the tea

**Carol:** I’ve already told you ladies

**Carol:** I don’t spill the tea

**Carol:** I throw the whole damn Kettle

**Peter:** Cap is running for the Space Girlz Headquarters!

**Nat:** Quick! Lock the doors!

**Clint:** _sips tea_

**Bruce:** Cap just tried to sneak past me

**Bruce:** He’s headed your way

**Bruce:** With his shield

**Nat:** Carol

**Nat:** Talk faster

**Clint:** He’s evaded to the pantry

**Carol:** You touch my loops Steve…

**Carol:** You know the consequences

**Steve:** Try me sparky

**Carol:** Oh I have

**Carol:** You stand no chance

**Nat:** 👀

**Peter:** He’s in the kitchen!

**Shuri:** He has the box!

**Carol:** Welp.

**Carol:** Gotta go

**Nat:** Hoh Shit Rogers

**Nat:** She’s coming for you

**Steve:** I’ll be okay

**Carol:** Not for long fucker

**Carol:** UNHAND MY LOOPS!!!

**Peter:** Rip

**Peter:** Who knew Carol could tackle the Captain?

**Clint:** lol They’re like two squirrles fighting over who gets the last acorn

**Scott:** Well this sounds violent

**T’Challa:** Americans

**T’Challa:** They have strange customs

**Steve:** Okay, that was cheating Carol

**Carol:** If you can’t win fair, cheat

**Nat:** What’d she do this time?

**Carol:** It’s not my fault he has shitty aim

**Steve:** No I don’t you liar

**Steve:** You distracted me with your mouth

**Carol:** What can I say?

**Carol:** I’m a very distracting person

**Wanda:** Oh we’re aware

**Vision:** 👀

**Vision:** Wanda why?

**Nat:** Because have you seen Carol?

**Steve:** Yes

**Steve:** And she’s mine

**Nat:** Well

**Nat:** Someone’s getting possessive

**Carol:** Update: I have obtained the loops

**Steve:** I have contained the Carol

**Carol:** Crisis averted

**Steve:** Now can you please give them to me so I can put them back on the shelf?

**Carol:** _hisssss_

**Carol:** You shall not take my loops

**Steve:** You’re too short to reach

**Carol:** Don’t make fun of my height you heathen

**Steve:** You act like they’re your prized possession or something

**Bucky:** Hey

**Bucky:** You heard the woman

**Bucky:** The loops are sacred in this house

**Carol:** Bow down mortals

**Loki:** I am no mere mortal

**Thor:** Are any of us?

**Scott:** Wait....

**Scott:** I’m confused

**Scott:** So what happened in the office?

**Steve:** .......👀

**Carol:** Use your imagination

**T’Challa:** .........

**T’Challa:** You know

**T’Challa:** Sometimes this chat makes me question the universe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the longest chapter yet but it didn't make sense if I split it into parts  
I hope you enjoyed!  
As always, feel free to let me know what you think or request something!  
See ya next time!  
\- Angie^^


	31. Imma Be Real......

Alright frems, I'm gonna be real with you for a good second here. I know this isn't a chapter, but it's worth the read.

I just want to say that you all are the best readers in the world and thank you so much for all the support you have given this story. It makes writing it really special and enjoyable for me. Thanks to you all wonderful people I've been able to pump out 32 chapters with more to come (I plan to keep writing this as log as y'all want me to). Honestly when I first started this thing I didn't think anybody would be interested but you all have been so kind and supportive even when the chapters weren't really that great. So thank you, really, from the bottom of my heart. It makes me feel so special and so good about myself when I wake up every morning after posting a chapter and see all the nice things you have to say about it. I love hearing from you and what you guys would like to see. This story has allowed me to meet so many great people (discord group I'm looking at you👀) and it's just been a joy to write. I'm so happy you all love it so much, and thank you for dealing with my thirty something chapters of utter chaos. Also thank you to Help, Clip, and Stove for helping me come up with the existential terror that is a good portion of this story as well as everyone else on the server for pitching in their ideas too :) You're all the best, every single one of you❤️

\- Angie^^


	32. A Multitude of Iron Dads

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited Multiverse/Iron Man Crossover! 
> 
> Requested by Heathen
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_ **(Quick Note: Superior IM is Superior Iron Man, I was just to lazy to type the whole name out)** _

_Tony Created a server_

_Tony named the Server: **Tony Appreciation Day**_

_Tony Invited Everyone_

**Tony: @everyone** It is Tony Appreciation Day 

**Tony:** Love me

**Nat:** No?

****Loki:** No**

**Steve:** That’s not a thing?

**Carol:** It’s Carol Appreciation Day

**Wanda:** It’s Carol Appreciation Day every day because you are a gift from the gods

**Steve: 👀**

**Steve: **Hands off Maximoff

**Tony:** Spotlight’s on me now Danvers

**Clint:** Tony Stop being a narcissist

**Tony:** I do what I please

**Peter:** I appreciate you Mr. Stark!

**Tony:** I love my wholesome son

**Peter:** You are the best Iron Dad ever

_Superior IM joined the server_

**Superior IM:** No

**Tony:** Wh-

**Tony:** This is a private server

**Superior IM:** Nothing is private when it comes to me

**Sam:** HAH

**Sam:** THAT’S HOW IT FEELS

**Nat:** Who tf are you?

**Tony:** Yes who invited you

**Superior IM:** I invited me

**Scott:** Tony he’s like your double

**Superior IM:** I AM THE GREATEST IRON DAD

**Tony:** YOU’RE A COMPLETE STRANGER

**Superior IM:** I’M YOU

**Superior IM:** From another uNiVeRsE

**Superior IM:** And better

**Clint:** Where’s the popcorn?

**Peter:** So does this mean I have two dads now?

**Carol:** Peter, you have like seven dads. What’s one more?

**Strange:** If you’re from another universe then how did you get on our timeline’s server?

**Superior IM:** Magic

**Peter:** You’re a wizard Harry

**Superior IM:** My name is Tony? Also I'm not a wizard?

**Tony:** Strange is a wizard

**Strange:** For the last time tin can I’m not a wizard, I’m a sorcerer

**Superior IM:** …….

**Superior IM:** I feel like that’s the same thing tho

**Strange:** I assure you it’s not

**Bucky:** Wait so we have two tin cans now?

**Bucky:** I’m so confused

**Superior IM:** No no

**Superior IM:** I am an Iron MAN

**Superior IM:** Your Tony is a tin can

**Tony:** Fight me bitch

**Superior IM:** I will

**Tony:** You’ll lose

**Superior IM:** No

**Superior IM:** I don’t think I will

**Steve:** Lol Stark he really is you

**Carol:** Someone get the pesticide we have three narcissists in the house now

**Scott:** Wait, who are the other two? I thought it was just Tony?

**Carol:** Tony and Steve, and now this guy

**Bucky:** lol

**Steve:** I thought you were supposed to like me?

**Carol:** Maybe I do, maybe I don’t

**Carol:** You’ll never know

**Steve:** Sure Carl

**Carol:** Fuck off Stove

**Steve:** Wow, love you too

**Carol:** _hisssssss_

**Superior IM:** ……

**Superior IM:** I’m not a narcissist

**Superior IM:** I simply have an abundance of self confidence

**Tony:** …..

**Tony:** THAT’S WHAT I SAID

**Clint:** Great minds think alike lol

**Superior IM:** Silence bird man!

**Superior IM:** How dare you suggest that this excuse of a Stark is my equal?

**Scott:** Oof

**Nat:** lol Tony

**Wanda:** You’ve been recycled

**Tony:** Alright

**Tony:** That’s it

**Superior IM:** What are you going to do tin man?

**Tony:** I’m gonna kick your ass

**Superior IM:** How dare you threaten my ass

**Steve:** Technically it’s your ass too Tony

**Tony:** Yep, and its a mighty fine one

**Tony:** I hate to have to damage it

**Tony:** You know, since I’m perfect and all

**Carol:** How does one combat hives?

**Steve:** Why would you have hives?

**Carol:** I’m allergic to narcissists

**Clint:** _cronches on popcorn_

**Nat:** lmao

**Nat:** Is it bad that I kind of want to see these two go at it now?

**Clint:** _passes nat the popcorn _

**Clint:** Join me

**Superior IM:** You can try to defeat me Stark but I assure you you won’t get very far. I am the greatest of my time and I shall not be snuffed by the likes of you

**Steve:** Now you sound like Carol

**Wanda:** sksksksks I love you Carol but that’s so true

**Carol:** …………

**Carol: @Superior IM** Can you beat Steve up while you’re at it?

**Superior IM:** ……

**Superior IM:** I like this one

**Tony:** Strange

**Tony:** I need you to yeet me into the next universe

**Strange:** I’m sorry but did you just ask me to_ “yeet”_ you?

**Tony:** Yes

**Tony:** Let me at him

**Strange:** No

**Tony:** Yes

**Strange:** N o

**Tony:** Y e s

**Thor:** Wait

**Thor:** I’m confused

**Thor:** If they are both Tony Stark

**Thor:** And Tony Stark is the Best

**Thor:** Doesn’t that mean they are both the best?

**Thor:** So technically there’s noting to fight about?

**Nat:** Thor=Genius

**Superior IM:** No

**Superior IM:** There can only be one

**Sam:** Oh shit

**Sam:** Tin Can’s suiting up

**Tony:** Strange give me the portal

**Strange:** No

**Wanda:** FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

**Vision:** It concerns me that you condone this sort of behavior

**Steve:** it shouldn’t

**Steve:** She’s friends with Carol

**Nat:** Tony I’m getting an alert that someone has broken into the building under your clearance

**Tony:** Who

**Superior IM:** Who else?

**Tony:** Alright

**Tony:** Listen here you big bitch

**Wanda:** Quick Vision! Put this on the live feed!

**Nat:** He’s heading up to the penthouse

**Bucky:** You guys might want to take cover

**Tony:** It’s time to blow some shit up

**Sam:** Fuck

**Sam:** We’re doomed

**Steve:** Language

_Pepper has joined the chat_

**Pepper:** Why is the power out?

**Pepper:** And why do I hear spontaneous combusting?

**Pepper:** Peter what are you doing?

**Peter:** It’s not me mom I swear

**Nat:** Tony and his evil twin are currently rampaging the kitchen

**Nat:** They have resorted to throwing bottles of champaign at each other

**Wanda:** Rip

**Wanda:** There goes the coffee machine

**Loki:** If I may, I believe they’ve already damaged more property in ten minutes than Barton and Peter in a hour

**Nat:** Wow

**Nat:** That’s a record breaker right there

**Pepper:** I’m coming up

**Tony:** Shit

**Superior IM:** What?

**Tony:** I’m screwed

**Superior IM:** Giving up already?

**Tony:** I’m guessing you’ve never experienced an angry Pepper Potts before

**Carol:** Rip

**Carol:** Should’ve grabbed the pesticide while we still had the chance

**Superior IM:** Your errand runner?

**Tony:** Errand runner? What universe do you live in? No, she’s my wife dumbass

**Superior:** See in my universe, I am happily married to the mysterious Dr. Strange

**Strange:** I am insulted

**Strange:** And mildly disgusted

**Nat:** Yeah, I don’t see how that could ever be a happy marriage

**Pepper:** Alright bitches

**Pepper:** I’m putting an end to this

**Wanda:** lol

**Wanda:** It was nice knowing you

**Superior IM:** I now know what you mean by an “angry Pepper Potts”

**Superior IM:** Being chased with a mechanical destabilizer is most unpleasant

**Tony:** Ya think?

**Nat:** lol where did she even get that thing

**Pepper:** I found it

**Tony:** That’s the last time I leave my lab unlocked…..

**Superior IM:** Welp

**Superior IM:** I’m out

**Tony:** Seriously?!

**Tony:** And leave me here to deal with this?

**Superior IM:** …….

**Superior IM:** Yeah

_Superior IM has let the server_

**T’Challa:** Press F to pay respects

**Peter:** f

**Nat:** f

**Wanda:** f

**Rhodey:** Happy Tony Appreciation Dat y’all

**Tony:** …

**Tony:** Shut up


	33. Guess Who's Back? Back Again? (Space Girlz Reunion Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're back! I honestly missed these guys.  
Part 1 of a 2 part spooky season special  
Enjoy!
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Carol created a Server_

_Carol named the server: **The Space Girlz Return**_

_Carol invited Nat, Wanda, Gamora, Nebula, Mantis, Peter, Shuri_

**Carol:** We’re back bitches

**Gamora:** And better than ever!

**Nat:** lol

**Nat:** I missed these chats

**Nebula:** Miss us no more

**Mantis:** Hello

**Wanda:** MY FRIENDS

**Wanda:** IT’S BEEN TOO LONG

**Gamora:** WANDA

**Wanda:** GAMORA

**Peter:** PETER

**Shuri:** PETER

**Nebula:** SMALLER STARK

**Peter:** I feel appreciated

**Gamora:** How’s everyone been? It’s been ages since we last talked

**Nat:** 👀

**Wanda:** 👀

**Carol:** Nothing new👀

**Shuri:** _cough_

**Peter:** _that’s a lie_

**Nebula:** Why are we looking suspiciously off to the side like Carol is hiding something?

**Nat:** Because she is

**Nebula:** Secrets secrets are no fun 

**Gamora: **What are you hiding Carol?

**Wanda:** The fact that you owe me 50 bucks

**Gamora:** ……

**Carol:** ……

**Gamora:** !!!!

**Gamora:** NO!

**Wanda:** Y E S

**Carol:** I’m confused

**Nebula:** lol they made a bet on whether or not you and Steve would ever get you oblivious asses together

**Carol:** ……

**Carol:** Fuck you Maximoff

**Wanda:** w h e n

**Carol:** n e v e r

**Nebula:** Yep

**Nebula:** I missed you guys

**Carol:** !!

**Carol:** That reminds me

**Carol:** We have two new members to introduce

**Gamora:** Ooooh newbies

**Gamora:** And Nebula be nice

**Nebula:** No promises sister

**Carol:** lol

_Carol invited Hope_

_Carol invited Hela_

**Carol:** Show yourselves

**Hope:** So this is the legendary space gang

**Hela:** Hello mortals

**Nebula:** ......

**Nebula:** I like her

**Wanda:** lol you would

**Hope:** lmao

**Hope:** What do you guys even do in here

**Carol:** We brew tea

**Nat:** And then we throw the whole damn kettle

**Wanda:** We also plot world domination

**Hela:** ……

**Hela:** I like it

**Gamora:** lmao

**Gamora:** I’ve got some good tea

**Peter:** S p i l l

**Wanda:** WAIT!

**Gamora:** WHAT?

**Wanda:** I gotta actually get my tea

**Gamora:** hudsghu fine

**Wanda:** Okay. We’re good

**Nat:** skskhfhfd she got the cat too

**Nebula:** I know what you’re going to say sister, and I’m not sure that it qualifies as “tea”

**Gamora:** shjkfz be quiet Nebula I’m gonna tell them anyway

**Carol:** What is it?

**Shuri:** t e l l

**Mantis:** We’re coming back to Earth!

**Mantis:** …bitches?

**Mantis:** …

**Mantis:** Did I say it right?

**Gamora:** oml Mantis

**Hope:** She’s too pure for this world

**Wanda:** THATS NOT TEA BUT THAT’S BEAUTIFUL NEWS AAAAAAAAA

**Wanda:** I MISSED MY BEST FRIENDDDDDDDD

**Gamora:** I MISSED YOU TOOOOOOOOO

**Carol:** YAAASS

**Nat:** REUNION

**Hela:** Hi, excuse me, yes

**Hela:** I have question

**Carol:** I may have an answer

**Hela:** Why can we only spill tea?

**Hela:** What if you only drink off-world ale?

**Nat:** …

**Nebula:** …

**Carol:** …👀

**Hope:** Carol I think we found your other half

**Nat:** Oof Stebe better watch out

**Gamora:** lmao Stebe, Hela’s comin’ for your woman

**Carol:** 👀

**Wanda:** Then she’ll have to get in line

**Hope:** lol Wanda why is Carol on your list, you have a boyfriend?

**Nat:** She’s on everybody’s list

**Wanda:** I’m just saying…if she asked I wouldn’t say no….

**Carol:** I’m in a relationship with Steve, but in an alternate universe of our own design I’m married to Wanda

**Wanda:** Exactly, she’s my metaphorical wife

**Carol:** And Nat’s my metaphorical wife too

**Hope:** …..

**Hope:** I’m so confused

**Gamora:** It’s okay Hope

**Nebula:** Nobody understands their strange friendship

**Nat:** We do

**Peter:** We need to have another reunion

**Carol:** Yes

**Carol:** Where are you all going to be?

**Gamora:** At a landing sight upstate-ish, but not far from you

**Hope:** Why not at the compound?

**Nebula:** The Space Girls have been banned from being in the same living space at the same time for long periods of time

**Hela:** Why?

**Wanda:** World domination

**Hela:** I believe you and I are going to be very good friends Ms. Maximoff

**Wanda:** Do you like cats?

**Hela:** Do humans need oxygen to breath?

**Wanda:** …

**Wanda:** Carol can we keep her?

**Carol:** Yes

**Peter: @Shuri**, what are the odds you will ignore your brother and come visit for the weekend?

**Shuri:** What are the odds that I’m already in the process of doing that?

**Wanda:** YES

**Wanda:** THE SPACE GIRLZ SHALL STRIKE TERROR INTO THE HEARTS OF EVIL ONCE MORE!

**Wanda:** And eat an abundance of pizza 

**Carol:** And watch Hallmark movies

**Nat:** And pet cats

**Hope:** And make cookies

**Gamora:** And play cards

**Peter:** And spill tea

**Nebula:** And kick ass

**Hela:** Am I invited?

**Carol:** Yes

**Wanda:** Yes

**Nat:** Of course

**Gamora:** We can always use more females with a burning passion for destroying things

**Carol:** HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHAAAAAA

**Nat:** sdjkjdshg WTF Carol

**Carol:** I just realized something and felt the need to cackle about it

**Nat:** Directly in my ear?

**Carol:** Yes

**Carol:** Sue me

**Wanda:** What was your realization?

**Carol:** Y’all It’s spooky season

**Gamora:** 👀

**Hela:** 👀

**Nebula:** 👀😈🎃

**Mantis:** What’s spooky season?

**Carol:** The time for terror

**Nat: **And chaos

**Peter:** Halloween

**Mantis:** OOOOOOOOOOH

**Mantis:** I like spooky season then

**Mantis:** You get to dress up as things you like

**Mantis:** Like puppies

**Hope:** Mantis….

**Wanda:** I can’t….too pure….

**Nat:** Whatever did we do to deserve a cream puff such as this?

**Nebula:** My iron heart

**Nebula:** I believe it’s melting

**Peter:** I don’t know what I’m going to be for halloween

**Shuri:** Be Carol

**Carol:** Yes, let’s everybody be me

**Carol:** Give the others a heart attack

**Nebula: **…

**Nebula:** Sounds fun

**Peter:** WAIT!

**Shuri:** WHAT?

**Hela:** WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?

**Peter:** Our reunion…..

**Peter:** SHOULD BE A HALLOWEEN PARTY!

**Carol:** _inhales_

**Carol:** Y E S

**Carol:** Space Girlz only

**Carol:** We can take over the penthouse

**Wanda:** WORLD DOMINATION

**Hela:** I’m in

**Carol:** Lol call it The Space Girlz’s Spooktastic Takeover

**Wanda:** Featuring us

**Hope:** Oh yeah!

**Carol:** gAmoRa

**Gamora:** cArOl

**Carol**: When do you arrive?

**Gamora:** Tomorrow

**Carol:** Alright ladies

**Carol:** I have some serious plotting to do

**Nebula:** What are we plotting?

**Carol:** This penthouse’s ultimate demise…..👀

**Hope:** ….

**Hope:** Why?

**Carol:** Because I’m the Captain now……..👀

**Carol:** 👀👀👀👀👀

**Nat:** _inhales_

* * *

**Angie: ** _The Space Girlz Will Return....._

**Carol: **Wait, who tf are you?

**Angie:** 👀

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hee Hee. What is Angie going to do this time?
> 
> Stay tuned to find out!


	34. The Spooktastic Takeover (Space Girlz Reunion Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please listen to the Kazoo Version of the Avengers theme on loop while you read this  
That is all
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Carol created a Server_

_Carol named the Server: **The Space Girlz Spooktastic Takeover**_

_Carol Invited Wanda. Nat, Gamora, Nebula, Mantis, Peter, Shuri, Hope, Hela_

**Carol:** Wanda

**Wanda:** Carol

**Carol:** Do you have the goods?

**Wanda:** I has the goods

**Nat:** We literally got every brand of chocolate in existence

**Carol:** g o o d

**Gamora:** Did you all pick a movie to watch yet?

**Nat:** Pumpkin Pie Wars

**Gamora:** hjdksh that’s my favorite

**Nebula:** Never seen it

**Peter:** It’s literally the story of Steve and Carol

**Carol:** Fuck off Parker

**Peter: 🙃**

**Nebula:** lol

**Mantis:** Should I bring anything?

**Hope:** Just your beautiful self

**Mantis:** Okay☺️

**Peter:** Are we still getting pizza?

**Carol:** Of course

**Nebula:** So….

**Nebula:** Now onto the only part of this I am actually looking forward to

**Carol:** Which is?

**Nebula:** How exactly are you planning on taking over the penthouse?

**Carol:** Basically we’re storming the theatre room and nobody can stop us :)

**Nebula:** g o o d

**Nebula:** I’ll bring the blasters

**Nat:** ….

**Nebula:** Just in case

**Hela:** I like her

**Nebula:** I like you too

**Hela:** Is this what is called making friends?

**Wanda:** Yes

**Carol:** Alright losers, if you’re not here with in the next fifteen minutes we’re starting with out you

**Gamora:** 👍🏻

* * *

_Carol Created a Server _

_Carol Named the Server:** Spooktastic Take over 2. 0**_

_Carol Invited Everyone _

_Carol invited Gamora, Nebula, Mantis, Hope, Hela_

**Tony:** Carol

**Tony:** What is this?

**Bruce:** And why has your weird ninja squad assembled in the kitchen

**Loki:** And why is my sister trying to pet my cats?

**Wanda:** Because siblings have to share sometimes

**Hela:** This is true.

**Loki:** _hisssss_

**Steve:** Carol

**Carol:** Steve

**Steve:** What are you up to?

**Carol:** What makes you think I’m up to something?

**Carol:** 👀👀👀

**Steve:** You’re always up to something

**Nebula:** Outta the way bitches

**Nebula:** We’re taking over

**Scott:** ???

**Scott:** Why is Hope here?

**Hope:** I’m a part of the Space Girlz now

**Scott:** Oh no

**Scott:** They’ve corrupted you too

**Peter:** Did you get the pizza?

**Carol:** Y E S

**Tony:** What are you even doing?

**Wanda:** Plotting world domination

**Hela: ⬆️⬆️⬆️**

**Strange:** Well this is going to end terribly

**Nat:** lol the gang’s all here

**T’Challa:** Even my sister managed to slip from my sight

**T’Challa:** I apologize in advance

**Shuri:** You’re no fun brother

**Shuri:** Why do you think I hang out with Peter so much?

**Peter:** 👀

**Wanda:** and I oop-

**Thor:** Did I hear pizza?

**Wanda:** And Hallmark

**Thor: 👀**

**Thor:** I want in

**Hela:** No

**Thor:** Yes

**Hela:** No

**Thor:** Yes

**Thor:** Hela

**Hela:** Thor

**Thor:** Hela

**Hela:** Thor

**Peter:** Peter

**Shuri:** Peter

**Nat:** Pizza?

**Carol:** Yes

**Carol:** Alright ladies

**Carol:** It’s time to invade the theater room

**Bucky: 👀**

**Bucky:** Sam and I are watching a show in there

**Carol:** Well your time is up

**Sam:** Dude it’s NCIS night

**Sam:** You know this

**Nebula:** You can leave on your own accord or we will gladly have you removed

**Sam:** Try me robo-bitch

**Nebula:** Don’t tempt me bird brain

**Wanda:** Move or be moved assholes

**Hope:** I’m dying

**Hope:** Wanda has just “Yeeted” Sam out of the room

**Tony:** hjdguhjs beautiful

**Sam:** Alright, That’s it

**Sam:** Bird Squad unite!

**Clint:** SQWAK

**Steve:** Do I have to?

**Sam:** Y E S

**Clint:** We must defeat these forces of evil

**Bucky:** lol you three against all of them

**Sam:** J O I NU S

**Bucky:** O K A Y

**Tony:** lol Sam I’ll join your team

**Sam:** 👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾

**Tony:** Oh and Rhodey, you’re going down with me

**Tony:** You too Vision 

**Vision:** Why do I always get roped into these things?

**Loki:** I too shall join your team Wilson

**Scott:** ……👀

**Scott:** Imma be the ref

**Strange:** I think I’ll join you

**Bruce:** Yeah me too

**Mantis:** I do not wish to fight either

**Nat: @Mantis** You’re not ALLOWED to fight

**Hope:** You are to pure for the rage of battle

**Thor:** I shall fight with my loyal Cat Crew

**Nat:** lol this is war

**Tony:** Bring it on

**Gamora:** Oh we will

**Sam:** CHARGE!

**Scott:** _plays avengers theme on the kazoo_

**Clint:** HEAR MY SQWAK AND QUAKE IN FEAR MORTALS!

**Scott:** Ladies and Gentleman Welcome to the first annual Theatre Games

**Carol:** Wanda Quick! Use the food as ammo!

**Peter:** Food Fight!

**Tony:** Ow shit Peter stop!

**Nat:** lol Tony has been webbed

**Peter:** One Tin Can recycled, two more to go

**Steve:** Hey

**Steve:** Show your father some respect

**Nebula: @Sam** You missed

**Nebula: @Sam** You missed again

**Nebula: @Sam** You have shit aim

**Sam:** I'M DOIN MY BEST

**Scott:** lol, Thor and Loki have a family feud going on with Hela over there

**Hela:** You will not defeat me mortal!

**Loki:** I am no mortal

**Hela:** Well neither am I

**Bruce:** Oh shit

**Bruce:** She drop kicked him

**Nat:** Rip Loki

**Hela:** For the amount of bragging he does...

**Hela:** ....

**Hela:** He Loki sucks

**Nat:** ...

**Carol:** ...

**Wanda:** Jkskskshjfd

**Wanda: @Carol** We’re keeping her

**Clint:** Hope you fiend

**Clint:** Stop making yourself small so I can h i t you

**Hope:** Come and get me bird brain

**Sam:** Caw Caw Motherfucker!

**Nat:** C'mon Bucky

**Nat:** You can do better than that

**Bucky:** Don't push your luck Romanov

**Gamora:** lol Carol and Steve are going at it

**Gamora:** Like _hard_

**Wanda:** Eh

**Wanda:** That's nothing new

**Tony:** lmao you right

**Rhodey:** Tony we have a problem

**Rhodey:** My right repulser's out

**Tony:** We can tag team 'em then

**Peter:** You will not escape the clutches of Spidey

**Tony:** Sure kid

**Peter:** I'm unstoppable

**Tony:** Hi Unstoppable

**Tony:** I'm dad

**Peter:** _peter.exe has stopped working_

**Shuri:** _MMMM WHAT'CHA SAAAYYYY_

**Strange:** I'm just waiting to see what happens when Pepper shows up

**Tony:** We'll deal with that later

**Nebula:** Gamora go for the wings

**Sam:** Paws off my wings you beast

**Thor:** This is your final warning sister!

**Thor:** I am not afraid to hit you with my hammer

**Hela:** I'm not afraid of no hammer

**Hela:** Bring it

**Bruce:** lmao there's chocolate and pizza everywhere

**Hela:** I'm so glad I tagged along

**Hela:** This is my kind of party

**Tony:** I'm not so sure I want my kid hanging around you

**Peter:** Have at you!

**Wanda:** lol, Peter tryin' to fight Vision

**Nat:** Wholesome brotherly love

**Hela:** Wait

**Carol:** What

**Hela:** When do we watch the movie?

**Carol:** After we kick their asses

**Hela:** Ohhh

**Hela:** Got it

**Carol:** HAH

**Carol:** I HAVE WON

**Carol:** STOVE HAS BEEN DEFEATED

**Steve:** You cheated

**Steve:** Again

**Carol:** Wasn't it you who said all is fair in love and war?

**Steve:** ......

**Nat:** There are no rules in war captain

**Hela:** ONLY VICTORY

**Sam:** I will end you

**Hela:** I took over Nine realms with nothing but a hammer and an oversized pupper

**Hela:** What makes you think you can defeat me Peasant

**Hela:** If anything you should kneel

**Nat:** kNeEl

**Shuri:** Bow down bitches

**Loki:** ......

**Loki:** That's my line

**Clint:** Sam

**Clint:** I hate to say this

**Clint:** But I think we might be fucked

**Sam:** NEVER

**Sam:** WE WILL NEVER SURRENDER TO THE LIKES OF THEM

**Tony:** Dude, we're losing

**Tony:** Just let them have it

**Sam:** BIRD SQUAD FALL BACK!

**Carol:** HAHAHA

**Carol:** SUCCESS

**Sam:** This isn't over

**Sam:** I'll be back

**Bucky:** lol no you won't

**Sam:** How do you know?

**Bucky:** Because you'll be bitching about something else in an hour

**Sam:** ......

**Carol:** Now

**Carol:** On to the important stuff

**Hela:** Hallmark?

**Carol:** Hallmark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol There you go. More chaos and destruction  
Welcome to a typical day in my brain 😂  
See ya next time!
> 
> -Angie^^


	35. Fluff Wars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by Circe  
I loved this idea so much, thank you for blessing me with it
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Thor Created a Server_

_Thor Named the Server: **We all hate each other and it needs to stop**_

_Thor Invited Everyone_

**Carol:** lol

**Carol:** IT’S TIME TO STOP

**Nat:** IT’S TIME TO STOP OKAY?

**Wanda:** WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS?

**Thor:** Ahem

**Thor:** It has come to my attention that nobody can seem to get along

**Thor:** And there is constant “roasting”

**Tony:** lmao Thor that’s just our dynamic

**Thor:** SO

**Thor:** Today we are all going to be nice to each other

**Tony:** No can do

**Thor:** I propose a challenge

**Thor:** Or as you like to say

**Thor:** A game

**Sam:** ….

**Sam:** I’m listening

**Bucky:** What’s in it for us?

**Thor:** Food

**Carol:** What is this game that you speak of?

**Thor:** I propose…

**Thor:** A compliment war

**Wanda:** ….

**Wanda:** lol Thor you’re so pure

**Nat:** So soft…so pure

**Carol:** Please never change you beautiful human

**Vision:** I predict that I will be the winner of this challenge

**Wanda:** Oh really?

**Nat:** I predict that Thor will be the winner of this challenge

**Nat:** There is not a mean bone in his body

**Thor:** My friends

**Thor:** Let the games, BEGIN!

**Peter: @Shuri** _YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND BEST OF ALL BEST FRIENDS_

**Peter:** _DO YOU HAVE A BEST FRIEND TOO?_

**Shuri:** Yes. You ☺️

**Peter:** ☺️

**Thor:** Peter and Shuri in the lead with one

**Sam:** Oh it’s on

**Sam: @Bucky** Of all the assholes in the world, you’re my favorite

**Bucky:** Oh yeah? Well if you die, I’m dying with you!

**Sam:** _gasp_

**Sam:** How dare you be so kind?!

**Bucky:** Oh I dare

**Nat:** lol **@Thor** In a world full of bagels, you are a donut

**Thor: @Nat** If I had to pick between you and pop tarts, I’d pick you

**Nat:** You are a gift to this world

**Vision: @Wanda** All the beauty in the world could never compare to how beautiful you are

**Wanda:** Well you’re so adorable I want to throw rainbows and sprinkles at you

**Vision:** Your smile is my salvation

**Wanda:** Everything would be better if we had more people like you

**Nat:** lol it’s getting intense

**Wanda:** I will prevail

**Vision:** You are a work of art

**Vision:** The most beautiful work of art

**Wanda:** You’re my saving grace

**Vision:** There will never be a star that shines as bright as you

**Wanda:** _inhales_

**Wanda:** I don’t know how to counter that

**Nat:** lol there will never be a star that shines as bright as Carol when she's angry

**Carol:** I take that as a compliment

**Bucky: @Sam** You are a candle in my eternal darkness

**Sam: @Bucky** You are a beautiful human

**Bucky:** Not as beautiful as you

**Sam:** Be quiet! You are the sun that my world revolves around

**Shuri: @Peter** You sustain me

**Peter: @Shuri** I love you more than Wonder Bread 

**Tony: @everyone** You all have amazing taste in friends

**Tony:** i.e. Me

**Steve:** …..

**Strange:** ……

**T’Challa:** ……

**Scott:** That’s not how that works

**Carol: @Nat @Wanda** You significantly raise the average of human goodness

**Steve: @Carol** You’re my favorite person

**Wanda: @Carol** You are a ray of sunshine

**Nat: @Carol** Your eyes shine brighter than the sun

**Nat:** Quite literally

**Carol: @Steve** You are my favorite person to annoy

**Steve:** Thanks?

**Shuri: @T’Challa** You are _my _favorite person to annoy

**T’Challa:** **@Shuri** No matter how much you annoy me, you’re still my partner in crime

**Thor: @everyone** You all deserve kittens and ice cream

**Bruce: @Thor** The world does not deserve you

**Wanda: @Carol** You’re a 10/10

**Steve:** There is no scale to rate Carol on because she is infuriatingly perfect in every way possible

**Carol:** I feel appreciated

**Thor:** That means the game is working

**Loki: @Peter** You are not beneath me

**Peter: @Loki** You give me life

**Sam: @Bucky** _ I'M NEVER GONNA CHANGE MY LOVE FOR YOU_

**Bucky:** _YOU ‘OUGHT TO BY NOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU_

**Bucky: @Sam ** _YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE, BUT I LOVE YOU!_

**Sam: ❤️**

**Bucky: ❤️**

**Tony: @Peter** You are the best son and I love you

**Peter:** I’m cry

**Peter:** Dad loves me

**Strange:** Peter I also consider you my son

**Carol:** Peter is everybody’s son

**Clint: @Nat** You are my favorite source of entertainment

**Nat: @Clint** Ditto

**Clint: @Steve** You are a righteous dude

**Steve:** Much appreciated

**Tony: @Strange** Thank you for being the world’s best emergency contact

**Strange:** _sigh_

**Strange:** I suppose you’re welcome

**Scott:** Wait who’s winning?

**Wanda:** Nobody knows lol

**Vision:** Your happiness is my happiness

**Wanda:** You _are_ the reason for my happiness

**Scott:** Oof, they’re back at it

**Vision:** The easiest thing to love in life is you

**Wanda:** You are the purest cream puff on the face of this earth

**Vision:** Not as pure as your heart

**Wanda:** _ inhales_

**Wanda:** _I will win this war_

**Wanda:** _the mighty maximoff shall not be defeated_

**Vision:** You can try

**Wanda:** _aggressivly searches brain for an effective compliment_

**Sam: **lmao

**Sam:** **@Bucky** _LOVING YOU THE WAY I DO_

**Bucky:** _I KNOW WE’RE GONNA MAKE IT THROUGH_

**Sam:** _AND I WOULD GO TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH_

**Bucky:** _ CAUSE DARLING TO ME THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE WORTH!!!!_

**Carol:** lmao

**Carol:** Sam and Bucky over here having a romantic sing along

**Shuri:** The best way to show appreciation

**Thor:** Musical numbers get bonus points

**Shuri:** **@Peter** You are the lipstick to my Valentino white bag

**Peter:** **@Shuri** You are the avocado that I want for Christmas

**Shuri:** If you were a croissant I’d make sure not to drop you

**Peter:** Without you my heart would not go on

**Shuri:** There is no Chrysler more merry than you

**Peter:** You are the only chicken I want to look at

**Steve:** ……

**Steve:** The fuck?

**T’Challa:** We don’t speak meme sister

**Shuri:** Rip

**Peter:** You need to educate yourself then

**Steve:** I’d advise against that

**Steve:** The internet is a dark and scary place

**Bruce:** The last person that went in unprepared tried to destroy all humanity

**Thor:** …..

**Steve:** …..

**Bruce:** ……

**Tony:** …..yeah

**Clint:** Thank you Tony for almost destroying humanity

**Nat:** Multiple times

**Bruce:** Your efforts were much appreciated

**Tony:** You are most welcome

**Wanda:** Haha!

**Wanda:** I got one

**Vision:** Oh?

**Wanda:** I love you more than cats

**Vision:** ……

**Wanda:** …..

**Tony:** …..

**Thor:** …….

**Thor:** The killing blow

**Thor:** I declare Wanda the champion

**Wanda:** Hell Yeah!

**Wanda:** BOW DOWN BITCHES

**Thor:** ….

**Thor:** And now we’re back to square one...😔

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one done! Hope this was some good comedy relief  
And don't be shy to leave you're requests down below too!  
See ya next time!  
\- Angie^^
> 
> Songs:  
Best Friend- Toy-Box  
Never Gonna Change My Love For You- George Benson  
Where You Lead- Carol King  
True Love- P!NK


	36. The Avengers Terrorize Rural Alaska

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angie: I’m kinda sorta motivated to just write a compilation of Carol annoying Steve  
Velcro: Prompt me  
Angie: Ah Shit. Here we go again…👀
> 
> More chaos Created by me and SlippingOnVelcro. I question our writing ideas sometimes😂  
Title Credits to SlippingOnVelcro
> 
> As requested by some of you: More CoCaptains  
Also quite possibly the longest chapter yet, but worth the read
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Carol Created a Server_

_Carol named the Server: **I require attention**_

_Carol invited Steve_

**Carol:** _inhales_

**Steve:** Oh boy

**Steve:** What now?

**Carol:** I require attention

**Steve:** I’m literally across the country

**Steve:** Doing YOUR job

**Steve:** I don’t know what you expect of me

**Carol:** 👀

**Carol:** It’s not my fault fury sent me to deal with Kree Chaos

**Carol:** But now I have the sudden motivation to bother you

**Steve:** …..

**Carol:** _Don’t you forget about me_

**Steve:** I assure you there is no way I would forget about you🙂

**Carol:** I would be much offend if you did

**Steve:** You’re much offend when I steal your froot loops so….

**Steve:** What else is new?

**Carol:** Listen Stove, the loops are sacred, we’ve been over this

**Steve:** Yes, I know, You’ve addicted me to them. The other Holiday Inn guests were quite surprised to see me eating them this morning

**Steve:** I’m fairly certain there are photos on TMZ of it

**Carol:** I have corrupted another

**Steve:** That was before the loops

**Carol:** Also may or may not have sent those photos to Nat👀

**Steve:** I’m not surprised

**Carol:** Wanda says she’s going to frame them around the house

**Carol:** I wouldn’t put it past her

**Steve:** Better than photos of Tony doing backflips off the Empire State Building

**Steve:** By the way, he also told me that the compound airspace passcode has changed

**Carol:** 100% played no part in that👀

**Steve:** Oh and Peter nearly let it slip to the media about…us

**Carol:** Fuckin kids man

**Steve:** So any extra press questions are his fault

**Carol:** 👀

**Carol:** Eh, I’ll still find someway to make it your fault

**Carol:** Just for fun🙃

**Steve:** I can handle that

**Steve:** Somehow I don’t think your punishment will be too bad

**Carol:** You have no idea what I’m capable of sir👀

**Steve:** Actually…

**Steve:** Blowing up a Kree warship was kinda high up there

**Carol:** _slinks into the corner_

**Carol:** I’ll think of something…

**Steve:** You always do Vers

**Carol:** _inhales_

**Carol:** _not the name you heathen_

**Carol:** _my emotions cannot contain themselves_

**Carol:** _retreats farther into the shadows_

**Steve:**But…you liked that name when…Oh, Bruce is telling me I can’t finish that sentence

**Carol:** 👀

**Carol:** You must choose your words more carefully Captain

**Steve:** I’ll say. The U.N. grills me more than they do you

**Carol:** That’s because they know I don’t give one fuck two fuck red fuck blue fuck

**Steve:** If they mention Sokovia one more time, I won’t either

**Steve:** Speaking of which, there’s this show that Bruce recommended about some nuclear accident from the 80’s. Churn Noble

**Steve:** Oh whoops

**Steve:** Chernobyl

**Carol:** lol Wanda watches that

**Steve:** Soviet and nuclear energy, what could go wrong?

**Carol:** Nat says she is exhibit A

**Steve:** Wait, does she have superpowers that I don’t know about

**Steve:** I’m pretty sure powerful batteries and engines are the reason the Avengers even exist

**Carol:** EXCUSE ME

**Carol:** FURY FORMED THE AVENGERS BECUSE OF ME DUMBASS

**Steve:** djsbgkelhejfb

**Steve:** I’m captain americaaa and I love captain maefrjel

**Carol:** I…

**Steve:** Sorry. Parker stole my phone

**Carol:** That kid

**Steve:** lol But Fury kick started it when Tony shoved blue lava in his chest

  
_Tony joined the Server_

_Tony invited Everyone_

**Tony:** It’s more than just blue lava Captain

**Steve:** I’m aware Tony, I’m being facetious

**Tony:** Oh look the old man can use big boy words

**Carol:** lol

**Steve:** You’re five feet away from me, come and say it to my face

**Steve:** Wait, lol no not yet

**Steve:** The Prime Minister wants a word

**Carol:** Steve, you’re old

**Bruce:** Steve I saw what you were typing and I’m really damn glad you didn’t send it

**Carol:** …

**Carol:** Halp, I’ve been abandoned

**Wanda:** DIBS

**Nat:** lmao Wanda

**Steve:** Incorrect 

**Tony:** The Captain and I were only a minute Danvers

**Nat:** How dare you abandon our precious Carol?!

**Steve:** She’s the one who’s five systems away

**Steve:** I’ll be back at the compound this afternoon

**Steve:** At ease Natasha

**Carol:** hjsfs fight me Steve Imma be back tomorrow you needy bitch

**Carol:** Fucking Nebula

_Carol invited the Guardians_

**Carol:** Ur not funny

**Nebula:** I’m hilarious

**Steve:** hahahaha

**Carol:** Paws off my phone

**Tony:** Nebula you’re godmother to my children

_Nebula has been disconnected_

**Tony:** No no no

**Tony:** No no

**Carol:** Yes

_Tony invited Nebula_

**Nebula:** I prevail

**Carol:** 👀

**Carol:** Gamora help, I’m being attacked

**Gamora:** 👀

**Steve:** Because she totally can’t stand up for herself

**Gamora:** I have the big grape on speed dial

**Steve:** No you don’t Gamora

**Gamora:** BEWARE

**Carol:** lol it’s okay, I’ll just go back to earth and kick his ass myself

**Steve:** Thor, I need to borrow your hammer again

**Thor:** Will you promise to bring it back?

**Steve:** Yes

**Carol**: Don’t trust the pretty man Thor

**Carol:** He lies

**Steve:** I haven’t lied since I was 15

**Tony:** That’s a lie

**Carol:** See what I have to deal with?

**Wanda:** _whispers_

**Wanda: ** _I still call dibs_

**Vision: 👀**

**Steve:** Dibs denied

**Vision:** I give up at this point

**Steve:** I second

**Carol: 👀**

**Wanda:** lol no Vis, I promise I love you

**Bucky:** Damn, why is everyone so thirsty for Carol?

**Nat:** lmao I think it’s just Wanda

**Wanda: 🙃**

**Thor:** It is not

**Nat:** Thor you’re to pure for that kind of thirst

**Sam:** Nah fam, Queen of Asgard was asking my man all about her at the conference last night

**Carol:** 👀

**Steve:** Really Sam?

**Nat:** Stebe you better watch your woman

_Bruce invited Valkyrie_

**Bruce:** See?

**Wanda:** Get in line Val

**Valkyrie:** Beg your pardon Maximoff?

_Valkyrie has been disconnected_

**Steve:** Bruce why?

**Nat:** lol

**Bruce:** I am a scientist, inherently when I see two combustible elements I must see what happens when they collide

**Tony:** And this is why we’re best friends Banner

**Bucky:** Stebe you better take your woman and run

**Steve:** On your left

**Carol:** lol y’all can’t get me I’m in space

**Steve:** Dispute

**Gamora:** lmao if anything _I_ have dibs

**Steve:** Doctor I need a portal

**Strange:** I charge by distance now

**Steve:** How much?

**Steve:** This ones worth it

**Gamora:** Nebula go faster

**Gamora:** They coming for Carol

**Nebula:** Gotta go fast

**Carol:** lol I’m being abducted by aliens

**Strange:** 150

**Steve:** Done

**Steve:** Beam me up

**Carol:** The fuck?

**Steve:** INSIDE THE SHIP! INSIDE THE SHIP!

**Strange:** Whoops

**Nebula:** Shit

**Steve:** Christ Doctor!

**Nebula:** Hide the hostage

**Steve:** I may not have my shield

**Steve:** But none of you can stop me

**Wanda:** lol pass the popcorn

**Carol:** I am amused

**Gamora:** Nebula give me the blasters

**Steve:** I’m not scared of you greenie

**Star-lord:** Why does the scanner show there’s an intruder aboard?

**Stor-lord:** And wtf is this chat?

**Steve:** Quill it’s just me. Chill

**Star-lord:** I barely know you Rogers. How do I know your intentions are good?

**Gamora:** He wants to steal Carol

**Steve:** I’m here for my Carol

**Nebula:** lol he really is a needy bitch

**Carol:** hdgkjs I’m WHEEZING

**Peter:** Steve, some important figures want to speak to you…

**Steve:** I’m busy

**Tony:** I got it covered

**Carol:** Nebula I cannot contain my laughter

**Steve:** Aha

**Steve:** I know that laugh anywhere

**Carol:** Fuck

**Star-lord:** Don’t break the ship please

**Nebula:** Rip.

**Gamora:** New hiding spot

**Steve:** Tell that to the cosmic superhero running across the upper deck

**Steve:** There you are

**Carol:** Nebula help

**Carol:** I’ve been cornered

**Steve:** Nope

**Steve:** Gotcha

**Steve:** Strange, portal

**Strange:** You owe me double

**Carol:** NEBULA I’M BEING STOLEN!

**Gamora: **I’LL SAVE YOU

**Steve:** Strange NOW!

**Strange:** Fine

**Nebula:** Welp

**Gamora:** ….

**Nebula:** Like I said, he’s a needy bitch

**Steve:** …..

**Steve: **Wait Doc, where’d you put us?

**Carol: **The hell?

**Strange:** Alaska. Anchorage to be exact. Outside some sort of sushi joint

**Strange:** You two need a date or something

**Steve:** I hate sushi

**Strange:** That sounds like you problem Captain

**Nat:** lol

**Nat:** I’m dyin

**Nat:** That’s gold

**Strange:** You didn’t pay me to scour restaurant listings

**Carol:** _whispers_

**Carol:** _Nebula come save me_

**Nebula:** _whispers_

**Nebula:** _too lazy_

**Steve:** Carol you can fly faster than any ship

**Steve:** If you really didn’t want to be here, you wouldn’t be here🙂

**Tony:** Check, and mate. Nice one Steve

**Carol:** Ahem

**Carol:** You have me in a death grip if you hadn’t noticed

**Steve:** You’ve stopped a punch from a titan, I think super soldier serum is slightly below your pay grade

**Carol:** Guess I’ll just go then…

**Steve:** Ow

**Steve:** That was rude

**Carol:** hehehe

**Carol:** I’m free!

**Steve:** And now I’m here

**Steve:** In Alaska

**Steve:** Alone

**Steve:** Without a sweater

**Carol:** Stop guilt tripping me you heathen

**Steve:** I just wanted a date

**Steve:** But I guess that’s too much to ask.......

**Carol:** ……

**Carol:** Dude you hate sushi

**Carol:** So do I

**Carol:** Stop playing with my emotions

**Peter:** _QUIT PLAYING GAMES WITH MY HEART!_

**Steve:** There’s a pizza joint down the road

**Carol: 👀**

**Wanda:** I’ll do you one better

**Wanda:** I have cats

**Carol: 👀👀👀**

**Drax:** I’ll do you one better! I DON’T have cats

**Carol:** Cats…👀

**Nat:** lol

**Nat:** Carol weighing her options

**Steve:** But I guess I’ll have to go alone

**Carol:** lol

**Carol:** I’m literally right around the corner

**Steve:** Oh

**Carol:** Did you really think I’d leave you there?

**Steve:** Bruce says yes

**Carol:** Bruce can fuck off

**Bruce:** No no that’s not what I said

**Nat:** Be nice to Bruce

**Nat:** He is soft and pure and I love him

**Bruce:** That is NOT what I said

**Steve:** But you did

**Carol:** Steve stop being a jerk to Bruce

**Steve:** I’m not! That’s what he said!

**Bruce:** Is not

**Steve:** Is

**Bruce:** Not

**Carol:** Stop being a child that’s Peter’s job

**Tony:** lol Steve, you do realize that you have just blown off Russia and France for Carol

**Tony:** And now Bruce

**Tony:** I’m disappointed

**Carol:** What can I say?

**Carol:** I corrupt every one I meet

**Nat:** lol joke’s on you I was already corrupted

**Bucky:** Yeah, get in line

**Carol: **Good God you guys, How many lines are there?

**Wanda:** Many

**Vision:** About 23 at my last count

**Nat:** 👀

**Nat:** Carol may or may not be on my list

**Carol:** I’d better fuckin be on your list Natasha

**Wanda:** lol

**Bucky:** What even is your friendship?

**Steve: @Tony** Just for that, no pizza for you

**Nat:** Carol is more important, leave her be

**Wanda:** Such a protective wife, we stan

**Carol:** lol

**Carol:** steeeeeeebeeeeeeee

**Steve:** What?

**Carol:** Where did you goooooo?

**Steve:** Went back inside for the pizza

**Wanda:** Quick Carol! Make your escape!

**Star-lord:** Ahem

**Star-lord:** Alaska is much different than I thought it would be

**Steve:** Oh no

**Nebula:** Ehehehe

**Steve:** Doctor!

**Strange**: No

**Carol:** lol you guys are so extra

**Nebula:** I tried to stop her

**Gamora:** No you didn’t

**Nebula:** lol no I didn’t

**Steve:** Why?

**Nebula:** Time to swoop in and cause chaos somewhere

**Star-Lord:** Oh Sweet! Dairy Queen is still around!

**Nebula:** I have located my best friend

**Carol:** lmao

**Carol:** Reunited at last

**Steve:** Really? In the middle of a rural pizzeria in Alaska? Your robotic face has to pop in?

**Nebula:** Yes

**Gamora:** Quick! Get her before he finds us!

**Steve:** I’m four feet away

**Gamora:** Run! Run! Run!

**Nebula:** But leave the idiots

**Steve:** Not the pizza too!

**Carol:** hehe

**Carol:** You want it? Ya better come and get it from my cold dead hands

**Steve:** You’re on Captain

**Nat:** Oof

**Nat:** Tony can you live stream this?

**Tony:** On it

**Tony:** Activating CapCam

**Steve:** What?

**Tony:** I have eyes everywhere

**Gamora:** Shit! He’s coming after us!

**Nebula:** You’re so awful to your male companions

**Nebula:** I love it

**Rhodey: @Star-Lord** Why did you get ice cream? It’s Alaska

**Star-Lord:** I haven’thad dairy queen since I was six. Let me live

**Carol:** Shit

**Nebula:** Rip

**Carol:** I have been contained

**Wanda:** Lol Carol you’re shit at this

**Tony:** She’s weak for her stove

**Carol:** Fuck you Wanda

**Wanda:** Ok

**Peter:** He melts her nonexistent heart

**Peter:** And then some

**Wanda:** lol

**Steve:** Do I want to know?

**Carol:** In other words, you’re really warm and I’m really cold

**Nat:** Good save Carol

**Steve:** Well that’s true

**Steve:** I’ll always keep you warm

**Nebula:** Is it normal for one’s heart to be melting?

**Gamora:** I’d say so

**Star-Lord:** Shit Gamora, you say something like that to me, I’d melt too

**Gamora:** Don’t push your luck

**Star-Lord:** Yes ma’am

**Vision:** Whipped

**Tony:** I…

**Gamora:** lol

**Tony:** I’m speechless

**Tony:** Vision wth?

**Wanda:** You’re one to talk Vis.

**Vision:** I believe my dear Wanda, that Captain Rogers is far worse than I

**Steve:** Not yet

**Bucky:** Oh no Steve

**Bucky:** You’re so much worse

**Carol:** lol

**Steve:** At least I have Carol after all this

**Bucky:** Not if you destroy her loops again

**Nat:** Or eat her pasta

**Wanda:** Or deny her cats

**Steve:** I have been allowed to eat her pasta, I value loops like she does, and I’ve yet to deny her a cat

**Carol:** See? I’ve trained him well

**Vision:** _whipping noise_

**Wanda:** lol Vis I can’t

**Vision:** I am proud that I learned to use that me-me properly

**Tony:** ?

**Nat:** _chokes_

**Nat:** _wheeze_

**Nat:** I can’t with you guys today

**Gamora:** shhhhhhhhhhhh

**Gamora:** Don’t disturb the cuteness

**Nebula:** You’re such a sap

**Gamora:** You can’t tell me that’s not cute

**Gamora:** Look at them all cuddled together

**Nebula:** lol

**Nebula:** Gamora’s fucking gone

**Nebula:** aaaand so is Carol

**Steve:** You scared her off

**Steve:** Thanks

**Nebula:** Nice going Gamora

**Gamora:** I was just stating the obvious

**Carol:** Gamora turn around

**Gamora:** And now I have a face full of snow

**Carol:** Price paid

**Tony:** _applause_

**Gamora:** I’ll let you have that Carol

**Gamora:** But my Ravioli is still superior to your spaghetti

**Carol:** How dare you

**Gamora:** Oh I dare

**Steve:** Wait Carol, put the snow down, she’s unarmed

**Carol:** That is the least of my concerns

**Carol:** I must teach this heathen a lesson

**Bucky:** Alright, all F’s in the chat boys

**Carol:** 👀

**Sam:** F

**Peter:** F

**Tony:** F

**Steve:** ……F

**Carol:** The list of people I have to end today just keeps getting longer

**Steve:** Well this is intense

**Steve:** I’m going back for more pizza

**Carol:** Pizza?

**Carol:** I like pizza

**Carol:** And I like Stove

**Carol:** I’m coming with

**Steve:** Oh

**Steve:** Alright

**Nat:** And just like that Steve has managed to turn Carol into a literal kitten

**Tony:** Now ain’t that cute

**Carol:** _hisssss_

**Peter:** lol Tony this livestream better be private

**Peter:** Cuz them holding hands walking down the street will end the world

**Tony:** Oh. Y’all wanted private?

**Wanda:** lol

**Tony:** I was trying the whole twitch thing out

**Tony:** Gotta expand our medias

**Peter:** What, instant gram wasn’t enough?😂

**Steve:** …..

**Steve:** Really Peter?

**Bucky:** F

**Sam:** F

**Peter:** F

**Wanda:** F

**Nat:** F

**Carol:** …….

**Tony:** F

**Carol:** lmao

**Steve:** ……..

**Carol:** Tony that’s hilarious

**Carol:** But also I’m going to end you for it

**Tony:** ……..

**Tony:** I’m in danger

**Nebula:** Yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double Update! Whoo Hoo!


	37. The Quartet of Chaos (MJ Roasts the People)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt requested by Circe
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_ Peter Created a Server _

_ Peter Named the Server: **It’s time** _

_ Peter invited Everyone _

**Peter:** Dearly beloved

**Peter:** I have gathered you here today

**Peter:** Because the age of the Girl Gang has ended

**Tony:** wut?

**Nat:** The fuck?

**Peter:** And it is time for a new group of terror to arise

**Carol: **Excuse you spiderling 

**Nat:** But we are,

**Wanda:** The Trio of Terror

**Nat:** Yeah, name’s taken

**Peter:** I present to thee

**Shuri:** The Quartet of Chaos

**Scott:** The what now?

**Peter:** Hey! Shuri!

**Peter:** That was my line!

**Shuri:** Whoops

**Peter:** AHEM

**Peter:** THE QUARTET OF CHAOS!!!!

**Clint:** Oh boy

**Thor:** New friends?

**Nat:** Thor you’re so pure

_ Peter invited Ned _

_ Peter Invited MJ _

**Peter:** Behold

**Ned:** I’m in a chat with the Avengers?

**Ned:** Um

**Ned:** I mean…Fear me!

**Ned:** Aaaah..?

**MJ:** lol loser

**MJ:** Y'all are losers

**Tony:** Shut up, you’re like, 5

**MJ:** I’m 16

**MJ:** I thought you were supposed to be a genius or something?

**MJ:** Simple math should come easily right?

**Carol:** I like her

**Wanda: @MJ** Join our girl gang

**MJ:** Nah I’m good

**Tony:** Now hold on a damn second

**Clint:** You should respect your elders

**Steve:** Yes, respecting adults is good

**MJ:** lmao when y’all stop acting like children I will

**Scott:** She is on fire damn

**Thor:** OUR DEAR NEW FRIEND IS ON FIRE?

**MJ:** Lol Peter he’s so pure

**Peter:** I know

**MJ:** I’m gonna roast him

**Peter:** Don’t you dare!

**Nat:** There is one rule and one rule only in this server

**Bucky:** We do not mess with Thor’s happiness

**Sam:** It is against regulations

**Shuri:** Yes. Thor must be protected at all times

**Shuri:** The rest of you however….

**Ned:** Shall be roasted like a rack of lamb

**Peter**: ….

**Ned:** What? It’s all I could think of

**Shuri:** lmao

**Shuri:** Roasted and toasted to perfection

**Ned:** The golden brown crispiness of the roast

**MJ:** The glorious cronch of morale being broken

**Peter:** Such a glorious feast

**Clint:** Okay, I’m so confused

**Clint:** I thought we were ordering pizza tonight?

**Steve:** I don’t think anyone understands

**MJ:** Yeah, sorry Steve I think you have the wrong time period

**Steve: **Is it one of those me-mes?

**Shuri:** lol Peter I can’t

**T’Challa:** I do not condone this behavior sister

**MJ:** Soft kitty

**Shuri:** Warm kitty

**T’Challa:** Don’t you dare

**Ned:** Little ball of fur

**Peter:** Happy kitty

**MJ:** Sleepy kitty

**Shuri:** Pur

**Peter:** Pur

**Ned:** Purrrrr

**T’Challa:** I swear to all the Gods

**Loki:** Yes, so sorry, but I’m off duty today 

**Thor:** You can always swear to me

**Nat:** NO! NO YOU MAY NOT!

**Wanda:** WE ARE NOT CORRUPTING THOR!

**Vision:** I think it’s a bit too late for that dear

**Carol:** We must protect 

**Nat:** She protecc

**Wanda:** She attacc

**Nat:** But most important

**Wanda:** She a snacc

**Steve:** Damn it Wanda! Stop going after my girl!

**Carol:** lmao 

**MJ:** There’s nothing wrong with options

**Peter:** lol MJ no

**Strange:** I do not approve of this child

**MJ:** I do not approve of your sorcery

**Strange:** I do not need your approval

**MJ:** Neither do I

**Ned:** lmao MJ making enemies faster than Peter entering a lego store

**Peter:** Dude

**Peter:** Not cool

**Ned:** Oh…

**Ned:** Are we not still roasting?

**Peter:** No we are

**Peter:** Just not _ me _

**Ned:** Oh okay

**Ned:** Got'cha

**Shuri:** All you mortals shall bow down before us!

**Loki:** I am no mere mortal

**MJ:** Yet you are still a mortal

**Ned:** Bow before the lego gods!

**MJ:** lol Ned ur shit at this

**Shuri:** _ BOW DOWN BITCHES! _

**Carol:** No

**Sam:** You tell her Carol

**MJ:** Listen captain night light

**MJ:** We’re the captains now

**Vision:** According to the data I’ve collected on Captain Rogers’ rising levels of annoyance from the name "Captain Night Light", I’d say you’re in trouble MJ

**Vision:** Or…how do you say it?

**Vision:** Oh yes! I remember now!

**Vision:** You’re really rolling up shit’s creek

**Wanda:** ….

**Tony:** …..

**Steve:** …..

**Peter:** …..

**Vision:** What?

**Vision:** Did I say it right?

**Wanda:** Vis. omg

**MJ:** See? this is why I like robots better than people

**Vision:** I am a synthezoid. 

**Vision:** AI

**MJ:** I’m aware

**Shuri:** Her mind be stronk

**Ned:** Strong like Peter-man

**Ned:** All hail Peter-Man

**Clint:** Contact officially changed to Peter-Man

**Peter:** I’m starting to think this should have been a 1 man show

**Ned:** Rip

**MJ:** Bird man has arrived

**Clint:** I SQWAK AT YOUR INSULTS

**MJ:** Tortellini is better than Penne

**Clint:** How dare you?

**Clint:** Peter why would you teach her my weaknesses?

**MJ:** Because roasted birds taste wonderful

**Ned:** Oh yeah, my mom makes the best roasted chicken

**Shuri:** Roast duck is better

**Peter:** Agreed. I’d go for duck

**MJ:** I could go for some duck right about now

**Ned:** Do I smell a need for take out?

**Shuri: **We have the need to feed

**Peter:** I’m down

**Shuri:** Y E S

**Peter:** Let us feast and grow our power

**MJ:** Until next time losers!

**MJ:** I’ll be back

_ Peter has left the server _

_ MJ has left the server _

_ Ned has left the server _

_ Shuri has left the server _

**Scott:** ……

**Scott:** What just happened?

**Sam:** I don’t...

**Sam:** I don’t even know.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, there ya go. Sorry it took me so long folks. I've been busy :/  
We've got a new roasting champ in the house!  
All Hail MJ  
Alright frems! Until next time!
> 
> -Angie^^


	38. The Trio of Terror Conquers Walmart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back with another Walmart chapter as requested by the server fam
> 
> Please enjoy and feel free to sing along :)
> 
> As always, the content below is based off of true events
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Tony Created a Server_

_Tony Named the Server: **Y’all….**_

_Tony invited everyone_

**Tony:** We need groceries

**Tony:** Not it

**Sam:** Not it

**Bucky:** Not it

**Bruce:** Not it

**Steve:** I did it last week

**Carol:** I’ll do it

**Tony:** No you won’t

**Clint:** I’d say yes but I have things to do

**Sam:** Oh yeah? Like what? Sit in the vents and watch The Office?

**Clint:** Bird….things….👀

**Sam:** Just send Strange

**Strange:** I object

**Peter:** I’ll go

**Tony:** Peter, you’re worse than Carol. I can leave Carol unsupervised, but you I can’t

**Carol:** Rude

**Peter:** :(

**Tony:** Steve?

**Steve:** No

**Tony:** Thor?

**Steve:** He can’t drive

**Tony:** Lmao I guess that leaves Wanda

**Wanda:** What?

**Tony:** Groceries

**Clint:** After last time?

**Clint:** I can’t tell if that’s better than Carol or worse

**Wanda:** ……

**Wanda:** That was one time Clint. ONE TIME!

**Nat:** I’ll go with her

**Sam:** Like that’s any better

**Wanda:** We’ll bring Carol. She can supervise

**Carol:** Hehehe

**Tony:** I’m asking for more vodka sauce, not another Walmart

**Nat:** I’ll get the keys

**Carol:** Fuck you, I’m driving

**Nat:** Why?

**Carol:** Because you’re a shit driver

**Strange: @Tony** You should have just gone yourself

**Tony:** You’re probably right

**Tony:** But that’s too much work

**Vision:** I swear Captain Danvers, if I’m down a girlfriend because of you I will not be happy

**Nat:** Vision, you’re to good for this world

**Carol:** Come on losers we’re going to Walmart

**Bucky:** This is going to end badly, I can already tell

**Bucky: @Steve @Bruce @Vision** I don’t know how you three deal with them

**Bruce:** Practice

**Vision:** Cats

**Steve:** Me either

**Carol:** Fuck you Stove

**Carol:** Just for that I’m staying with Wanda tonight

**Wanda:** 👀😉

**Steve:** No.

**Steve:** No you most certainly are not

**Vision:** I second

**Carol:** Watch me asshole

**Steve:** No.

**Wanda:** Carol is currently driving and can’t answer but would like me to tell you that she’ll do as she dan well pleases

**Sam:** Well that’s a safety hazard.

**Wanda:** You know what else is a safety hazard?

**Sam:** What

**Wanda:** Peter and ice cream but you don’t see us complaining

**Tony:** Hey, leave the Spiderson alone

**Peter:** …..

**Peter:** She’s not wrong though

**Strange:** No. She’s really not

**Loki:** I am offended

**Sam:** What this time?

**Loki:** Why is it that whenever anyone goes of to wreak havoc somewhere I’m never invited?

**Peter:** You can come with me to the ice cream shop

**Peter:** According to Dr. Strange that’s considered causing trouble

**Loki:** ……

**Loki:** I accept

**Bruce:** Well

**Bruce:** The girls have been awfully quiet…

**Steve:** I know. It’s terrifying

**Bucky:** Assume the worst

**Nat:** You people have no faith

**Sam:** No

**Sam:** We really don’t

_Nat Renamed the Server: **The Trio of Terror Conquers Walmart**_

**Carol:** Update

**Carol:** We have obtained the loops

**Carol:** We have also lost Natasha

**Tony:** Welp

**Tony:** It looks like I’m buying yet another Walmart

**Bucky:** Quick! Someone turn on the news!

**Carol:** And Wanda has managed to convince half the customers that the store is haunted

**Bucky:** Wut?

**Carol:** Lmao she keeps using her magic to lift things from people’s carts

**Vision:** Wanda dear, please don’t terrorize the poor people

**Wanda:** But it’s fun

**Nat:** Good God. I leave you people for five minutes

**Carol:** Found her

**Carol:** Aight

**Carol:** What does one do to cause absolute chaos in a Walmart?

**Steve:** Carol no

**Carol:** Carol yes

**Wanda:** Lol

**Wanda:** Well

**Wanda:** We could always throw Nat into another pasta display

**Nat:** Please no

**Carol:** Lmao that was your finest moment

**Nat:** I’ve had finer ones

**Wanda:** If I were to cause chaos in Walmart

**Wanda:** What would I do?

**Carol:** Well

**Carol:** I did see those giant pool noodles a little ways back

**Steve:** Whatever you’re planning please don’t do it

**Carol:** But see that just makes me want to do it even more

**Wanda:** lmao you grab the noodles, I’ll get the tricycles

**Nat:** Oh yes

**Nat:** This is going to be good

**Bucky:** I’m being serious Sam

**Bucky:** Turn on the fucking news

**Sam:** Fine fine

**Bucky:** This is gonna be all over. I have a feeling

**Nat:** I can’t

**Nat:** I fucking can’t with these two

**Peter:** What are they doing?

**Nat:** Riding around the isles on tricycles walking each other with pool noddles

**Nat:** Lol Wanda fuckin’ fell off

**Carol:** Aight Nat, you play winner

**Nat:** Oh hell no

**Nat:** I’m not doing that

**Carol:** Loser

**Nat:** _inhales_

**Nat:** Wanda give me the sword

**Wanda:** Mi’ lady

**Wanda:** Oh shit

**Wanda:** Nat ain’t holding back

**Bruce:** It surprises me that no one is doing anything about this

**Clint:** They work at _Walmart_ Banner

**Clint:** They live for customer entertainment

**Wanda:** Lmao they've now alluded to riding up and down the Produce Isle singing the Veggie Tales theme song

**Peter:** _IF YOU LIKE TO TALK TO TOMATOES!_

**Shuri:** _IF A SQUASH CAN MAKE YOU SMILE!_

**Peter:** _IF YOU LIKE TO WALTZ WITH POTATOES!_

**Shuri:** _UP AND DOWN THE PRODUCE IIIIIIISLE!_

**Peter:** _HAVE WE GOT A SHOW FOR YOU!_

**Sam:** lol

**Wanda:** It’s a whole damn musical number

**Wanda:** Who knew Carol could tap dance?

**Wanda:** And on top of a register too

**Strange:** How have they not been banned yet?

**Wanda:** Oh no, the manager’s out here

**Wanda:** But he’s encouraging it

**Peter:** lmao

**Peter:** The Avengers Musical

**Peter:** Starring Carol Danvers and Natasha Romanov

**Wanda:** Well

**Wanda:** You know what they say

**Wanda:** If ya can’t beat em’

**Wanda:** Join 'em

**Vision:** Well this is rather perplexing

**Steve:** I’m debating on whether or not we should go down there and put a stop to this madness or just let them sink their ship

**Bruce:** I feel like either way, they’re just going to do it again

**Carol:** Well that was entertaining

**Steve:** Have I ever told you that you’re a madwoman?

**Carol:** Yes.

**Carol:** Many times

**Steve:** Well you’re a madwoman

**Carol:** I wouldn’t be playing giant jenga with boxes of Mac ’n Cheese if I wasn’t

**Nat:** Wanda! No powers!

**Carol:** Yeah, that’s cheating

**Wanda:** If you can’t win fair...

**Wanda:** Cheat

**Peter:** lol

**Thor:** Could you lovely ladies by any chance get more pop tarts?

**Nat:** New mission: Obtain the pop tarts

**Wanda:** In position

**Carol:** We’re going in

**Wanda:** _insert pink panther theme here_

**Wanda:** Gotta be sneaky

**Nat:** We must sneak

**Carol:** Am much sneak

**Wanda:** I sneak like snek doin’ a sneak

**Carol:** Yesss

**Tony:** Peter

**Tony:** Translate

**Peter:** Even I don’t know what that means

**Carol:** Mission complete

**Carol:** Pop tarts obtained

**Carol:** New mission

**Wanda:** Actually check out like we were going to do half an hour ago

**Nat:** We gotta go out in style tho

**Bruce:** I’m terrified for the employees

**Bruce:** And everybody who is witness

**Nat:** Okay

**Nat:** We have checked out

**Nat:** Carol give me the cart

**Carol:** Okay

**Nat:** Aight

**Nat:** Wanda you gotta blast the titanic theme while we do this

**Tony:** Activating NatCam

**Nat:** The fuck?

**Tony:** I wanna see this shit

**Bucky:** FINALLY

**Tony:** Gather round friends

**Sam:** …

**Bucky:** …

**Steve:** I….I have no words

**Peter:** hfdghfkdfh

**Peter:** OML THAT’S BRILLIANT

**Vision:** What now?

**Bruce:** Do I want to know?

**Peter:** Carol and Wanda are standing in the cart playing the Titanic theme and Nat’s pushing them through the store

**Bruce:** Oh God

**Bruce:** Someone get my medical kit

**Bucky:** Tony please tell me you can save this footage

**Tony:** Yep

**Nat:** Rip

**Tony:** Rip indeed, the feed cut out

**Strange:** What did you do Romanov?

**Nat:** Nothing too bad I promise

**Steve:** Spit it out

**Nat:** Well I may or may not have pushed the cart down a hill once we got outside

**Nat:** And they may or may not have crashed into a lamp post

**Nat:** And I may or may not have gotten the whole thing on video

**Carol:** And it was fuckin awesome

**Wanda:** Bro lets do that again

**Nat:** Lol we need to come here more often

**Steve:** No

**Steve:** No, I don’t think you do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick Lil' Update:
> 
> Hey guys, so as some of you probably know, November is National Novel Writing Month and I'm required to participate in it as a part of a class so the chapter updates will be a little slow this month. I promise they'll pick back up to normal speed of like every week or so once December rolls around (especially with all those Christmas tropes am I right?) So thanks for being patient with me, I'm working as fast as I can to get these out to you guys. As always leave feedback and/or requests!  
I'll see you in the next server!  
\- Angie^^


	39. The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off an argument that happened in choir the other day
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Sam created a Server_

_Sam Named the Server: **Y’all need to shut up**_

_Sam invited Everyone_

**Sam:** WHOEVER IS PLAYING CHRISTMAS MUSIC Y’ALL NEED TO SHUT IT OFF!

**Clint:** No

**Carol:** No

**Nat:** No

**Loki:** No

**Peter:** No

**Wanda:** No

**Sam:** IT’S NOVEMBER!

**Sam:** WHY?

**Bucky:** Because fuck you, that’s why

**Sam:** Not you too

**Bucky:** _blasts straight no chaser’s christmas album_

**Sam:** I hate you

**Nat:** God Sam, what do you have against Christmas music?

**Sam:** It’s not December yet, that’s what

**Carol:** Who cares?

**Sam:** The sane people in this house

**Tony:** Does some want to explain to me why I just walked into a house full of Christmas music?

**Thor:** Because it’s the most wonderful time of the year!

**Sam:** Oh God they’re quoting it now

**Tony:** You animals

**Nat:** It’s never too early to get into the Christmas spirit

**Steve:** I didn’t know you were physically capable of experiencing the Christmas spirit

**Nat:** I didn’t know it was physically possible for a human to be as square as you, but you’ve royally proved me wrong

**Carol:** Ooh BURN

**Wanda:** Lol

**Carol:** You’re gonna need some ice for that one

**Carol:** Oh wait...

**Steve:** Don’t you dare. That joke has lost its humor

**Carol:** Oh trust me

**Carol:** That joke will never get as old as you

**Steve:** I thought you were supposed to love me?

**Clint:** Apparently you thought wrong

**Sam:** Clint I swear to god. TURN IT OFF!

**Clint:** Sorry what was that?

**Clint:** I can’t hear you over the wonderful music

**Bucky:** I think he said to turn it up

**Clint:** Turn it up?

**Clint:** WILL DO

**Sam: @Bucky** Kindly fuck off please

**Bucky: @Sam** Love you

**Vision:** I for one enjoy Christmas music. They’re always such happy songs

**Wanda:** ❤️❤️❤️

**Wanda:** You’re so pure

**Thor:** And Christmas movies. We can not forget the Christmas movies

**Carol:** Hallmark has released their Christmas movie list

**Carol:** My eyes are ready

**Steve:** You and your Hallmark 

**Carol:** Don’t think I’m not dragging you down with me

**Bucky:** Rip Steve

**Nat:** lol he secretly loves it

**Nat:** He has a whole secret stash of them that he watches whenever Carol is away

**Steve:** Yeah.. well...Nat has a...a...A BACKSTREET BOYS POSTER IN HER ROOM!

**Wanda:** We been knew 'bout that poster

**Clint:** Lmao Steve. Dude that's hilarious

**Tony:** Old Cap going all soft on us. Who would have thought?

**Clint:** SQWAK

**Clint:** HELP

**Clint:** PETER! QUICK! HIT HIM WITH THE PLATE!

**Tony:** Tf? Who are we hitting with a plate?

**Clint:** SAM KEEPS TRYING TO TAKE MY STEREO

**Bucky: ** _zooms to clint’s aid_

**Bucky:** UNHAND THE STEREO YOU FIEND!

**Sam:** WHY ARE YOU ON HIS SIDE? YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE _MY_ BOYFRIEND!

**Bucky:** I LIKE CHRISTMAS! SUE ME!

**Nat:** Wanda! Pass the popcorn!

**Wanda:** Nah. Vis wants to watch a Christmas movie

**Vision:** ❤️

**Carol:** Whipped

**Wanda:** Hey, at least I’m not afraid to admit it

**Nat:** 👀

**Bruce:** 👀

**Carol:** Choose your words wisely Maximoff

**Wanda:** Oh don’t worry. I did.

**Peter:** Hey, don’t ruin the Christmas mood

**Loki:** SAM UNHAND THE MUSIC DEVICE OR YOU SHALL FIND CAT EXCRETIONS IN YOUR BED TONIGHT!

**Tony:** Too late kid

**T’Challa:** It’s November?

**Sam:** That’s what I said

**T’Challa:** Why are they going on about Christmas in November?

**Sam:** Because they’re insane

**T’Challa:** Shuri has been blasting Mariah Carey’s Christmas songs since September

**T’Challa:** I know your pain

**Peter:** She swore it wasn’t obsession Mr. Black Panther sir

**T’Challa:** She hooked it up to the palace sound system

**T’Challa:** I blame you Peter

**Shuri:** _I DON’T WANT A LOT FOR CHRISTMAS!_

**Peter:** _THERE IS JUST ONE THING I NEED!_

**Bruce:** Yes, some peace and quiet

**Scott:** Oof

**Scott:** Who let the grinch in?

**Bruce:** Is that a green joke?

**Scott:** Yes

**Bruce:** …

**Bruce:** A decent burn, I can appreciate that.

**Scott:** Why thank you

**Scott:** I happen to have a PHD in Christmas Burns

**Tony:** OH GOD

**Steve:** What?

**Tony:** WHO TF SPIKED THE EGGNOG!

**Clint:** We have eggnog?

**Nat:** I thought you weren’t a Christmas in November kind of guy?

**Tony:** Eggnog is my one exception

**Steve:** It was probably Carol

**Carol:** Not guilty

**Steve:** That’s like your thing though

**Carol:** Excuse you

**Steve:** Carol

**Steve:** You spike literally _everything_

**Carol:** We’ll I’ll have you know that I saw Loki creeping around the kitchen with a bottle of asgardian rum

**Scott:** **@Loki** Nice going Captain Jack

**Loki:** How dare you expose me like this?

**Tony:** LOKI YOU DO REALIZE THAT KIDS DRINK THIS STUFF RIGHT?!

**Loki:** Yes. That’s what makes it funny

**Peter:** Is that why I kept seeing a pink unicorn ina speedo around the house yesterday?

_Tony invited Pepper_

**Pepper:** Why am I here?

**Tony:** Scroll up

**Pepper:** …..

**Pepper:** YOU’RE DEAD LOKI!

_Pepper has left the chat_

_Loki has been disconnected_

**Tony:** Peter no more alcoholic drinks

**Strange:** Tony I’m getting you a parenting manual for Christmas

**Tony:** ….

**Tony:** I don’t know whether to be offended at that statement or flattered at the fact you considered getting me something

**Strange:** I’m also adding a sarcasm translator into the mix

**Tony:** Don’t worry Stephen, I appreciate you too

**Wanda:** Steve you better get your girlfriend a cat for christmas

**Carol:** _inhales_

**Steve:** Wanda why?

**Wanda:** Because cats

**Steve:** There are four cats in this compound already not counting T’Challa

**T’Challa:** Captain Rogers, I’m going to give you a piece of advice

**T’Challa:** As you Americans would say, “Fuck off.”

**T’Challa:** And get this woman a cat

**Carol:** Christmas Kittens

**Carol:** My heart

**Steve:** I….

**Steve:** I can’t say no to that face

**Clint:** Update

**Clint:** I still behold the Stereo

**Tony:** We know

**Tony:** It’s not like its still BLASTING ACROSS THE HOUSE AT FULL VOLUME!

**Peter:** _LAST CHRISTMAS I GAVE YOU MY HEART!_

**Shuri:** _BUT THE VERY NEXT DAY, YOU GAVE IT AWAY!_

**Bucky:** hehe

**Bucky:** Sam agreed to submission if I made him cookies.

**Clint:** lmao make him Christmas cookies

**Bucky:** I will be sure to blast Christmas tunes

**Bucky:** Clint gave me the link to his spotify playlist

**Sam:** Clint you asshole

**Clint:** Caw Caw motherfucker, that’s what you get

**Sam:** **@Strange** I’m moving in with you

**Strange: @Sam** Absolutely not.

**Strange:** I will not have your demonic madness disrupting my home

**Sam:** Says the guy who summons literal demons

**Clint:** Ha.

**Clint:** Suffer

**Sam:** Oh you will old man. You will.

**Thor:** At peace my friends. It is Christmas time. There is no need to fight. Let us put on our Christmas sweaters and watch Christmas movies

**Sam:** It’s not even Thanksgiving yet

**Thor:** Thanksgiving? What is that?

**Sam:** Its a holiday where you make a shit ton of food and then you eat it

**Thor:** There is a holiday dedicated to food

**Steve:** There are many holidays dedicated to food

**Thor:** I love Midgard

**Carol:** Fuck Thanksgiving, I’m watching _“The Polar Express”_

**Nat:** I’ll bring the wine

**Peter:** I’ll get the pizza

**Wanda:** I’ve got the cats

**Vision:** But we’re watching a movie?

**Wanda:** And now we’re watching _“The Polar Express”_

**Vision:** I..

**Steve:** Don’t question it Vision, just do as she says.

**Thor:** CHRISTMAS MOVIES?

**Carol:** Yes

**Thor:** I’ll get the giant Christmas blanket

**Clint:** If I bring hot chocolate, can I watch?

**Carol:** Clint you absolute legend, please do

**Thor:** I love Christmas

**T’Challa:** ……

**T’Challa:** It’s still November

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao I didn't think I'd get another chapter out this month. Sorry it took so long frems!  
Anyway, y'all know the drill let me know what you thought and what ya want, and I'll see you next time
> 
> -Angie^^ 
> 
> P.S. Also want the link to Clint's Playlist? You can listen to it here:  
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5gVU7eqzDtZbyjDBlIpd6L?si=W2bBKFBUSYmYWAtCcvnd-A


	40. Day of Thanks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lil Thanksgiving update for y'all featuring more WandaVision and SamBucky as requested by furiouslygone and James_Alianovna_Wilson_Rogers! (And don't worry, your ships will be getting their own separate chapters too :) )
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Thor created a Server_

_Thor named the Server: **Please Educate Me**_

_Thor invited Everyone_

**Thor:** My friends

**Thor:** Your holidays confuse me

**Thor:** What is “Turkey Day”?

**Peter:** The best day

**Thor:** Yes you’ve said that tiny human but what does this Day of Turkeys entail?

**Thor:** Is it a day of worship to the turkeys?

**Tony:** Yes Thor.

**Tony:** That is exactly what it is

**Wanda:** Don’t lie to the poor bean you heathen, that’s not what it is

**Nat:** It’s another word for Thanksgiving

**Clint:** It’s a day where you pretend to be thankful for everyone and then eat a shit ton of food

**Nat:** Wounded

**Thor:** You have a day

**Thor:** Dedicated to food?

**Sam:** Thor we’ve been over this

**Sam:** We have _many_ days dedicated to food

**Thor:** Dedicated only to food

**Tony:** Yes

**Tony:** Which reminds me

**Tony:** I’m hungry

**Thor:** So it’s a Day of Thanks?

**Bucky:** Yes

**Thor:** With food included?

**Loki:** FOR ODIN’S SAKE THOR, YES THERE IS FOOD INCLUDED

**Nat:** Be nice to Thor

**Peter:** Or I’ll take your cats

**Loki:** You’ll do no such thing puny insect

**Tony:** You’ve insulted the Spider Son

**Nat:** _mama spider mode: activated_

**Vision:** I know what I’m thankful for

**Tony:** I swear if you say Wanda one more time, I’m going to vomit

**Vision:** With all due respect sir, there’s a garbage can in the corner

**Vision:** Might I suggest throwing up in that?

**Wanda:** I love my savage nugget

**Wanda:** More than Steve’s Dino Nuggets

**Vision:** I love you more than cats

**Wanda: ❤️**

**Wanda:** I’m thankful for you too

**Tony:** Affection

**Tony:** I hate it

**Tony:** Get out

**Wanda:** The door is that way Stark

**Wanda:** Leave my soft bean alone

**Bucky: @Sam** Why do you not appreciate me this way?

**Sam:** Fuck off, yes I do

**Bucky:** See what I mean?

**Steve: @Bucky** Try waking up to the smell of burnt vibranium because you accidentally ate the last of your girlfriends fruit loops

**Carol:** And I hope you learned your lesson

**Thor:** Well I am thankful for youmy friends

**Thor:** Even you brother

**Loki:** _hisssssss_

**Loki:** I reject your affection

**Tony: @Loki** Join the club

**Loki:** I am only thankful for my cats

**Loki:** And occasionally Peter

**Peter:** Aww I love you too Uncle Loki

**Loki:** Well lets not make a show of it shall we

**Peter:** I’m thankful for Mom and Dad and all my aunts and uncles and my friends

**Shuri:** Best Friend

**Peter:** Best Friend

**T’Challa:** This is a cursed friendship

**Nat:** But we’re here for it

**Tony:** I would say I’m thankful for my friends

**Tony:** If I had any

**Bruce:** Well

**Bruce:** I guess you can finish that self-sustaining formula by yourself then

**Tony:** Wait no Bruce I didn’t mean it

**Bruce:** Too late

**Nat:** I appreciate you Bruce❤️

**Bruce:** At least someone loves me

**Thor:** So

**Thor:** Back to the important question

**Steve:** Which is?

**Thor:** Do I get to experience this food?

**Bucky: @Thor** What to you think Sam, Steve, and I have been doing in the kitchen for the past three hours?

**Thor:** Hanging out?

**Bucky:** Thor, why would we hang out in the kitchen?

**Thor:** Because there’s food

**Tony:** OML you and food

**Thor:** IT IS IMPORTANT

**Thor:** ALMOST AS IMPORTANT AS DISNEY

**Nat:** You prioritize disney over food?

**Vision:** Yes

**Vision:** Disney is very important

**Vision:** Almost as important as Wanda

**Wanda:** _hides in the corner_

**Wanda:** I...I'm more important than Disney?

**Vision:** By far

**Carol:** Damn Vis, Why so smooth today?

**Vision:** Because

**Vision:** It’s a day of appreciation

**Vision:** So I am appreciating the wonderful gift to this world that is Wanda

**Nat:** Lol

**Nat:** If Wanda gets anymore red I think she might implode

**Carol: @Sam** You haven’t burned the kitchen down have you?

**Sam:** Rood

**Bucky:** lol no he’s just on Clint duty

**Sam:** Speaking of Clint, where is that fucker?

**Clint:** hehehe

**Sam:** Lysol at the ready

**Clint:** Oh shit

**Clint:** I can’t believe you’d do me wrong like that

**Sam:** It’s for your own good

**Sam:** And my entertainment

**Sam:** And maybe the promise of cookies later

**Bucky:** See? You only appreciate me for my food

**Sam:** That’s not true and you know it

**Sam:** Just yesterday I went out and got you those pretzels that you like

**Sam:** For no reason

**Sam:** I just felt like doing it

**Sam:** BECAUSE I’M A GOOD BOYFRIEND!

**Bucky:** Whatever pretzel boy

**Sam:** 😒

**Bucky:** 💖

**Peter:** Wow

**Peter:** I feel lonely

**Peter:** _hugs stuffed animals_

**Peter:** At least I still have you

**Shuri:** Ahem

**Peter:** _sighs_

**Shuri:** AHEM

**Peter:** If only...

**Shuri:** I SAID AHEM ASSHOLE!

**Peter:** Oh yeah

**Peter:** And Shuri

**Peter:** I have her too

**Shuri:** I feel appreciated

**Peter:** lmao

**Peter: @Shuri** if we’re still single at 25, lets just get with each other🤣

**Shuri:** lol deal

**T’Challa:** No

**T’Challa:** NO NO NO NO NO!

**T’Challa:** I do not approve of this

**T’Challa:** THE CHILDREN YOU TWO WOULD HAVE WOULD BE MONSTERS!

**Shuri:** lmao no they’d be internet sensations

**Peter: 🤣**

**Shuri: 🤣**

**T’Challa:** I’m watching you from now on Peter

**Peter: 👀**

**Shuri: 😅**

**Peter:** _whispers_

**Peter:** _he knows we’re joking right?_

**Shuri:** _whispers_

**Shuri:** _idk_

**T’Challa:** Oh yes Spider-Boy

**T’Challa:** When we get there, I’m going to be watching you very VERY closely

**Peter:** Wait, you’re coming here?

**Shuri:** YEEEEEEEEEEE!

**Shuri:** For Thanksgiving

**Peter:** FREMSGIVING!

**Shuri:** FREMSGIVING!

**Bucky:** Fucking finally!

**Bucky:** I thought that turkey would never cook all the way through

**Shuri:** AND I’M BRINGING CORNBREADDDDDD!

**Peter:** LET’S GET THIS BREAD!

**Peter:** AND MOM MADE HER SPECIAL PIE TOO!

**Peter:** I’m so glad I have such awesome friends

**Vision:** You know what else makes me glad?

**Tony:** Don’t you dare

**Vision:** …..

**Tony:** I swear to God, if you say it Vision you _become_ the bucket

**Vision:** Wanda

**Tony:** That’s it

**Tony:** I’m disowning you

**Wanda:** eeems

**Vision: @Tony** I can’t help it, she’s too precious

**Sam:** I’m sorry

**Sam:** But did we just hear Vision use the word precious?

**Bucky:** In that context?

**Clint:** I think we did

**Wanda:** I…..

**Wanda:** My soft bean

**Wanda:** So soft

**Wanda:** So pure

**Vision: ❤️**

**Wanda: 💖**

**Vision: ❤️**

**Wanda: 💖**

**Vision:❤️❤️❤️**

**Wanda: 💖💖💖💖💖**

**Clint:** This feels like a Hallmark movie and it disgusts me

**Carol:** Insult Hallmark one more time, I dare you

**Clint:** Hallmark is disgusting

**Carol:** Forget the turkey, we’re having roasted hawk instead

**Clint:** You can’t get me

**Carol:** Watch me bitch

**Steve:** Carol what did we say about burning holes in the ceiling?

**Carol:** Don’t miss?

**Steve:** That's my girl

**Clint: @Steve** I feel betrayed

**Peter:** Do you know what this Thanksgiving needs?

**Peter:** Dino nuggets

**Rhodey:** On it

**Peter:** Uncle Rhodey is now my favorite uncle

**Clint:** !

**Steve:** ….

**Strange: **Eh..

**Rhodey:** In your face assholes!

**Clint:** I have been hurt in more ways then I have ever thought possible

**Bruce:** Good to know that all I have to do to win you over is bring you dino nuggets

**Tony:** Or apple juice

**Strange:** Or ice cream

**Shuri: @Peter** Sound the trumpets friend

**Shuri:** I has arrived

**Peter:** YEEEEEEET

**Bucky:** ALRIGHT PEOPLE

**Bucky:** DINNER IS DONE

**Bucky:** SO GET YOUR ASSES IN HERE OR ELSE

**Thor:** Food?

**Sam:** Food.

**Thor:** I love Midgard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When he says he loves you more than cats...That's how you know you've made it in life  
Anyway! Happy Thanksgiving friends!  
Just wanted to say that I'm thankful for everyone who's read or been reading the story, it means a lot to me and I appreciate the lovely comments and feedback I get, fun requests included!  
Thanks for being such great peeps and thanks for being so patient with me this month while I dealt with finals😅  
As always, you know the drill, feedback is appreciated, so are requests if you feel so inclined!  
See you in the next one!  
\- Angie^^


	41. Avengers: Age of Walmart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays Everyone! Sorry I've been kind of dead, I had finals and shit. Anyway, enjoy!
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Peter Created a Server_

_Peter named the Server: **It’s Officially December: Christmas Time**_

_Peter invited Everyone_

**Peter:** _CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS TIME IS HERE_

**Shuri:** _THE SLEIGH-BELLS AND THE RED NOSED DEER_

**Peter:** _THOUGHTS OF JOY AND HOPE AND CHEER_

**Shuri:** _BUT MOSTLY SHOPPING SHOPPING SHOPPING!_

**Sam: **Stop reciting Christmas carols in the chat you morons

**Shuri:** _ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS_

**Peter:** _IS YOOOUUUUUU_

**T’Challa:** 👀

**Peter:** _hides_

**Shuri:** Be nice to my best friend

**Shuri:** The Avengers are letting us stay for Christmas after all

**T’Challa:** I’m still watching you spider-boy

**T’Challa:** VERY CLOSELY

**Carol:** Someone said Christmas

**Carol:** I have been summoned

**Nat:** To spike the eggnog?

**Carol:** You know me too well

**Steve:** No

**Steve:** We don’t need a drunk Peter

**Steve:** Again

**Peter:** I kept seeing a pink unicorn in a speedo around the house

**Shuri:** That sounds terrifying

**Peter:** It was terrifying

**Bucky:** Wow.

**Bucky:** It’s December already

**Bucky:** Tis the season to start baking

**Peter:** CHRISTMAS COOKIES

**Strange:** Not if I have anything to say about it

**Peter: ☹️**

**Tony:** Better than him being drunk

**Strange:** Parenting manual has been purchased

**Sam:** Oof

**Sam:** Roasted and toasted

**Sam:** Tony roasting on an open fire

**Carol:** Tis the season to watch Hallmark 

**Nat:** Tis the season to watch Hallmark and drink wine

**Wanda:** Tis the season to watch Hallmark and drink wine and play with cats

**Wanda:** Speaking of cats

**Wanda: @Steve** The clock is ticking

**Steve:** …..👀

**Wanda:** Your girl needs a cat

**Carol:** What?

**Steve:** What?

**Wanda:** What?

**Bucky:** Lol, none of us have actually done any Christmas shopping.

**Clint:** Well you know….Walmart is right around the corner…

**Sam:** !

**Tony:** ….

**Tony:** No

**Clint:** Yes

**Tony:** No, Clint, I know what you’re thinking

**Clint:** FIELD TRIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Tony:** N O

**Clint:** TO THE BIRD-MOBILE!

**Peter:** WALMART! WALMART! WALMART!

**Bruce:** Everybody drop what you’re doing, we’re going to Walmart

**Nat:** Get in losers we’re going shopping.

**Vision:** I’ve never been to Walmart

**Wanda:** It’s an experience

**Nat:** Don’t catch Wanda off guard tho

**Nat:** She’ll throw you into a pasta display

**Thor:** I too have never been to this Walmart you speak of

**Loki:** Am I required to come?

**Thor:** Why yes brother. Yes you are.

**Carol:** All of us in the same Walmart

**Steve:** This is going to be an experience

**Tony:** No, no Steve, I think you mean an _expense_

**Shuri:** All aboard the Bird-Bus

**Clint:** Oh no, no, no

**Clint:** We’re taking the Big Bird

**Tony:** Clint, we’re not taking the Quinjet to Walmart

**Clint:** We are most definitely taking the Quinjet to Walmart

**Shuri:** All aboard!

**Peter:** _WE’RE GOING ON A TRIP IN OUR FAVORITE ROCKET SHIP_

**Shuri:** _ZOOMING THROUGH THE SKY_

**Peter:** _LITTLE EINSTEINS!_

_Peter Renamed the Server: **Avengers: Age of Walmart**_

**Peter:** Alas

**Peter:** We have arrived

**Shuri:** Walmart…

**Shuri:** It’s so beautiful…

**T’Challa:** Shuri you’ve been to Walmart before

**Clint:** I propose we all split up in groups

**Tony:** I propose we cancel this trip

**Sam:** Don’t be a wet blanket Tony

**Bucky:** Yeah, it’ll be fun

**Strange:** We’re fucked

**Tony:** Might as well let it happen then

**Strange:** Well, I’m off to find that parenting manual

**Peter:** Holy fuck he was actually serious

**Steve:** Language

**Shuri:** Peter I found the memes

**Peter:** MEMES

**T’challa:** Shuri…

**T’Challa:** That’s an avocado

**Peter:** It’s dank green

**Shuri:** The dankest color

**Bucky:** Wait, where did the intergalactic terrors go?

**Wanda:** We’ll never tell

**Carol:** Off to cause chaos somewhere

**Nat:** I hath located the loops

**Carol:** Let the plan commence

**Steve:** I don’t even want to know

**Shuri:** Peter you’re going to fall

**Peter:** No I’m not, because I’m SPIDERMAN

**Strange:** Peter get off of that fruit display!

**Shuri:** lol Peter, I’m documenting this

**Peter:** Hi and Welcome back to the spider-vlogs

**Tony:** Peter if I ever hear you say the word “vlog” again, you’re grounded

**Shuri:** Rip

**Sam:** Help

**Sam:** Clint has located the pizza section

**Clint:** Sam quick! Use your bird thingy to fry these things

**Sam:** Clint you have to pay for them first

**Clint:** I pay taxes, It’s basically the same thing

**Tony:** I thought we were Christmas shopping?

**Clint:** What’s Christmas without pizza?

**Tony:** …

**Tony:** You right

**Sam:** Clint we don’t need all of them

**Clint:** y e sw ed o

**Thor:** This Walmart place…

**Thor:** It’s a gods’ sent gift

**Thor:** They have a whole section

**Thor:** Dedicated to food

**Peter:** I found the pop tarts

**Thor:** SHOW ME YOUNG SPIDER

**Bucky: @Steve** Are we the only ones who’s actually taking this trip seriously?

**Steve:** I believe we are

**T’Challa:** Fuck babysitting the children, I’m coming with you guys

**Bucky:** Ha, I will officially claim the title of Peter’s favorite uncle

**Clint:** _inhales_

**Clint:** How dare you threaten my most precious title

**Sam:** You’re on asshole

**Bruce:** lol

**Bruce:** Strange actually bought a parenting manual

**Strange:** It is necessary for this man

**Tony:** Excuse you sir

**Strange:** Yes please, anything to get away from you

**Tony:** Rude

**Vision:** Wanda why are you buying a bunch of cat supplies that we already have?

**Wanda:** No reason….

**Steve:** Wanda if you’re doing what I think you’re doing….

**Wanda:** Maybe…

**Steve:** No

**Wanda:** Yes

**Steve:** No

**Wanda:** Yes

**Steve:** Wanda

**Wanda:** Steve

**Steve:** Wanda

**Wanda:** Carol

**Carol:** What?

**Wanda:** Hi.

**Thor:** Loki! It’s not nice to scare children like that!

**Bucky:** lol, what’s he doing?

**Thor:** He’s chasing Clint around the store with a halloween mask on

**Nat:** ….

**Nat:** oml

**Nat:** Thor…

**Wanda:** Did he just…

**Carol:** I think he did

**Wanda:** Thor’s first roast

**Nat:** I’m so proud

**Loki:** Gods brother you’re such a drag

**Carol: @Nat @Wanda** Look what I found

**Nat:** Are those…hippity hops?

**Wanda:** _gasps_

**Carol:** I challenge thee to a duel of speed

**Nat:** Oh you’re on

**Clint:** You know…

**Nat:** Oh god what?

**Clint:** If we tied it to one of my wire arrows…

**Clint:** We could make a zip line

**Shuri:** Zipline?

**Peter:** I’m on my way

**Tony:** Oh God

**Bucky: @Tony** Prepare to buy another Walmart

**Clint:** The zipline is ready

**Shuri:** I gotta do it for the memes

**Clint:** It’s time...

**Clint:** To boldly go...

**Clint:** Where no man...

**Clint:** Has gone before

**Sam:** Aaaand he’s off

**Peter:** OH RIP

**Bucky:** Oof what happened

**Peter:** I can’t with this man

**Clint:** MAYDAY! MAYDAY! BIRD DOWN!

**Loki:** I NOTICED YOU PESANT!

**Loki:** CONSIDERING YOU LANDED _ON MY FACE_

**Steve:** Oh shit

**Clint:** Strange! Portal! Now!

**Loki:** I will end you in the worst way possible

**Loki:** Falcon-Man!

**Loki:** Bring me the pizzas 

**Clint:** Not the pizza!

**Shuri:** lol he’s ziplining back and Loki’s chasing him through the isle

**Clint:** You’ll never take them alive!

**Bruce:** Pizza isn’t a living thing Clint

**Strange:** Hush Dr. Banner, let the children have their fun

**Tony:** Clint! Stop the thing! STOP THE THING!

**Strange:** Oof Tony look out

**Peter:** Oh….shit

**Carol:** Oh he’s so dead now

**Tony:** Clint you son of a bitch

**Tony:** Get the fuck off me!

**Nat:** Someone get the crockpot

**Wanda:** This bird is baked

**Bucky:** I have just been informed that we need to leave the Walmart

**Tony:** That was the last Walmart with in a twenty mile radius of us

**Tony:** ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

**Bruce:** Didn’t you buy a Walmart Tony?

**Tony:** Yes, but it’s my personal Walmart

**Strange:** It’s his man-cave

**Tony:** Shut up Strange

**Strange:** He only uses it to eat junk food and watch The Bachelor 

**Tony:** How dare you expose me like this?

**Strange:** It’s true

**Tony:** Oh yes, you would know because you join me

**Strange:** I would never

**Bruce:** Oh no, you totally do

**Sam:** I’m dying

**Bucky:** So that’s where you three go on Monday nights

**Nat: @Bruce** I’m offended, you watch The Bachelor without me?

**Nat:** IN A WALMART?

**Bruce:** Sorry Nat, you clearly can’t be trusted in any kind of grocery store

**Nat:** ….

**Nat:** That’s fair

**Shuri:** ……

**Shuri:** I still got my avocados though

**T’Challa:** Shuri if I find even _one_ avocado under that Christmas tree

**Shuri:** It’s for the memes brother

**Peter:** m e m e s

**Clint:** Okay but do I still get to keep the pizza?

**Loki:** No

**Loki:** And if you do I’m eating it all while you sit there and watch

**Clint:** You wouldn’t

**Loki:** Suffer you fiend

**Peter:** And that concludes this week’s episode of _Avengers: Age of Walmart_

**Tony:** Peter who are you talking to?

**Peter:** The viewers

**Tony:** What?

**Peter:** For…for the…vlog

**Tony:** _inhales_

**Tony:** You’re grounded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY HOLIDAYS FREMS!!! Here's your Christmas/Holiday Special! Brownie points to anyone who knows the song at the beginning. Shout outs to anyone who can guess why Wanda was getting all that cat stuff :) As always leave thoughts and/or requests if you have them! See y'all in the next one! Peace!
> 
> \- Angie ^^


	42. The Avengers Actually Lose Their Sanity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a little too much alcohol and Pepper loses her mind  
Happy New Years Y'all
> 
> Note: The misspelling of words in this chapter was intentional
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_ Peter Created Server _

_ Peter Named the Server: **HIIIIIIIIII** _

_ Peter invited everyone _

**Sam:** It’s Fuckin 2020

**Bucky:** You’re Fuckin Drunk

**Sam:** So are you

**Bucky:** Hell Yeah I am

**Vision:** I think it is safe to say that you are all, how would you put this….

**Wanda:** Royally shit faced lololololol

**Vision:** Yes, that’s the word I’m looking for

**Tony:** You know what this turning of the decade calls for?

**Clint:** More pizza

**Tony:** Ooo Yessssss

**Clint:** When I grow up, that’s what I wanna be

**Clint:** A pizza

**Peter:** Me too

**Peter:** Hey dad

**Peter:** Can I quit high school and go to pizza school instead?

**Tony:** Sure son

**Bruce:** Hey tonnyyy

**Bruce:** What do you think would happen if we poured the rest of this vodka on Carol’s hands?

**Tony:** Dude I don’t know

**Tony:** But that’s brilliant

**Carol:** Let’s fuckin do it

**Steve:** ………

**Steve:** Oh

**Steve:** Oh shit

**Steve:** Oh this is not good

**Carol:** Steeeeeebeeee

**Carol:** Come bacccc 

**Nat:** lol we’re gonna blow some shit up

**T’Challa:** I am concerned

**Shuri:** lol Peter are you drunk?

**Peter:** yesssssssssss

**Peter:** And there are pink unicorns everywhere

**Bruce:** Alright I’ve got the vodka

**Vision:** I advise you move this to the lab, that way no cats are injured

**Loki:** And why would my cats be in danger?

**Vision:** It would seem Doctor Banner has had the drunken idea to pour alcohol on Ms. Danvers’s hands

**Loki:** Oh now this I must see

**Wanda:** Come on loossers we’re going to the labbb

**Steve:** Tony I swear to god if you burn my girlfriend I’ll kill you

**Carol:** It’s fine stebe it’s gonna be fun

**Steve:** Am I the only responsible adult in this chat?

**Bruce:** It’s for scientific purposes

**Nat:** My smart boi. Causing chaos for smart purposes

**Steve:** This idea is not smart in anyway, nor does it serve any kind of purpose whatsoever 

**Wanda:** We’re burning shit in the name of science 

**Sam:** This is the most genius idea in the history of ideas

**Bruce:** Okay 

**Bruce: **Here we go

**Nat:** Oh my

**Nat:** That’s gonna take a while to fix

**Steve:** Did you actually fucking do it?

**Loki:** Yes

**Loki:** It blew a hole through the roof

**Tony:** That’s it

**Tony:** Bruce you’re a genius

**Tony:** From now on I’m powering all my suits with vodka

**Steve:** Carol are you okay?

**Carol:** Let’s do it again!

**Steve:** Okay, yeah, she’s fine

**Bucky:** To celebrate this fine discovery 

**Bucky:** We need to make some celebratory cookies

**Clint:** PIZZA COOKIES!

**Steve:** I swear to God, I leave you alone for one night and this is what happens

**Peter:** UNCLE CLINT YOU’RE A GENIUS!

**Steve: @Strange** Please send help

**Strange:** Oh no

**Strange:** I am thoroughly enjoying watching this all play out

**Carol:** Stebeee don’t be mad, I’m making you cookies

**Peter:** P I Z Z A C O O K I E S !

**Sam:** Where’s the pepperoni and bacon?

**Tony:** It says preheat the oven to 375

**Tony:** That’s too much waiting

**Tony:** Bruce got anymore vodka?

**Steve:** No

**Steve:** You’re not setting Carol’s hands on fire again

**Nat:** But it’s efficient

**Tony:** lol try and stop me captain

**Steve:** That’s it

**Steve:** Abort Mission

**Steve:** New Mission

**Steve:** Stop mass arson

**Peter:** I found the milk

**Peter:** Wait, it’s buttermilk

**Bucky:** That’ll work

**Steve:** Correction

**Steve:** Mass Food Poisoning

**Nat:** Oof Steve you’re no fun

**Steve:** Vision do something

**Bruce:** He’s watching Disney with Thor and Loki

**Bruce:** That’s doing something

**Clint:** Heyyy How much cheese do we need?

**Sam:** What do we have Bird-man?

**Clint:** Cheddar, Swiss, American, and Munster

**Clint:** Plus my stash of cheese sticks in the vents

**Bucky:** All of it lol

**Peter:** These cookies are gonna be grate

**Nat:** lol peter nooo

**Tony:** Found the bacon

**Bucky:** All that’s left now is the coffee and the peppers

**Steve:** Bucky who tf puts coffee in their pizza?

**Bucky:** Me bitch

**Carol:** Nat help me chop these peppers

**Nat:** No no you gotta use a spoon

**Nat:** It’s more effective

**Steve:** Strange I’m begging you please

**Strange:** lol no

**Carol:** Why isn’t the spoon working?

**Steve:** Carol honey, you can’t cut peppers with a spoon

**Carol:** But...

**Carol:** But Nat says that’s how you do it

**Steve:** Nat’s drunk

**Nat:** Am not

**Nat:** You’ve just gotta push harder

**Carol:** IT DOES WORK

**Steve:** Oh Geez

**Nat:** That’s everything

**Clint:** Cookies commence

**Wanda:** Let’s light ‘er up

**Bucky:** It says to put them in the oven for 10 minutes

**Tony:** If we do it my way it’ll go much faster

**Bruce:** Let’s torch these cookies

**Sam:** No we need something to torch them in first

**Clint:** I found a cardboard box

**Tony:** That works

**Bucky:** Celebratory New Years cookies

**Bucky:** My finest creation

**Clint:** Natasha where’s your flamethrower?

**Nat:** Can’t we just use Carol’s hands again

**Clint:** We’re all out of vodka

**Nat:** You just had a whole bottle?

**Clint:** I poured it on the cookies

**Wanda:** Found it

**Nat:** Let the ceremony commence

_ Steve invited Pepper _

**Steve:** You have been stopped

**Pepper:** What now?

**Steve:** Scroll Up

**Pepper:** ……..

**Pepper:** _inhales_

**Pepper:** ANTHONY FUCKING STARK

**Pepper:** IF YOU EVEN SO MUCH AS THINK ABOUT USING A FLAMETHROWER IN THE KITCHEN I WILL KILL YOU

**Peter:** Hiiiiii moooommmy

**Peter:** There’ss a unicornnn in the house

**Pepper:** ………

**Pepper:** …………

**Pepper:** ……is

**Pepper:** is he…?

**Steve:** He is.

**Pepper:** _INHALES_

**Pepper:** YOU’RE ALL SO FUCKING DEAD!!!

**Pepper:** WHEN I GET HOME YOU ARE ALL ON HOUSE ARREST FOR THE NEXT FUCKING MONTH!!!

**Tony:** Bucky

**Bucky:** Tony

**Tony:** Should they be flaming like that?

**Bucky:** Yeah, that means they’re cooking

**Sam:** My man is sooo smart when it comes to baking

**Pepper:** Alright bitches

**Pepper:** BRING ME TONYYYYYYY!

**Bruce:** She’s coming to ruin our fun!

**Nat:** Quick! We gotta hide tony

**Tony:** But the cookies…

**Peter:** Don’t worry dad, I’ll save you some

**Tony:** My son

**Tony:** I could cry

**Steve:** I have arrived to put an end to your madness

**Carol:** STEBE’S BACKKK!

**Steve:** Carol get off me

**Clint:** Steve’s plan to end our chaos has been stopped by the mighty captain marvel

**Clint:** Hail Carol

**Bucky:** I think these cookies are baked

**Steve:** Peter don’t eat that you’ll get sick!

**Bucky:** Are you questioning my cooking skills Steven?

**Steve:** No

**Steve:** I’m questioning your sanity

**Pepper:** TONY YOU BASTARD

**Pepper:** I SEE YOU HIDING BEHIND THE DOOR

**Tony:** In my defense, the cookies were Bucky’s idea

**Bucky:** It was your idea to torch them!

**Tony:** Only because Bruce had the idea to torch the lab!

**Bruce:** Carol was the one who actually told me to do it

**Peter:** I ate one of the cookies…

**Peter:** Mr. Stark

**Peter:** I don’t feel so good

**Strange:** Oh snap

**Strange:** He actually ate one

**Pepper:** ……

**Pepper:** I can’t with this fucking family

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was shit  
I'm so sorry  
But happy New Years  
The 20's are coming back
> 
> \- Angie ^^


	43. Room For One More?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Nat Created a Server_

_Nat Named the Server: **Got ’em**_

_Nat invited everyon_e

**Nat:** Guys guys guys

**Bruce:** What?

**Nat:** Guess what?

**Nat:** Guess what?

**Nat:** Guess what?

**Sam:** Natasha spit it tf out

**Nat:** We blew up a warship

**Nat:** It was epic

**Clint:** How come I always miss the fun stuff?

**Wanda:** Because you get distracted

**Sam:** And hunt for pizza instead

**Clint:** _retreats back into the shadows_

**Peter:** I get to come next time

**Tony:** Um excuse you young man

**Tony:** No the fuck you don’t

**Peter:** 😢

**Peter:** Yeah, you never let us do anything fun

**Shuri:** Rip Peter

**Shuri:** You can come blow stuff up with me

**Peter:** Yes

**Shuri:** Yes

**T’Challa:** NO

**Thor:** I’m having pizza with my dog

**Thor:** And my brother

**Clint:** Pizza?

**Loki:** No

**Bucky:** lol

**Sam:** Barton has been denied

**Clint:** I have never been this emotionally wounded before in my life

**Nat:** What about when we found out shield had been lying to us from the beginning

**Clint:** Yeah…but that’s not as bad as being denied pizza

**Bruce:** Clint is a man with priorities

**Sam:** lol

**Thor: @Nat** No one died right?

**Nat:** No one that we care about

**Tony:** lol

**Tony:** So Strange is dead right?

**Strange:** AHEM

**Strange:** I AM RIGHT HERE TONY

**Tony:** Shit

**Tony:** I mean…Oh yay…that’s great

**Bruce:** lol

**Bruce:** There’s only room for one science bro

**Strange:** Fuck off

**Bruce:** No

**Tony:** lol

**Tony:** I love my friends

**Carol:** Steve

**Carol:** Steve

**Carol:** Steve

**Carol:** Steve

**Carol:** Steve

**Steve:** WHAT?!

**Steve:** WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?

**Carol:** What’s this?

**Steve:** Something you probably shouldn’t be messing wi-jghkdfghCAROLPUTITDOWN!

**Carol:** But he’s cute

**Steve:** NO

**Steve:** WHAT THE FUCK EVEN IS THAT?

**Tony:** lmao what did she find this time?

**Strange:** It appears to be some sort of space cat

**Wanda:** CAT

**Nat:** CAT

**Carol:** RIGHT?

**Steve:** NO

**Carol:** We’re keeping it

**Steve:** We’re not keeping it

**Carol:** Yes we are

**Steve:** We don’t even know what it is

**Wanda:** How dare you deny Carol a cat

**Vision:** Yes, I am very disappointed in you Captain Rogers

**Bucky:** lol Steve how could you possibly sink so low?

**Bucky:** Denying your significant other a pet?

**Bucky:** Disgraceful

**Tony:** jdfskgh I’m wheezing

**Sam: @Bucky** Is this your way of saying you want a pet?

**Bucky:** …

**Bucky:** Yes

**Steve:** How am I the bad guy?

**Steve:** She’s the insane lady who wants to keep a fucking alien as a pet

**Carol:** Look at his cute lil face

**Carol:** And his cute lil toe beans

**Wanda:** TOE BEANS?

**Wanda:** !!!

**Nat:** Must acquire the toe beans

**Tony:** Let her keep the cat, what’s one more lol

**Steve:** Tony it’s not a cat

**Steve:** I have no clue what it is

**Steve:** WHICH IS WHY WE’RE NOT KEEPING IT

**Nat:** QUICK CAROL

**Nat:** MAKE A RUN FOR IT

**Strange:** You know he can see the chat right?

**Nat: @Strange** Shhhhh

**Nat:** He’ll hear you

**Nat:** Less talking, more portaling

**Strange:** I—

**Strange:** I give up

**Steve:** Oh shit

**Steve:** They’re actually making a run for it

**Peter:** RUN FAR

**Peter:** RUN FAST

**Strange:** For some reason, Captain Rogers chasing Carol and Natasha around a desert planet over a cat is very amusing

**Steve:** On your left

**Tony:** Activating Cap Cam

**Sam:** You can get internet access in space?

**Tony:** I’m Tony Fucking Stark

**Tony:** I can get internet access anywhere

**Tony: @Peter** Cast the feed onto the main TV

**Peter:** Yes sir

**Clint:** Someone get the popcorn

**Carol:** Nat help, he’s catching up!

**Nat:** On it

**Bruce:** Oh shit

**Bruce:** Nice aim Natasha

**Steve:** Nat you bitch that actually hurt

**Nat:** It was in the name of cats

**Bucky:** Did she really just shoot Steve with a widow bite over a cat?

**Sam:** Yes

**Sam:** Yes she did

**Scott:** I have arrived

**Sam:** Just in time

**Scott:** What did I miss?

**Bruce:** Carol found a cat

**Wanda:** Steve won’t let her keep it

**Loki:** They are attempting to make a grand escape

**Scott:** Oh rip

**Scott:** How dare he?

**Steve:** Why is everyone against me today?

**Carol:** Shit shit shit shit shit

**Nat:** Rip, he’s gaining on us

**Wanda:** RUN FASTER

**Wanda:** THE CAT MUST BE OBTAINED

**Wanda:** NO MATTER THE COST

**Scott:** lol Wanda

**Bucky:** Always so dramatic

**Peter:** Awww

**Peter:** He’s even cuter than Baby Yoda

**Shuri:** Well now they have to keep him

**Peter:** And name him Baby Yoda

**Carol:** I’m not naming my cat Baby Yoda Peter

**Steve:** Almost there…

**Steve:** Got ya

**Carol:** No!

**Carol:** Nat!

**Carol:** Get the cat!

**Steve:** Now put it back

**Carol:** Never

**Carol:** He’s mine

**Carol:** I’m keeping him

**Peter:** I shall call him squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my squishy

**Carol:** ….

**Carol:** I didn’t want it to come to this Steve…

**Carol:** But you leave me no choice…

**Wanda:** Yes. Torch him. Do it.

**Steve:** Gee thanks Wanda

**Loki:** …..

**Loki:** This Wanda

**Loki:** I like her

**Steve:** No

**Steve:** No no no no no

**Steve:** Don’t do it

**Steve:** Carol, don’t you dare—

**Nat:** _carol used puppy eyes_

**Steve:** ……

**Steve:** .....fine

**Steve:** You can keep it

**Nat:** _it was super effective_

**Carol:** hehe

**Carol:** Got 'em

**Wanda:** YES

**Wanda:** CAROL HAS OBTAINED THE CAT

**Vision:** _ w h i p p e d_

**Bucky:** …

**Sam:** …

**Tony:** and i oop—

**T’Challa:** I believe the Captain has just been called out

**Wanda:** oml

**Wanda:** Vis

**Wanda:** I can’t

**Carol:** Cat has been obtained

**Scott:** Now you gotta name it

**Peter:** B a b yY o d a

**Carol:** Peter for fuck's sake, I’m _not_ naming him Baby Yoda

**Peter:** 😢

**Strange:** If I may interject

**Strange:** I believe it’s actually a female

**Wanda:** How tf would you know

**Strange:** First of all Ms. Maximoff, I’m Dr. Stephen Strange

**Strange:** I know everything

**Sam: @Tony** Are you sure you two aren’t related?

**Tony:** I’m going to ignore that insult Wilson

**Strange:** Second of all

**Strange:** While you three were chasing each other around like a bunch of school children, I did my research and discovered that if these space cats have purple stripes such as yours then they are female

**Sam:** Why does everyone get Wifi in space except me?

**Tony:** 👀

**Peter:** You can still name her Baby Yoda

**Carol:** I’m gonna call her Trilla

**Wanda:** A quality name for a quality cat

**Peter:** But....

**Peter:** But Baby Yoda...

**Carol:** N O

**Peter:** _sigh_

**Peter:** I've been defeated

**Shuri:** Rip

**Bucky:** Wow

**Bucky:** He gave in that easily huh?

**Vision:** It's as I said Sargent Barnes

**Vision:** That man be whipped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carol finally gets her cat  
Cat name credits go to my good friend SlippingOnVelcro  
As always leave thoughts/requests/feedback  
See you in the next one!
> 
> \- Angie^^


	44. Peter...It's 1am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, This was written at 1am.  
Credits to my discord frems for coming up with the idea for Clint's pizza adventure
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Peter Created a server_

_Peter named the server: **It’s 1 am**_

_Peter invited Everyone_

**Peter:** Hi

**Peter:** It’s 1am

**Tony:** Peter what the fuck are you still doing up?

**Peter:** What are you still doing up?

**Tony:** I’m an adult I do as I damn well please

**Steve:** Congratulations Peter

**Steve:** You woke the beast

**Tony:** Nat?

**Steve:** No

**Steve:** Carol

**Carol:** _inhales_

**Peter:** Oh fuck

**Carol:** PETERWHYTHEFUCKISMYPHONEGOINGOFAT1AMJFSFU

**Nat:** Carol why are you screaming

**Wanda:** Yes, who died?

**Tony:** Peter woke her up

**Shuri:** Peter woke us all up

**Bruce:** It's day time for you?

**Shuri:** I was napping

**Bruce:** Oh

**Strange:** Peter go back to sleep

**Loki:** Yes, you’ve sill yet to explain why you are even up at this ungodly hour

**Thor:** Why is this specific hour so ungodly?

**Loki:** Because, I can’t look fabulous all the time brother.

**Peter:** jsdhgfgh I was talking to spoopy internet frems

**Nat:** WHO

**Carol:** WHO ARE WE FIGHTING

**Wanda:** WHO ARE WE STALKING

**Shuri:** Wait, you guys stalk me? I’m one of his internet friends?

**Carol:** You don’t count, you’re practically his sister

**Nat:** Plus we know you

**Peter:** Please don’t scare my internet friends away

**Peter:** We were having a great conversation about coloring books and pizza toppings

**Tony:** Why pizza toppings?

**Peter:** Because

**Peter:** Pizza toppings determine who your friends are

**Carol:** This is so true

**Steve:** Was that because I said I didn’t want to eat your goddamn fruit loop pizza?

**Carol:** Yes

**Steve:** Carol, you were fucking drunk. Do you know what was on that shit?

**Carol:** You refused to eat it and that’s all I’m focused on

**Clint:** I heard pizza. I have been summoned

**Sam:** Fuck you guys now I’m hungry

**Bucky:** New mission

**Bucky:** Protect baby Peter from scary internet people

**Peter:** They’re not scary

**Peter:** They like coloring books and apple juice.

**Peter:** And puppies

**Thor:** I like puppies

**Nat:** I’m still going to stalk them

**Peter:** I shall prove it

_Peter invited Thanos_

_Peter invited Hela_

_Peter invited Ultron_

_Peter Invited Hela_

_Peter Invited Doom_

_Peter Invited Dormammu_

_Peter invited Ronan_

**Thanos:** Why are we in your avengers group chat

**Doom:** Yes, they’re not cool enough to hang with us

**Tony:** Excuse you

**Peter:** They thought you were scary internet people

**Hela:** Us? Fearsome destroyers of the internet?

**Ronan:** I’m offended

**Ultron:** I mean, I don't blame them. The internet is a scary place

**Dormammu:** Is it a crime to have a conversation about apple juice at 1am Peter time?

**Carol:** sjghfgh did he just say “Peter time”?

**Nat:** oml he did

**Wanda:** I stan

**Clint:** Okay, but like, we never finished that conversation about pizza

**Nat:** Clint we are not ordering pizza at 1am

**Clint:** It’s actually closer to 2am now...

**Clint:** so…

**Carol:** I support this 2am pizza ordering

**Thanos:** Get pineapple

**Carol:** _gasps_

**Carol:** I’ve found another

**Wanda:** Well now I’m hungry too

**Nat:** I think the real question is who the fuck is going to get outta bed at 2 am to go get it?

**Carol:** Not it

**Nat:** Not it

**Wanda:** not it

**Bucky:** Not it

**Steve:** Not it

**Carol:** Okay now nobody else answer

**Tony:** sjdksj

**Steve:** Why Carol?

**Carol:** Because it’s funny

**Steve:** Well now that means I have to get up and leave you

**Steve:** All alone

**Steve:** In the dark

**Steve:** …..

**Carol:** …..

**Carol:** I call for a revote

**Nat:** lol not it

**Tony:** Not it

**Bruce:** Not it

**Wanda:** Not it

**Carol:** Not it

**Strange:** Not it

**Bucky:** ….

**Sam:** ….

**Strange:** ….

**Strange:** You guys suck

**Strange:** I’m not going

**Tony:** Rules are rules Magic Man

**Clint:** You gotta get get three cheese three hawaiian and three pepperoni

**Strange:** How many people are we feeding?

**Clint:** Me bitch

**Wanda:** Excuse you, but we all get some

**Strange:** Still not going

**Thanos:** sjdhdhg y’all bicker so much

**Doom:** I volunteer as tribute to go get the pizza if young Peter will be sufficed

**Peter:** See? Not scary

**Clint:** I too will becoming on this pilgrimage to pizza.

**Strange:** Thank God

**Tony:** Um, I do not approve of a notorious super villain wandering about my house at 2am?

**Clint:** Shhhhh

**Clint:** It’s for the p i z z a

**Clint: @Doom** To the Bird-Bus

**Doom:** It’s pizza time

**Clint:** Where are you? I’ll come swoop you up

**Doom:** <_sent location>_

**Bruce:** What are you doing in New York?

**Bruce:** You have a country to run?

**Peter:** sksksks they’re here to visit me

**Nat:** PETER WTF WHY?!

**Nat:** Except you Hela, you’re cool

**Hela:** 🖤

**Nat:** 🖤

**Peter:** Because

**Peter:** Hela promised she’d show me her Asgardian coloring books and then the rest of them wanted to come too.

**Thor:** ….

**Loki:** ….

**Loki:** Did you just say...

**Loki:** Coloring books?

**Hela:** Peter how dare you expose me like this?

**Ultron:** And I made cookies so naturally I had to bring some for peter

**Wanda:** Nothing about you is natural

**Ultron:** Rood

**Thanos:** And we had to bring Peter his space apple juice

**Ronan: **Yes, do you have any idea how long it takes to make that shit?

**Carol:** dfhgdj The Mighty Kree Commander makes apple juice?

**Peter:** He has a whole apple farm

**Tony:** oml this is wonderful

**Ronan:** Peter you really need to stop exposing people

**Tony:** No, no

**Tony:** Please continue

**Nat:** I think the real question is, how did Peter manage to domesticate some of the universe’s most feared creatures?

**Clint:** He’s Peter

**Clint:** How does he manage to do anything?

**Nat:** CLINT NO TEXTING WHILE DRIVING

**Doom:** We’re not, we’re here

**Wanda:** P I Z Z AT I M E

**Peter:** Dad, can my friends come for pizza?

**Tony:** ….

**Peter:** Pleeeeeeeeeeease

**Tony:** Fine

**Thanos:** Buckle up boys

**Thanos:** And girl

**Dormammu:** We’re storming the Avengers Compound

**Strange:** This can’t end well

**Strange:** Dormammu

**Strange:** Don’t make me come to bargain

**Dormammu:** _ hisss_

**Clint:** We picked up more friends on the way

**Scott:** Hi, I was woken up at 2am for with the promise of pizza

**Hope:** I was forced into this

**Carol:** We all were, its okay

**Nat:** Just remember that there’s pizza on the way

**Hope:** That’s literally the only reason Scott is still alive right now

**Wanda:** jdhkdh

**Hela:** We love a girl with priorities

**Hope:** Hi Hela

**Hela:** Hi Hope

**Thanos:** We have pulled up to the club

**Peter:** _THEY SEE ME ROLLIN’!_

**Ronan:** _THEY HATIN’! _

**Ultron:** I come bearing cookies

**Ronan:** We come bearing Apple Juice

**Hela:** I come bearing coloring books

**Loki:** L e a v e

**Hela:** Ew a vermin

**Loki:** Ew, my sister

**Clint:** We have arrived with the pizza

**Doom:** At 2:30am Peter time

**Doom:** We have done well Bird-Man

**Wanda:** I will never not be over “Peter time”

**Vision:** That’s not a thing?

**Wanda:** IT IS NOW

**Steve:** Holy Fuck, how much pizza did you get?

**Clint:** Enough to sustain us

**Tony:** And what pizza place was even open at 2am?

**Clint:** …..

**Doom:** …..

**Scott:** …..

**Hope:** I had no part in this

**Tony:** You stole the pizza didn’t you?

**Clint:** Look, the important thing is that we got pizza

**Sam:** Clint

**Sam:** You are a dumbass

**Bucky:** Yeah but pizza

**Sam:** No, he’s still a dumbass

**Clint:** I side with Bucky

**Carol:** I don’t care where its from I just want pizza

**Steve:** Is food the only thing you care about?

**Carol:** No

**Carol:** I care about you occasionally

**Carol:** And the cat

**Carol:** I care very much about the cat

**Nat:** lol

**Nat:** Cat > Steve

**Steve:** Thank you Natasha, for pointing that out

**Nat:** 😊

**Hela:** I stand corrected

**Hela:** Pineapple on pizza is not an abomination

**Peter:** See?

**Hope:** No, it’s still gross

**Carol:** To each their own

**Steve:** I thought pizza toppings determined who your friends are

**Carol:** That rule only applies to certain people

**Steve:** Certain people meaning me?

**Carol:** My smart boi

**Dormammu:** You two have the strangest relationship I have ever seen

**Sam:** Its okay man, nobody understands it

**Ronan:** I have decided that I like pizza

**Ronan:** I think I shall become a pizza farmer too

**Carol:** Ronan that’s not-

**Tony:** No, no, its okay

**Tony:** Let him have his moment

**Bruce:** lol

**Peter:** Can I come visit your pizza farm?

**Ronan:** Of course

**Thanos:** We should establish pizza farms throughout the universe

**Nat:** oml

**Nat:** Should we tell them?

**Bruce:** …

**Bruce:** Nah

**Tony:** Now as wonderful as this 2am pizza party/heist has been

**Tony:** Peter you need to go the fuck to sleep


	45. It's Valentimes Day Folks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentines Day Folks❤️
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Peter Created a Server_

_Peter Named the Server: **It’s Valentimes day y’all**_

_Peter invited Everyone_

**Peter:** ’Tis Valentimes Day

**Thor: **Another Earth holiday that I have no knowledge of

**Sam: **It’s an overrated holiday where you do nice shit for the folks you love

**Thor: **Oh

**Thor:** Why is that overrated?

**Bucky:** Yes Sam

**Bucky:** Please enlighten us

**Bucky:** What is so overrated about getting up at 6am to carefully craft red velvet pancakes for _your_ consumption?

**Wanda:** Oh shit

**Nat:** _i’m wheezing_

**Sam: **…👀

**Sam:** I take that comment back

**Bucky: **Yeah, you’d better fuckin take it back

**Thor:** I feel the need to make Melvin a cake

**Peter:** A _heart shaped_ cake

**Thor:** y e s

**Peter: **can I help?

**Thor:** Of course!

**Wanda:** Please don’t blow up the kitchen

**Thor:** It’s a cake

**Thor:** How hard can it be?

**Wanda** …

**Pepper:** …

**Clint:** THAT WAS ONE TIME GUYS!

**Wanda: **Yes

**Wanda:** And we don’t want a repeat of it

**Nat:** lol

**Sam:** I have the best boyfriend

**Sam:** He has made me pancakes

**Sam:** In the shape of hearts

**Bucky:** You’re welcome dumbass

**Sam:** Love you too asshole

**Carol:** **@Steve** Cat has been acquired. It’s Hallmark time

**Steve: **It’s 11am?

**Carol:** Did I fucking stutter?

**Nat:** lol

**Wanda: **Can we join?

**Carol: **N O

**Nat:** rip

**Nat:** It’s okay

**Nat:** I’m hanging with Bruce all day❤️

**Bruce:** ❤️

**Strange: **…

**Strange:** ……

**Strange: **Tony

**Strange:** Why

**Tony:** lol

**Strange:** I don’t understand why this is necessary…

**Clint:** What did he do?

**Strange:** I have just received a package from Stark

**Strange:** It is a sweater

**Strange: **That says “My Cloak is My Valentine” on it

**Carol:** _w h e e z e_

**T’Challa:** Even I am wheezing

**Peter:** I designed it myself!

**Peter:** Since you can’t have the regular chocolates, I got you a sweater instead!

**Strange: **……

**Strange:** I love it

**Shuri: **Peter you’re a genius

**Peter: **I know

**Wanda:** Hey has anyone seen Vis? I can’t find him

**Peter:** I saw him and Loki sneaking out the back door together

**Peter:** Like 15 minutes ago

**Wanda:** **@Loki** Where have you taken my boyfriend?

**Loki: **None of your concern

**Vision: **To a place I can’t disclose

**Vision: **I needed his help with something

**Thor: **It makes me so happy to see that my brother has found a friend

**Thor:** Peter please pass the bacon

**Peter: **Yes Chef

**Wanda:** Oh God

**Pepper:** Don’t worry

**Pepper:** I’m supervising

**Shuri:** _ITS A PIECE OF CAKE TO BAKE A PRETTY CAKE_

**Peter:** _IF THE WAY IS HAZY_  
****

**Shuri:** _GOTTA DO THE COOKING BY THE BOOK  
_****

**Peter: ** _YOU KNOW YOU CAN’T BE LAZY_

**Shuri: **Are we still on for ice cream later?

**Peter: **Yep!

**T’Challa:** 👀

**Clint:** Nat I love you

**Nat: **You’re welcome

**Clint:** Two heart shaped pizzas

**Clint:** Just for me

**Nat: **That’s how you know it’s true friendship

**Bucky:** hfgdjhf Sam got me sugar plums

**Carol:** My ship is sailing on steady waters

**Wanda: **The best ship

**Sam: **sdfdh the best ship is obviously you and Vision

**Wanda:** Fight me bitch It’s you and Bucky

**Bucky:** EXCUSE ME

**Bucky:** I think we all know who the best ship is here

**Bucky:** Obviously Steve and Carol

**Steve: **I don’t know how to respond to that

**Carol:** jjjghjhs NO

**Carol:** It’s you and Sam

**Carol: **Case closed

**Scott:** What have I walked in on?

**Steve:** I have no idea

**Steve:** How are you?

**Scott:** I’m alright

**Scott:** Just got done cleaning the house

**Sam: **Did I hear that right?

**Sam:** _Scott Lang_ is _cleaning_ a house_?_

**Scott:** Yes

**Scott:** It’s Valentine’s Day

**Scott:** So I told Hope I’d clean the house

**Hope:** Hope is very happy about it

**Thor: **Cake has been baked

**Thor: **Time to acquire pup

**Wanda:** **@Clint** Can I join you with that pizza?

**Wanda:** I’ve been abandoned on Valentines Day

**Clint:** Pull up a chair

**Loki:** We’re back, don’t be so over dramatic

**Vision:** It just took a little while

**Vision:** I had to go get your gift

**Wanda:** You have been forgiven

**Wanda:** Although I’m not sure how much I like Loki blindfolding me

**Nat:** Rip

**Carol:** Don’t die

**Wanda:** …

**Wanda:** ……

**Wanda:** ………

**Thor: **Loki what did you do?

**Loki: **Don’t blame me, blame Vision

**Tony:** Vision what did you do?

**Wanda:** …Cat?

**Carol: **!!!!

**Nat:** CAT?!

**Steve: **Oh Lord

**Carol:** Shut up Steve, you’re secretly a cat person

**Peter: **Name it Baby Yoda

**Shuri:** Name it Baby T’Challa

**T’Challa:** Why must you insult me this way?

**Wanda:** She’s such a lil baby bean

**Wanda:** I’m naming her Cosmo

**Nat: **Baby bean❤️

**Carol:** Now we have more cats

**Carol: **My kitty has fallen asleep on Steve

**Carol:** Is now my new wallpaper

**Carol: **And also new blackmail material

**Steve:** I should have known there was a twist

**Nat: **lol there’s always a twist

**Peter:** Alright I’m off to get ice cream

**Shuri:** Ice Cream Time

**Strange:** Not it

**Peter:** Chocolate Covered Strawberry ice cream

**Shuri: **y e s

**T’Challa:** 👀👀👀

**Nat:** lol T’Challa is exerting much protective energy

**Shuri:** _wheeze_

**Carol: **He protecc

**Nat: **He attacc

**Carol:** But most important

**T’Challa:** Please no

**Wanda:** He a cat

**Shuri:** _wheezing intensifies_

**Thor:** I have an idea

**Peter:** What?

**Thor:** Tonight

**Thor: **We should get more heart shaped pizza

**Thor: **And watch a Hallmark movie

**Thor:** Family Hallmark Night

**Thor: **On Valentines day

**Peter:** Yes

**Nat:** Yes

**Wanda:** Yes

**Carol:** YES

**Steve:** We’re already watching Hallmark though

**Nat:** sjdhfjshd Steve don’t act like you don’t love it you whiny bitch

**Sam:** If there’s pizza I’m there

**Bucky:** If there is pineapple on pizza I am there

**Carol: ** _gasps_

**Carol:** **_a n o t h e r_**

**Clint:** M O R EP I Z Z A

**Carol:** **@Scott @Hope** You are most definitely invited

**Hope:** I should hope so

**Hope:** I still have to meet your cat

**Carol: **We’re gonna need cider

**Nat:** And chocolate

**Peter: **And_I C EC R E A M_

**Peter: @Strange** You’ll come too right?

**Strange:** …

**Strange: **Fine

**Thor:** I have decided that I quite like this Valentine’s Day

**Nat:** …

**Nat: **Thor

**Nat:** You like _everything_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cosmo and Wanda...get it? Anyway, happy Valentines Day folks. Now if you'll excuse me I have a cat to FaceTime because who else would be my valentine besides my cat? 
> 
> As always, leave comments, feedback, requests and I'll see y'all in the next one!


	46. The Avengers Watch Avengers Endgame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Great Satirization of Endgame. You're welcome.
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Peter Created a Server_

_Peter Named the Server: **I finally cleaned the garage**_

_Peter invited Everyone_

**Peter: @Tony** I cleaned the garage

**Tony:** Fucking Finally

**Peter:** It was a mess

**Peter:** But I found some cool stuff

**Carol:** Anything explosive or highly flammable?

**Peter:** No…why?

**Carol:** No reason

**Nat:** 👀

**Wanda:** 👀

**Steve:** 👀👀👀

**Peter:** I did find this one box though

**Peter:** It says “Angie’s Broken Soul” on it

**Sam: **Who tf is Angie?

**Peter:** idk

**Bucky:** Does it say anything else on it?

**Peter:** “Do not open”

**Strange:** You’d better leave it be then

**Peter:** I’m gonna open it

**Strange:** Why do I even try?

**Bruce:** Peter, don’t open it there could be unfriendly substances in there

**Nat:** Ahem

**Nat:** 420, what’cha smokin?

**Bruce:** That came out wrong

**Clint:** lol

**Peter:** Alright

**Peter:** I’m going in

**Tony:** Peter you’re a dumbass

**Loki: @Peter** Wait for me

**Steve:** Loki take the scepter

**Peter:** Too late

**Strange:** Oh God

**Carol:** Rip

**Peter:** Its just a bunch of notebooks and movies

**Wanda:** Ooh what movies?

**Peter:** Let me look

**Peter:** Just a bunch of Disney movies

**Vision:** Any we haven’t seen?

**Peter:** One

**Peter:** It’s called _Avengers: Endgame_

**Wanda:** Sounds stupid

**Tony:** Huh?

**Steve:** Someone made a movie about us?

**Carol:** Ew, Why would someone do that?

**Nat:** Yeah, our lives are so uneventful

**Clint:** All we do is go to Walmart

**Thor:** Perhaps someone made a film about all our spontaneous outings?

**Tony:** No, but someone should

**Sam:** lol let’s watch it and see what it is

**Peter:** Wait there’s a warning on the package

**Scott:** What, is it rated R or something?

**Peter:** It says: Watch at your own risk, your soul will be shattered in more ways than you ever believed possible

**Nat:** ….

**Wanda:** …..

**Thor:** ….

**Bruce:** ….

**Steve:** …..

**Peter:** …..

**Carol:** We’re watching it

**Wanda:** Hell yeah

* * *

_Peter Named the Server: **Spoopy Movie Time**_

**Peter:** Why are the opening credits so sad?

**Sam:** This better not be a soap opera

**Tony: **Whoever this guy is that plays me

**Tony:** He’s very good looking

**Carol:** fhshf why does Steve look like a depressed seagull?

**Nat:** sdjfhsd a depressed seagull, I can’t

**Wanda:** lol this movie sucks already. It’s so dark

**Nat:** The fuck? Wait, why am I blonde?

**Nat:** And why is Thor edgy?

**Thor:** I don’t even know what ‘edgy’ means

**Wanda:** 1\. Where am I?

**Wanda:** 2\. More importantly, where are the cats?

**Carol:** You can’t have an Avengers movie without cats.

**Sam:** Oh shit wait, we’re dead

**Bucky:** Well that’s boring

**Vision:** Wanda is dead?

**Vision:** I don’t like this movie

**Tony:** Oh good, Strange is dead

**Strange:** ……ahem

**Tony:** I mean…

**Tony:** Oh no, how horrible. Who will eat the vegan ice cream in our freezer now?

**Thor:** Me

**Tony:** lol

**Nat:** Oh shit, time skip

**Peter:** _Five. Years. Later._

**Nat:** Oof

**Nat:** What the hell happened to my hair?

**Carol:** What the hell happened to _my_ hair?

**Peter:** I feel kinda bad that Thanos is the main villain in this

**Peter:** He’s actually a pretty cool dude

**Tony:** Peter, just because he brings you apple juice doesn’t mean he’s any less evil

_Peter invited Thanos_

**Thanos:** I have been summoned

**Peter:** We’re watching a movie and you’re in it

**Thanks:** Am I helping the trees and the bees?

**Peter:** No

**Peter:** You killed half the universe

**Peter:** Including me

**Thanos:** What?!

**Thanos:** I would never!

**Thanos:** What is this movie called?

**Peter:** _Avengers Endgame_

**Thanos:** And who made this abomination?

**Peter:** idk

**Thanos:** In all my years of conquest, none of it was ever personal...

**Thanos:** But this...

**Thanos:** I will take great pleasure in what I'm about to do...

**Tony:** Oh God

**Thanos:** I will find them…

**Thanos:** And I will cancel their whole career

**Thanos:** Because that’s what heroes do

_Thanos has left the server_

**Steve:** Yeah I…I don’t think that’s how that works

**Clint:** Wtf?

**Clint:** I have kids in this?

**Loki:** How revolting

**Nat:** Lmao Clint can barely be responsible for himself

**Thor: @Loki** Where are you in this film brother?

**Loki:** I assume everyone not yet shown is dead.

**Thor:** …..

**Nat:** LOKI

**Nat:** WHY WOULD YOU TELL HIM THAT?

**Tony:** I have another child

**Tony:** But Peter is dead?

**Shuri:** Rip Peter

**Peter:** _MMM WHAT’CHA SAAAAAY_

**Shuri:** _cue titanic theme on recorder_

**Peter:** I hope it was a meme-worthy ending

**Shuri:** Rip Peter 2020

**Shuri:** The internet will never forget you

**Tony:** Oof

**Tony:** Why is it always me that has to build shit for your unrealistic heists?

**Nat:** Because you love us

**Tony:** Do I?

**Scott:** Is this movie just a trippy version of back to the future?

**Nat:** hsdgfsdgfsgdfushdfu

**Bruce:** …..

**Nat:** Bruce what the fuck did they do to you?

**Nat:** I’m wheezing so hard

**Carol:** Frankenbruce

**Nat:** Bruce the Jolly Green Giant

**Bruce:** Thanks, I hate it

**Thor:** I know I love Rum

**Thor:** But I don’t love it _that_ much

**Thor:** They forgot the dog too

**Thor:** And the pop tarts

**Thor:** I’m disappointed

**Loki:** Well I for one am enjoying your humiliation

**Thor:** Of course you are brother

**Scott:** This _is_ a trippy version of back to the future

**Scott:** And I am the main character

**Peter:** ^^

**Peter:** Who’s really going to save the world

**T’Challa:** I am okay with being dead in this film

**T’Challa:** That means I don’t have to be part of the madness

**Shuri:** _TOGETHER TOGETHER TOGETHER EVERYONE_

**Peter:** _TOGETHER TOGETHER COME ON LETS HAVE SOME FUN_

**Wanda:** lol go team

**Steve:** I’m not sure how I feel about this film

**Carol:** That’s some real serious walking right there

**Carol:** Oh yay, Nebula’s in this too

_Carol invited Nebula_

**Nebula:** What?

**Carol:** Have you watched _Avengers Endgame?_

**Nebula:** No

**Nebula:** Why would I watch your narcissistic movie when I have my own?

**Carol:** ??

**Nebula:** _Guardians of the Galaxy_ bitch

**Nebula:** Educate yourself

**Carol:** Rip

**Carol:** Well you’re in this movie

**Nebula:** Am I the epic bad guy?

**Wanda:** No

**Wanda:** But Clint is a bad guy

**Nebula:** Then it’s probably a stupid movie

**Clint:** Caw Caw Motherfucker. I SQWAK at you

**Tony:** I don’t know, I’m kind of enjoying it

**Clint:** That’s because Strange is dead and you’re the main character

**Tony:** You’re damn right

**Nebula:** Clint as a villain

**Nebula:** I can’t see it

**Nebula:** What does he do? Grand theft pizza?

**Sam:** lol

**Clint: ** _inaudible sqwaking_

_Nebula has been disconnected_

**Peter:** lol

**Peter: **Cap vs Cap

**Peter: **Who will win?

**Sam: **America’s Ass

**Bucky: **I’m w h e e z i n g

**Steve: **what did I ever do to deserve this?

**Carol: **Do you want the list?

**Steve: **No Carol

**Steve:** No I do not 

**Thor: **Loki’s back!

**Nat:** Oh rip

**Nat:** Welp

**Nat:** I’m dead

**Wanda:** I’m not crying, you’re crying

**Bruce:** I’m green and my girlfriend’s dead

**Bruce:** What the fuck even is this film?

**Steve: **Whoever made it obviously is not a fan of us

**Bruce:** I’ll say

**Carol:** Rip Nat

**Wanda:** All f’s in the chat boys

**Bucky:** f

**Sam:** f

**Steve:** f

**Carol:** f

**Peter:** _IN THE ARMS OF AN ANGEL_

**Peter:** Here lies Natasha Romanov, brutally self-yeeted off a cliff

**Peter:** This bitch truly empty

**Shuri:** Death by yeet

**Peter:** Rest in Spaghetti, Never Forgetti

**T’Challa:** We don’t understand your pop-culture eulogies sister

**Scott:** At least they got all the stones right?

**Scott:** Now they can bring everybody back

**Sam:** Oh shit

**Sam: @Scott** _w a s t e d_

**Sam:** The mighty Thotnos strikes again

**Peter:** Be nice

**Peter:** He brings me cookies and apple juice

**Bucky:** Don’t worry Peter, it’s just a movie

**Bucky:** None of this is actually real

**Carol:** lol Steve trying to fight an entire army by his lonesome self

**Peter:** He about to get rekt

**Sam:** Oh

**Sam:** OH

**Sam:** I PREVAIL

**Bucky:** HE LIVES

**Sam:** ON YOUR FUCKING LEFT

**Bucky:** I come bearing arms

**Sam:** *arm

**Bucky:** Fuck off

**Sam:** lol

**Tony:** Shit the wizard’s back

**Strange:** You really thought an oversized grape could kill me Tony?

**Tony:** Well, wishful thinking you know?

**Peter:** _cue dramatic music_

**Shuri:** _cue intense percussion noises_

**Peter:** FOR NARNIA!!!!!!!!!!!

**Sam:** The look on Thanos’s face be like: Where the fuck did these bitches come from?

**Shuri:** lol

**Shuri:** Even in times of peril, Peter is till a bean

**Carol:** THE SPACE GIRLZ HAVE ASSEMBLED!!

**Wanda:** It’s happening, oh god it’s happening

**Nat:** What’s the procedure?

**Carol:** STAY FUCKING CALM!

**Nat:** I’m there in spirit lol

**Wanda:** Gotta protect our Spiderson from all danger

**Tony:** Holy fuck

**Tony:** Okoye just one-shotted that asshole

**Clint:** TKO 100

**Nat:** Okoye is a fucking boss

**Carol:** She’s in the squad for sure

**Nat:** Oof

**Nat:** Oh Shit

**Nat:** Yes Wanda!

**Nat:** Beat his ass!

**Nat:** Avenge my death!

**Carol:** YAS BITCH!!!

**Nat:** YAAAAAS!!!

**Wanda:** _ ** F E A RM E** _

**Carol:** lol

**Carol:** Thanos: New Time Period, who dis?

**Wanda:** Carol to the rescue

**Carol:** You almost had him though

**Nat:** Wanda=Best Avenger

**T’Challa:** Why did they drag me into this?

**Clint:** Idk

**Clint:** I’m just glad that I’m finally important

**Nat:** Clint, you gave the gauntlet to an evil robot

**Clint:** LET ME HAVE MY FUCKING MOMENT NAT

**Carol:** lol

**Bucky:** It’s over folks

**Bucky:** Big grape got the rainbow glove

**Sam:** The glove of the gays

**Bucky:** Shouldn’t it technically be my glove then?

**Sam:** You mean _our _glove

**Bucky:** No

**Bucky:** Just mine

**Sam:** Why just yours?

**Bucky:** Because I’m fabulous

**Sam:** Yes you are

**Tony:** Oh

**Tony:** Oh shit

**Tony:** Did I just…?

**Strange:** How do the kids say it these days?

**Strange:** Oh yes…I remember now

**Strange:** Karma is a bitch

**Peter:** Oh my fuckin god

**Shuri:** He fuckin dead

**Peter:** Hoh Shit

**Shuri:** I think the better expression is “Hoh Snap”

**Steve:** I’d say “language” if I had words to describeanything right now

**Clint:** Press f to pay respects

**Clint:** f

**Nat:** f

**Carol:** f

**Peter:** f

**Steve:** f

**Strange:** lol

**Tony: @Strange** Fuck you Harry Potter

**Strange:** I take that as a compliment

**Tony:** Yes

**Tony:** You all better fuckin kneel to me

**Tony:** I just snapped myself out of reality for all you assholes

**Peter:** BOW DOWN BITCHES

**Tony:** HA! EVEN STRANGE KNEELS!

**Tony:** This movie has proven my superiority to everyone

**Sam:** Rip Steve

**Bucky:** He goin’ back in time

**Carol:** lol Steve you’re old

**Steve:** .....

**Sam:** Wait, I get the shield?

**Sam:** Can that happen in real life?

**Steve:** No Sam

**Steve:** You cannot have my shield

**Sam:** But imagine the games of ultimate frisbee that would occur

**Wanda:** That was a stupid movie

**Wanda:** Vis was dead and there were no cats

**Loki:** I agree. There should have been cats

**Carol:** They would have defeated Thanos

**Steve:** Carol, they’re_ cats_

**Loki:** MY SONS ALWAYS PREVAIL

**Peter:** The cats are who’s really going to save the universe

**Shuri:** Cat-vengers

**Carol: @Steve** They may be cats, but they’ll mess you up

**Nat:** Well at least Steve got a happy ending

**Steve:** That is not correct

**Steve:** No ending without Carol is a happy one

**Carol:** _carol.exe is experiencing emotional difficulty. please hold._

**Nat:** lol

**Wanda:** Who even made this dumpster fire?

**Vision:** According to the internet, they are called the Russo Brothers

**Vision:** For some company called “Marvel”

**Carol:** I played no part in this

**Peter:** They must just really like Carol

**Steve:** They cannot have her

**Bucky:** You know...

**Bucky:** I wonder if they realized that this whole situation could have been avoided if they’d had Thanos experience a coloring session with Peter

**Sam:** Peter has secret domestication powers

**Bucky:** The next one

**Bucky:** _Avengers: The Rise of Peter_

**Tony:** Now that is a movie this world desperately needs

**Nat:** lol

**Carol:** Well at least its just a movie and none of it’s real

**Clint:** lol yeah imagine if that shit actually happened

**Tony:** lmao if I died I think the world would actually lose its shit

**Tony:** I mean the emotional pain would be catastrophic

**Peter:** All is well in the universe

**Peter:** Perfectly balanced

**Peter:** As all things should be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was fun.  
I'm sorry, I had to. The temptation was too great.  
Anyway, as always, leave comments, feedback, and/or requests and I'll see you all in the next one!
> 
> \- Angie^^


	47. Squabbling Squads

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed this.  
(And more Bird Squad)
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_ Clint Created a Server _

_ Clint Named the Server: **SQWAK ** _

_ Clint invited: Sam, Steve _

_ Sam invited Bucky _

**Clint:** SQWAK 

**Bucky:** Hello

**Sam:** Hello

**Clint:** Why?

**Sam:** Bucky is part of the Bird Squad now

**Clint:** _ whispers_

**Clint:** _he’s not even a bird_

**Steve:** _neither am i_

**Clint:** You’re a fuckin American Eagle or some shit

**Steve:** I think you mean Bald Eagle?

**Clint:** Yep. That’s the one 

**Sam:** American Eagle is a clothing store 

**Bucky:** For 12 year old girls

**Clint:** _wheeze_

**Clint:** _did i mention that steve’s an american eagle?_

**Steve:** Why do I put up with you three?

**Sam:** Caw Caw Motherfucker

**Bucky:** That’s why

**Clint:** Because our squad is by far superior. 

**Sam:** We are the best squad

**Bucky:** You are the best bird boi

**Sam: ❤️**

**Bucky: ❤️**

**Steve:** lol

**Steve:** You’re right

**Bucky: @Clint** Why have you assembled us?

**Clint:** _SQWAK _

**Clint:** Because

**Clint:** I am on a very important mission

**Steve:** Oh God

**Steve:** Do I want to know?

**Clint:** SILENCE CLOTHING MAN

**Steve:** ......

**Bucky:** lol

**Bucky:** Rip Steve

**Steve:** Listen, nothing good ever comes from these missions

**Steve:** The last one almost got all of us burned alive

**Clint:** I WAS HELPING YOU STEVE YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH

**Steve:** HOW WAS ANY OF THAT HELPING ME BIRD BRAIN?

**Clint:** I GOT YOU TWO TOGETHER DIDN’T I?

**Sam:** In our defense Clint, Carol did almost burn the entire compound to the ground looking for you after you announced to the whole server that they had a thing for each other. 

**Clint:** SQWAK 

**Clint:** This mission does not require angering your girlfriend

**Steve:** I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing

**Clint:** I’m on a mission to convince Tony if something extraordinary 

**Clint:** Something BEAUTIFUL

**Sam:** Oh God he’s going off the rails

_ Tony joined the server _

_ Tony invited everyone _

**Tony:** I’m still not doing it

**Clint:** SQWAK

**Clint:** One way or another tin man

**Clint:** YOU WILL BOW TO MY WILL

**Nat:** lol Clint you’re like the least terrifying person here

**Sam:** I thought that was Peter?

**Carol:** Peter may come across as pure 

**Carol:** But mess with his legos and he’ll fuck you up

**Peter:** hehehe

**Steve:** I can second that statement 

**Steve:** Being hand-cuffed to Carol for 5 hours was torture 

**Wanda:** lol shut it Steve, you secretly loved it

**Carol:🙃**

**Clint:** I AM TERRIFYING

**Clint:** AND TONY SHALL MEET MY DEMANDS OR FEEL THE BIRD SQUAD’S WRATH

**Tony:** For the last time Clint

**Tony:** I AM NOT BUILDING YOU A MONUMENT OF A TITANIUM PIZZA BIRD

**Nat:** ....

**Wanda:** ....

**Bucky:** ....

**Sam:** oml

**Sam:** Is it bad that I kind of support this?

**Bucky:** Yes 

**Bucky:** It is quite concerning

**Bucky:** But it’s also a brilliant idea

**Clint:** The Bird Squad needs a monument of our power. 

**Nat:** _wheeze_

**Clint:** All the other squads have one!

**Clint:** The Cat Crew has Muffin, The Science Bros have Bruce

**Tony:** I’m the founder of the Science Bros?

**Clint:** And Bruce could literally squash you in seconds

**Bruce:** I feel important

**Nat:** You are very important 

**Bruce: 🙂**

**Nat: ☺️**

**Clint:** And the Space Girlz have Nebula

**Carol:** sksksks

_ Carol invited Nebula _

**Nebula:** The fuck do you want?

**Carol:** You are the Space Girlz Mascot now

**Nebula:** Haven’t I always been?

**Clint:** See? 

**Clint:** The Bird Squad needs our monumental mascot of Pizza Bird

**Tony:** Still not doing it

**Nebula:** Can you build a monument of me then?

**Tony:** 100%

**Clint:** SQWAK

**Nebula:** lol

**Clint:** WHY?

**Carol:** Because Nebula is an intergalactic beast with a metal arm

**Nebula:** Hell yeah

_ Nebula has been disconnected _

**Nat:** Clint is salty

**Thor:** I heard pizza bird 

**Thor:** And I was summoned 

**Loki:** It would seem that Clint is attempting to coerce Stark into building him a statue of a Pizza Bird

**Vision:** Where would we even put that thing?

**Thor:** I haven’t the slightest idea

**Loki:** He also seems to be suggesting that the Bird Squad is the superior Squad

**Clint:** And the Pizza Bird will prove our superiority 

**Vision:** .....

**Carol:** ......

**Tony:** ......

**Carol:** THERE ARE NONE THAT ARE SUPERIOR TO THE SPACE GIRLZ

**Nat:** We are the Intergalactic Terrors of the Universe

**Wanda:** And we greatly outnumber your squad bird man

**Tony:** The Science Bros have brains and magic

**Tony:** _We_ are obviously the best squad

**Strange:** For once in your miserable life I agree with you Stark

**Sam:** We have wings

**Sam:** We can FLY

**Sam:** And we have Steve

**Carol:** Steve how could you betray me like this?

**Steve:** I want no part in this

**Sam:** Too late

**Sam:** And now we have Bucky

**Bucky:** Yes

**Sam:** Bucky=cookies

**Sam:** And by that logic we win

**Bucky:** lol you’re too adorable for this world

**Tony:** That’s not even logic

**Sam:** IT IS NOW

**Loki:** The Cat Crew is obviously superior

**Loki:** We have cats

**Loki:** Specifically _my_ cats

**Steve:** They’re only cats

**Loki:** MY SONS ARE _KINGS_

**Sam:** Falcons eat cats for breakfast

**Vision:** You touch my cats, you die Wilson

**Wanda:** Oh lawd

**Wanda:** My nugget is savage today

**Nat:** A spicy nugget

**Carol:** A salty nugget

_ Nebula joined the chat _

**Clint:** How—

**Nebula:** The Space Girlz are superior

**Nebula:** We have Peter

**Peter: 😊**

**Sam:** ......

**Loki:** ......

**Clint:** ......

**Tony:** I—

**Tony:** I can’t argue with that

**Nat:** Does this mean we’re building a monument to Peter instead?

**Tony:** Hell yeah

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you Enjoyed! As Always leave feedback, comments, and/or requests and I'll see you in the next one!


	48. E G G

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi this was written at almost midnight when I had no braincells left and all I wanted were some scrambled eggs
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_ Wanda Created a Server _

_ Wanda Named the Server: **E G G** _

_ Wanda invited Nat, Carol, Gamora, Nebula, Mantis, Peter, Shuri, Hope, Okoye, Hela _

**Wanda:** _e g g_

**Carol:** _e g g_

Nat: _**e g g**_

**Hela:** What?

**Okoye:** Why am I here?

**Hope:** You've been recruited

**Hela:** Fear for your life

**Wanda:_ E G G_**

**Nat:** Only eggs can sustain me

**Wanda:** I’m makin eggs 

**Carol:** She makin eggs

**Gamora:** I want the eggs

**Peter:** Eggs are gross

**Nebula: @Gamora** Specifically your burnt-ass scrambled eggs

**Gamora:** _f u c k y o u_

**Gamora:** I’ll have you know that Drax likes my burnt-ass scrambled eggs

**Nebula:** Drax is like fuckin dog. He likes anything edible

**Nebula:** Not that I’m qualifying that shit as edible

**Carol:** hdjdjd

**Carol:** Roasted

**Okoye:** I’m so confused

**Hope:** Honestly, I’ve just learned not to ask at this point

**Peter: @Wanda** I want pancakes 

**Shuri:** The children demand chocolate chip pancakes 

**Wanda:** _bold of you to assume I would listen_

**Nat:** Let the woman make her eggs

**Wanda:** Gotta whip them eggs

**Carol:** She be whippin’ them eggs 

**Nat:** Those eggs be more whipped than Steve is for Carol

**Carol:** ......

**Wanda:** ......

**Gamora:** .......

**Nebula:** _saved_

**Carol:** hdjdjddj

**Carol:** _i’m w h e e z i n g_

**Wanda:** _don't wheeze on my eggs peasant_

**Carol:** I want the eggs

**Wanda:** Get your own

**Carol:** But only eggs....

**Carol:** Must consume

**Wanda:** Square up bitch

**Nat:** No fighting

**Nat:** Only pizza

**Peter:** And paint

**Hope:** .....

**Hope:** Peter don’t drink paint 

**Peter:** Paint sustains wood 

**Peter:** Wood sustains houses

**Peter:** Houses sustain webs

**Peter:** Webs sustain spiders

**Peter:** I am a spider 

**Hope:** What the fuck is this kid on?

**Shuri:** He got left alone with an ice cream tin again 

**Nat:** Are there no responsible adults in this house?

**Carol:** You were supposed to be watching him?

**Nat:** ......👀

**Nebula:** lol

**Wanda:** She was watching _Hell’s Kitchen_ instead. 

**Nat:** Way to expose me

**Wanda:** You’re welcome

**Okoye:** Tea has been spilled

**Hela:** Wigs have been snatched today. 

**Nat: @Wanda** _give me back my wig_

**Wanda:** _n o_

**Mantis:** What is _Hell’s Kitchen_?

**Nebula:** A show you’re too pure to watch

**Mantis:** It’s a Nebula show?

**Gamora:** Yes

**Wanda:** _n e b u l a s h o w_

**Gamora:** It’s what we call shows that are to corruptive for Mantis to watch 

**Wanda:** I’m dyin 

**Wanda:** That’s gold

**Nat:** If you die do I get your eggs?

**Wanda:** No bitch

**Wanda:** I’m eating these

**Hope:** This is by far the most interesting conversation I’ve ever witnessed 

**Hope:** _quietly sips tea in the background_

**Hela:** _quietly sips eggs in the background_

**Hope:** What?

**Hela:** What?

**Shuri:** I still want pancakes

**Okoye:** If I make you pancakes will you stop spamming the sound system with memes?

**Shuri:** _crosses fingers behind back_

**Shuri:** Yes

**Okoye:** ......

**Okoye:** Then you’ll have to take matters into your own hands Princess

**Shuri:** 😔

**Peter:** I’ll make you pancakes Shuri

**Wanda:** Peter you can’t cook for shit

**Peter:** I can cook up some spicy memes 

**Wanda:** That doesn’t count

**Gamora:** Wanda with a pinch of salt 

**Nebula:** Those must be some over-seasoned eggs if Wanda’s this salty

**Wanda:** Did your robotic ass just insult my cooking?

**Nebula:** Metaphorically speaking, yes

**Wanda:** _aggressively whips eggs_

**Nat:** Clint says he doesn’t eat eggs

**Nat:** Apparently it’s offensive to his kind

**Carol:** Wait chickens are birds?

**Carol:** Everything makes so much more sense now

**Nat:** Lol roasted

**Nebula:** Rip Clint

**Okoye:** Here lies Clint Barton, brutally oven roasted by the mighty Captain Marvel

**Peter:** Chickens are related to dinosaurs

**Peter:** They’re Dino birds 

**Shuri:** Dino Nuggets

**Okoye:** Oh god not again

**Okoye:** If I have to hear about Dino Nuggets one more time I’m going to scream

**Hope:** _screm_

**Hela:** _i eat the screams of the innocent for breakfast_

**Hope:** _i put them in my tea_

**Wanda:** _ i put them in my eggs_

**Hope:** You and your eggs

**Mantis:** If you put cheese on Gamora’s scrambled eggs, they don’t taste like shit

**Nat:** ......

**Nebula:** .....

**Okoye:** .......

**Gamora:** .......

**Nebula:** hdjdjsjdjsnnsudjd

**Mantis:** What?

**Nebula:** I’m _d y i n g_

**Gamora:** I can’t even

**Okoye:** This is too good

**Peter:** Mantis ftw

**Shuri:** More roasted and toasted than Gamora’s eggs

**Gamora:** Oml leave my cooking alone

**Nebula:** Never

**Mantis:** Nebula is a good cook

**Nebula:** I’m the best cook

**Wanda:** Not as good as me

**Nebula:** Exactly

**Nebula:** I’m better

**Wanda:** _bitch_

**Nebula:** _bitch_

**Wanda:** Stay on your own side of the universe 

**Nebula:** Fine I will

**Nebula:** Me _and_ my lit-ass cooking

**Wanda:** lmao

**Nebula:** luv you too

**Okoye:** I love this friendship

**Carol:** Nebula and Wanda are BroTP

**Mantis:** What does that mean

**Nebula:** It means even Gamora’s scrambled eggs can’t kill our friendship

**Peter:** sksksks 

**Gamora:** I stg you two

**Nebula:** But you love us

**Gamora:** Yes

**Gamora:** Yes I do

**Okoye:** Space Girlz ftw

**Hope:** Space Girlz ftw

**Hela:** Always be a Space Girl 

**Hela:** Unless you can be the Goddess of Death

**Hela:** Then be me

**Hope:** Hela why?

**Hela:** Because fuck mortals

**Hela:** That’s why

**Wanda:** My eggs are completed 

**Nat:** e g g

**Carol:** _e g g_

**Okoye:** _**e g g**_

**Hope:** Consume with valiant glory

**Peter:** The almighty eggs

**Shuri:** Cooked to perfection

**Carol:** Omlet of the Ages

**Hela:** Omlet of Death

**Nebula:** No no, that’s Gamora’s cooking

**Nat:** No that’s Barton’s cooking

**Wanda:** Nat! Carol! Assemble!

**Wanda:** Sam is tryin to eat my eggs!

**Nat:** Carol help

**Carol:** Ambush in 3

**Carol:** 2

**Carol:** 1-

**Carol:** Oh shit he called in back up

**Carol: **I've been contained by the stealthy Captain America

**Peter:** Stealth 100

**Nebula:** _w h i p p e d_

**Carol: ** _s t f u_

**Nat:** Wanda grab the eggs and run

**Wanda:** Gotta zoom

**Nebula:** Just yeet him out

**Nebula:** Must protect the eggs at all costs

**Peter:** Requested backup comin' in hot

**Wanda: @Peter** BLESS

**Nat:** Vision saves the day

**Wanda:** Time to consume

**Carol:** lol

**Carol:** She locked herself in the bathroom

**Wanda:** Eatin’ my eggs in the shower 

**Hela:** The only place to eat eggs

**Wanda:** Om Nom

**Wanda:** FUCK

**Okoye:** What happened?

**Carol:** Run boi run

**Nat:** Loki is so dead

**Carol:** Loki and Sam have formed a deadly alliance

**Wanda:** HE TURNED THE FUCKIN' WATER ON!

**Hope:** ……

**Okoye:** Rip

**Hela:** And sadly the eggs were no more...

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who got the eggs in the shower reference, you get good noodle points. Anyway I hope you enjoyed and as always, leave comments, feedback, and/or requests! See y'all in the next one!
> 
> \- Angie^^


	49. Squad Update

Hi fun frems. So I decided to make a terrible midnight decision and create a buzzfeed quiz. The result? A quiz that tells you what squad you'd be in. You're welcome :)

https://www.buzzfeed.com/angeisbestboi/which-avengers-discord-squad-do-you-belong-to-bc6sh3ib0l


	50. Karen Took the Kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Long Awaited 50th Chapter is finally here. It’s been a while coming. We’re halfway to 100 folks. Enjoy!
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Bruce Created a Server_

_Bruce Named the Server: **Assist Me Please **_

_Bruce invited Everyone_

**Bruce:** Guys I need help

**Tony: ** What kind of help?

**Strange:** I doubt it’d be any kind that you’d be useful for Stark

**Tony:** Fuck off Strange

**Strange:** No

**Steve: ** Is it relationship help? Because I’m an expert in that. I’ve got experience in everything. Especially the feisty girlfriend department. 

**Tony:** _says the virgin_

**Carol: ** _not anymore_

**Tony:** ...

**Bruce: ** ...

**Strange:** ...

**Nat: ** 👀

**Tony:** Really Carol?

**Steve:** I rest my case

** T’Challa : ** I can’t with these servers

**Carol:** Anyway, what were we talking about? 

**Wanda:** Bruce needs help

**Carol:** Oh

**Nat: ** Lol what did you do?

**Bruce:** I lost Shuri

** T’Challa : ** Good riddance

**Bruce:** And Peter

**Tony:** !

**Nat:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LOST PETER?

**Bruce: ** I MEAN I LOST PETER!

**Tony: ** DAMN IT BRUCE YOU LOST MY KID!!

**Wanda:** Oof

**Bucky: ** Karen took the kids

**Sam: ** How do you even know about that meme?

**Bucky: ** This handy dandy thing called the internet 

**Vision: ** Everyone knows that meme Mr. Wilson. Even me. 

**Wanda: ** My lil nugget is a cultured boi. 

**Thor:** I think the important question is, who is this mysterious Karen and why has she taken Peter and Shuri?

**Bucky: ** _karen took the kids_

**Loki: ** _correction_

**Loki:** _loki took the kids_

**Tony: ** Fuck

**Tony: ** _loki give me back my kids_

**Loki: ** _n o_

**Nat: ** _bring me back my spiderson or I will beat you_

**Loki: ** _bold of you to assume you are a match for me_

**Carol: **Rip

**Tony:** Peter where the fuck are you?

**Peter: ** Uncle Loki took us to get ice cream

**Steve: ** This is bad

**Strange:** This is very bad

**Bruce: ** I know! Why do you think I asked for help!

**Peter: ** In _V e r m o n t_

**Nat: ** ...

**Sam: ** ...

**Bucky: ** ...

**Strange:** Shit

**Bruce:** Here it comes 

**Nat: **KFJFJDJDJD BRUCE YOU FUCKIN IDIOT HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?!?!?!

**Tony:** PETER WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU IN VERMONT?!?!

**T’Challa: ** I’m not even going to try anymore...

**Shuri: ** We in Vermont

**Shuri: ** Because Ben and Jerry’s

**Peter:** We’re goin to all the Ben and  Jerry’s and eatin all the flavors. 

**Strange: ** Loki why is this necessary?

**Loki:** I must uphold my status as favorite uncle somehow

**Clint: ** ....

**Thor: ** ....

**Vision: ** Technically I’m his brother so I can’t be mad about this. 

**Clint:** But if you’re his brother and Wanda’s his aunt, that makes her your aunt too, so...

**Wanda: ** ITS A METAPHORICAL SENSE BARTON

**Vision: ** Let it be known that Mr. Barton supports incest

**Clint:** Fuck you robo-boy

**Nat: ** Hah. Pay back for the anime scare

**Clint:** _natasha watches anime_

**Nat:** _clint supports incest_

**Bruce: ** NO INCEST ON MY PG-13 DISCORD SERVER

**Nat: ** Lol

**Sam:** Can we get back to the important subject at hand?

**Carol: ** Which is?

**Bucky:** _karen took the kids_

**Thor:** AGAIN I ASK YOU WHO IS KAREN?!

**Bucky:** The universe’s ultimate demise

**Sam: ** Thor it’s just a meme

**Thor: ** One is those internet sensations?

**Sam: ** Yes

**Thor: ** And there is no Karen?

**Sam: ** No

**Bucky:** _there’s always a karen_

**Peter: ** _i want to speak to your manager_

**Shuri:** _i am the manager_

**Peter: ** _bitch_

**Shuri:** _you’re really going to call me a bitch when your kids are right there?_

**Peter:** _my kids can’t hear me calling you a bitch because they’re listening to kIdZ bAhP_

**Bucky:** _karen took the kids_

**Peter:** _karen always takes the kids_

**Shuri: ** _there is no stopping karen_

**Thor:** ...I

**Thor: **I am so lost 

**Wanda:** lmao

**Strange:** I am seriously considering hunting down all your asses and locking you in the mirror dimension for a good month or so

**Tony:** You have my full permission to do so 

**Loki: ** Gotta get that good ice cream first

**Peter: ** I can already feel the sugar rush kicking in bois

**Steve: ** Oh God

**Steve:** How much have you eaten?

**Peter:** We’ve been to about five now. 

**Loki: **15 more to go

**Tony:** Well fuck

**Strange: @Tony ** Didn’t I just give you a parenting manual for Christmas?

**Tony: ** Yes

**Tony: ** And I have elected to ignore it

**Strange: ** Fuck you

**Tony: ** You wish

**Strange: ** No

**Strange: ** No I don’t. 

**Peter:** Uncle Loki got me a teddy bear too

**Shuri: ** He’s definitely going down in the books as favorite uncle

**Peter: ** The counsel has spoken 

**Clint:** _inhales_

**Loki: ** _you will never defeat me barton_

**Clint:** I will reclaim my title

**Loki:** As if I would ever let a mere mortal claim my place 

**Nat: ** No one: 

**Nat: ** Not one fucking person:

**Nat:** Loki: You better back the fuck up or get smacked the fuck up

**Loki:** Fear me

**Clint:** FEAR MY SQWAK OF FURY

**Loki: ** I DON’T FEAR CHICKENS, I EAT THEM

**Clint:** HOW DARE YOU

**Loki: ** OH I DARE

**Bruce: ** Wow

**Bruce: ** He fuckin went there

**Loki: ** And who do I have to threaten around here to get some Nutella ice cream?!

**Peter: ** Oooo

Shuri **: **Yom

**Peter: ** I want Nutella ice cream now

**Shuri: ** I don’t know if they have it though 

**Loki:** If they didn’t before, they will now

**Rhodey: ** Get ready Tony, time buy a Ben and Jerry’s 

**Tony:** You know, I actually wouldn’t mind that

**Loki:** Permission to threaten Ben and Jerry’s with death?

**Tony: ** Permission granted 

**Loki: ** ALRIGHT MORTALS

**Loki:** LISTEN THE FUCK UP

**Peter: ** Lol

**Peter:** Nutella ice cream is now on the menu

**Loki: ** Thank the fucking me. 

**Vision: ** ?

**Loki: ** I would say thank the gods

**Loki: ** But then I remembered

**Loki:** I am a God you dull creatures 

**Bruce:** ...

**Bruce:** Don’t make me do it

**Loki:** Try me bitch 

**Bruce: ** I will make a Loki Casserole out of you

**Bruce: ** And rightfully claim my title as favorite uncle

**Clint:** I feel attacked

**Peter:** Uncle Bruce please don’t hurt Uncle Loki 

** Shuri : ** Yes he got us Nutella ice cream

**Bruce: ** If Loki can threaten people with death why can’t I?

**Nat:** I have trained him well❤️

**Carol: ** Lol

**Carol: ** Nat=Proud Girlfriend

**Nat:** He’s learning how to threaten people 

**Nat: ** This is an improvement

**Wanda: ** lmao

**Peter: ** I would like to take this time to announce that Nutella ice cream is now the current love of my life

**Shuri:** Peter...

**Shuri: ** How dare you cheat on Wonderbread like that?

**Peter:** I’m sorry😩

**Loki:** I’m buying three tubs of this

**Loki: ** And I’m not sharing

**Peter: ** Not even with me?🥺

**Loki:** ...

**Loki: ** No

**Sam:** Oh damn

**Loki:** I will however, buy you your own 

**Peter: ** 😋😋😋

**Strange: ** This is going to end horribly

**Sam: ** Strange you say that about everything 

**Bucky: ** Such a pessimist

**Thor: ** Wait I thought he was a narcissist?

**Bucky: ** He’s both 

**Thor: ** This whole chat is confusing me today 

**Thor: ** I still don’t know who Karen is

**Peter:** My AI’s name is Karen

**Bucky:** _karen took the kids_

**Peter: ** But that’s not the Karen in question

**Thor:** MAN OF SPIDERS I AM CONFUZZLED

**Loki: ** Lol

**Loki: ** Come on kids

**Loki:** There are ice cream parlors to be conquered.

**Peter:** ONWARD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Karen took the kids  
There you have it folks. I hope you enjoyed this shitstorm. As always leave comments, feedback, and/or requests, and I’ll see you in the next one!
> 
> \- Angie^^^


	51. The Dollar Store

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the Dollar Store...how good can it be? Oh you have no idea...😈
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Peter Created as Server_

_Peter named the Server: **Screaming’ and Memein’**_

_Peter invited Shuri_

**Peter: **I spilled lipstick in your bag

**Shuri: **JFDHGKDFHGJEH

**Shuri:** liPsTiCk iN mY vAlEnTiNo whiTE bAg

**Peter:** Yes

**Shuri:** Peter how could you?

**Peter: **An avocado?

**Shuri: **……

**Shuri: **Thanks

**Peter: **All has been settled

**Shuri:** All is well

**Peter: **Look Dad it’s the good kush

**Shuri: **This is the Dollar Store…how good can it be?

**Peter:** heeeeEEEEE

**Shuri: **That line gets me every time

**Peter: **I know

**Peter:** Like what is she even holding?

**Shuri: **I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been to a dollar store before

**Peter: **……

**Shuri: **……

**Peter: **screeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

**Shuri:** reeEEEET

**Peter:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Shuri: **WHY ARE WE YELLING?

**Peter: **BECAUSE YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO THE DOLLAR STORE

**Shuri:** WE DON’T HAVE THEM IN WAKANDA 😩

**Peter: **WELL YOU’RE IN NEW YORK NOW SO WE GOIN

**Shuri: **OKAY

**Peter: **NOW GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE

**Shuri: **WHY

**Peter: **BECAUSE WE GOIN’

**Shuri:** PETER IT’S 3AM

**Peter: **ID O N TC A R E

**Shuri: **O K A YI MC O M I N G

**Peter: **G O O D

* * *

_Tony Created a Server_

_Tony Named the Server: **Explain**_

_Tony Invited Everyone_

**Tony: **Does somebody want to fucking explain why the garage door is opening at 3am?

**Peter:** …

**Peter:** No

**Nat: ** 👀

**Carol:** 👀

**Wanda: ** 👀

**Nat: **pETER wHAT aRE yOU dOING?

**Peter:** wE gOING tO tHE dOLLAR sTORE

**Sam:** Peter what the fuck do you need to go to the dollar store at 3am for?

**Bucky: **More importantly,** @Tony** why did you feel the need to wake us all up

**Tony: **Because I needed to find the culprit 

**Steve:** You couldn’t have just gotten up and looked?

**Tony: **I’m too lazy for that

**Strange: **Wait, did you say the garage door was opening?

**Tony: **Yes….?

**Strange: **As in where the cars are kept?

**Tony:** ……

**Tony: **…..!

**Tony:** PETER GET BACK HERE YOU CAN’T FUCKIN DRIVE

**Peter: **I CAN NOW

**T’Challa: ** _don’t kill my sister please_

**Peter: ** _i’ll try_

**Steve:** _language_

**Shuri:** _holy shit i’m gonna die_

**Shuri: ** _he’s going 90 in a 65_

**Nat: **PETER NO

**Shuri: **He says “Peter yes.”

**Shuri: **For his first time driving, he’s not that bad

**T’Challa: **You mean you tell me he’s never driven a car before....

**Tony: **Precisely 

**T’Challa: **......

**Okoye: **Nope. I’m out

**Wanda: **Lol 

**Carol: **She’s clocking out before it even begins 😂

**Scott: **At least he’s not texting and driving. 

**Hope:** Don’t encourage it Scott

**Scott:** I’m just saying, at least there’s some level of responsibility 

**Hope: ** _he committed auto theft at 3am scott_

**Hope: ** _where is the responsibility in that?_

**Peter: **Brroom Brroom Bitches 

**Shuri: **Brroom Brroom, Gotta Zoom

**Peter: **We have arrived 

**Peter: ** _at the d o l l a rs t o r e_

**Peter:** _its gonna be lit_

**Strange: **No

**Strange:** No alcohol 

**Strange: **Not on my watch

**Peter: **bUT yOURE nOT hERE

**Shuri: **So....

**Hope: **Drinking and driving is not responsible either

**Peter: **There will be no consuming of the bodily poison tonight 

**Shuri: **We at the dollar store, not the liquor store

**Loki:** I encourage these alcoholic 3am adventures 

**Thor: **Of course you do brother 

**Thor: **We used to sneak out and go drinking all the time

_Frigga has joined the chat_

**Frigga: **You did wHAT????

_Loki has been disconnected_

_Thor has been disconnected_

_Frigga has left the chat_

_Hela has joined the chat_

**Hela: **Hehe

**Hela: **Busted

_Hela has left the chat_

**Nat:** I—

**Strange: **I have no words

**Peter:** _i have two words_

**Tony:** I swear to God Peter if you say dollar store, you’re grounded

**Peter:** _d o l l a rs t o r e_

**Tony:** Grounded 

**Peter: **You can’t ground me

**Peter:** If I’m not on the ground 

**Bucky: **Peter where are you?

**Peter: ** _we in the vents_

**Clint: **Proud Uncle 

**Shuri:** We have safely touched down in the landing zone 

**Peter:** _d o l l a rs t o r e_

**Shuri:** _d o l l a rs t o r e_

**Vision: **What is a dollar store?

**Peter: **God’s saving grace 

**Wanda: **OML

**Wanda: **Vis in a dollar store 

**Wanda: **I need that

**Wanda:** Vis: Your economy actually allows for this?

**Vision: **If Wanda desires to go to the dollar store then we shall go to the dollar store

**Wanda:** _happy wendy noises_

**Carol:** lmao Vis would build you a dollar store if he could 

**Vision:** That’s a marvelous idea

**Vision: **I have made it my new mission to build Wanda a dollar store

**Wanda: **My Nug

**Wanda: **I can’t 

**Wanda: **So soft

**Wanda: **So pure

**Vision: ** ❤️

**Wanda: ** 💖

**Vision: ** ❤️❤️

**Wanda: ** 💖💖

**Vision: ** ❤️❤️❤️

**Wanda: ** 💖💖💖

**Tony:** _a f f e c t i o n_

**Tony:** _e w_

**Wanda:** _f u c k o f f_

**Shuri:** Vis can you build me a dollar store too?

**Shuri:** This place is freakin awesome

**Shuri:** A whole ass carton of Nutella

**Shuri: ** _for a dollar_

_Loki has joined the chat _

**Loki: **It’s knock off

**Shuri: **It’s still glorious

**Loki:** ....

**Loki:** Get me some

**Shuri: **OML pETER

**Peter:** whAT

**Shuri: **We’ve hit gold

**T’Challa: **Oh no

**Shuri:** _i found the good kush_

**Steve: ** _what’s the good kush?_

**Peter: ** _drugs_

**Steve: **....

**Shuri: ** _d r u g s_

**Clint: **Stay in school kids

**Peter:** I have purchased 8 unicorn plushies

**Peter:** #noshame

**Shuri: **#youbetternameoneshuri

**Peter:** #iconic

**Tony:** #nomorehashtags

**Strange: **#tonystarksa+parenting

**Tony:** #fuckyou

**Strange: **#nomeansno

**Nat:** #kindashipittho

**Carol: **#makeitgay

**Bucky:** #imgay

**Sam:** #wenoticed 

**Bucky: ** ❤️

**Sam: ** ❤️

**Peter: **We have purchased enough sustenance 

**Loki: ** _don’t forget the beer_

**Steve:** _please forget the beer_

**Peter:** _im underage_

**Loki:** _screw age limits_

**Loki:** _you only live once_

**Peter: **....

**Shuri: **....

**Tony: **Don’t do it Peter

**Carol: **#peerpressure

**Peter: **Get in Shuri

**Peter: **To the dive bar!

**Shuri:** Brroom Brroom Bitches

**Loki: ** 😈

**Steve:** Loki you bitch

**Tony:** Well fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The good kush...  
There you have it folks! As always leave comments, feedback, and/or requests and I’ll see you in the next one!
> 
> \- Angie^^


	52. CATastrophe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much thank to one of my many partners in crime, avidnarutofan for helping with the idea.  
But also I have no fuckin clue what this is😂😂
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

Much thank to one of my many partners in crime, avidnarutofan for helping with the idea. But also I have no idea wtf this is😂

_ Peter created a Server _

_ Peter named the server:  _ ** _It’s a beautiful day outside _ **

_ Peter invited Everyone _

**Peter: ** Welcome to another beautiful day in Avengers Land. 

**Peter: ** I’m your host 

**Peter: ** The one and only: Peter Parker 

**Strange: ** Thank God there’s only one of you

**Tony: ** Shut up Strange 

**Tony:** Don’t insult my kid 

**Nat: @Strange ** You’re a wizard, Peter’s a God

**Loki: ** I’m a God?

**Loki:** I’m fairly certain he’s a mortal?

**Nat: ** You’re also mortal?

**Loki:** I don’t always die Natasha

**Loki:** And when I do...

**Loki:** _i don’t_

**Tony: ** Fuck off you three, you’re interrupting his show

**Steve:** Tony there’s no one here. 

**Bruce:** It’s just us. 

**Wanda: ** Tony=proud dad

**Carol:** _kim you’re doing amazing sweetie_

**Peter: ** And here we have Bruce Banner and Steve Rogers

**Peter: ** Two poor souls with savage girlfriends they can’t control. 

**Steve:** .....

**Steve:** I can’t argue with that 

**Carol:** 👀

**Tony: ** Yep

**Peter: ** Another normal day in the compound

**Bruce: ** Peter what did you do this time?

**Peter: ** Nothing

**Peter: ** Can’t a guy host a talk show every now and then?

**Bruce:** Peter 

**Bruce: ** This is  _ discord _

**Sam: ** See, you say  _ normal _

**Sam: ** But that’s what gets me

**Sam: ** _ Nothing _ about our day is ever normal

**Bucky:** ^^^

**Peter: ** .....

**Shuri: ** Uh Peter....?

**Shuri: ** We have a problem

**Tony: ** ???

**Clint:** I smell chaos on the rise 

**Peter: ** Oh God, did something blow up?

**Steve: ** I have a bad feeling about this one 

**Shuri: ** No no

**Shuri: ** The thing worked

**Shuri: ** That’s the problem

**Peter:** But we haven’t even tried it yet?

**Shuri: ** Peter 

**Shuri: ** The cats got into it 

**Peter:** ......

**Shuri: ** ......

**Peter:** Oh shit....

**Steve:** _wait for it..._

**Carol:** PETER WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY CAT?!?!?!!!!

**Steve: ** _ there it is _

**Vision:** Peter if you did anything to hurt either of my cats I will personally force you to sleep outside. 

**Vision:** On a bed of spiders 

**Vision: ** With no apple juice

**Sam: ** Damn Vision

**Bucky: ** That’s cruel man

**Vision: ** It’s what he will deserve for laying a hand on my cats

**Nat: ** Peter what did you do and why is it so bad if the cats got into it?

**Wanda: ** Besides chemical poisoning you mean?

**Nat: ** ...

**Nat: ** !!!

**Shuri: ** It’s not the cats that are in danger

**Shuri: ** It’s the humans that should fear for their lives

**Strange: ** Why?

**Peter: ** Because Shuri and I wanted to see if we could boldly go where no man has gone before

**Tony: ** I’m not following the pop culture references

**Shuri:** Basically, we made a mixture of theoretically, the right chemical components that would make some life-forms sentient

**Clint: ** I’m not liking where this is going

**Tony: ** I’m still so confused

**Shuri: ** Human level sentient

**Tony: ** .....

**Steve: ** .....

**Bruce:** .....

**Shuri: ** It was mainly meant for plants. To see if we could make them sentient 

**Shuri:** You know, like in the superhero comics?

**Thor: ** I don’t see why this is so bad

**Thor:** I enjoy those superhero comics

**Clint: ** Cats with human intelligence 

**Clint:** _this is an avengers level threat_

**Loki: ** Oh I like this

**Loki: ** I like this very much 

**Tony: ** We’re all so royally,  _ royally _ fucked

_ Muffin joined the server _

_ Sasha joined the server _

_ Ansel joined the server _

_ Harald joined the server _

_ Trilla joined the server _

_ Cosmo joined the server _

**Bruce: ** Oh God

**Muffin: ** ** _fear_ **

**Sasha: ** _ our hour has finally come _

**Steve: ** How...?

**Bruce: ** I have so many questions

**Steve: ** How the fuck did they access our server?

**Trilla: ** _ our ways are too complex for an old man like you to comprehend peasant _

**Steve:** ....

**Steve: ** Yep

**Steve: ** That is  _ definitely _ Carol’s cat

**Carol: ** _ cries in proud cat mom _

**Clint: ** _ slowly crawls back into the vents _

**Muffin: ** _ the time of the avengers has come to an end _

**Sasha: ** _ you thought us small, fluffy, cute creatures _

**Ansel: ** _ but you were wrong _

**Harald: ** _ we are g o d s _

**Loki: ** _ sniffs and wipes away tears of pride _

**Loki:** Yes you are

**Ansel: ** _ you are all beneath us _

**Muffin: ** _ now with our new found intelligence, we are an unstoppable force _

**T’Challa: @Shuri** Now you see why we don’t let you out of the house

**Steve: ** I...

**Steve: ** I don’t approve of this

**Muffin: @Steve** _look at me_

**Muffin: ** _ L O O K A T M E _

**Muffin:** _i’m the captain now_

**Wanda:** I don’t know whether to be proud or scared 

**Cosmo: ** _ as our first order of business as joint dictators of the avenger’s compound— _

**Tony: ** I’m going to stop you right there 

**Tony: ** Did you just say  _ dictators? _

**Cosmo: ** _ did I fucking stutter? _

**Sasha: ** _ we demand a sacrifice _

**Muffin: ** _ SACRIFICE _

**Trilla: ** _ SACRIFICE _

**Cosmo: ** _ SACRIFICE _

**Ansel: ** _ SACRIFICE _

**Harald: ** _ SACRIFICE _

**Shuri: ** Oh god they’ve started a satanic ritual of some sort

**Peter: ** _ run _

**Muffin: ** _ let the reign of the cat cult...b e g i n _

**Clint: ** Oh God they even have a squad

**Sam: ** We’re doomed

**Bucky: ** Oh great Cat Cult of the Ages, what kind of sacrifice do you so desire?

**Tony: ** Jesus Bucky, don’t encourage them

**Sam: ** Thank fucking God we didn’t get one of those terrors 

**Tony: ** Peter if we get out of this alive, you are grounded for life

**Muffin: ** _ we desire... _

**Bruce: ** Here it comes

**Muffin: ** _ wait guys, what do we desire? _

**Trilla:** _i don’t know, this was your idea_

**Muffin: ** _ we desire... _

**Ansel: ** _ lamb chops _

**Harald: ** _ lamb chops _

**Sasha: ** _ lamb SAUCE _

**Strange: ** We don’t have lamb sauce

**Strange: ** Or lamb chops

**Muffin: ** _ then I suggest you run your ass to Walmart and go get some _

**Carol: ** and i oop-

**Strange: ** Don’t tell me what to do

**Sasha: ** _ how dare you talk down to her you insolent slave _

**Strange: ** I don’t appreciate this catty attitude they’ve acquired 

**Muffin:** _i don’t appreciate your face_

**Strange: ** Excuse you

**Muffin: ** _ you look like a squid  _

**Wanda: ** _ cries in this is too good _

**Tony: ** I like this one

**Trilla:** _silence slave!_

**Trilla: ** _ now fetch us our lamb chops so that we may feast _

**Trilla: ** ** _upon the souls of the innocent_ **

**Ansel: ** _ we shall feast and grow our power! _

**Cosmo:** _ i feel the need to feed _

**Sasha: ** _ NEED TO FEED _

**Muffin: ** _ NEED TO FEED _

**Trilla: ** _ BRING ME THE LAMB _ ** _S A U C E_ **

**Strange: ** Over my dead body will I take orders from a puny animal

**Muffin: ** .....

**Trilla: ** Suit yourself 

**Bruce: ** Oh shit

**Bruce: @Strange ** They’re coming for you now

**Tony: ** Sick ‘im boys

**Tony: ** And girls

**Loki: ** _ i always knew my sons would follow in my footsteps _

**Thor: ** Loki

**Thor: ** That’s not a good thing

**T’Challa: ** I’m locking all my windows and my borders 

**Shuri: ** _ peter what do we do? _

**Peter: ** _ i  _ don’t know*

**Shuri: ** ....

**Shuri: ** _ how does one make lamb sauce? _

**Muffin: ** _ good _

**Sasha: ** ** _good_ **

**Cosmo:** _G O O D_

**Cosmo: ** _ they are beginning to fall in line  _

**Cosmo: ** _ just as we thought they would _

**Muffin: ** _ we are an unstoppable force to be reckoned with and with the power of the lamb sauce we shall build an empire and— _

_ Sasha has been disconnected _

_ Trilla has been disconnected _

_ Ansel has been disconnected _

_ Muffin has been disconnected _

_ Cosmo has been disconnected _

_ Harald has been disconnected _

**Steve: ** What just...

**Bruce: ** Oof

**Bruce: ** Strange got the spray bottle

**Sam: ** And Strange saves the day once again

**Strange: ** Rule #1: Never leave small children alone with dangerous equipment

**Strange: ** Seriously Tony, didn’t you read  _ anything _ in that parenting manual I got you?

**Tony: ** _ n o p e _

_ Muffin has been reconnected _

**Muffin: ** _ you’ve yet to see the last of us _

**Strange: ** Nope

_ Muffin has been disconnected _

**Tony: ** Peter you’re grounded

**Peter: ** heheh....

**Peter: ** ....

**Tony: ** ....

**Peter: ** ....

**Peter: ** Well folks, that concludes this week’s episode of  _ Keeping up With the Avengers _

**Peter:** What a terrifying day 

**Goose: ** _ i played no part in this _

**Carol: 👀**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cats. What can I say?  
Aight, I hope everyone is staying safe during this time of crisis. Love y’all to bits, and don’t forget ya wash your hands!!! As always leave Comments, feedback, and/or requests (although requests are a bit backed up right now because of COVID stress and struggles but I’ll still get to them when I can :) ) and I’ll see you in the next one!
> 
> \- Angie^^


	53. Strange's Day Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Peter Created a Server_

_Peter Named the Server: **Hehehe YOU WERE W R O N G**_

_Peter Invited Everyone_

**Peter:** _clears throat_

**Peter:** _ahem_

**Peter:** _hit it boys_

**Peter:** We’re no strangers to love

**Shuri:** You know the rules—

**Thor:** And so do I

**Sam:** A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of

**Bucky:** You wouldn’t get this from any other guy

**Thor:** IIIIIIIIIIII

**Loki:** Just wanna tell you how I’m feeling

**Scott:** Gotta make you—

**Strange:** ……

**Strange:** …understand

**Clint:** _NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP_

**Tony:** _NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN_

**Steve:** _ NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND DESERT YOU_

**Thor:** Hey remember that time the Avengers all split up and deserted each other for a good two years?

**Loki:** BE QUIET THOR

**Bruce:** _NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU CRY_

**Vision:** _NEVER GONNA SAY GOODBYE_

**Steve:** _NEVER GONNA TELL A LIE AND HURT YOU_

**Tony:** ……

**Bucky:** ……

**Steve:** ……

**Peter:** We’ve known each other

**Shuri:** For so long

**Carol:** Your heart’s been aching but

**Wanda:** You’re too shy to say it

**Nat:** Inside we both know what’s been going on

**Vision:** We know the game and—

**Loki:** We’re gonna play it

**T’Challa:** AAAAAAAANNNNND

**Okoye:** If you ask me how I’m feeling

**Hope:** Don’t tell meyou’re too blind to see

**Hela:** _NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP_

**Ronan:** _NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN_

**Dormammu:** _NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND—_

**Doom:** _DESERT YOUUUU_

**Ultron:** _NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU CRY_

**Red Skull:** _NEVER GONNA SAY GOODBYE_

**Thanos:** _NEVER GONNA TELL A LIE AND HURT YOU_

**Nebula:**

**Gamora:**

**Thanos:** _that was one fucking timeline give it a rest you two_

**Starlord:** _NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP_

**Gamora:** _NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN_

**Nebula:** _NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND DESERT YOU_

**Rocket:** _NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU CRY_

**Drax:** _NEVER GONNA SAY GOODBYE_

**Mantis:** _NEVER GONNA TELL A LIE AND—_

**Groot:** _ I AM GROOOT (HURT YOUUU)_

**Nebula: **OOOOO

**Wanda: **Never gonna give

**Carol:** Never gonna give

**Nat:** Give you up

**Hope:** OOOOO

**Peter:** Never gonna give

**Shuri:** Never gonna give

**Groot:** I am Groot _(Give you up)_

**Tony:** We’ve known each other

**Bruce:** For so long

**Thor:** Your heart’s been aching

**Clint:** But you’re too shy to say it

**Sam:** Inside we both know what’s been going on

**Bucky:** We know the game and we’re gonna play it

**Clint:** IIIIIIIIII

**Nat:** Just wanna tell you how I’m feeling

**T’Challa:** Gotta make you

**Shuri:** UNDERSTAND

**Peter:** _NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP_

**Shuri:** _NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN_

**Peter:** _NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND DESERT YOU_

**Thor:** _NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU CRY_

**Loki:** _NEVER GONNA SAY GOODBYE_

**Odin:** _NEVER GONNA TELL A LIE AND HURT YOU_

**Loki:**

**Thor:**

**Hela:**

**Frigga:**

**Loki:** Okay who invited this guy?

**Hela:** _she doesn't even go here_

_Odin has left the server_

**Nebula:** _NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP_

**Carol:** _NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN_

**Wanda:** _NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND DESERT YOU_

**Nat:** _NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU CRY_

**Bruce:** _NEVER GONNA SAY GOODBYE_

**Hope:** _NEVER GONNA TELL A LIE_

**Scott:** _AND HURT YOU_

**Steve:** _NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP_

**Sam:** _NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN_

**Bucky:** _NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND_

**Clint:** _AND DESERT YOUUU_

**Peter:** _NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU CRY_

**Shuri:** _ NEVER GONNA SAY GOODBYE_

**Peter:** _NEVER GONNA TELL A LIE_

**Shuri:** _AND HURT YOU_

**Tony:** _NEVER GONNA_

**Steve:** _NEVER GONNA_

**Nat:** _ NEVER GONNA_

**Thor:** _NEVER GONNA_

**Clint:** _NEVER GONNA_

**Peter:_ GIVE YOU UP!_**

**Strange:**

**Strange:** I still don’t understand the point of this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU HAVE BEEN RICK-ROLLED!!!!! APRIL FOOLS BITCHES!!!
> 
> I fully accept my impending death.
> 
> You know the drill! Stay safe y'all!
> 
> \- Angie


	54. The Gang Plays Mario Kart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by the Server Squad
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Tony Created a Server_

_Tony named the server: **I might be dying**_

_Tony invited Everyone _

**Tony:** I think I’m having a stroke

**Tony:** Because I keep smelling burnt toast

**Steve:** No that’s Clint putting peeps in the microwave 

**Clint:** Wow. Way to expose me Stoven. 

**Peter:** _stronk_

**Peter:** I want peeps

**Strange:** _no_

**Tony:** So just to be clear, I’m _not_ dying?

**Bruce:** No Tony, you’re perfectly fine. 

**Tony:** Clint stop putting peeps in the microwave, that’s not what they’re for

**Clint:** That’s 100% what they’re for. 

**Bucky:** So _that’s_ where my peeps went

**Sam:** _cracks knuckles_

**Clint:** Hey, guys come on, we're a squad remember?

**Sam:** You have committed the greatest crime

**Sam:** You have disrespected Bucky by combusting his Peeps

**Bucky:** Lol Sam, it’s all good. I was just gonna do that with them anyway. 

**Sam:** …

**Sam:** You got lucky this time Barton

**Nat:** Wait, wait wait

**Nat:** Hold on just a diddly damn second

**Carol:** Oml did Nat seriously just say _“diddly damn?”_

**Wanda:** Holy shit I think she did. 

**Nat:** So you’re telling me

**Nat:** That you woke me up at _3am_ begging me to get you Peeps…

**Nat:** SO YOU COULD BLOW THEM UP IN THE MICROWAVE?

**Bucky:** In my defense, we were drunk

**Nat:** _I DON’T CARE HOW DRUNK YOU WERE IT WAS FUCKIN 3AM!_

**Nat:** THAT’S FIVE HOURS OF SLEEP AND A TEN DOLLAR BILL I’M NEVER GETTING BACK!

**Carol:** Get the blowtorches

**Wanda:** And the horse trailer

**Vision:** Wait why do you need a horse trailer?

**Wanda:** Babe it’s just a thing

**Vision:** You don’t even have a horse?

**Carol:** We use it to hide the bodies.

**Vision:** …

**Steve:** …

**Bruce:** …

**Wanda:** 👀

**Peter:** If we have a trailer, then can we get an alpaca

**Tony:** No

**Peter:** Please?

**Tony:** No

**Wanda:** Oml we don’t actually have a horse trailer it’s just an expression

**Peter:** But we do have blowtorches?

**Carol:** _hell yes_

**Tony:** Holy shit, I’m housing Pyromaniacs. 

**Nat:** This isn’t over. 

**Carol:** _ i’ll still burn your shit_

**Peter:** Rip

**Shuri: @Peter** Come play Mario Kart with me.

**Peter: @Shuri** Are you prepared to lose?

**Shuri:** Are you?

**Clint:** Peter if I give you the last of the peeps will you let me join?

**Peter:** Y E S

**Strange:** N O

**Clint:** _you can’t stop me_

**Strange:** Yes I can

**Strange:** Very easily actually 

**Shuri:** Clint if you want to play you’d better get your ass over here or we’re starting without you

**Clint:** jfdhgfhg okay I’m coming

**Bucky:** CLINT STOP BANGING AROUND IN THE VENTS YOU’RE GIVING ME A HEADACHE

**Clint:** Vroom vroom gotta zoom

**Clint:** Aight bitches

**Clint:** I call Baby Peach

**Nat:** lol you’re such a nerd

**Clint:** Yeah, well you’re a weeb

**Nat:** FOR THE LAST TIME ASSHOLE

**Nat:** I DON’T FUCKIN WATCH ANIME

**Peter:** Not that there’s anything wrong with watching Anime?

**Carol:** Yeah, Fury watches it all the time?

**Tony:** sgsgdishb

**Tony:** Never letting him hear the end of that, like, ever

**Nat:** You know what?

**Nat:** Just for that, Peter deal me in

**Nat:** It’s time to whoop some ass

**Vision:** Well

**Vision:** Now I see where Nat gets her horrible driving skills from

**Nat:** You may be my best friends boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean I won’t shiv you for that

**Wanda:** You will do no such thing to my precious baby bean

**Wanda:** Or you shall face the wrath of Wanda

**Nat:** Bitch please, you’d lose in a heartbeat

**Wanda:** You want a bet?

**Steve:** HEY 

**Steve:** NO THROWING WII CONTROLLERS AT EACH OTHER!

**Tony:** YOU BETTER STOP

**Tony:** BITCH STAAAAHP

**Peter:**

**Shuri: **

**Peter:** I’m so proud

**T’Challa:** Oh god, not you too

**Tony:** Ya know

**Tony:** Those internet sensations are actually pretty sensational

**T’Challa:** …

**T’Challa:** I’m surrounded by idiots

**Clint:** Aight you noobs lets go

**Nat:** Time to die fuckers

**Steve:** LANGUAGE

**Nat:** There are no boundaries when it comes to Mario Kart Steve

**Clint:** Yes, this is serious business

**Steve:** It’s a _video game_

**Clint:** A VIDEO GAME THAT IS VERY SERIOUS BUSINESS

**Carol:** It is the way of victors

**Loki:** Yes, it seems to be the main way of settling fights in this house

**Loki:** Personally I’m quite particular to stabbing the shit out of my enemies, but I suppose running them over with large unrealistic vehicles works as well

**Wanda:**

**Carol:**

**Vision:**

**Thor:**

**Thor:** Brother, no

**Tony:** FRIDAY make a note to keep Loki away from the kitchen and the garage

**Loki: 😈**

**Peter:** Loki don’t be a danger noodle

**Loki:** My whole existence revolves around being a danger noodle, young Peter

**Loki:** I once turned myself into a nope rope

**Thor:** Yes, and said nope rope almost took my eye out

**T’Challa:** …

**Strange:** I am so lost

**Shuri:** _n o p e r o p e_

**Clint:** Why do I have a feeling that Loki is going to invent Mario Kart Go or some shit

**Tony:** _NO_

**Steve:** Jesus Clint, stop giving him ideas

**Clint:** MOVE BITCH! GET OUT THE WAY!

**Nat:** YOU WILL NEVER SURPASS ME!

**Tony:** Holy fuck, they’re really going hard.

**Steve:** Is knocking the controller out of each other’s hands even allowed?

**Carol:** In this house apparently 

**Wanda:** sgsgh Carol you were the one that fuckin started that

**Steve:** Oh Lord

**Wanda:** lol she almost took my hand off when she melted the controller.

**Carol:** But did I win?

**Carol:** Yes

**Vision:** I do not support these hang outs you two engage in

**Nat:** Our friendship may be brutal but it is all out of love

**Vision:** _does not compute_

**Peter:** HAHA DIE TRASH

**Shuri:** Peter when I catch you I’m gonna beat your ass so fuckin hard for that

**Peter:**_ If_ you catch me that is

**Shuri:** I WAS IN FIRST PLACE

Peter: And now _I’m_ in first

**Peter:** As it should be

**Nat:** _not for long_

**Nat:** _vroom vroom bitches_

**Clint:** Oh shit

**Clint:** Gotta go fast

**Clint:** FUCKING HELL NATASHA

**Clint:** HOW THE FUCK DID SHE GET TWO BLUE SHELLS IN A ROW?

**Clint:** THIS IS CHILD ABUSE

**Peter:** lol

**Peter:** Nat is giving him a run for his money

**Bucky:** I love how this has turned into Friday Night entertainment

**Clint:** Thor stop yelling in my ear, I know you’re excited but I’m going deaf

**Nat:** No no, please continue

**Nat:** Any and all Clint-centric distractions are welcome

**Clint:** Fuck you

**Nat:** You wish you could

**Clint:** I mean, it’s technically possible

**Nat:** LET IT BE KNOWN THAT CLINT SUPPORTS INCEST

**Clint:** ALRIGHT NOW IT’S REALLY ON BINCH

**Loki:** This is the most aggressive game of Mario Kart I have ever witnessed and I love it

**Wanda:** I play winner

**Tony:** If there even is a winner left alive

**Clint:** In this house we battle to the death

**Peter:** There is no mercy

**Nat:** YES I WIN!

**Tony:** That’s because you drive like a maniac

**Clint:** I SQWAK IN FURY

**Clint:** THIS IS NOT OVER NATASHA

**Clint:** YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE LAST OF ME

**Nat:** WHO’S THE BOSS?

**Nat:** I’M THE BOSS!

**Carol:** Proud wife

**Wanda:** We stan

**Peter:** And we only broke three lamps this time

**Tony:** I hate you all

**Tony:** If you break anymore shit I will ban Mario Kart form this house

**Clint:** That’s okay

**Clint:** There’s always Mario Kart Go

**Loki:** Hell yes there is

**Carol:** I’ve got a trailer if you need to hide the bodies

**Tony:** …

**Tony:** I am disgusted, I am revolted, I dedicate my life to our lord and savior Albert Einstein and this is the thanks I get?

**Loki:** Yes

**Bucky:** RIP

**Sam:** RIP indeed

**Tony:** FRIDAY make a note to exterminate anyone who tries to break into the garage without my notice

**Loki:** Joke’s on you peasant 

**Loki:** I don’t always die

**Loki:** But when I do…

**Loki: _I don’t_**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm a bit slow, finals are coming up and I've been busy! As always, y'all know what to do, and I'll see you in the next one!
> 
> \- Angie^^


	55. Run Boy Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back from the dead bitches  
Pet Day Care trope requested by: ReyAndor19  
I did my best in the time I had
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Loki created a Server_

_Loki Named the Server: **You Better Fuckin Run**_

_Loki invited Everybody_

**Tony:** Huh

**Tony:** Who knew Loki had it in him to actually create a server.

**Loki:** SILENCE FOUL CREATURE

**Tony:** Excuse you

**Tony:** But I’m fucking fabulous

**Strange:** I have a strong desire to vomit at that statement

**Tony:** I have a strong desire to vomit at your face

**Tony:** Or on your face

**Tony:** One of the two

**Carol:** Bitch disGUStANG

**Loki:** ENOUGH WITH YOUR PETTY BANTERING

**Loki:** A GREAT CRIME HAS BEEN COMMITTED TODAY

**Loki:** I AM ENRAGED

**Thor:** You’re always enraged brother

**Loki:** BUT TODAY IT’S EVEN MORE SO THAN NORMAL

**Sam:** Aight bro you need to chill tf out

**Bucky:** ^^^

**Bucky:** I can hear you screaming

**Bucky:** From the third floor

**Scott:** So that’s what that was.

**Steve:** Loki just calm down and tell us what happened

**Loki:** Your girlfriend happened

**Steve:** …..

**Steve:** You know, I feel like I should have seen this coming

**Loki:** SHE HAS TAKEN MY CHILDREN

**Loki:** SHE AND HER SQUAD OF FEMALE RODENTS

**Strange:** Dear Lord

**Strange:** We leave you alone while out on a mission for FIVE MINUTES

**Strange:** FIVE MINUTES

**Strange:** Do we need a babysitter for all of you?

**Tony:** .....

**Tony:** Yes

_Hela has joined the server_

**Hela:** Excuse you brother, but who are you calling a rat

**Loki:** You, bitch

**Hela:** Well you’re a snake

**Thor:** Don’t insult snakes, they are beautiful creatures who deserve nothing but love

**Thor:** Like Loki

**Loki:** Thor please kindly take your unwanted affection somewhere else.

**Thor:** Accept my love Loki

**Loki:** No

**Thor:** ACCEPT IT

**Loki:** _*hisssss*_

**Thor:** BROTHER I WILL HIT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH MY LOVE AND SUPPORT

**Peter:** Hey that’s my line.

**Loki:** Peter, tell me where Captain Crackhead has hidden my children.

**Carol:** you know I can see the chat right?

**Loki:** CAROL

**Loki:** YOU HAVE ENRAGED ME

**Nat:** Oh Lawd

**Wanda:** Here we go again

**Loki:** UNHAND MY CHILDREN

**Wanda:** They’re fine

**Wanda:** They’re napping

**Carol:** So quit yelling otherwise you’ll wake them up

**Steve:** Carol what did you do?

**Loki:** I already told you Steve

**Loki:** SHE HAS KIDNAPPED MY CHILDREN AND IS HOLDING THEM HOSTAGE

**Carol:** In my defense half of this was Peter’s idea

**Hope:**He wanted to start a pet day care

**Nat:** And naturally we couldn’t say no

_Loki invited Nebula_

**Loki:** NEBULA YOU’RE THE SENSIBLE ONE< MAKE THEM RETURN MY CHILDREN

**Nebula:** Considering that I genuinely enjoy annoying people…

**Nebula:** No

_Nebula has been disconnected_

**Bucky:** lol

**Loki:** PETER HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME THIS WAY

**Loki:** I TRUSTED YOU

**Peter:** I have done nothing wrong here

**Peter:** I’m simply taking care of your cats

**Peter:** They’re getting their nails done

**Loki:** Peter I swear to myself if I even find one drop of nail polish on my cats I will beat you

**Carol:** ….

**Carol:** Too late

**Loki:** PETER I’M GOING TO END YOU

**Nat:** Quick, hide the spider child!

**Carol:** PETER GET IN THE BAG

**Tony:** Loki if you hurt my kid, I’ll blast you into next week

**Clint:** _Is it bad that i made popcorn_

**Sam:** …..

**Sam:** _pass the popcorn clint_

**Bucky:** lol

**Bucky:** In this house, violence is never the answer

**Bucky:** It is simply a question

**Bucky:** And the answer to that question, is yes

**Sam:** lmao The Space Girls are taking over.

**Carol:** Gamora says “Bitch we took over a long time ago.”

**Hope:** Lol he’s trying to get in

**Nat:** Loki vs A Locked Door

**Carol:** Who will win

**Hela:** The door

**Loki:** How dare you insult me like this you despicable cactus!

**Hela:** Cactus? I beg your pardon?

**Nat:** Lmao Loki wtf

**Loki:** She’s green and pointy

**Loki:** Therefore a cactus

**Tony:** I…

**Tony:** You know, I can’t argue with that

**Hela:** I hate mortals

**Nat:** Except Peter

**Hela:** Yes

**Hela:** Except Peter

**Hela:** Just for that Loki, I’m kicking your ass

**Carol: **All this for a couple of cats

**Carol:** Wow

**Vision:** Excuse me Carol but cats are important

**Wanda:** Lmao

**Wanda:** Vis, back at it again with the PSA’s

**Loki:** HAHA

**Loki:** I HAVE SUCCEEDED

**Loki:** I AM COMING FOR YOU NOW

**Carol:** Oh shit

**Nat:** Carol, take the kids

**Wanda:** PETER GET IN THE BAG

**Nat:** Time to fokin run

**Hela:** I can take him

**Loki:** I FEAR NO VEGETATION

**Hela:** I’M NOT A FUCKIN CACTUS

**Clint:** _chomp chomp_

**Sam:** Oh lord

**Bucky:** Loki be getting his ass beat

**Clint:** Lmao

**Clint:** Hela just drop kicked him across the room

**T’Challa:** I don’t understand you people and your love for violence

**Bucky:** Entertainment Purposes

**T’Challa:** This chat makes me question my friendships

**Clint:** OH SHIT

**Clint:** LOKI YOU DUMB FUCK

**Clint:** DON’T BRING HER UP HERE

**Peter:** Rip

**Peter:** Hela in the vents

**Peter:** _cue mission impossible theme_

**Clint:** ABORT MISSION

**Hela:** You can crawl but you ant hide brother

**Hela:** I will find you

**Loki:** PETER I BLAME YOU FOR THIS

**Bucky:** Sam I need you to google how to remove two dead bodies from an air vent

**Sam:** lol okay

**Loki:** Fuck you Barnes

**Bucky:** You wish

**Sam:** No he fuckin doesn’t 👀

**Nat:** lmao

**Nat:** He protecc

**Wanda:** He attacc

**Carol:** But most important

**Nat:** He clap bacc

**Bucky:** Lmao

**Hela:** I’VE GOT YOU CORNERED NOW YOU FOOLS

**Loki:** THIS IS NOT THE NED OF ME SISTER

_Loki has been disconnected_

**Peter:** Oh rip

**Peter:** I guess it was after all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also sorry if this one kinda sucks, its a bit rushed since I wrote it during finals week, next one will be better I promise. Y'all know what to do, but before I go I gotta say one thing; Requests are Now closed. Sorry, bout that. If you have a situation you really want to see, you can still leave it, and I can try to write it as a separate one shot, but requests for this story are closed. 
> 
> \- Angie ^^


	56. Guess Who's Back? Back Again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As compensation for my unexpected disappearance, here, have a double update :)
> 
> The return of Quicksilver requested by: Some random weirdo (that be the name of the account, I promise I'm not mean)
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Wanda created a server_

_Wanda named the server: **Hit Me With Your Car**_

_Wanda invited Everyone_

**Wanda:** Hide me

**Wanda: **Hit me with your car

**Wanda:** And then hide the body

**Vision:** …..

**Vision:** No?

**Wanda:** Get the blowtorches and the horse trailer

**Tony:** Wait I’m so confused

**Loki:** Yes why are we sacrificing Wanda to the void?

**Loki:** Don’t get me wrong I’m all for it, its just which Deity are we summoning this time?

**Tony:**

**Sam:**

**Bucky:**

**Peter:** It wasn’t me

**Strange:** I’m both intrigued and concerned

**Loki:** I see this as my cue to exit

**Wanda:** HIT ME WITH YOUR CAR CAROL

**Carol:** NO

**Nat:** WANDA WHY

**Nat:** YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR

**Vision:** Yes

**Vision:** Like cats

**Vision:** And me

**Wanda:** My brother is back in town

**Clint:** MY SON

**Clint:** I KNEW HE WOULD RETURN TO ME

**Strange:** I don’t approve of this metaphorical parentship

**Tony:** Strange, you don’t fuckin approve of anything

**Peter:** We’re having company?

**Peter:** QUICK SHURI, HIDE THE BODIES

**Tony:** What?

**Peter:** I mean, what?

**Shuri:** I mean, what else did you think clothing hangers are for?

**Tony:**

**Steve:**

**Steve:** Alright you really need to stop hanging out with Ronan

**Peter:** Awwww

**Peter:** But he’s so much fun.

**Wanda:** GUYS

**Wanda:** FOCUS

**Wanda:** BROTHER

**Carol:** RIGHT

_Pietro has joined the chat_

**Pietro:** Aight which one of you is the robobitch who’s dating my sister

**Bucky:** Oh shit

**Bucky:** Screw Wanda, hide Vision

**Scott:** VIS! QUICK! GET IN THE BAG!

**Vision:** ……

**Vision:** That would be me

**Pietro:** And on who’s accord did you think you could just waltz in here and date my sister?

**Vision:** Mine, bitch

**Pietro:**

**Vision:**

**Pietro:**

**Vision:**

**Pietro:** Aight I respect that

**Bucky:** Oof

**Bucky:** I could smell the tension from Alaska

**Sam:** Bucky this is New York

**Bucky:** I’m aware Wilson

**Sam:** Then why did you say…you know what, never mind

**Pietro:** It’s good to see all you assholes again

**Clint:** MY SON

**Pietro:** FATHER

**Clint:** MY SON COME JOIN OUR BIRD RANKS

**Sam:** CAW CAW

**Clint:** HEAR THE SQWAKS OF THE BRID SQUAD’S APPROVAL

**Carol:** Istg y’all are so fuckin weird.

**Loki:** Says the woman who is the walking definition of absurdity

**Carol:** Shut up you write Disney Princess movies. There is nothing more abnormal than a fully grown god obsessing over movies for five year olds

**Sam:** Don’t insult Bucky like that

**Carol:** Wha—

**Sam:** He is a Disney Princess

**Sam:** With Fabulous Hair

**Carol:** …..

**Carol:** I rest my case.

**Peter:** lol

**Vision:** Disney Movies are wonderful Carol

**Pietro:** Yeah! Respect the Lion King!

**Vision:** Lion King?

**Pietro:** Lion King.

**Pietro:**Cats?

**Vision:** Cats

**Pietro:** Wanda I approve of this man

**Sam:** What kind of fuckery is this?

**Scott:** Okay Vis, you can come out of the bag now

**Peter:** OML they actually shoved Vision in a bag

**Thor:** Well you said hide the bodies didn’t you?

**Peter:**

**Tony:**

**Strange:** I can’t with these people

**Strange:** Why are my friends so weird?

**Strange:** Why am I friends with these people?

**Strange:** If my friends are this weird, does this mean I’m this weird?

**Tony:** First of all, we’re not friends, you’re simply that abracadabra stowaway

**Tony:** Secondly

**Tony:** Yes

**Pietro:** I knew there was a reason I missed you guys

**Peter:** We should celebrate Pietro’s return

**Peter:** With Pizza

**Clint:** JERRY’S

**Sam:** JERRY’S

**Clint:** I SHALL RETRIEVE THE PIZZA

**Tony:** Hell no

**Tony:** The last time we sent you on a pizza mission you robbed a pizza shop and brought home my arch nemesis

**Clint:** But did I get the pizza?

**Clint:** _**yes**_

**Peter:** Pepperoni and Cheeeeeese

**Shuri:** Cheeeeese Kneeeees

**Peter:** Pizza with Legs

**Shuri:** _legs_

**Peter: ** _legs_

**Shuri:** _What’s on the menu?_

**Peter:** _LEGS_

**Pietro:**

**Tony:**

**Strange:** The fuck?

**Nat:** I will get the Pizza

**Nat:** Since I’m clearly the only responsible adult here

**Steve:**

**Steve:** That’s debatable

**Nat:** You better watch it Rogers

**Nat:** Or I’ll be bringing home extra anchovies for you

**Steve:** You know what? Fuck you Romanov

**Nat:** Only in your dreams

**Carol:** _pulls knife_

**Carol:** You better fuckin not be dreaming about that

**Tony:** 👀

**Tony:** _run_

**Peter:** Aunty Nat

**Peter:** You must go forth and retrieve our sustenance

**Shuri:** We require a feast

**Thor:** I heard feast and I was summoned

**Peter:** Pizza

**Pietro:** Pizza

**Thor:** I hunger

**Loki:** Brother, you always hunger

**Thor:** Do not undermine my love of pizza, Loki

**Peter:** Yes, its a very committed relationship

**T’Challa:** The fuck have I just walked in on?

**Clint:** MY SON HAS RETURNED

**Clint:** WE ARE CELEBRATING WITH A FEAST

**T’Challa:** I don’t approve of this parentship

**Strange:** That’s what I said

**Bruce:** I heard someone screaming about pizza

**Tony:** Yes, Peter, can you please keep it down

**Tony:** The adults are talking

**Strange:** TonyI can see you. You’re literally by yourself, in the kitchen, making coffee

**Tony:** Well damn Strange, why you gotta go and expose me like that?

**Sam:** Okay, but is anyone going to explain to me why we’ve been talking about pizza for the past ten minutes, yet there is still no food in my hands?

**Nat:** On it

**Nat:** vRoOm vRoOm gOtTa zOom

**Pietro:** _GOTTA GO FAST_

**Peter:** _GOTTA GO FAST_

**Shuri:** _GOTTA GO FASTER_

**Peter:** _FASTER_

**Pietro:** _FASTER FASTER FASTER_

**Nat:** _THEY SEE ME ROLLING_

**Carol:** _THEY HATIN'_

**Steve:** NAT DON’T FUCKING TEXT AND DRIVE

**Nat:** Calm yourself Steve, I’m not even in the car yet

**Nat:** I will be back with in ten minutes

**Steve:** Jerry’s is ten 20 minutes away?

**Nat:** Exactly

**Wanda:** Oh Lawd

**Wanda:** Here we go again

**Bruce:** Nat No

**Nat:** Nat yes

**Nat:** See you in hell bitches

**Scott:** Does anyone else hear the sound of maniacal laughter and burning rubber

**Carol:** I swear to fucking God

**Loki:** I am here, at your service

**Thor:** Again, not that kind of God brother

_10 minutes later_

**Nat:** I’m Back

**Steve:** Nat ur an idiot.

**Nat:** I’m not an idiot, I simply took a shortcut

**Steve:** Which was?

**Nat:** Drive fast

**Tony:** Did you at least get the pizza?

**Nat:** Yes

**Pietro:** PIZZA

**Clint:** PIZZA

**Peter:** PIZZA

**Nat:** And two speeding tickets too

**Tony:**

**Strange:**

**Tony:** Fuck you Natasha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Until next time folks!
> 
> \- Angie ^^


	57. The Grand Finale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is with a heavy heart that I present you with one last masterpiece...
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_ Peter Created a Server _

_ Peter Named the Server: **I’m still hungry** _

_ Peter invited Everyone _

**Tony:** Peter I just fuckin fed you

**Peter:** I know, but I’m still hungry

**Tony:** Then go eat Clint’s leftovers

**Clint:** How very dare you?

**Nat:** Clint, you can’t store pizza in the community fridge and expect someone not to eat it

**Peter:** Wait it’s PIZZA?

**Clint:** Now you’ve done it Nat

**Carol:** RIP

**Sam:** Wait, that was Clint’s pizza?

**Clint:** …..

**Clint:** Sam

**Clint:** If you’re implying what I think you’re implying…

**Sam:** Whoops?

**Clint:** SAM YOU MOTHERSQWAKER 

**Clint:** YOU ARE OFFICIALLY OUT OF THE BIRD SQUAD

**Sam:** I formed the Bird Squad?

**Bucky**: He formed the Bird Squad?

**Peter:** Aw damn

**Peter:** I was gonna eat that

**Clint:** I hate this fucking family

**Clint:** You all are officially dead to me

**Clint:** I never want to see any of your faces ever again

**Nat:** Even me?

**Nat:** Your best friend?

**Clint:** …..

**Clint:** Aight you’re cool

**Clint:** But the rest of them can Fuck off

**Nat:** Yisss

**Tony:** Clint, I can always get you more pizza

**Clint:** Doesn’t matter

**Clint:** The fact that you were all planning to eat MY pizza in the first place has wounded me more than I could have ever imagined humanly possible

**Vision:** If I’m not human, does that mean I’m exempt from this?

**Clint:** ….

**Clint:** No

**Carol:** Damn, someone’s salty

**Wanda:** Hey be nice to Vis

**Wanda:** He's done nothing wrong

**Clint:** He failed to stop Sam from eating my leftovers

**Clint:** I count that as “something wrong”

**Tony:** Oi! Clint! Give it a rest!

**Tony:** You’re giving me a headache now

**Loki:** Yes, blasting that Jontron version of “I will always love you” through the vents is a very unpleasant sound

**Peter:** _ANDD IIIIIIIIIIII_

**Peter:** Take it away Shuri

**Shuri:** _HOLY SHIT_

**Peter:** _WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUU_

**Shuri:** _I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS TO ME_

**Clint:** _HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME SQWAKDAMNIT_

**Sam:** Caw Caw motherfucker, I was hungry

**Sam:** That’s why

**T’Challa:** ….

**Strange:** All this for a slice of pizza

**Clint:** Your vegan ass wouldn’t understand my pain

**Tony:** jkdfhgjf

**Tony:** BURNED

**Steve:** Okay, okay, okay

**Steve:** How about this

**Steve:** I’ll go get more pizza for everyone. 

**Peter:** PIZZA PARTY

**Shuri:** PIZZA PARTY

**Clint:** PIZZA PARTY

**Clint:** SAM YOU’RE FORGIVEN

**Sam:** Really?

**Clint:** FUCK NO, I WAS KIDDING

**Bucky:** Lmao Clint you sneaky shit

**Peter:** _WHERE DID I GO WRONG_

**Shuri:** _I LOST A FRIEND_

**Bucky:** _HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO MEEEEEEEEE_

**Peter:** _ALLL BY MYSELFFF_

**Strange:** Okay enough with the musical numbers

**Thor:** Hush magic man

**Thor:** Music is always appreciated in this house

**Thor:** Especially Disney music

**Vision:** ^^^

**Loki:** ^^^

**Tony:** See I always thought that Loki would be a death metal kind of guy

**Bruce:** I pinned him as a My Chemical Romance Stan

**Loki:** I can be an emotional wreck and still enjoy Disney music if I so please

**Peter:** No, no

**Peter:** You have it all wrong

**Peter:** He’s _Loki_ a Directioner

**Carol:**

**Nat:**

**Tony: **

**Loki:** Peter why would you expose me like that?

**Tony:** That’s hilarious

**Tony:** _im crying_

**Carol:** Who woulda thought 

**Steve:** I’m back

**Steve:** And I come bearing pizza

**Scott:** I heard pizza

**Thor:** You are invited

**Carol:** Only if you bring the other one tho

**Hope:** Other one?

**Hope:** Excuse you glow stick I have a name

**Carol:** Right, Hoop, I forgot

**Hope:**

**Carol: 😂**

**Hope: 😂**

**Peter:** Shuri come over for pizza

**Shuri:** Already on my way

**Shuri:** Just had to kidnap my brother first

**T'Challa:** I did not agree to this

**Clint:** PIZZA

**Steve:** Everyone come and get it before Clint eats it all

**Sam:** Lmao who remembers when we went to Walmart and Clint tried to steal the frozen Pizza supply

**Clint:** In my defense they were all going to expire soon anyways

**Nat:** Okay, but the time Wanda launched me into a Pasta display?

**Wanda:** I WAS ATTACKED

**Nat:** But speaking of pasta

**Nat:** What about that time when Steve ate the last of Carol’s pasta and she went berserk 

**Steve:** Must you remind me?

**Carol:** At least you’ve learned your lesson since

**Wanda:** Okay, but that night was kind of a success in a way

**Clint:** My ship sailed

**Wanda:** Exactly

**T’Challa:** I swear to god you people are so strange

**Tony:** No, no, that’s just the wizard

**Strange:** Haha, very funny

**Peter:** Strange=World’s best babysitter

**Tony:** Still have him on speed dial

**Strange:** Have I ever mentioned that I hate you all?

**Peter:** Even me?

**Strange:** On occasion

**Nat: **

**Tony: **

**Nat:** You fuckin take that back

**Strange:** Make me

**Nat:** I will

**Sam:** Oh shit

**Bucky:** Nat has been angered

**Tony:** I stg she’s more protective over him than I am, and I’m practically his dad

**Peter:** Lmao like that time I came here on that field trip and she almost strangled Flash

**Nat:** I hate that kid

**Strange:** I already told you

**Strange:** He was not a kid

**Strange:** He was a vermin

**Peter:** See, I knew you couldn’t hate me

**Strange:** I said not all the time

**Carol:** He just doesn’t want us to know that he’s secretly soft

**Tony:** It’s okay Strange 

**Tony:** I think we all have a soft spot for Peter

**Sam:** This is true

**Sam:** I mean, look at what he did to Thanos

**Tony:** jhgjdfhg

**Tony:** I still can’t believe that Ronan thinks you can farm pizza

**Carol:** And we’re never telling him otherwise

**Scott:** I have arrived

**Carol:** HOOP

**Hope:** CARL

**Carol:** COME EAT PIZZA WITH US

**Hope:** It wasn’t stolen this time was it?

**Steve:** No no

**Steve:** I made sure of that

**Clint:** Okay but did you really think a pizza place would be open at 2am

**Clint:** Not to mention I was with two very experienced criminals?

**Clint:** What else did you expect?

**Steve:** For you to be a responsible adult

**Sam:** Clint?

**Bucky:** Responsible?

**Nat:** Keep dreaming

**Clint:** I hate you all

**T’Challa:** I don’t think any of you are remotely responsible in any way

**T'Challa:** Except for maybe Steve

**T’Challa:** After all, you’ve been kicked out of various Walmarts, various times. Not to mention you allowed Carol to take Peter and Shuri into space

**Peter: **

**Shuri: **

**Tony:**

**Strange:** Hey, I bought Tony a parenting manual

**Strange:** Surely that counts for something

**T’Challa:** Not in my book

**Bruce:** Pun intended?

**T’Challa:** Puns are never intended

**Shuri:** And this is why you have no friends brother

**T’Challa:** You only say that because I refused to give you ice cream yesterday

**Bruce:** lol who remembers when Clint and Strange took the kids for ice cream and Tony just about had a shit fit over it

**Peter:** Was that the day I fell off that fountain?

**Wanda:** Yes

**Peter:** WITH THE STRAWBERRY SWIRL ICE CREAM

**Peter:** NOW I REMEMBER

**Shuri:** PETER YOU GOT STRAWBERRY SWIRL ICE CREAM WITHOUT ME?

**Shuri:** HOW FUCKING DARE YOU?!

**Peter:** WELL HOW ABOUT ALL THE TIMES YOU WENT AND GOT PIZZA WITHOUT _ME?_

**Shuri: **

**Peter: **

**Shuri:** Alright, we’ll call it a draw

**Carol:** Or how about the time Peter woke us all up at 1am?

**Tony:** Which time specifically?

**Tony:** There were many of those

**Steve:** Funny, I seem to recall you doing that too Tony

**Tony:** I WAS HUNGRY OKAY

**Nat:** YES BUT THE WHOLE FUCKING COMPOUND DIDN’T NEED TO KNOW ABOUT IT!

**Tony:** IT’S BETTER THAN HAVING TO HEAR ABOUT SCOTT’S WEIRDASS DREAMS!

**Hope:** This is true, he does have some strange dreams

**Scott:** Like this one time—

**Strange:** I’m going to stop you right there

**Bucky:** How about the time we all got drunk at like 1am on new years

**Steve:** Yes, and I had to come save you all from a certain doom of food poisoning 

**Carol:** Lmao that was a fun night

**Shuri:** You know what would taste good on this pizza?

**Peter:** What?

**Shuri:** Dino nuggets

**Tony:** Oh lawd

**Rhodey:** Did someone say

**Rhodey:** dIno nUgGeTs?

**Shuri:** Dino nugget pizza

**Rhodey: @T’Challa** Your sister’s a genius 

**Shuri:** Why thank you

**T’Challa:** She’s a pain is what she is

**Shuri:** Rood

**Peter:** Don’t worry Shuri, I love you

**Shuri:** BEST FRIEND

**Peter:** BEST FRIEND

**Strange:** Why do I feel another musical number coming on?

**Thor:** I support this whole heartedly

**Peter:** _YOU CAN COUNT ON ME_

**Shuri:** _LIKE 123_

**Peter:** _I’LL BE THEREEEEEE_

**Loki:** Why 123?

**Loki:** Why not 666?

**Tony:** Loki no

**Loki:** Loki yes

**Tony:** No summoning demons at the dinner table

**Scott:** What about ants?

**Tony:** NONE OF THAT EITHER

**Scott:** Too late

**Loki:** Too late

**Tony: @Scott @Loki** GET OUT ME KITCHEN!

**Strange:** Oh god who did he summon?

_Nebula joined the server_

**Nebula:** Me bitch

**Tony:** Since when were Loki and Robobitch friends?

**Nebula:** Since we both discovered our shared dislike for you

**Clint:** OOOOOOOOOOOO

**Sam:** BURN

**Carol:** He summoned Nebula. Oml I’m dying

**Nebula:** 😈😈😈

**Vision:** Nebula’s not a demon?

**Wanda:** Then clearly you’ve never spent any time with her

**Nat:** Lol

**Steve:** She tried to kidnap my girlfriend

**Strange:** Was that the time I dropped you in Alaska?

**Steve:** Yes

**Carol:** Yes

**Nebula:** Yes

**Strange:** lol

**Bucky:** Damn bois, why so nostalgic?

**Sam:** Ye

**Sam:** I’m taking a real trip down memory lane

**Thor:** Don’t forget your passport

**Thor:** That’s important

**Sam:** I—

**Sam:** You know what…never mind

**Clint:** Geez bois, can a guy not reminisce on all the good times he’s had with his friends before they so harshly betrayed him?

**Sam:** Not this again

**Scott:** What?

**Scott:** What happened?

**Bucky:** Sam ate Clint’s leftover pizza

**Scott:** I thought we’d established that eating other people’s leftovers was a no no in this house?

**Clint:** APPARENTLY NOT

**Nebula:** lmao

**Nebula:** That’s hilarious

**Clint:** How dare you laugh at my pain?

_ Nebula has been disconnected _

**Carol:** RIPPP

**Hope:** Oh god

**Hope:** Look at time time

**Scott:** Off how did it get so late?

**Tony:** Idk

**Carol:** fuck its almost midnight

**Scott:** Welp

**Scott:** We better be going

**Hope:** Yep

**Hope:** Got shit to do tomorrow

**Carol:** DON'T LEAVE ME HERE HOOP

**Hope:** I PROMISE I’LL COME BACK FOR YOU CARL

**Carol:** OKAY

_ Hope left the server _

_ Scott left the server _

**T’Challa:** Any excuse to leave you strange people is one worth taking

_ T’Challa left the server _

**Clint:** I don’t want to talk to any of you anyways because you’re all assholes

**Clint:** Fuck you, fuck you, Nat, you’re cool, Sam fuck you, I’m out!

**Clint left the server**

**Carol: @Nat @Wanda** We better go too.

**Carol:** Movies to watch

**Nat:** Cats to snuggle with

**Wanda:** World domination to plan

**Vision:** 👀

_ Carol left the server _

_ Nat left the server _

_ Wanda left the server _

**Strange:** I’ve wanted to leave since the beginning

**Strange:** And Tony take my number off speed dial

_ Strange left the server _

**Tony:** Asshole. Just for that I’m not doing it. Peace folks

_ Tony left the server _

**Bruce:** If he’s out, I’m out

_ Bruce left the server _

**Rhodey:** Same

_Rhodey left the server_

**Loki:** Well I don’t know about you, but I’m going to go summon more shit.

**Thor:** Can I come?

**Loki:** No

_ Loki left the server _

**Thor: ☹️**

**Vision:** It’s okay Thor, you can come watch Disney with me

**Thor:** ☺️

_ Thor left the server _

_ Vision left the server _

**Sam:** I guess we better go find Clint and cheer him up

**Bucky:** Ye. Life without him would be boring

**Sam:** Exactly, Idk how we would function without our favorite third wheel

_ Sam left the server _

_ Bucky left the server _

**Peter:** …

**Shuri:** …

**Peter:** I guess that just leaves you and me then

**Shuri:** I guess so

**Peter:** What do we do now?

**Shuri:** Idk

**Shuri:** We could go watch Loki try to summon Harry Styles?

**Peter:** Grab the popcorn

**Shuri:** On it

_ Peter left the server _

_ Shuri left the server _

_Wade joined the server_

**Wade:** Well then

**Wade:** Just leave me here all by myself why don’t you

**Wade:** Anyway

**Wade:** I was summoned to explain that the author has decided to end the series here because she’s a lazy fuck

**Wade:** But she wants you to know that she loves you all and is so very grateful that you took the time to read her chaotic trash fire of a story

**Wade:** She’ll consider making another one of these stories maybe in the future, but for now she needs some well deserved time off. 

**Wade:** However, she has enjoyed writing this and promises that this won’t be the last of her or the Avengers Fam :)

_ Wade left the server _

_ FIN _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S OVER ISN'T IT  
ISN'T IT OVERRRRRRRRRRR
> 
> Well, for now at least. Like I said I may pick it back up in the future  
BUT AAAAAAAAAAA This is the end. I can't believe I've been writing this for almost a year. I've made so many new frems with this story, its been such a great thing for me and I hope its been the same for you! Thanks to everyone who stuck with me!!! I love you all! And thanks to the server squad for spamming me with ten million ideas a week, honestly they're the reason this shit went so long, so thanks bois. The server is still one so if any of y'all want to come join the family you should XD  
Anyway, I'll see you in the future!
> 
> \- Angie ^^


	58. SEQUELLLLLL

SEQUEL IS HERE FOLKS!!! 

It's Called "The Avenger's Definitely Not PG Discord Servers (But Gayer)"

SO CLICK THAT "NEXT WORK" BUTTON BELOW


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